Christy - posted on 05/07/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )
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7
im the step - parent of two boys aged 8 & 4. they spend a week with us then a week with their mum ect. their mum lives with here parent who lets they boys get away with everything and have whatever they want so of course when they come to our house they expect the same an have tantrums for half the week, even though they both know we dont tolerate it. what to do?
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Gwen - posted on 05/12/2009
110
14
stick to your rules, first off. any chance you could ahve a sit-down with mom and try to get on the same page re: the rules?
Honestly 50/50 custody is going to be hard on the kids no matter what... as soon as they get used to one house they are gone to another. that's a lot of back-n-forth for a kid. Imagine living in a different place with different rules every week! it will work if mom and dad have good, open communication, though. but they HAVE to be on the same page!!
Giovanni - posted on 05/12/2009
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10
Stick to your rules and what you believe. Kids learn what they get away with and what is expected from each household. You see them even behave differently at the grandparents or when you aren't around. It's tough when they are small because they don't quite get it but the more you stick to your rules the more they will respect your rules and recognize that one household is different than the other. My ex and I split when my son was 9 months old and he spoiled him with gifts and allowed him to get away with much more. I just constantly reminded my son that that is daddy's rules and this is my rules. And sometimes it broke my heart to know that when I didn't give in he just wished he was with his dad. But I also needed to remind myself that we were no longer married so unless I truely thought my child was in danger it was not my place to control my ex's home. But I couldn't compromise what I thought was right. My son now is 10 and has grown to be respectful of my home and other's. And still knows there is a difference but also recognizes that he somethimes needs to make the better choice.
Jodi - posted on 05/11/2009
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1
Been there done that. What I would suggest is keeping a journal of everything you go through. I know it's hard, but keep a journal entry for as many tantrums and attitudes you receive and the responses the kids give you. Do this for about 6 months. As I'm sure their grades are reflecting this attitude as well, I would speak to the teachers and administraters they have and ask them if their attitudes are different from the weeks you have them vs their mothers and if it is, ask them to write a letter as well. Then you need to reschedule a court hearing with the evidence, and plead with the judge to give her every other weekend and every other holiday. I know it's hard, but it can be done. TRUST ME, Been there done that in Kansas, and it's hard to take mothers visitation away in Kansas. You will see that by her having them only every other weekend, it will take you about 3 days to calm them down possibly. If it continues, request that supervised visitation is required by a licensed supervisory and the courts will know what this is. If they request mediation, make sure you go to a court appointed mediation. It might cost you some extra money, which I know these days are hard to come by, but your journal entries and video, if you have it, will come in handy and I wish you the best of luck.
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