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trouble with soon to be ex

Dawn - posted on 03/10/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i just don't know what to do anymore , i have 4 beautiful kids the last one i had last year, after i had my baby i got sever ppd and ended up in the hospital for 3months and when i got out he told me that the marriage was over and he kicked me out telling me he wanted custody oif the kids because i wasnt a good mom to them ,but i was swick with sever depressoin for the past 5 years and having my first 2 kids a year apart and then the last 2 a year apart didn't help i have ppd with all of them so it was hard but i was still doing it trying to be a mom to my kids and a wife to my husband thats why i went into the hospital to get help but i guess it wasnt good enough wehad been together for 16 years i just don't understand how you can throw 16 years away, i live with my parents now and have to 2 little one living with me and the older ones are with him because of school he wants all 4 says i'm a bad parent and don't deserve them qand the only reason he is letting me have the younger one is because i'm living with my parents and that he can take them away at anytime i dont think he can do that but it hurts that he reminds me of that and on sunday he did it again but in front of my older girls and says he would win in court beacause i was in the hospital is that true does anyone know , i'm support the 2 i have and see my older ones on the weekands i think i doing a good job but everytime i see him he makes me feel small again, he is having money problem and i have been nice to help him out even though i dont have that much he is waiting to sell the house but has to fix it up then when he moves he says he going to take the 2 i have away from me can he do that? this is hurting the older ones soo much i got them some help so i hope that works and they want me to try and fix things with him but i now it wont work yet i still love him after what he is done i just don't know what to do anymore ,sometimes i just want to give up :( i haven t even gone after him for money and i have done anything to help him maybe i have to stop being nice and do thing for ME and not him please help :(

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Maria - posted on 03/11/2009

Dawn, I'm sorry you are going through this. Are you in counselling? What does your councellor say?

I know the best thing for your kids is to have a healthy Mom. That is why I am on the meds I am on. That is why I am in therapy.

I would ask these questions to your therapist, speak with your parents, and try to find the best solution for your kids.

Don't give up - focus on getting better, and finding the quickest solution for you to be healthy for the kids.

Good luck.

Heather - posted on 03/10/2009

I feel for you so much...I went through this too...my husband kept my kids for the first 6 months of our divorce to try to hurt me...even though all 3 of them wanted to be with me. We lived in Oklahoma, but when I left him I moved to Austin, TX. That made it even more difficult because he tried to make it look like I had abandoned them...something he knows I would NEVER do. The only reason I left them was because I did not know where they were at and I already had a job and apartment set up in Austin. So I dealt with it...as hard as it was...I was not ugly to him...I paid my child support every month and eventually he got sick of them and gave them back. So after a year and a half of not agreeing on the divorce terms, I have them...and now he's supposed to be paying child support and has not paid a dime since I've had them. Go figure right?? Just hang in there...keep calm...do NOT talk bad about the father to anyone, especially the kids...because everything can be used against you in court. His true side will show to the judge and before you know it they will all be with you. Funny thing is this is the same time last year that mine started...mine had to stay in Oklahoma too because of school and I had all of them with me by May 22nd. So just hang in there...I know it's hard emotionally and I know it looks hopeless and you probably get tired of fighting him, but just keep your cool and try to avoid him as much as possible.

Angela - posted on 03/10/2009

The cold hard truth is that he can do that. It's not easy and it's not guaranteed but it can happen. Luckily for you, the younger children living with you, and him not fighting them living with you is establishing a status quo which will work in your favor.

Feel free to join me here http://sistersagain.suddenlaunch3.com/in..., it's site for moms without custody, my name there is Joey'sMom.