what age should the child get to decide which parent to live with???

Daralyn - posted on 11/22/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

2

15

0

My family is moving from Washington State to Kansas the end of Febuary and my 12 year old son want to stay living in Washington with his Dad so that he doesn't have to change schools. He wants to spend summer break, winter and spring break with me and my husband and the younger children. Then be in Washington with my ex husband during the school year. The plan was for him to move to Kansas and spend Summer break in Washington with his Dad and his Dad would visit in Kansas in the spring. I can't bare the thought of not having him move with us but also know that for his education he is better here because we will be moving alot with my husbands job. At 12 years old should he get to decide this or should I just say, I'm the parent and make him come with me?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Traci - posted on 11/27/2009

1

20

0

i too have been in this same situation, let him stay with his dad. it is VERY DIFFICULT, and almost rips your heart out....but believe me, better for it to be hard on you than to be hard on him.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

6 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

Where I live there's no set age but 12 is the generally accepted age. That said a court process- via soical worker interview- can be enacted and if the Judge feels the child is emotionally mature enough to accept the consequences and be certain of the decision then any child can decide. I'm sure it would be incredibly hard but would you want him to resent you if you make him go?

Megan - posted on 12/05/2009

112

20

9

do whatever you feel s best for him. if you feel uprooting him over and over again will be damaging and IF his dad is a good dad then let him try it out. he may decided he doesnt want to be there. and if he does stay with the dad and its good for him, then no matter how hard it is for you, remember, its all about your kiddo.

Tracy - posted on 12/03/2009

16

8

1

if a child is able to give responsible answers and understands the outcome of those decisions then in england they are interviewed by social workers and independant people as young as eight and the courts do listen

Elizabeth - posted on 11/23/2009

2

14

0

Hi Daralyn,
My daughter is 8 and a 1/2... my ex keeps telling her that she can move in with him when she's 12, I think it's the legal age where they can decide, at least it is here in Greece. It breaks my heart everytime she says it, but I know its just an adventure for her right now to have that choice.

Anyway... maybe you should let him try it out for a year... he might want to come to you all on his own after that. The main thing is if you trust your ex to look after him properly. If he's a good dad, I would let him do it... even if it does tear you in two...

I wish you all the best of luck in your decision
xxxx

Faith - posted on 11/23/2009

40

21

7

This must be a very hard situation for you. I know that here in Canada legally a child 12 and older is allowed to choose which parent they want to live with. For us sometimes we wish it were a younger age because my fiance's children don't like going to their mom's house on her weekends and her last 2 weekends has not even picked them up. We wish that the children could have a say at a younger age. Your situation is very different and a very hard one. If you will be moving alot and your son will be changing schools each time you move it is going to be very difficult for him. However, it is also possible that if he stayed there with his dad and you moved he might miss you so much that he changes his mind. I hope things work out for all of you :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms