What can I do to restore my bond with my daughter?

Tiffany - posted on 06/27/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am having some trouble with my four yr old daughter. My husband and I separated for a year and he ended up taking her with him and I was devastated. I was homeless and couldn't gain custody, just visitation and he was very selfish with her. I hardly saw her in that year when she was two years old. I worked a lot and bounced from place to place trying to get settled until he moved out of state and I had to follow in order to see my daughter. It was a tough year for me. Thank goodness that new state had my parents in it so I stayed with them and got a job. We ended up getting back together six months later even after all the hurt and suffering he put me through I pushed it aside for the sake of my child. Unfortunately we seem to have grown apart now.
My daughter loves her daddy tons more it seems. She fawns over him and asks him for everything, and even other people like his parents and mine she ignores me unless we are alone, then she barely bugs me for anything and won't talk to me if I go in her room to play or read to her. She always tells me she doesn't like me or love me, she doesn't listen and if I tell her to not do something in front of daddy or my relatives she will go running to one of them and glare at me. Her being gone from me for that year seems to have severed that link that we used to have and I'm sad and a bit depressed and don't know how to get that back. I'm fairly sure that when she lived with him and his parents they used to talk about me badly in front of her also,( they still do they don't like me much). Is there gonna be a way to get that back? Or am I just going to have to work with what I have now and just keep attempting to bond with her the way I have now?

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Tiffany - posted on 07/14/2012

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Well my husband and I have worked through most of what we fought about before with help from counseling and everything we have a stronger relationship better than ever. I also have a two month old son so the jealously factor is bad with my daughter. I have been working hard to involve her with me, I think we are doing better there's a lot more progress than before when we first got back together. I just get discouraged sometimes with her. I hope one day we can do more things together.

Julie - posted on 07/04/2012

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one thing i will say as well though and dont be hurt by it but if you went back to your ex becasu of your situation and for your daughter then it won't do any of you any good in the long run. you need to have gone back to your ex for you and to make it work becasue you thought there was something worth saving. you can get visitation and maybe to the point of your daughter staying with you a lot and build a bond and relationship that way but to stay in a relationship where you are being bad mouthed even while you are there will only cause resentment for you and confusion for your daughter.

Julie - posted on 07/04/2012

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you just need to be patient with her. she's only little and had a lot of change and upset over the last year or so just like you. spending lots of time alone doing activities and things even just things like a trip to the park or baking buns. dont over whelm her she has grown a bond with her father and she needs to learn to move him a side a little bit to let you in and she will it will just take time. if she tells you she doesnt love you or she doesnt like you then dont look hurt or say you are hurt just tell her that you love her and you like her and then change the subject. colouring and making things activities would be good too anything that you can both do. are you the one who puts her to bed. reading a bed time story then bend and kiss her head and tuck her in nice too. choosing what to have for lunch or dinner anything that you can get her involved in. she will come round just be patient and nice but dont spoil her or let her get away things she needs boundaries

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