What to do when your 11-yr-old daughter doesn't want to go to her dad's on the weekend.

Melissa - posted on 05/28/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 11-year old daughter doesn't want to go to her dad's house anymore on their every other weekend visits. It's not court ordered because he is not her biological father but he has been in her life since she was a month old so no matter what he is her dad. He and I had a son together, and when we divorced, we came up with every other weekend schedule (if he lived closer it would be more). She gets really bored because all him and my son do is play video games and they don't go anywhere or do anything. They stay in his tiny little apartment the whole weekend with the exception of walking to his martial arts gym and watching him teach his class or workout. He has no car to drive anywhere. It's also too far for me to give them rides anywhere because I do all the taking and picking up. The last month she has had extra dance classes on Saturdays to prepare for an upcoming recital, so it hasn't really come up too much, but she always whines "do I have to go"? I know she loves him and misses him, but what can I do? I don't want to force her to go, but at the same time I don't think she should miss out on seeing her dad just because she gets bored. She tried to tell me that he "yells at her" well she's at that age where she thinks everyone is yelling at her (moody) so I didn't buy that. I got her to admit it's just because she is super bored over there. I can completely understand her side of things, but at the same time, I want to do whats right and I don't want her and her dad's relationship to suffer. What should I do?

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3 Comments

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Catherine - posted on 06/08/2010

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i think her father should share his time evenly between his son and daughter maybe if he tried to do something that interest,s her as well .it sounds like he favours his son and your daughter is left to her own to do as she pleases and now she does not want to go .kids can lose interest quick if they feel they are not wanted ,even though this may not be the case talk to your ex and see what you can come up with cheers .

Alicia - posted on 06/04/2010

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My 11 year old daughter has done the samething but I had her set down with her dad & tell him that she didn't want to go to his house & why(of course I gave him a heads up about the talk). My ex really didn't see a problem with what he was doing but after my daughter explained hat she felt left out & bored he understood a little better now he is doing better & she doesn't complain about going over there as much(you know that whole moody thing) Good Luck!

Chrissy - posted on 05/28/2010

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I have had a similar problem with my 11 yr old. I told her that she can deciede what she wants to do, and after 1 weekend home with her sisters gone to their dads, she decided that she didnt want to miss out either, so she went the next time. Give her the option to stay home or go, after awhile, she will want to go again. (It also helps that if she don't go, not to do anything with her, so she has no excuse to want to stay...ex. going to the movies or the store with her. She will think that you will take her every time that her brother goes to his dads!) Be patient, she will make the right decision in her own time! Hope everything works out for you!

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