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What was your childhood name for your step parent? Is it wrong to encourage them to call them mom or dad

Alisha - posted on 06/12/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

48

5

I am a step mom and a mom. With this topic recently I have been in a bit of a predicament... you see I have two children (who have a step-mom and call her mom) when they started calling her mom than I told them you can call your step dad "dad" if you call her "mom" and ever since that's what happened. Their Bio Father has not said anything about it yet BUT my step son started calling me "mom" cause the other kids call his dad "dad" and me their mom "mom" we are expecting another who will also call us both mom and dad. So all of you think its wrong to encourage them to call us mom and dad? I have recently told them all they can call their step parents whatever they feel comfortable because my step son's mom is freaking!! I know my kids know that I am their mom so it doesn't bother me that they call their step mom "mom." My step son is 5 and he is telling us he wants to call me "mom" but he is telling her I am forcing him to call me mom and I will be mad if he doesn't... see this makes me upset cause I don't force him but according to her he was crying and saying he was scared of me? Do I tell him don't call me mom? Cause he would feel like an outsider and not part of this unit of a family if I did that.

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4 Comments

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Laura - posted on 07/27/2012

2

0

I left it 100% up to my daughter.
She calls her SM 'mom', and my husband 'dad'.

I could tell she was worried about it when she'd say something like 'Mom, I mean *insert SM's name here*'. I told her if she wants to call her SM mom, that it was 100% okay with me.

Michelle - posted on 06/15/2012

4,881

7

I would just reinforce with him that it's up to him what he calls you and that whatever he decides is fine by you. He should know you well enough that it won't upset you but when he is being told by his BM he will start to doubt it.

Alisha - posted on 06/14/2012

48

5

I do have reason to believe the bio mom is wording her questions to him making him upset. I have told him he can call me what makes him feel comfortable. If its mom or my nick name he calls me "tado" It doesn't matter if he calls me tado she makes comments to him like "tado fat potato" and when he calls me mom than she gets mad. I just started thinking of him and my relationship with him is way more important than pleasing her cause frankly that isn't going to happen ever.

Michelle - posted on 06/13/2012

4,881

7

I think what you are doing is right. Let the children choose what they want to call the step parents. Are you sure that your step son is saying those things or could it be the bio Mum not wanting him to call you Mum? She could be making it up or even "suggesting" to him that you will get angry with him. I have heard worse things about how the Bio parents manipulate the children.

When I was growing up I called my step fathers by their name (both of them) and my boys call my husband by his name as well. I don't have any step children yself but it would be up to the children. I was also a bit older when my Mum remarried and so were my boys.

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