What would you do if your 17 year old (living with his father) would not answer your calls?

Mary - posted on 06/07/2011

you have to keep trying I know my 17 yr. old thinks I don't love him but I keep telling him that he is my baby boy no matter what! He will come around! Trust me! It is just a ruff age for boys but they have to be reminded that no matter what you'll always be there for them, and you don't really know what the ex might be saying to him. But don't ever give up! I know it is tuff but keep trying please! I know what your going thru!

Virginia - posted on 06/07/2011

I havent even gotten the money yet. The attorney general holds it for up to 6 months before they give it to me for some legal reason. but i dont think he knows that. He works two jobs so I believe he has plenty of money and I pay child support. He is doing fine just wants More money out of mom. The money that I am getting from his father is arrears from the 14 years he never paid.

Sahbi - posted on 06/06/2011

I think you should drop him a final note, informing him that you will be around when he is ready to speak. After that leave him alone for awhile. Did you give him a portion of the childsupport payment? Perhapes he needed the tax return to buy something for himself...

Cindy - posted on 06/06/2011

Never give up! Keep letting him know that you love him, and that nothing he does can change that. The more you prove to him that no matter what he does, you are going to love him. Then, he'll eventually realize that he can still trust you and depend on you to be his mother. I have a close friend who broke off communication with her daughters because of a new boyfriend. And, while the girl's were hurt, they never gave up hope that their mom would come back to them. It's the reverse of what you are going through, but having seen it up close, I know that keeping hope makes a difference. And, while their relationship is still tumultuous, their mom has started making efforts to express her love them again. Also, you never know what other people are telling him and they could be fueling his attitude toward you. So, the more consistant you are, the better. It may take awhile before he realizes that you aren't going away, but I believe he will come around to it.

Lucy - posted on 06/06/2011

hello. i know that realy hurts you. but i would not give up on him. i would chill out and wait for him to approach me. and keep reminding him of your love. someday he will realise how mich you mean to him and am sure deep down in his heart somewhere he loves you too. sorry.

Christina - posted on 06/04/2011

He sounds like a typical teenage boy. You need to just show up to his dad's house and take him out for lunch. If he thinks that you are going to buy him stuff when you see him, or feed him, he will start to see you. Who cares if he is doing it just to get stuff!!! That "stuff" leads to you spending time with him, talking, and it will eventually lead to rebuilding your bond with your son.

Jennifer - posted on 05/30/2011

I would message about once a week. he is basically an adult and a teen and a male so communication may not be high on the list. just let him know that you are still there and that you understand that he is busy and if there is a problem, you hope he knows he can always come to you or talk to you about it - no matter what. after that, send weekly (or twice weekly) updates on what you are doing and show interest in what you know he is in too.

don't give up...

Dale - posted on 05/30/2011

It is disrespectful, but today's children are not about giving respect to their elders, but they are into the elders giving them respect. What has to happen is the unconditional love and support needs to be put on hold until some real drastic changes are made. AKA,,Tough Love. It's not right that you vie for your child's affections, attention, and time. You have to set boundaries and then you have to enforce them at the same time,,let them know that the choices made are theirs and the result of those choices will be in action by you. You are not your child's floormat,,Love unconditional,,,it's a thought, but it is and action that can be enjoyed by all parties once they agree to disagree

Mandie - posted on 05/29/2011

You're right Stacy it is disrespectful, but teenagers are ego-centric at the best of times, nevermind when their family has been disrupted. That's why backing off can work, often when they feel less pressured they make contact on their own and you can have a discussion about what constitutes respect for each of you- for him perhaps it's space and for his mom it's acknowledgement of contact she makes. THEN you can say "If you want me to treat you like an adult then you must act like one- show me some respect and it will go both ways"

Stacy - posted on 05/29/2011

I think its disrespectful of him not to acknowedge your txt or email.

Dale - posted on 05/27/2011

Think about how you looked at things when you were 17. You had a different outlook on life from your parents. Your child has that same mentality. Catering to his tantrum doesn't help him get the point about society's rules. Explain to him again what happened or show him the legal papers and then let him know that he is causing the distance between the 2 of you. He reads your emails even though you think he doesn't. In time he will come around and a little silence on your end will help him to see that you are not the villian.

Ramona - posted on 05/26/2011

I fully agree with the others. My son is 18 and lives with his dad. He's very quiet anyway, but I will occasionally send him texts saying "I love you." I panic sometimes too, and sometimes he doesn't respond the way he should in a respectful way. He's not mad at me, he's just a kid. Lovingly let him know that it's ok if he's mad. He'll understnad when he's an adult. But don't allow him to be disrespectful to you...which may mean you'll have to remain separate from him. Always, always tell him you love him so that when he's ready, he'll be comfortable coming to you and know that you'll accept him any way, any time. He loves you, he just can't see it through his teenager testostorone. Hang in there. Think of the future. That's what I do.

Teresa - posted on 05/26/2011

Let him be. DON'T give up contact, but only make it a once or twice a month kind of thing. He knows where you are and he knows you love him.... just don't bombard him w/ it.

MY kids are still 'little', but that's my advice based on when I was 16/17, living w/ my dad, and having no contact w/ my mom. We really didn't have much of a relationship until I BECAME a mom, but we are close again now. Be around, but don't push.

Beth - posted on 05/26/2011

He will come around! Keep sending the messages to remind him how much you love him and miss him! When he's ready he will come to you!

Mandie - posted on 05/25/2011

It could be that he's angry with you OR it could be that he's a teenager- goodness knows they are all over the place emotionally even when they dont come from a divorce situation. What I have done is just send a short message saying something like 'I'm sensing you need a little space so I'm going to leave you alone for a bit but always know I love you and am here any time you need me or want to talk"