When should my fiance discipline my kids? Or if at all?!

Amanda - posted on 11/10/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hey I'm 24 and have 4 children ages 7,4 almost 3, and almost 2. My 2 oldest have just recently began seeing their biological father a few weeks ago after not seeing him for almost 2 years regularly, and my 2 youngest see their father, my ex-husband every other weekend almost religiously. My fiance has been with me and my children since my youngest was about 3months old. He loves them like they were his own children, and he doesn't have any children. My oldest calls him daddy all the time, and now all 3 of my daughters do the same. They all say they have 2 dads! It's cute and I'm glad they all get along! My question I've been wondering is that if my fiance should ever discipline my children or if I should be the only one doing so. My ex-husband says that he is grateful my fiances around, because his daughters need a positive male role model around since he's in the military and is gettin ready to be deployed. He has respect for my fiance and says that he considers my fiance their "step-father" already even though we aren't married yet. My oldest 2 childrens father however is the opposite. We have never really seen eye to eye and I have zero respect for him because of the drama and hell he's put my children through by not being consistant with seeing them. He hasn't yet earned his role as their father and he seems to think that my fiance shouldn't be called dad by our kids because he's not anything to them. My fiance is extremley hesitant on doing any form of discipline. If one of my children are acting up or doing something that they aren't supposed to be doing he'll come and get me. I would like for him to feel equal since he spends just as much time as I do with my children, and I feel he has been here long enough and has earned a place in our family. Any suggestions on making this easier for all of us?!

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6 Comments

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Trina - posted on 02/18/2011

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Maybe you should discuss what kind of discipline should take place. If you guys are living together and going to get married you should be a united front. Its not different than if your kids were at daycare and got into they would still be disciplined. I would just make sure that you agree with each other and have as many kinks worked out.

Alicia - posted on 02/02/2011

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My boyfriend & I just moved in together (after being together for 2 years) & he has custody of his 2 kids & I have my 2 kids and at first neither one of us wanted to discipline each others kids but it got to the point where if he was not there his two would act up & if I wasnt there mine would act up so we sat down with the kids & made house rules but we also agreed not to spank each others kids we can sit them in time out, take things away from them or ground them. This has helped out alot and the kids are getting used to it. Good Luck

Michelle - posted on 01/22/2011

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Yes your partner does have a right to discipline your children. Your ex is just playing games with you or many feel guilty about not being in the kids life it's his problem not yours. All you need to do when ex is complaining is say yes I hear what you are saying I'll take it under advisement. then do what you think is best

Shelley - posted on 11/15/2010

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I agree with you, he has to start some form of discipline even if it is just little things so, the children know you and him are on the same page when it comes to the children.

Amanda - posted on 11/15/2010

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Make family rules together, and then have EVERYONE implement them. That way it won't just be you, it will be more of a shared family responsibility. This worked with our family very well. We all know the rules and their consequences, and my fiance doesn't feel out-of-place doing little disciplinary stuff. though the big stuff is up to me because i am mom and i rule! lol!

Chrissy - posted on 11/10/2010

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Well, I can understand where you are coming from and where he is coming from. Do time outs work in your home? I don't know what kind of discipline that you do there, but that's all we do in our home. If any of the kids act out, they just sit for however old they are (7 yrs=7 min, ect..) Maybe he could try that....I hope you find something that will work, it may lead to more trouble in the end if he don't start now (they will do whatever they want and not worry about him doing anything about it) Good luck!