Why when given the chance do men not want to spend as much time as possible with their kids??

Torrey - posted on 07/24/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I guess Im confused, could someone please tell me why a man would more or less push their child away and not want to spend as much time as possible with their child? He lives many miles away and is given ample opportunity to, but doesnt grab at the chance. Is it me or is that STUPID??? The way I look at it is, that is MORE time that I get with her!!!!

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Mary - posted on 09/17/2013

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Torrey this is why guys are given bad names, did you ever consider that by you moving so far away that you have made it hard for him to see her. In my case my ex moved and when I try to get her for summer visitation she dreams up some medical excuse of why my daughter can't travel up to see me, and she is also the one that ran with her in the middle of the night with her 1200 miles away. (Not all men are like this Torrey)!

Rachel - posted on 08/23/2009

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My soon to be ex husband let our little boy Noah down on the17th august instead off travling from England to N.ireland to spend time with his son,he went to Corfu with his new 19year old girlfriend,i am now at the point where do i just ignore him from now on,i have told him if he wonts to know about his son to come knock on my door.Really when do i say enough is enough.Its comforting to know that i am not the only person going through thisxxxx

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Mary - posted on 09/17/2013

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Torrey this is why guys are given bad names, did you ever consider that by you moving so far away that you have made it hard for him to see her. In my case my ex moved and when I try to get her for summer visitation she dreams up some medical excuse of why my daughter can't travel up to see me, and she is also the one that ran with her in the middle of the night with her 1200 miles away. (Not all men are like this Torrey)!


I'm the Father my Mom is letting me answer this, I have been fighting for years for my rights and articles like this don't make it easier. Signed a Good Father

Luke - posted on 01/24/2013

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From a mans point of view. I love me kid, more then anything, but it would be a lot easier if she was with me full time versus part time. Full time I had a routine, part time, you are never afforded this. Every weekend is different, she always growing, your just trying to keep up. Luckly my girl is willing to (often) fold into what I need to do with making sure she gets her time. Even though my ex moved 40 mins away and I have to travel to get her and have dinner with her during the week, she still gives me guff on not spending enough time with me. I would love for my kid to live with me, but its harder part time.
Some guys.....harder.....might be too hard

Sabrina - posted on 08/24/2009

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It's good to know that I'm not the only mother who can't understand what is going on with this men today. It hurts me deeply that my ex doesn't try to spend more time with his boys. To me, they're so amazing that even a day apart a week seems overwhelming. Still, all I know to do is to tell them that they mean the world to me. After all, the moment that I knew that I cared them, they were everything that I had ever wanted.

Deanna - posted on 08/20/2009

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Sounds like he is just selfish...his heart obviously isn't in the right place. She will in time realize that and then it will truly be a huge loss to him..You hang in there!!

Rene' - posted on 08/19/2009

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I am 36 and had a daughter at 16 and at 19. I can't answer the why question but I might be able to help with the pain your child feels. First, NEVER place the blame on ANYone it only confuses the child. When my girls would ask why Daddy didn't ever come over I would respond with I don't know baby you will have to ask him when you see him, but if you need a hug or to cry come see Mommy for anything. I love you. And I would give them a great big squeeze. The questions never stopped but they have grown into very happy young women with out anger issues. One daughter talks to her father and the other daughter has tried but has decided it's not worth it. She still calls me often and vents about him. Now that she is grown I verbally agree with her ranting

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i agree with you,my son wants to spend more time with his dad,but i guess he finds that hanging out with his brother and going to dance hall's and staying with his parents all the time is more interesting...your right it just gives us more time with them,and they will thank us one day...but we will be o.k..........

Paola Johanna - posted on 08/18/2009

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My son father is just the same, he always busy and does not have time to be with my son, often he spends even one month, 1 ½ , without even seeing my son, but I tried to let the baby know that his dad is not around because he has so much work to do, I also tell my baby that his dad will come to visit, that he called to know how is he doing and things like that because I don’t want the baby to get hurt r to think his dad doesn’t love him.
When his dad is around my baby is really happy and always shows him a lot of appreciation and love, His dad tells me that he knows the baby is like that with him because of the thing me and my family tells the baby about him.

I know it can be silly to tell that kind of things to my son, but my only interest is his emotional being, I want him to have healthy and strong emotions, I don’t want him to have all those kinds of prejudice because of his dad, I don’t do it for his dad, I do it for my son!!!

Stefanie - posted on 08/03/2009

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Its so not u. He is stupid.My ex only lives across town and still only sees the girls 72 hrs a month. I have asked him to help and take them more so I can breath, but he says no. The way I look at it is in the end the kids will realize and he will be left out.

Angela - posted on 07/30/2009

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MY SONS FATHER IS THE SAME WAY...SAD PART IS HE IS ONLY 5-10MINS AROUND THE CORNER. RIDICULOUS! I LOOK AT IT LIKE HE IS ONLY HURTING HIMSELF WHEN MY SON IS OLD ENOUGH TO TRULY UNDERSTAND.

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i think my ex thinks that if he takes the children for a weekend then oh, i got some free time, and well he wouldnt have that!! so i believe he does it to spite me, but im not the one getting hurt by it, its the children :(

Joy - posted on 07/26/2009

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I did have the same prob with my hubby before and I believe it's one great factor why our marriage didn't work out. All I wanted was for him to realize that quality time with his family especially his kids, no matter how busy we are is very important. What I don't understand is that, he seems to adore his kids but can't get to spend time with them! I guess it just boils down to one realization- he isn't ready yet to become a parent. Some men takes the kids as a responsibility and that providing them financial support is enough but they don't realize that emotional support counts much. It contributes to the development of the child in every aspect. All they know is that they're working for their kids and they're being able to provide them with their physical needs and that's it! but they don't want to put their hands on where emotions are involved. I keep hoping that one day he'll get to realize what he's missing..like the joy of getting involved in our kids world especially with their day to day achievements. Right now I stand as mom and dad to my kids and yes putting your kid into a therapy is healthy. I had my son enrolled in a special school where they could help him cope up with whatever emotional stress he's going through right now and one more thing look at what your kid excels in and help your child develop it and at some point have something to feel good about and they would come to a realization that even without their dad they have achieved something that they can be proud of.

Toni - posted on 07/24/2009

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Most men do not have the nurturing side that we have and can easily occupy their time with other things to block what's truly important out. Also, it's important to look back on his family life. Did he have parents that cared for him, nurtured him or dismissed him easily or treated him badly. This is another factor to take into consideration. I do believe there are 2 kinds of people: Ones who decide to make life better for themselves and/or children and make different choices than how they were raised and Ones that follow the same exact or very close to the same pattern as their parents of how they were raised. Luckily, I was that different egg, but my brother for instance, followed the same pattern our father exampled in life. I know it's never a good enough reason and believe me when I say I know how you feel (I, too, have a daughter that was abandoned by her biological father), but you've just gotta make the best life for you and your daughter that you can. Maybe one day he will realize his mistakes and she will be willing to forgive and move forward (with or without him). Good luck and I hope this helps some. One last thing...I do believe that some kind of therapy for the child is very healthy because our kids have feelings that bottle up and it will affect them later in life if not dealt with sooner. Again..good luck

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