Worried my 13yr old son wants to live with his father

John - posted on 02/25/2013

Ok, Just intrested to know who will pay for this treatment. the system or will it come from your wallet. women are draining the living daylights out of the courts and the tax system. displacing boys from farthers that turn to crime and anti social problems were they locate a farther figure. goverment left to foot the bill tax payers pay un-natural random life styles i see boys in my gym no farther figure single mothers Juiced up to the eye balls kids all over the place they abuse there body to get more women. they get respect from other males and they think its good.

no disrespect. but a=lot of mothers don't even understand the need for a boy to be with his farther your actually questioning this fact. Sons need the farther, it's a fact boys have issues with no father figure they look for male attention outside the norm usually drugs and crime are associated.

take it from me. girls, stop the bitterness it really hurt us fella's. we undersand the need for you to be really protective. why should the man take the credit. a boy needs his dad at some point in his life. face it you cant stop the light coming in the morning so why stop a boy doing what every boy will do in the end, turn to his dad let him do his job you done your part now. :) time to site back and let the real work take effect.

Annielieze - posted on 12/07/2012

The grass always looks greener on the other side. Your son's 13, and at this age, he's struggling with what decisions he can make independently from you. Of course, you're upset with his decision since you've been the primary caregiver, and you feel you deserve a certain gratitude from him, but he doesn't realize how much it hurts you, and he won't be fully grateful until he's much older, well into being an adult - maybe even when he becomes a parent himself. My son is also 13 and he's also made the decision to move in with his father. And, the best thing I can give hime right now is free will to decide what he thinks is best for him. And, if he realizes he made the wrong choice, then take him back with open arms, because that's what being a loving parent is about.

Lauren - posted on 12/05/2012

Mel

I can tell by your post that you have instincts as a mother. I would at first see where you legally stand with your parenting rights. If he sees his dad every other weekend, it sounds like you have custody. What I have learned in every decision there is a cost and a benefit. The benefit of legally having him live with you may cause a lot of resentment. Im sure many will say he'll get over it. Ok, maybe so, but he's 13 and really, a 16 year old is even still more mature to be able to pack his bags and say go for it. Because of the situation at his father's, and you mentioned facebook, there could be a factor of manipulation here. "Blackmail" is common for sure being ping ponged back and forth between parents; When my daugher threatened to call CPS on me, I knew it was something that came from her father. I have nothing to hide and false allegations in some states is a misdemeanor. The point is that at some point, some adolescents are just going to play the cards between parents. Despite it all, he is searching for a "father" and that is the one he has. As a mom, I know it is heartwrenching because in you r heart you want your son to avoid heartache and disappointment. Well, it is unavoidable one way or another, but you sound like a stable mother whose going to have an open heart and arms and love him unconditinally. This is what matters the most and will bring him around. Breathe...its so hard. What is the age of decision in your state? Im sorry this is happening. As I made a huge post earlier, I ended up on my knees in pain and praying and waiting. I mostly pray that her mind and heart be touched with discernment and that she be delivered from any malice and protected. God Bless

Redbear - posted on 11/28/2012

Honestly, if this is just him being angry you need to talk to your ex about how to manage this as co-parents since he's playing one off of the other.



Teenage boys and girls need their dad so this may not be a bad thing.



All of us need to keep in mind that we should love our kids unconditionally; kids aren't pawns for each parent and demanding appreciation for what we do as parents is unfair and somewhat unhealthy to ask from them.

Mandy - posted on 07/18/2012

My husband and I have been together since my son was 14 months old. He is a fantastic father figure and awesome role model for him. They are buds, and for the most part have a great realationship. We are a Christain family, and have a solid, stable family unit. We don't have a lot of money, but we have a lot of love and respect for each other.Things aren't perfect, Max is the oldest of 5 and I know it is tough. My son's bio father and his family move to Texas (1,000 miles away) when my son was 8. He had a good job here in our home town, but chose to move to Texas taking a job offer for more money. It has been a four year long headache, and now, upon returning for the summer, my son, who was sad to leave our family and cried the night before he left, now says he hates it here in our small town and small school. (He has NEVER said ANYthing like this before) he said he wants to move in with his dad because he would have "more
educational opportunities" and "cultural experiences" and he potential for a great future These are not his own words. He is twelve if he moves to Austin with his dad.Should I contact his biological father about speaking to him about this without talking to me first?

Luvmia - posted on 03/31/2012

Your son is being spiteful and manipulative. I know because my son is 12 and acts as though I do not matter or exist. I made a lot of sacrifices for this kid and what I get in return is a bunch of bs and disrespect. So now I pretty much have cried so much to the point that I am numb inside.

Mel - posted on 12/28/2011

Thank you all for your replies! I'm glad to know that there are people out there that can relate. Though my son and I have had disagreements, he has not threatened to leave with his father again. I explained to him that we are a family, and this was not the first nor the last time we would be upset with eachother, but that we are a family and we stick together and try our best to work things out. My relationship with my ex is not the best, and I truly feel that I'm on my own when it comes to the boys. He does not attend school functions, parent/teacher meetings. His famous line is that I wanted to be alone so I can figure it out on my own. That is why I feel that my boys are better off with me and I think deep down my son realizes that as well. (though he would never admit it!)

Jar Of - posted on 12/27/2011

Your son has access to his Dad and if I were you, I would leave it at that. I have four children, three are living with me, my oldest decided last March to move out and live with her Dad. He allows her to as much freedom as she likes. He does not attend any school functions and/or any important event in any of their lives. All my children at some stage particularly in the heat of an argument have threatened me with moving out and living with their Dad. But I do believe that deep down, children know who is the responsible parent and what side their bread is buttered.

I dont think you should let him live with his father, take no notice of the threat, be strong

Luvmia - posted on 12/23/2011

Oh my goodness! I have gone through the same thing with my son (he is 12). He talks about his father and the "drama" that is going on over there. And as God is my Witness, I tell him that I don't want to hear about it and not to tell my home business to them. later I found out he was talking about me on facebook to his father. And according to a conversation maybe a year ago, his father informed me that our son asked to live with him. I find that children always think that it is better somewhere else.

No matter what I do it is not good enough for my son. His father's family buys him all this expensive stuff even when he is not doing the right thing. Truthfully, I am fed up! I am strongly considering to allow him to live with his father.

I think you should let him live with his father. Just try your best to pretend that it does not even bother you. Your son is just doing this to be spiteful but he will soon see that the joke is going to be on him. I find that children always think that it is better somewhere else. In the meantime, do some nice things for yourself for a change! You deserve it!

Marie - posted on 10/12/2011

Well for starters you can not let him see you upset. This is what he wants. Let him go live with his father. Approve of it. If he wants to live with his father let him. He may come back on his own later. If you make a big deal of it he knows he has you licked and will hold it over your head.

Christina - posted on 10/05/2011

How is your relationship with your ex? You let your son leave the next time he threatens. You pack his bags yourself, then drive him over there. If he is as miserable as you say he is while over there, he will come running home quickly. It may take a few months, but he will come back. When he comes back, you tell him that the next time he threatens to leave, he will not be allowed to come back.
I'm a firm believer in tough love parenting. I never threatened to run away or move out, because I knew that my mom would pack my bags, drop me off, and never let me come back. It is not that she didn't love me, I knew she did. It was just that she was not going to allow her children to "blackmail" her.

Charmaine - posted on 10/04/2011

I have a 13 yr old son from a previous relationship also. While it is true that a boy needs his Dad, I do not believe that a child under 18 should be allowed to decide where he lives. A child who is allowed to go back and forth between homes will be unstable, and is playing games between the two parents. Tell your son that you understand that he needs his Dad. That he can call and visit anytime he wants, but he will never be allowed to "live" with his Dad. You are the custodial parent ( I assume?) so you make the rules. Tell him you understand that he may be angry with you for this, but one day he will understand that you are doing it for his own good. I hope that your Ex husband is as concerned about your children's stability as you are. You should discuss this issue with your Ex as adults just wanting the best for both of your boys. Don't let your son manipulate you by hurting your feelings. Also, don't ever use the things that your son confided in you about his Dad's house against him. If you do, your son will stop confiding in you and if there is ever a serious issue at his Dad's house, you will not know about it. Also, as far as being afraid that your son will threaten you every time he is upset with you, you are right, but it will only happen if you let it. Also, just in case, the best piece of advice that I can give from my experience is to NEVER EVER bad mouth the other parent to or even within earshot of your children. It is not fair and it is hurtful to your children. Hope things get better for you and your boys :)

Bri - posted on 09/08/2011

Kids can decide though doesnt mean a judge will always choose where the child wants to go though.

D - posted on 09/08/2011

If that's the case the next time your son threatens to move in with dad, simply tell him no. Some kids think that just because their parents are split up it means they can come and go as they please... but as parents it's our job to remind them that this freedom comes with adulthood!

Mel - posted on 09/08/2011

Thank you for your responses. I dont think living with his father would be beneficial at all to him. Our therapist also agrees that this is the case. His father is a very angry and aggresive person. My son has issues with his step mother and step siblings which I believe would make things worse. We continue to attend counseling and I can only hope and pray we get through this. I encourage him to spend time with his father and I would never want him not to be in his life, I just think that living with me is the right/healthier choice. His father has visitation every other weekend and pays child support, but thats where it ends. This man will not take him to the doctor (even if its his time) or attend school functions. He says that I wanted to get divorced so I can do it on my own and should figure it out on my own. Needless to say, we are all dealing with the aftermath of a messy divorce and I will do my best to assure my children that I will always be there for them and show them all my love.

Bri - posted on 09/07/2011

Try to spend more one on one time with him and talk and express feelings. Do things he would absolutely love to do. Im not sure on your custody arrangement, but its common for a child to live with mom and dad both equally. I have custody of my 5 yr old DD and her dad just recently has nothing to do with her which im glad because he married his gf after 4 months (all on himself / his choice) and she told him not to see her , its fine though I recently got married in August and he has stepped up and has been theremore so than her own father. But if her father were to come around thats fine too. I know he is a great father and there is NO reason to keep him away from his own bio daughter.

D - posted on 09/04/2011

I'm not trying to hurt your feelings... but at his age maybe spending more time with his father wouldn't be such a horrible thing. It's not like you would never see him again... or maybe a shared custody situation would be good... then when your son argues with you or your ex he doesn't have the option to pack up and leave either of you out of spite.

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2011

There's not a lot you can do but hope that he sees the grass isn't always greener on the other side. The thing is when their parents are divorced they almost have the choice when they have an arguement with one parent.
My 10yo used to say the same things when I told him off. He would also say the same things to his Dad when he was there and got into trouble.
Just make sure he knows that the door is always open for him.