Aggression

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

My 4 yr old started getting very aggressive in the past month. She turned from a sweet, positive, bubbly child to s frustrated child. One moment she would play and talk to you and in the next instant she would start shouting at you. The aggression also escalates very quickly. From the moment she starts shouting I have to stop her and firmly tell her to stop at which point she sulks in a corner and tells me to leave her alone. If I am not in the vicinity when this starts for example when we visit my mother she will escalate the aggression to the point where she threw her plastic chair at my brother for no real reason at all.
2 weeks ago she hit another child through the face at school because according to her the child did not want to play with her.
I have considered taking her to a child psychologist but I am afraid I am making to big a deal out of it. 2-3 days would go by with no problem and she would be her old self and then out of the blue the aggression sets in.
Any suggestion what I should do?

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[deleted account]

I have taken her to a private psychologist, the verdict is that she is frustrated and confused. She has a very domineering personality and gets frustrated and then aggresive when she does not get her way. I now how some work ahead of me in teaching her that she can't tell adults what to do etc. She has been sick this past week and due to very cold and rainy weather I have kept her home, and I must say this past week have been an eye opener. She has not once shown any signs of getting aggressive or frustrated. I will see how she fares once back at school, otherwise I will have to look at switching schools or taking her out although I do not want to take her out this late in the school year. From next year she start at the primary school at grade R so I really would want her to stay in the school routine

Vicky - posted on 04/07/2011

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Just a quick update after meeting today. They are going to do a full observation on him middle of May as they think he has very mild autisium. I personnally think they are over reacting but still going with what they tell me. Then there is a 2 year waiting list to actually get the diagnosis from the medical team so he will be 6 before they say yes or no. Professionals and red tape make things very long winded for us mums under enough stress with stubborn children stuck in their ways with their own quirks.
Anyway good luck again worth asking but could be long time before you get anywhere, just have to hope they grow out of it themselves I guess.

Vicky - posted on 04/06/2011

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My son has similar problems I am currently having him assessed by psyc at school they think he may have mild autism as he shows several traits of it. Not convinced myself think he just copying his 10 year old sister but its worth getting these things checked to be certain. Have you spoken to her teacher as to how she is doing with her basic learning. Can she answer questions of why she gets like she does when she is in a happy mood. My health visitor suggested that I leave my children to chill out when they start to push boundaries, agree a place to sit them down or de stress in (trampoline can get rid of aggression in a safe environment). My 4 year old hit out at school for nearly a year after he started nursery and the teachers found that letting him play on a computer for reward if he was good and didn't hit realy worked well and he has stopped hitting now. Maybe find something she wants to do alone with a teacher, 1 to 1 where she can talk and be listened to. Classes in schools can be to big especially at this young age and they can feel neglected even though they are not being really, and then they come home and take it out on us because they know they are safe and can be themselves not just one of the kids in a class.
So I suggest, if you start with teacher and rewards/consequences rules for a month and see how you go. Maybe book an assessment with psych it took our school (UK) 4 months to get our one to come tomorrow for a first look and lots of forms filling and red tape. Constantly talk with her when she is in good mood to get her to express herself in other ways drawing, sticking can give clues as to colours and patterns they use seen it on tv would have to get a book out of library to look at all the different meanings though, others books available can help with these things just ask at library they should help you choose right one for you. Going to simple reasons for behaviour is tiredness, term times get very hard towards end of every term for my son so we get 4 out of 6 good weeks then 2 horrendous weeks. We are currently coming back into bad ones but he is controlling it more this time round as he knows the rules now.
Keep calm, firm and consistant with whatever you do, get your whole family doing exactly the same as you are. Work with everyone that sees your daughter so everyone especially school do the same as they spend most of the day with them and you need to know which way they are working with the problems aswell.
Good luck hope it gets sorted soon and she calms back down for you.

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