Bio father is raising 3 yr old girl like a boy!

Julia - posted on 12/01/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I am so frustrated. My ex and I have a working parental relationship. We talk about things that pertain to our daughter and that is all. I don't care what he is doing in his life unless it affects her and he doesn't care what I do in mine.
He is military stationed in Hawaii, my current hubby is military and we are in South Carolina. My ex has had my 3yr old since the beginning of Sept on thoughts that he was going to deploy in January.
When she is with me she loves Tinkerbell, Princesses, the color pink, and Disney movies. (I don't force them on her she is allowed to choose for herself) However when I talk to her on the phone all she talks about is Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Transformers so on and so forth. He allows her to watch the movies because he loves the movies himself. I wouldn't have a problem with this but it seems like when she is with him she almost forgets that she is a girl, she doesn't want anything to do with anything that she normally loves at my house. Am I over-reacting or do I need to have a discussion with my ex about this?

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10 Comments

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Noreen - posted on 01/30/2010

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I wouldn't worry about it. My parents have been divorced since I can remember and I would be a tomboy around my dad, but a girly girl with my mom and I turned out fine.

Crystial - posted on 01/28/2010

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lol dont worry hun my daughter loves pink and tinker bell but she also love spiderman when she plays with her step dad they watch transformers and she likes it shes not forgeting shes a girl shes just having fun dont worry about it shes happy and healthy and thats all that matters

Alison - posted on 01/28/2010

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She'll be fine. When she's with her dad, she likes the things that daddy likes, because she wants to be like him. When she's with you, it's the same thing. If anything, your daughter will turn out to be very well balanced and get along well with the boys. It will help her more than it will hinder her in the long run.

Chloe - posted on 01/26/2010

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Dont panic, she is only 3 and she is just descovering different parents intrests.

Desi - posted on 01/25/2010

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Hun personally you and your ex are diff. people and most children want to please their parents! It is good for her to be around both of you! She will learn things from both of you...some good and maybe some bad but the point is she loves you both and if thats what he father is into let her enjoy that kind of stuff! I know i love to go fishing and hunting with my father even though i was a girly girl! If you let her choose herself on what she likes dont not let her choose Superman, ect! My niece has only her mother in her life and she choose all that batman, tansformer stuff to but really she wears dresses like 24-7! Maybe she thinks you dont like them, so then she wont have anything to do with them! Your little girl has to live two lives between two parents so let her enjoy everything! She will be greatful for that later in life! best wishes and Many blessings!

Crystal - posted on 12/12/2009

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You are very much over reacting..relax and let her enjoy her time with her father. She wants to be like daddy and enjoy the time with him without having to worry about whether or not mommy is happy with her or not..it will be fine.

Crystal - posted on 12/07/2009

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Honestly I have a nine year old that has fluctuated between these extremes depending on which friends she had over (boys/girls). No change in location due to the fact that my ex-husband isn't allowed visitation.

One the same note I was very girly-girl once I hit seven and hated it again at 19 while my sister was tomboy all the way. I would start to worry if she hits when she comes home. Kailee was awful about hitting more when we let her watch the "boy" shows... so I limited them. So I would talk to your ex about the posibility of agression and leave it alone unless there are signs something is really wrong... Good Luck!!

I know it's difficult to parent from afar. Especially when it's with someone that though you made a child together you really don't want to see anymore anyway. HUGS and Prayers for you!!!

Lindsay - posted on 12/04/2009

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Why are Tinkerbell, princesses and the colour pink appropriate for girls, but not for boys, while superheroes are appropriate for boys but not for girls? Relax, lady! Pink frillies don't define a girl. My 3 yr old son loves fairies (certainly NOT Tinkerbell or Disney garbage, however!) and his favourite colour is pink. He plays with dolls, trucks, tea sets, building blocks, gnomes, dragons, knights, his doll house, etc etc. A good toy is appropriate for ANY child, not limited by what is (or is not) between the child's legs.

I would not be concerned at all that your daughter enjoys things which you consider boyish. I'd be more concerned that your daughter is watching movies that are violent and too mature for her to properly understand.

Autumn - posted on 12/01/2009

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I think your over-reacting...My little sister loved the terminator and ninja turtles when she was 4. She is now 21 and is all girl planning her dream wedding. There are no "rules" stating girls have to love pink and princesses. I also knew a little boy who played with Barbies and loved to "cook". It's good for your daughter to be around daddy and experience different things.
My daughter likes to wrestle with her daddy and play with dolls with me.

Katrina - posted on 12/01/2009

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lol my mom and dad had the same conversations. Not that i think it is funny but kids are smart she knows daddy likes boy stuff and loves to play boy stuff so she does that and mght really enjoy it, and with you she loves to do girl stuff. I grew up in a neighborhood with all boys and dressed and acted like a boy because I wanted someone to play with and when I was at my mom's there were mainly girls in the neighborhood so I dressed like a girl and played like a girl.



Your husband is probably not doing anyhting to control her likes/dislikes she just wants to try different things. Nothing is wrong with a girl into (super heroes and barbies) she will be completly normal :) At least I think I am a normal girl!

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