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how to teach a 5 year old daughter the meaning of punishment and respect?

Tara - posted on 06/24/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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my daughter is 5 year old , she is learning from her dad the lack of respect . she is dad's best girl , so when she hurt her brother or make a mistake she just go to her father who doesn't punish her or say to her anything instead he does laugh and pretend nothing happened . when she was a young girl and i want to punish her , he just comes and give her sweet and kiss her and say that she is young don't punish her .... my punishment was ( no sweet , or naughty chair ) but he doesn't understand untill now she started to understand that she just go to her dad and thats it.
what can i do to show her how to be respectfull and say sorry when she say or do somthing wrong? without dad interfering ?

thank you (tara)

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3 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 07/28/2012

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Tara, it sounds like the real problem is with your daughter's father! What I would do is to have a talk with him when the children aren't around. Say "I wanted to talk you about what I've been noticing." and then give him specific examples of how your daughter's behavior has caused her problems - does she have problems at school or out in public, do other people say things about her behavior, maybe other kids don't want to play with her etc. Whatever you see happening because she doesn't have boundaries. Let him know that these are issues that are going to hurt her as she grows older. "Because she keeps hitting her brother and other children (for example) now no one wants to invite her over to their house." or "She is having trouble at school because she won't follow the rules." etc. Maybe if he sees that he's actually hurting her by not teaching her the boundaries he'll come around. But again, it has to be a calm, rational discussion away from the kids. If you come at him upset he's going to be defensive and not listen, so try to get him to see it as a problem your daughter is having rather than a problem you have with his behavior. Hope that helps!

Katie - posted on 07/25/2012

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We've had similiar issues here. With regard to my spouse, i did sit him down and told him it was our job to be our daughter's parent and not her friend and therefore to do our best job we had to make sure we taught her the right things, including respect and consideration. Discipline means "to teach" not "to punish" and so when i reminded my husband of that he got on board with me much more quickly. good luck! ~~Katie Sullivan M.S., SLP-CCC

Michelle - posted on 06/24/2012

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You need to sit dad down and have a long talk with him about what kind of child he wants to raise and explain to him that kids learn most of the major lessons between the ages of 2-6 most stuff after that is retraining and very hard to fix.

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