love triangle?in preschool

Trista - posted on 01/06/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My 4 year old son started preschool in sept. a friend of mine sends her daughter to the same preschool. My son and another boy in the class have both decided they want to marry my friends daughter!! I keep telling my son that no one is marrying any one and to not even think about it but i feel like my friend and the other parents are not taking this problem seriously, in fact even encouraging it, sending gifts to the other child and such. how do i make my son stop caring?!?!

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Katherine - posted on 02/09/2011

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Oh goodness, What are those parents thinking.
My daughter is 8yr old. She came home from school about a week and half ago saying," well Blaze said I am his girlfriend Mom."
Oh hell no. I told my daughter the rules are the same Audrey they have not changed. You can date when your 30 (I know not realistic but education first) and you can marry at 40( lol i know not going to happen). So,Blaze is not your boyfriend. You will tell him your mommy is mean and you cant have a boyfriend.
I dont find it cute. I dont want a pregnant 13 yr old. Audrey goes to school to LEARN not date.
Explain to your son that preschool is for learning and to make friends.
I dont know I was just blunt with my daughter but she is older and it grossed me out.
Their is nothing worng with the child Blaze and the family is nice, but that is not the point. They are kids and are sponges. I have to do my part as a parent to head off anything that will harm my kids later on.
I would approach your situation in a funny way.
Since the other parents are okay with this crap then say,
the girl is too young to marry and you need to focus on learning while you are in school. One day way after college you can have a wife. but not in preschool. If he brings it up nicely change the subject to something that involves using his hands and focusing like helping with baking, cooking setting the table, feeding the dog, picking up toys, coloring.
I would also head it off at the school. I would nicely inform the parents that my child will not be playing this game any longer.
good luck with this.

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Gabrielle - posted on 09/18/2012

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I think you probably want to avoid making a big deal of it, but it's worth talking to your son about. Remind him that only adults get married, that it's a commitment to another person after you have spent a lot of time getting to know them and falling in love with them. Right now, they're just mimicking the adults around them, copying what they see (married couples). I definitely think encouraging it at this age is very wrong. Let kids be kids, don't rush them into "relationships". They will have plenty of time to date and have S.O.'s when they're teenagers.

Susie - posted on 09/09/2012

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well you cant controll how they feel but you can control how they act don't encourege that behaviour and talk to the other mom

Erin - posted on 03/11/2011

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I dont think there is much you can really do my daughter had a little friend the same at her preschool and i think it just a thing they go through but once they start school thing will change and they will end up hating girls for some time and again thats normal to i think just let it happen and just keep explaning it to him and over time he should get over it

Jessica - posted on 02/12/2011

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It's totally normal at this age! In fact, we will jokingly ask our son if the girl he gives hugs to at daycare is his girlfriend... nothing to worry about, which is probably why the other parents are encouraging it. In my personal opinion, I think encouraging it, rather than discouraging it, will create a much more nurturing and caring son as he grows up!

Katherine - posted on 02/09/2011

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I agree with you Trista, its different when its something innocent between kids because it comes n goes as they attend school throughout their life but in this case the parents are taking it too far for my own comfort. I would not encourage this behavior.

I dont agree with the other parents. somethings are normal and somethings are not normal.

Its not cute. its disturbing.

Kim - posted on 01/27/2011

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Very normal :) I had my first boyfriend at five and my friend thought she was in love with him too lol. There's nothing you can do to stop it because children can't help feeling the way they do, its just a part of childhood. He will have to figure it out on his own :)

Trista - posted on 01/24/2011

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I understand it's normal for kids to have crushes and all don't get me wrong, but the parents are incuraging the situation(buying gifts,ect). My son was in tears for 3 days straight over this stupid situation! Also according to the little girl there was situation where appearently the boys where in each others face yelling about who was marrying her and she had tell them both to stop and she wasn't marrying any one, the teachers asked to talk to me after class and only told me "it was consuming his day and not allowing him to have any fun" If that's what happened why wasn't I addressed about this, and why all the parents involved were not as well. For the moment, I feel like its calmed down some but it feels like it's building up and I don't want to have to pull him out of school but I don't know what else to do

Jessica - posted on 01/12/2011

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I work in a pre-school/day care center. It's normal! We often hear "she's my girl friend, he's my boy friend" ect... My almost 4 year old likes one boy in her class and she asks him often " will you merry me?" Theya re mimicing and role playing. When role playing they play house with mom, dad, & baby ect.. not much different IMo. If you are un-comfortable with it though I would talk to the teacher and ask them to keep an eye on the situation.

Stacey - posted on 01/08/2011

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I think as the other posters have said that it is a normal thing at this age, however it doesn't hurt to be mindful of the situation. The middle of last year we dealt with a similar situation with our 4 y.o. daughter. She was friends with a little boy at daycare who ended up becoming very possessive of her. He wouldn't allow her to have any other friends besides himself, and wouldn't allow her to sit on the bus with anyone but him. Our daughter's teachers ended up having to separate him from my daughter because of this. So while it does seem cute at the time, children are aware of what happens around them as well as their home lives influence their behaviour. We had to question whether or not he was witnessing this type of behaviour at home. Good luck, just see how things play out - maybe get your son's teachers to keep an eye on things.

Carisa - posted on 01/07/2011

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This is normal at this age. My daughter wants to marry one of the boys in her class. When I asked what James thought about this, she told me he wanted to marry a boy! I don't think it is so much about his feeling he loves her so much as wanting to be like an adult. Since grown-ups are married, that's what preschoolers want to do. I do think it is a little silly to be buying gifts for each other, that will just hurt other kids feelings (not just yours, but other kids in the class)

Kelly - posted on 01/06/2011

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I personally don't think it's a big deal. At that age kids usually copy what they see. And they see Mommy and Daddy are together. My son has said many times he wants to marry me. We explain to him that I'm already married to daddy, but when he gets bigger he can marry another girl. And he seems happy with that answer. I remember my younger brother even said he wanted to marry me when we got bigger. So I think it's very common for them to have little crushes at that age. Sometimes the more we make of it, the more the child is interested in the subject. Maybe just tell him he needs to be a grown up before he can get married, but he can be friends with the little girl until then. Talking it out can make a big difference. Good luck to you. I hope my advice helps. :)

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