Preschoolers peer problems

Ruchi - posted on 12/07/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 4 and there are a group of children who continuously being rude to her, it started off by saying things like we are not your friends or dont come and play with us. but recently my daughter cried herself to bed because the girls said to her that you are not even pretty. the problem is my daughter has developed inhibitions about making new friends or she feels scared that the new children might turn her down. I have spoken to her teacher about this. In the meanwhile could you tell me what I could say to my daughter to bring her confidence back and basically I want to teach her to ignore.
I live in Hongkong and there are people of lots of different origins so there is also a lot of racism.

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Sally - posted on 05/29/2012

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That's amazing. We are an Australian family who have lived in Hong Kong for the past 5 years. I find it the opposite actually. I am so proud of my kids inability to notice race, religion etc. As they are at an international school with children from all parts of the globe, they have such tolerance for everyone regardless of where they are from or what they look like. The only downside is my daughter always wistfully wishing that she could have a mix of more backgrounds in her. She is blonde and blue eyed and both my husband and I come from the same anglo saxon background.Aparently that is REALLY boring to her!

Carisa - posted on 01/03/2011

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I am very sorry your daughter is experiencing such rudeness at such a young age. I live in the US and my daughter's preschool class is pretty diverse, but all the kids are very accepting of each other. I would explain to her that these kids are just repeating what they are learning from their parents and some people don't like people who are different. Hopefully the teacher will be able to put a stop to it.

Ruchi - posted on 01/01/2011

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hey nicole,

i am actually fine with her being in a big school. my worry is that if a child is bullying someone in school that is the childs basic make up where does that child go from here and how does someone teach a four year old to tackle such a situation. we recently went to bali for a holiday and my child wanted to pick up a gift for this girl and i realized that it is so important for my child to be liked by that girl...i was amazed

Nicole - posted on 01/01/2011

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One thing to keep in mind is that preschools here are 1 staff member to 8 children. I don't know what it's like in Hong Kong. These numbers make it challenging for a teacher to respond as effectively to bullying as they could in a smaller daycare setting.

If this continues you might want to consider moving her to a smaller preschool, possibly a home preschool.

Ruchi - posted on 12/17/2010

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hi kin,

tell me about,. I have been constantly telling her that we never make friends with nasty people. if little miss C makes you feel bad there are other 20 children in class. The school recently started a parent volunteer programme and I have signed up for it.

Kim - posted on 12/17/2010

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If you can, I would definitely get involved in the preschool by volunteering once a week or so. This would make your daughter know your are there for her and let the other children know you're watching. I question the teacher, as this kind of bullying shouldn't have been allowed to happen in the first place. In any case, I would try to make your daughter understand that people like that are not worth her time and that their comments about her have nothing to do with her and more to do with the kind of people they're being raised to be. How unfortunate that children that young are being taught to treat other people that way. I'm sorry for what you're both going through. Good luck!

Melody - posted on 12/08/2010

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This is a tough one but I think you should constantly praise her at home for being clever, pretty, funny etc and find lots of opportunities to give her examples of this. Also try to make friends with other mum's with children her age and visit each others houses to play lots so she makes one to one friends. It would be especially good if these were from pre-school mums/ children. I'd also keep in close contact with teachers at the school and ensure they are not tolleratng this behaviour by other children and dealing with it pro-activily. Maybe thet's all obvious. I feel fro you good luck!

Ruchi - posted on 12/07/2010

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The teacher has agreed to keep a check but I wonder what kind ofparenting goes on at home. Hk being an expats country one would think that the rascidm will be less but it's absolutley the other way round which is so funny

Becky - posted on 12/07/2010

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How awful for your sweetie:( It's so sad to see peer pressure at 4. Did the teacher say anything to you when you told her about the situation? I would find out if you could observe the classroom and see what's going on.

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