talking about death alot?

Danielle - posted on 05/10/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My daughter (4 yrs old) talks about death almost daily. I know she is curious, and I know that she just wants a clear explanation, but how do you begin to explain? she mentions two dogs that she used to know, who passed away about a year ago, and she also talks about a news story that she heard almost 6 months ago (at her grandmas, certainly not at my home) about a small girl who was killed. My daughter has imaginary 'sisters' (shes an only child, so its normal) and sometimes she plays like one died, or like one of her dolls died. its kinda morbid, am i wrong to think that? anyone else have this problem?

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Alison - posted on 05/21/2010

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I think it is probably much more curious than morbid. My daughter does a lot of imaginative play and she is not an only child. Yesterday she told me that Dora is dead like her grandma's dog. I think it is just their way of trying to understand a new concept and integrate it into their reality. Chances are, this will pass in a little while.

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Carrie - posted on 01/05/2012

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my 5 year old is doing the same thing. The other day she said that she wanted to die so she could go to Heaven and see God. She started kindergarten in August at a church so I am thinking that must be it. I tell her not to say things like that but do talk about my grandma who passed. I think it is normal at this age.

Dawn - posted on 12/27/2011

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My daughter (4yr) is an only child too, and she plays make believe with the "sisters" imagination too. We saw the movie "UP" and of course she asked me why he was sad, and of course I had to tell her that she died and went to heaven. Which opened the can of questions galore over where is heaven, what happens when we die...I said we go to heaven and the angels come for us. She then asks, how will I know where to go? I said that you just go toward the light and follow the angels, they will show you the way. She asked me if that's where she was before she came to here. I told her yes. And, she asked what does heaven look like, and I told her that I wasn't sure, I don't remember. She asked if I would be sad when she dies, and I told her hopefully I will go first and I will come get you when it is your time. She seemed good with that idea.

Vanessa - posted on 06/09/2010

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She just told a story to my mother that i had died and i was in the next room and she killed of her dad and brother that she has never met before. I laugh it off. My daughter is about to be 4 at the end of July

Carisa - posted on 06/09/2010

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I'm Catholic and I recently had to explain death to my daughter after she had watched the movie "UP" I told that when people get older (because that is what happened in the movie) they go to Heaven to be with God. I forgot as I said this that she thinks the priest at our church is God and thought people went to our church when they died. I then told her Heaven was in the clouds...I didn't want her looking for dead people at Church!

And it is find for you to cry in front of your daughter because you are said...at their age, our children need to learn that emotions are normal and ow to express them. Of course it makes you sad that she didn't know her Dad, and she is old enough to understand that...it could be a good time for you to talk to her about him.

Erica - posted on 06/05/2010

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I can relate. My daughters father passed away when I was five months pregnant... After my last boyfriend (who she started calling daddy) Our relationship ended and I had to give her some type of explanation why "He" wasn't her daddy, but where her daddy really is and why... Am I wrong to have told her that her Daddys in heaven with the angels? Afew have told me I am wrong.. but I feel like I am not, but because of this she does talk about death a lot. Same thing, playing with her toys, or watching scary movies (I don't approve of this but my father lets her sometimes) So shes seen what death is unfortunately, On T.V. And she knows that her Daddy is in Heaven with the Angels. She talks to him and prays to him, She will look up at the sky and tell him she loves him. It almost wants to make me cry but I can't do that in front of her. What do you all think?

Danielle - posted on 05/23/2010

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update: my daughter asked me why she cant see God, the other night when I was reading her pop-up bible stories. Now, I myself am Pagan, and I believe in God, but I dont believe in Heaven or Hell. But i want my daughter to have a healthy appreciation of different religions and ideas. So i told her that God is in Heaven. She asked me what Heaven is. So I told her that lots of people believe that after you die, you get to go to the most beautiful place in the world. I told her that when you go, you don't ever get sick or hurt again. Everyone gets to do what they want, and everyone is friends and everyone is happy...that was about 3 days ago. So far, she has not brought up dying or anything related. Perhaps my answer was good enough for her for now. I sure hope so, anyway...

Lisa - posted on 05/21/2010

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My daughter is 3 1/2 and talks about death a lot. My husband and I both lost our Grandma's this past December. My daughter was close with my husband's grandmother (mine lived out of state) and she went to her funeral. She did pretty well, but has talked about death and heaven almost daily since then. We told her that Great Grandma was very old and she went to heaven. When we were at the funeral, she asked some interesting questions, like "why's she in a box?" and "where are her legs?"
(the casket was halfway closed). Then when my grandma died she asked if she was going to heaven too. I was very surprised to hear her talk about it so much. It is nice to hear that other families are doing this too.
My grandmother died from complications from 50 years of smoking. When my daughter asked about this, my husband told her that she died because she smoked cigarettes and they made her very sick. So, now she tells people "My Great Granny smoked cig'rettes cuz she thought they were yummy. Then she got dead and had to go to heaven." She has even told this to a woman she saw smoking in front of a store. Anybody have any idea how long this takes to pass?

Gisela - posted on 05/20/2010

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my daughter knows that when someone dies they go with jesus. (we're catholic) so when she does something like messing with the car door while i'm driving i tell her not to because the door could open she says to me and then i'll fall out and another car will run me over and i will die and go with jesus? and then you and daddy will be sad cuz i'm dead? she freaks me out too sometimes with her comments as well. sometimes we think that they r too young to know what is going on but they r so aware. my daughter has gone to 3funerals in her young life and know's that those loved ones that have passed are in heaven. but sometimes she'll say greatgrandpa is visiting me or loves me. some times i wonder as well if that is normal..

[deleted account]

My 3 year old is the same way! I thought I was the only one. After she tried to get one of two hamsters out of the cage our dog got ahold of the hamster and I told her that the hamster died and ever since then shes been obessed abt it. Like she will tell me that floppy(our dog) ate the hamster or like if she gets a cut she will ask if she will die. the list just goes on and on. I seriously did think i was the only one goin thru this...

Jenniffer - posted on 05/13/2010

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Death is a part of the cylce of life and as a 4 year old, she is curious about this. My son who is 3 years and 4 months talks about death in his play, like a fish died or a dog died, etc. He saw a funeral and asked me about it. I gave him a simple answer that people die because of sickness, etc. and that a dead person's body is kept in a coffin and buried in the cemetery. My son actually is more concerned about the "coffin" and "cemetery" part and not death per se. He even sometimes play dead and would ask me to look at him. Children are naturally curious and as parents we don't have to given an elaborate explanation. Be upfront with her when she asks about these things and give a simple answer. Better that she gets the answer from you rather than from somebody else, like another kid. It would also help if you can read to her a story that would help explain it.

[deleted account]

firstly i'll explain that i live on a farm and slaughtering is part of life.
my 4 yr old daughter asked me on monday (her dog got bitten) if he was going to die turn nto meat and if we would then eat him! i don't know if it is normal for a young child to be obsessed eith death but they are curious creatures and death is just one of those things they may be curious about. i wouldn't let it concern me too much as long as they don't start saying things like they want to die or want to kill some one.

but if it concerns you rather take her to a child phsyciatrist and have her evaluated. as a proffedional would have the best advise and answers.

good luck

[deleted account]

My son will talk about killing things...or that such and such died. We have fish and they die. Or last fall we would talk about the leaves and how they died and a bug... I am very open with my son and tell him that everything dies. This is a natural process in life and it is sad when someone dies because we will never get to see or play with them again, but that this is completely natural and nothing can change that. The Dr. can not "fix" dead! I'm more irritated when he says if something dies it can go to the dr. and get fixed because I want him to understand the finality of it all... My death & dying teacher said his daughters would point out death when they would see it too...he always started the class with "where did you see death this week" I think as it is the hot topic of the moment it is completely natural to be consumed with it until you receive the information you are looking for! Look up some books at the library and talk about it!

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