Time out doesn't work any more, help!

Ronda - posted on 03/06/2010

As a mother of three, I know how you feel! I successfully use the approach of taking away privledges and/or toys. Upon practicing good behavior they earn the right to be able to do things again! I feel it's a good way to teach taking responsibility for your own actions as well as cause and effect. Good luck!

Laura - posted on 03/05/2010

I have this same problem. My son also puts himself in time out, just sits there looking at me saying this fun..and the 1,2,3 magic doesn't work for us either..I would use it he looks at me and says 4, 5, 6...Just recently he has started throwing tantrums to try and get what he wants (believe me that doesn't work)
looking for suggestions on what to do

Rebekah - posted on 03/05/2010

Melanie, glad my ideas sparked some interest! Check your library...I was able to get 123 Magic in video form from our library, which seemed so much more manageable than finding time to read a book (though I love to read, and i'm sure the book is great too). What is so helpful about the video is SEEING it practiced in examples. Yes, it uses actors, but you get the idea, and as someone who uses it, I can say it does work for a lot of kids. I used to work in a school, and the teachers adopted it in their elementary classrooms. I believe Thomas Phelan is the guy behind the technique. And the "cost response" system is something that you can find in probably any behavior management kind of book. Best of luck! These can be trying times.... :)

Melanie - posted on 03/04/2010

Hi. Thank you all for responding and giving me some ideas. I really like the 1,2,3 Magic and the cost response system. I may check into the book that Rebecca suggested too if I can find the time to read it...

Sheryl - posted on 03/03/2010

with my son we have started taking thing away like moring cartoons and some of his fav. toys. he know when that come up we mean buss.! it seem to help. but that is in extrem cases. sometime thought we just go right for the spanking. like trying to take off or going out of are eye sight. but that just how we handle it. for you son to it may just be a fase of him wanting to see you are going to stick to it even know. i rem. the older i got the more i push just to see if they we're going to stick to it.

Rebekah - posted on 03/01/2010

Yes, we used time out also as you did, and somewhere during his 3's it seemed to be less effective. We still use it occasionally (though depending on the circumstance, i do end up holding him in it if he refuses to sit and it becomes a power struggle...not fun), but I've found what is more effective is taking something away that he really wants (a toy, TV time, etc). We use 123 Magic...so if he is misbehaving, I count to one. If he continues, I count to two, and if he still doesn't stop, then I take something (original 123 Magic has a time out at 3, but we changed it to make it more effective for him right now). It has been a very long time since I've gotten to three, as he knows I'll follow through and he pulls his act together. I do give him a reminder, "what happens when I get to 3?" just to give him that moment to stop and think, and it ends there.



Today, my mom, who watches him while I'm at work, used pennies with him and his cousin as they were fussing a bit at each other. She gave them each five pennies, and told them if they were acting up, she'd remove a penny. Nobody lost a single one! That's called a cost response system. You could always use buttons or stickers if you don't want it to be about money...and then have a little reward/incentive if they keep all or a bunch of buttons by the end of a set period of time. Not sure if I'll adopt this too when I'm home with him, but glad it worked for mom!

Alison - posted on 03/01/2010

Starting around age three you can start using consequences or take away priviledges. That is a lot of my discipline at this stage.



Rebecca, I love your daughter's dancing rule. How sweet!

Rebecca - posted on 03/01/2010

it really depends on the offense, but i have found that if you use the same routine over and over it soon stops working. i do sometimes use time out, but it's a last resort strategy, not a first resort one.

it also depends on the personality of the child; my oldest is quite competitive so to get her co-operation i tell her i want you to do XYZ by the time i count to 3, she then dashes about and does it. this does not work AT ALL on my 3 year old, she just gives me this wide eyed blank stare and stands staring.

i have found if i want her to co-operate i'll appeal for help and most of the time she'll then volunteer, but if she doesn't i back off for a minute or two and try a 2nd time, she normally co-operates the second time.

there are so many strategies; if they are doing something i don't like, for example, cheeking or hitting, i explain how it makes me feel and ask if they want to hurt me. if they say yes, i tell them that isn't very nice and then they usually glower, but stop doing whatever it is. sometimes they just say they don't want to hurt/upset me and stop.

if they're breaking something, or bashing toys about, i say - 'this is your first warning, stop doing XYZ.' if they don't stop, i say 'this is your final warning, if you do that again, i'll take that away from you.' and if they do it again, i take the item away and put it where they can't find it.

when my youngest child was born, my older one would be too boisterous around her, we sat down with the eldest and discussed rules about how to behave around the baby. she put her own on the list - such as that she could dance and baby could watch :D and we put things on the list. if she transgressed, we'd refer her to the list. you obviously don't want to be making lists for every circumstance, but for specific things is can be very effective.

my girls are sometimes resistant to getting dressed in the morning; i got tired of battling with them. now i just tell them they'll go to school in their pyjamas if they don't hurry up. i was amazed in the turnaround of their morning behaviour just from saying that. i never had to follow thru on it, because they know mum follows thru on what she says, and i would have done it if they hadn't started co-operating...

i really recommend a book called Liberated Parent, Liberated Children, because it is full of different strategies. I think I've used all of them at some time or another and they all work, provided they're suited to the circumstances.

Alisha - posted on 02/28/2010

I feel the same way and I am dealing with a very similar situation. I have started discussing things with him and using punishment by removal. Depending on what the offense is. My son likes tearing up his toys or mistreating them so I will tell him that if he continues I will take the toy away and if he continues the toy gets put up for the night. He also likes watching TV and if he misbehaves he knows that he can't watch tv because he has to be good. So he is learning to behave a little at a time. And if those don't work he gets put into bed for a nap because with him I have noticed a pattern of his misbehavior to being tired. Stephen has to have either a nap or quiet time every day and it seems to be really helping in him listening to me. Hope this helps a little good luck and be patient.