what do you do if your called the other mother by your exs new wife?

Andrea - posted on 06/30/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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my daughter was getting taken back to daycare by my exs wife whom wasnt even his wife at the time. she gave her a hug before she left and told her that her other mother would pick her up. i dont want to be replaced although i dont thing that would happen . im still hurt that she would say that to the child i carried for nine months and took care of since she was a baby.

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Deborah - posted on 06/30/2010

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I would speak to your ex-husband first, and then maybe the three of you could sit down and discuss things. I know it may be uncomfortable but if you don't work this out now it will only get worse, your anger and frustration will grow until you blow, and nobody wants that.

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I would do what Deborah Lerotholi suggested. Talk to your ex husband about this issue as this other woman is not her mother and should not be saying such things to your child. If taht fails then i would seriously think about seeking legal advice about the issue. Infor him of your plans as youre the mother and this woman has no right in talking to your child in such a way.
Who has the child more? cause if the child is in your custody most of the time, then you have a right to discuss legal issues to say that you do not want this woman to interfere with your child and the upbringing of your child. I would seriously do this to prevent any thing getting out of control and this woman putting other images in your childs head and turning your child against you. Youre the real mother and you have every right to be angry and pissed with what is being said. Tell him that and make a point of it. Then seek legal advice over the issue before it gets worse and the child refuses to go back to you. The other woman has no say in what goes on between you and the father of the child and has no right in talking to your child in that way. If the only way around the issue is to go back to court and getting an order out on her then that might be the only way to do it. Then she will have no contact with your child and the father will be the soul responsible one to care for the child when the time he has the child comes round. It is totally up to you on how you handle the issue.

Kristi - posted on 08/02/2010

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i don't think she was really trying to hurt you or purposefully confuse your daughter, but you should probably talk to her with your ex and get things worked out.

Rebecca - posted on 07/28/2010

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all i can say if that was me and my ex's new chick said that all i can say is i hope she can run fast cause my blood would boil and she would want to run!!!

[deleted account]

To eliminate confusion for the child, if you are the primary caregiver, you should be Mom and Step-mom should be called by her first name. If you don't have custody that's more of a sticky situation though. It would also depend on what the dynamics are between the two family units. If it's on good terms you can probably come to some sort of an agreement.

Laura - posted on 07/16/2010

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Step families are always a trick subject. If your daughter is happy with her step mother, then a sit down is definatley in order. You need to make your fellings known, and maybe come up with alternatives for 'Other Mother'. Talking it out is always best!

Donna - posted on 07/16/2010

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Ooooh, it's weird to see this come up here at this time. I have found myself uncertain of how to refer to my stepsons' BM when speaking to teachers or coaches sometimes. I may be Step-Mom but I have raised these boys for 8 1/2 years and she has been getting steady visits every other weekend for maybe the last 5 yrs. She also only takes them 1 week in the summer and 1 week during Christmas Vacation and that only in the last 3 yrs because the oldest can babysit his brother (they're 14 and 12). So naturally, they call me Mom. I used to refer to her as the egg donor, but since she is being more consistent for them now I call her their other mom.

So my point is, it can work both ways. She carried them for 9 months each, but she had to earn the title of Mom in my eyes. I was the one who picked up the devastated pieces of a 5 and 3 year old boys and have turned them into young men I am proud of.

Sherri - posted on 07/15/2010

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I would talk to her in private (away from your child) and let her know that this is not appropriate. you are her one and only mother!

But you know what sadly she isn't any more the title is step MOTHER!! So I don't think she said anything wrong although undoubtably very hurtful to you. I can say I would hate it as much as you do but she is the other mother when your daughter is at her house.

Holly - posted on 07/15/2010

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I would talk to your ex... this other women has no right to even consider herself you child's mother. In my eyes your have one mother and one father, there could be other figures in there life but mommy, mom, mother is a title that you earn not just fall into. If she does take care of your daughter and they have a special relation ship I agree with Melissa maybe they could come up with a special name for your daughter to call her step-mother. But you are her mother that can't be taken away.

Yvonda - posted on 07/11/2010

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I would talk to her in private (away from your child) and let her know that this is not appropriate. you are her one and only mother!

Melissa - posted on 07/08/2010

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Being a step mom myself I can kind of understand where she was coming from. I have always told my step daughter (since she was, now 13) that I'm not her birth mom. She can call me mom if she wants to but she doesn't have to. Given that, I would recommend a sit down with the 3 of you to discuss the "role name" factor. If she takes care of your daughter like a mother then your daughter may naturally call her mom. I would reccommend your daughters step mom and your daughter to come up with a "special" name for her that isn't "mom". Its very confusing for young children to understand that the woman with her dad isn't her "mom". Good luck!

Kacie - posted on 07/03/2010

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I can't imagine having that happen. I don't think that she should have said that at all! You are the mommy, the mother, the one and only in my eyes and that is a boundry that should not be over stepped. I agree with Deborah that you talk to your ex-hubby and tell him that you don't want that to be said and that your her mom.. this other lady doesn't get that title..

Jane - posted on 06/30/2010

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I don't want to add fuel to the fire but I would be ropeable. And your write you could never be replaced

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