just wondering if i am the only mom that feels guilty for there kids issue's!

Sheryl - posted on 12/14/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have two children! my oldest had some speech delays. but his doing great know. know my youngest son has speech delays and just found out today his also got sensory processing disorder. please his got food allergies! i just feel so guilty like i didn't do something right. my boys are my world! see i think maybe i'm being harder on my self cause i was told when i was younger i could not have kids. then when i got preg., they became my world! i want to do everything right. just wondering if i'm the only mom that feels that way?

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Marissa - posted on 01/14/2010

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No, you're not. When I was pregnant, my anxiety was at an all time high and my mental health doctor recommended I continue taking the Xanax he had been prescribing me previous. After ALOT of research I've found that fetal exposure to benzos (anxiety meds) can cause severe developmental delays. Even though I was following the (terrible) advice of my (former) doctor, I still feel like it's my fault for not knowing the possible effects on my son and taking them.

Rosio - posted on 01/13/2010

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No you are not the only mom out there who feels guilty I also feel guilty about my daughter's speech delay. I feel like I did something wrong to cause this to her and now I have made it a mission for me to help her through this and hopefully conquere.

Shannon - posted on 01/10/2010

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do not feel quilty, my son who is 9 has learning delays, senory problems anger issues ocd, and right now he is to young to dignose as bipolor but his dad has it and i see all the singes. he is half of a twin his sister is fine but he is in sspecail school. yes i feel bad i feel bad for him and then sometimes i feel bad because i get mad, he get intouble and with the girls i also have a 14 year old i can send them to there room but noah keeps comming out and does not stop. after an hour it gets tirng he lso watchs my every move he is always asking is dad is mad at me, then he takes on my feeling see ikeep things to myself i have to keep things calm rich tends to just let go . it gets hard. but you are not alone.
shannon

Cindy - posted on 01/05/2010

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Oh God, my son is now 28; by no means are you the only mom that has spent a life time blamimg herself. Maybe I am in the wrong group; if so - please direct me. I was just invited tody to this Mom's group- I see so many I am interested & can learn from.

I am a Mom that "Love's too much" - I cannot let go & let them grow up. My son was border line L.D. I won't go on at his mment of what I know now that I was too youing to know when he was an infant. The school system completely failed- called him "lazy". By the time I had just gave up on geting help- I chose to home school using the Abeks curriculum. It did not matter to me if we finished the entire yesr of curriculum- we did not move on until I got the message through. I learned so much myself that year. I have 3 children, 30, 28 & 21. You know what, this son that is now 28; he is the only one of my 3 I am not battling a drug addiction or jails with. I know this is the one choice I made that was right. I gave up my job- I went to therapist after therapist- some was even kind enough to let me know they needed to place a diagnosis on him just so insurance would pay the bill. This just sickened me. I blamed myself because I had 2 boys before I turned 21; their father was just not "right". I was abused- I met him at 12. I have no clue why I tolerated all the abuse? I learned much much later- I was beaten down, I his =d the abuse from my parents- they were all I had, I was so ashamed of my ex-husband. I worried so much over the years since my 28 yr old looked just like his dad- it was all my fault for not choosing a better father. I later married a wonderful man, yet- I always felt the boys were my responsibility & refused to put all that on this on my husband who never had a child of his own until our daughter came by complete surprise. My son, I am so proud of him- he struggles- seems he keeps pushing on no matter how many times he gets gets turned down for that promotion. He is a wonderful father. He did graduate from highschool- however, I was in disbelief that in the year 2000 in Indiana the ISTEP meant a diploma or not. My son took that darn test for 2 years every chance they offerred it. I know I instilled what matters, but- still I feel guilty. He makes 14.00 an hour, I worry all the time; I have 3 grandchildren with him- 2 of his own 6 & 3 months & 1 step grandson at 2- that step word is just bogus! My son is this boys father in every sense of the relationship of being a Daddy! Yes, I tell him how proud I am. I just wish I had done the same or something of the same for the other 2- I struggle daily, the other 2 are in a court ordered rehab- trust for me, not ready for that. I really need more than one support group.



I feel no matter what happens with our kids at whatever age- we always wonder - what did I do wrong? Why is this? My Mom & my my father in law both blame themselves for adult children with birth defects. I do understand with all my heart how they feel. I console them- yet, as for me- I am still filled with guilt. The boys father ran from child support & ran from being a parent at all. I blamed myself for that as well. I never one time condemned him as a man or a parent- I feared the day they would figure that one out all on their own. How do you deal with men who you feel cannot possibly hate their parent; they are men who feel deserted & want to be loved- I tried to be everything, I am a woman, a mom- my husband is a provider- not a communicator. Did I fail twice? What group do I need? Please help me get over this guilt! Sincerely & Thanks for taking the time to read this from my heart.... Cindy

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Wow Sheryl, what a heavy burden you have put on your heart. This is not something you have done to your children, and you should not feel guilty. I have 3 kids and my oldest was temporarily delayed because he was premature, my second was fine and my youngest son is globally delayed. I remember feeling guilty as relatives said maybe it was because I kept him home with me instead of sending him to daycare but I have stopped looking for someone to blame, and stopped blaming myself. I probably will never know exactly why Caleb is the way he his ( I to this day suspect the fact that he had the cord around his neck at birth) but I do know one thing, he is an awesome kid, problems and all and I have realized that he has taught me so much in his short time here. You obviously love your boys very much, please dont carry a heavy heart, clear out any guilt you have and try to move past it so you can be the best mom you can. I know how you feel and you will eventually move past this, good luck to you and your boys in the new year.

Shawna - posted on 12/30/2009

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you should not fee; that way my husband gave me a saying a long time ago when i felt that way , he said these children r not special needs , they r special and touched by God to be special you would be amazed how much they can teach us and others, may God bless you and please if you need to talk just add me and i am here. much love .

Rhonda - posted on 12/28/2009

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No you're not the only mom that feels this way! My precious son is Autistic and people either want to know what I did wrong while I was pregnant or if he really has a problem maybe he's just spoiled. Don't beat yourself up! God chose you to be the mommy to these 2 precious boys who will become the men God intended them to be because you're their mom! Take care of yourself and yes I realize some days don't seem long enough for that, but by taking care of you, you will help them live up to their potential! God bless you and your precious boys!

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