Withholding BMs / Speech delayed

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

Our daughter will be 4 in the fall, and has been diagnosed with severe global development delay too...speech being the most obvious thing. However, our bigger concern is with her HUGE anxiety over allowing herself to have a bowel movement. We have her on all the usual laxative/fiber/dietary regimes and have ruled out any real physiological reason for this. We believe it is likely physcological, but can't seem to get any help with this. She will honestly clench her bum so tight when she senses a BM coming on that her little body arches, and and she puts her hands on the wall and manages to say "no,no....no" until the feeling passes. Usually a little bit comes out though....enough to create the smell/mess just enough to need a change of pullup. Makes it really difficult to be out in public like this though, but more worried about teasing that will come once school begins for her) Doesn't seem to notice if/when she does soil herself....even in plastic training pants. Unfortunately, she isn't able to verbally tell us what the full nature of the problem is because of her speech delay, so we are taking our best guess at this. The drs haven't helped...they say to keep the "draino" in her (yes he called it that...to refer to laxative) to the degree each day such that she has no choice BUT to go. I don't like the idea of this...but the alternative is terrible..'withholds' up to a week...and by that time, she has caused herself huge discomfort.
Anybody have any suggestions? Resources? Links? Books?
Guess you can tell we are desperate for help...it has been over a year of this now...
Trying to hang in there...this is so tough...
Stacey

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[deleted account]

I know what you are going through. My four year old daughter has a speech delay. It's not so bad that we can't understand her (most of the time) but she is still unclear, especially to strangers. It took her longer to learn to communicate and I think that had some impact in her toileting. If children can't explain what is wrong, I think they tend to take it out in other areas. Just before her third birthday she took an interest in the toilet and after a week she was dry, both day and night. However, like her brother before her, she kept pooing in her underpants. Unlike her brother, it's never stopped. It's been 14 months and she still refuses to poo on the potty or toilet. Also, unlike her brother, she poos several times a day so that on a bad day, I'm left drained by the experience (the worst day she had was 14 times). It's not usually a lot of poo, but enough to be smelly and messy. We were told that once she was 4, she woud be referred to the psychologist but the psychologist has refused to see her because he doesn't think it is enough of an issue yet. It's so frustrating, especially since she has started school this year. Fortunately, she doesn't physically try to stop the poo. She merely hides in a corner, but she doesn't do a whole poo each time or she woudn't be pooing so often. She doesn't want to poo but when she can't stop it she does. Then, she doesn't want me to change her and will tell me, "It's fine".



As for help, I'm sorry I don't have much. A friend has suggested letting her go without underpants to see if she would rather poo on the floor or try for the toilet if there is no choice, but I'm not sure that would work in your case. There is a website here in the UK of a charity that deals with these issues. There is a section on children with disabilities.



http://www.eric.org.uk/



I've read this book - Constipation, Withholding and Your Child: A Family Guide to Soiling and Wetting by Anthony Cohn. There is a section about children with disabilities as well and there is a reference section at the back with organisations that can help.



I hope this helps. Good luck and try not to give up.

Amanda - posted on 07/22/2010

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Well I know that Occupational Therapist is who they sent us to do get some answer and ask what to do! They has us brushing her with a scrub brush like doctors use! They are soft but help with train the brain to not overload the sensory area! A neurologist is who we have had success with because her problems are part of her brain! They can give you all the necessary stuff to get help elsewhere. We can not afford the therapy so I can had to learn what do from through the state program! The people who work for the state only can see the once to twice a week where if you can pay for the therapy they can see you up to five times a week if they think it necessary! There are website that have sensory balls (like a yoga ball only with soft spikes), one therapist had me role my daughter up in a yoga mat and then roll her out ( making it into a game) doing that about 5 to 10 times a day, they say sit and spin toys are good, peas in a dish putting things in there for her to find! Mainly things that will us her sensory system - they say stuff like that helps to reprogram the sense - they told me that it is like getting a paper cut on your finger - you get a cut anywhere else it not so bad but you get one on the tip of your finger where all your nervous are and it hurts worse then other! That what it feels like to them all over. That is the only help and understanding that I have been getting I hope that helps! Super Dupper is a website where they have some special needs toys, and you can google for more - I know that there is one more the teacher at our school use but I can think of the name!

[deleted account]

Hi Amanda, we can't get our daugther on the potty either...and she has major foot sensitivity too. She also almost loses her mind when we try to wipe her private area as well...it is aweful. We've had to resort to pull-ups now even though she is nowhere near being trained only because she WILL NOT lay down for a normal diaper change/cleanup (must remain standing) I'm absolutley convinced that she is withholding BMs because of the sensitivty/fear of being cleaned/wiped up afterward. Have you had any luck with the specialists? If so, what type? I'm thinking of trying for a pediatric physc referral, but haven't had much luck yet....must be somebody out there that can help. I've actually found some decent information from occupational therapists (for sensitivity stuff)...in case you haven't tried that avenue yet. Keep me posted...sounds like we have very similar situations.

Amanda - posted on 07/21/2010

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My daughter has sensory issues, and also has a speech delay! I can not even get her to try to use the potty and she is three! I now with her sensory problem and some places are more bothersome then other for an example she hates for her hands to be messed with a lot, absolutely hates for you to even touch her feet except for socks and shoes, and her private area hates for you to even wipe it! What I was wondering about you baby was if she could be having a sensory issues by the way the BM feels! As for the doctor - it really makes me mad when doctors do not take the time to listen and understand what you are trying to express to them. I have had enough of those in my life time with my special needs children - one of which his doctor did not listen to me and told me everything was ok when it was not - my poor baby did not get the help he needed till he was 2 1/2 years old (at this time he could only speak 5 words and not very good, and he could not even walk). My advice is that if you are not happen with your doctor get a new one, and if your insurance does not have to have a referral - go to a specialist to ask him what to do! They seem to be a bit more understand then just your general doctors!

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