I feel like a horrible mother because I can't take my child's behaviour anymore

Zenovia - posted on 02/02/2010 ( 89 moms have responded )

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Hi there. I'm surprised I am posting this but sometimes I feel so alone. My daughter is being treated for borderline ADHD as well as a social disorder and is on medication. She is ODD way off the charts and when she gets wound up either angry or even happy, she talks really fast, doesn't quit ever, will not calm down, gets in your face and won't back away even when asked or cued. She's sees a psychiatrist and a psychologist and some of their recent suggestions involve me spending more time with her. I already spend lots of time with her because of her condition and I have two other children as well. She has physically assaulted me (she's just turned 12 but has been doing this for about 6 years) involving hitting, kicking, biting, and even hitting me over the head with an ice scraper while I was driving. She verbally abuses me (calls me a fat f***in bitch, and the list goes on. All our children are responsible for chores in the house but she argues over every little thing. I seem to be the focus for all her angry and venom. She has threatened to kill me and her siblings on numerous occasions all of which her doctors know. They tell me she's just blowing smoke but considering how she has physically hurt me, I'm not so sure. Because of this, I don't enjoy being around her. I also don't share any of her interests try as I might and struggle to find a way for us to do things together. Her only goal in life is to be an actress and she has told me that she will make my life hell until I hire an agent for her and get her a part in Hollywood. As if. I mentally beat myself up because I have come to a point where, for over 7 years, I have struggled with this child and now, I just want to be away from her. Then I feel guilt ridden that as a mother, how could I feel his way about my own child. My husband points out "you are her mother, if you give up on her then what has she got." I agree but as you can see I am torn. I love her but I can't stand her drama and histrionics on a daily basis, nor will I do anything to advance an "acting" career for her. It's like living with an abusive alchoholic. The only reason I can't divorce her is because she is my child. Our household has boundaries, she loses privileges and things on a regular basis but doesn't learn from it. She threatens and hurts our other children as well (she is a middle child) Our children are raised that everything they have is a privilege not a right and therefore they need to earn television watching, computer use, ipod use. They don't have cell phones and we have hold them they won't until they are old enought to work for and afford their own. We are not an undisciplined family. We also praise her when she does well. I just can't take this anymore. Does anyone else struggle with their child's behaviours, the guilt, the mixed feelings? Am I really so horrible or is someone else out there also feeling the same way. I love her, I know it's her illness, but it just wears me down so I want to run away. Help me, tell me I am not alone......

Sorry for blathering on.... you can see how torn and confused I am

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I thought it was me! Reading your post and all the replies is like reading about my life! My child has been like this since she was born! I know that sounds crazy but she started out screaming for hours at a time. Then trouble breastfeeding, I nursed 3 before her, but I had to wean her at 3 mos because she couldn't stay latched on. She would jerk away and cry so hard. When she was about 8 mos she started banging her head on the floor. By the time she was 2 she was being removed from her daycare class and taken to the office every other day.
By the time she was 4 she had been kicked out of every daycare in the small town I lived in. One of her teachers said she was "the type of child who would let you kill them before they will cooperate"! Those are her words, not mine! I had to stop working until she was old enough for public school and then I was called to the school several times a week. She was diagnosed with adhd and bipolar at 7 after threatening to kill herself. Her medications helped, but I still got called to school regularly and finally had to take her out. She attacks me when angry, bites and pushes, she would fight me over getting into her carseat then throw her shoes at my head while I was driving (screaming the whole time) she destroys things, she takes my things without asking, she refuses to do chores or even pick up after herself. She's 13 now, but I've been trying to get ongoing help for her for years. I tried to get disability, but was turned down because one of her teachers didn't support her diagnosis. The teacher blamed me, thought my daughter just needed more structure in the home! But how can I give structure when she won't cooperate? She will not do what she's asked, she's highly manipulative, she threatens to kill herself, she refuses to stop arguing and pursuing something wants, she obsesses over ideas and can't stop working on them to the exclusion of everything else. If she's not interested she won't do the task at hand. I'm now unemployed and facing eviction. I just sent her to live with her older sister, who doesn't believe in her diagnosis, because we are facing homelessness and I didn't know what to do! After she left yesterday I cried myself to sleep, I felt like such a failure. I can't believe I'm not alone in this! What is this? Why don't the Doctors help more? She had to be restrained from attacking me when she was 6 by her pediatrician, so it's not like they had not witnessed the behavior. I love her so much, she's not like this all the time, when she's calm she's really sweet and loving. I miss her so much already, but I'm so exhausted from the daily struggle and also the stress of not knowing what's coming from moment to moment.

Jean - posted on 12/08/2013

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Hi BK!
Reading your post is like reading my own post. Your daughter sounds JUST like mine. She is only 3.5 years old, but her impossible nature became evident at 2 weeks of age. It started with nonstop high-pitched screaming, ALL the time. I rushed her to the ER, certain they missed something when we checked out of the hospital post birth. She had tests, ultrasounds of her belly, she was/is the picture of physical health. Like yours, she would NOT breastfeed. She would furiously shake her head back and forth and push her little body as far away from mine as possible. It was like she hated me from the start. I tried every formula thinking it was just gas, poor digestion, etc. It wasn't. It's HER. It's her temperament. Every year I think it's going to get better. I tell myself, "Oh when she's a year, she will stop this. She will outgrow it." Or, "When she's two things will get better." Or, "Oh now that's she's going to be three she will start to act more normal..." No, no and no. She gets worse with each year, and I'm scared. The high-pitched 24/7 screaming tapered off at about 10 months...it evolved into a persistent whine. She too hated her car seat and would scream horribly as I tried to drive. She hits me, kicks me, pokes my eyes and pinches any inch of flesh she can get a handle of. Once she slammed her head so hard into my hip that she gave herself an egg, and I was so bruised (I have arthritis as it is) that I limped for a week. The meltdowns take place throughout the day. She also would let you kill her before she will cooperate, with ANYTHING. She fights me on every turn. At 3.5 years of age, she is no where near being potty-trained, she refuses to feed herself or drink from a cup. Now, don't misunderstand, she is NOT delayed by any means. She's very very smart, and manipulative. She can speak clearly and even do addition and subtraction...when she feels like it. It's simply a refusal to do what's expected of her. We've had stand-offs. One day, recently, my mom and I refused to diaper her. She was going to use that potty chair if it killed us. She held her urine for 8 hours!! Finally, when I saw her distended bladder, I gave in and put a diaper on her. No sooner was it belted around her, and she let loose and filled it with pee from front to back, it ran out the sides. It's about control. Another time, I got fed up with spoon feeding her baby food like she's still an infant. So I made her nice little meals and snacks and placed them in front of her with her little Elmo spoon and fork and matching plate. She did not eat for three days. It was like a stalemate. Concerned for her health, I gave in and we are still spoon feeding her jars of Gerber food. Once in awhile, she will agree to feed herself chicken nuggets. Sometimes she will drink from a regular cup, but if you try to do it every day, she simply won't eat or drink. She knows how to do all of these things, and has proven it by doing it when she feels like it. She can feed herself, drink from a cup, go to the bathroom, and talk...when SHE feels like it, which isn't often. My life has been completely turned upside down by her. Frankly, my life has been ruined. I know she didn't ask to be born, but I didn't ask for a child like this. I am not the person I was four years ago. I was thin, attractive, healthy and fit. I was into healthy living, I was pretty, I had hobbies and a positive outlook on life. I now am overweight by about 20 pounds, I eat junk, drink soda everyday and smoke cigarettes. I have not had sex, or even a date since before she was born. Her father is completely uninvolved in her life. My life is completely dominated by her behavior. My poor disabled mom is the only one who helps me, and I feel so guilty. My daughter has also been a daycare disaster. The first daycare, which was a really good one, said she was too difficult and she disrupted the other kids. The second one wasn't as fancy, and I found out they were abusing her because she was so hard to handle. They pulled her hair and put her in a room by herself. I called the authorities, but nothing happened to them. My mom watches her while I work part-time. I am college-educated and have a nursing degree, but it's useless because I could never keep up with the demands of an RN job and the long hours because of my daughter. I work part-time as a bookkeeper, come home each day dreading it. As soon as I walk through the door, Melanie starts her tantrums and whining. My mom complains how hard it is on her, and told me that I need to figure something out, because she's too old and tired to deal with this much longer, and she's sorry she ever got involved in my situation. I carry this guilt all day, every day. I'm bitter and miserable. I have no life whatsoever. I have tried over and over to do fun things with her, and take her to nice places like festivals and pumpkin patches, etc...she ruins it EVERY time. She explodes if you tell her no. She demands what she wants, and she wants everything she sees. It's so humiliating taking her anywhere. I don't even want to take her out to the grocery store anymore. Our neighbors hate us because of her constant screaming and tantrums. She just recently started sleeping through the night, but it's only because we cut out nap time and wear her out during the day. My mom misses nap time because it was a break for her that she no longer gets to have. My daughter's tantrums can be violent. She will stand on top of the stairs and scream like we are killing her. I'm surprised Social Services hasn't showed up yet. She will throttle me, kick, punch, pinch and bang her head as hard as she can up against any part of my body she can reach. She will deliberately break my things. She purposely ruined a laptop, broke Christmas ornaments, and she smiles about it. If she can't have her way, she will have a nuclear meltdown that lasts for an hour or more. She has absolutely no patience. She isn't willing to wait one minute for me to get her a snack. She is so manipulative too. I know that sounds mean and crazy to say about a preschooler, but I've caught her making faces, smirking and waiting for the opportunity to wreck something. After wrecking something, she will seek affection by demanding hugs and kisses. It isn't sincere. It's her being manipulative. I try to sit and do activities with her, but all she wants to do is annoy me by poking at me, digging her heels into my side and throwing stuff around. This is not how I imagined motherhood would be. I know raising kids is not easy work, but it never ever crossed my mind that it would be anything like this. When I found out I was having a girl, I thought we would be doing fun mother/daughter things like teaching her to bake, and arts/crafts and Girl Scouts. Instead I deal with constant chaos. I wish I had never had her. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's my reality. I love her, but I don't like her. If I would have had an inkling as to what I was in for, I would have made a different choice. I hate myself for feeling this way. Sometimes I stare at her and wonder what the hell went wrong. She's very pretty, healthy and smart and sometimes, she can be kinda sweet. She will hug me and say sweetly, "I love you Mommy" or she will sing-a-long with her Thomas movies, that she loves so much. Most of the time though, it's hell and misery. I took good care of myself while I was pregnant, she's never been abused (except the couple of incidents at that daycare, which ended quickly) or molested, or neglected. She acts like you would expect an abandoned, traumatized multiple foster home kid would act. I think it might be all of the toxins we are exposed to since our childhoods. It's possible it's altered our chromosomes or affected our babies in utero. There really is no reason for my kid to be this way. As a nurse, I've encountered crack addicts with perfectly normal, easy-going kids. It just isn't fair. I'm so bitter. Sorry for the LONG rant, but I feel so connected to your post, I just had to share my story too. My mom and I worry very much what the future holds. What sort of nightmare will my daughter be as she ages? Like you, I have tried repeatedly to get her help. Her most recent pedi said "It's her temperament, some kids are harder than others." He, too, has witnessed her outrageous behavior. I've had her evaluated, but it's like nobody cares or wants to help us. Many people have harshly judged me, and blamed me. This is NOT poor parenting. My mom and I are stern with her, we do not give in to her every demand, she is just IMPOSSIBLE. I've tried time-outs, taking away favorite items, the reward system, ignoring her. I used to cry myself to sleep many a night. Now I just fall into bed exhausted every night, filled with a spectrum of negative emotions. Guilt, regret, self-loathing are ever-present feelings. I feel my life will always be consumed by this problem-child. I have no friends, no romance, no books to read, just constantly dealing with a child that won't cooperate with anything and tries to wreck everything. I truly do hate my life and myself. It's pitiful. I'm so sorry to hear about your job and living situation. I fear that is what the future holds for me too. I worry about being evicted because of the disturbance my daughter causes EVERY damned day. I can barely work part-time because of her behavior problems. My mom told me that if she gets sick from all this stress she will be useless to care for my daughter, and then what will I do? she asked me. I am sending you warm thoughts and hope your situation improves for yourself very soon.

Zenovia - posted on 08/26/2011

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@Eileen I feel for you. It is hard to let a child go. When mine went into a treatment facility I thought I was terrible but it helped her and our family immensely. You see, I still was involved with her, there was counselling and therapy for all of us and there was a strengthening and calming respite from the turmoil. They helped me realize that because I was so worn down I couldn't be a good mom no matter how hard I tried. They taught me that in order to take care of my daughter and my family, I needed to take care of me and I wasn't doing that as a result of her issues. I don't know where you are or what access you may have to help and respite but the only way I finally got help for my daughter was to tell Child health services (social services) that I was unable to cope. Suddenly wheels started moving and she was on a wait list and within 2 months she was approvied and went for orientation and within 6 months she was in the facility. She has only been discharged since August 12 but our lives are different. Not perfect but different. They helped me learn her uniqueness and develop discipline and coping techniques that would work for her and they did. By seeing her every day, by having her in therapy every day and in group with her peers, along with schooling etc., she has in 6 months changed dramatically. She still gets angry but she walks away, doesn't threaten me, is not physical and after she calms down apologizes. This all from a child that was completely uncontrollable. I also learned that I am entitled to boundaries and the more I enforce the boundaries and make her feel safe with my authority, the more positive her response. It got worse before it got better but it's much better. She will never be like other kids, but our love relationship is renewed, she talks to me now, states her needs and knows that I mean what I say so the struggle no longer exists. I was a good parent before and I am now...I was just worn down and abused and the treatment facility helped me get my strength back as well as helping her see how her behaviour contributed to the breakdown in our family. My husband...that's another issue not for this forum but he couldn't cope with the changes and his guilt so he is doing his own struggle apart from us. I pray he gets the help he needs as we still love each other but his pain is not something I can help with now and has alot to do with his childhood. I think seeing how transformative my daughter's help and mine was messed him up as he never really thought highly of the mental health professionals and the work they did. One thing they did teach me and I WANT TO SHARE WITH ALL OF YOU...In a plane, you need to put the oxegen mask over your own face then help those that your are responsible for...MAKE SURE AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES because no one will take care of you and if you don't, you won't be there to continue to love and take care of the children that so badly need us despite how hard they try to push us away. Luv to all ♥♥♥

Lee - posted on 11/05/2013

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I'm in ur shoes also my son is 9 following I feel ur pain and sorry to hear this x:-(

H - posted on 03/29/2014

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I am so glad that I am not alone! Although most posts on here do seam to be about girls.
I am a mother of 1, who is 6 (7 in June) I am at my whiit end.

I love my son more than anything in the world. He is the apple of my eye and I am devoted to him in every way. I cant describe the depth of my love for him, but when I think about it I well up with tears.

As I said my son is 6, going 7. He has had a massive problem with listening since he was old enough to crawl. Simple things like "no, don't tough Danger" I would have to repeat (despite it being a "serious" tone) several times and eventually have to move him away from where he was heading/what he was doing.
I was a stay at home mom for the first 24 months of his life and then he started part time nursery whilst I worked. The first nursery that he attended told me after a few weeks that they thought he was deaf, as he constantly ignored everything that staff asked him to do... tidy up, put that down, no that not nice. I eventually moved him from that nursery after 5 months due to work commitments.
The second Nursery told me that he was doing silly things, such as playing in the toilet, messing in the sinks, jumping up and down stairs (they would walk the children down and if the child didn't want nicely they would start the child fro the top again) - they did this 15 times with my son before he listened to what was being said to him, he just wouldn't listen.
I moved nursery again as I need to get a NFL placement as he was due to start school, and was constantly getting called in by staff. He would push paper into to the sinks and turn the taps on, swing on toilet doors breaking them, not listen to staff when being asked to so things, snatch toys, be bossy with other children. I was asked by nursery staff to get his hearing checked...... as they where not sure if he could hear properly -after a hearing app his hearing was deemed perfect. I remember one staff member telling me "Its like im speaking a different language to him" ... my son HEARS what your saying to him but either DOESNT UNDERSTAND, or CHOSES NOT TO LISTEN.

My son started school and I was constantly getting called in my his teacher,.... "J's not listened at all today, has been messing about, wont sit still, fidgets, shouts out".... A good example of behaviors here was:
Child had been sick on the floor - All children asked to stay away from it and it was cornered off with chairs - j went over and rubbed his hands in it.
Was told to was paint cups at the sink, ...... filled the mop bucket up with water and then dunked his head an shoulders in to the bucket..

I eventually moved him from this school when they told me it was MY PARENTING not Js behavior.

When he started in the new school he was immediately was put under the Special needs section, and to be honest his behavior has got worse.... so much so I have an appointment with Camhs, which is a mental health service for children.

my son is now nearly 7 and at home:
He doesn't listen, talks back to me, should, screams, Touches things that doesn't belong to him, often breaking them, goes in the kitchen cupboards and steals food (choccies, biscuits, crisps, we have had to put a lock on it on the door) he is VERY sneaky, Lies a lot..... and when you ask him why hes done something the answer is always "I don't know".
A good example of his behavior : we are getting ready to go to school: "j.... don't go outside please"..... 2 seconds later I hear the door slam and hes not only gone out but walked down the path... why?? ?? he was told NO.

I can tell him "don't dig your fingers in the soap".... 2 seconds later my soaps destroyed.

When I punish him for bad behavior he calls me mean, I wish you where never invented, its not fair.... He cannot connect "Action and consequence" and fails to understand why we are punishing him.

He will wine when we are out CONSTANTLY, whether it be "I need a wee" or "I need a drink" .... when I tell him no for sweets or for a toy hes spotted, I am instantly evil reincarnated to him and hes then vile for the rest of the day.
He runs off up the street, and when I hold his hand/wrist, twists and writhes like im hurting him.

Hes still under SEN at school. His grades are slipping and I am sick of being called in by his teacher because of his bad behavior. Not listening, fidgeting, being rude, shouting out, fighting, being mean, not doing as hes told, hes even kicked a teacher during a temper fit, hides under tables, runs out the classroom.

Hes 7. He knows the difference between right and wrong he just chooses to do the wrong things.
I can SCREAM at this boy, I can shout at the boy, We went from a naughty chair (rode it like a horse round the room), to the naughty corner (banged and knocked the door), putting him to bed (got up and started playing with his toys), confiscating toys (climbed up on to the kitchen worktops, to get them off the kitchen cupboards) when hes done something wrong ... as we only give him TWO SIMPLE RULES TO ABIDE BY -( Always DO AS I AM TOLD and DONT TOUCH THINGS THAT ARE NOT MINE) I trash his bedroom and get him to clean it..... which he hates..........he cant just CANT live by those rules............... and NOTHING NOTHING seams to get through to him.

Hes put so much strain on my and my partner - who thinks hes a spoilt little brat...... my partner has threated to leave so many times because of his behavior....

I am at my whits end... I have spent to day inside, despite it being a wonderful day to go to the park.... why? because it took him 3 hours to clean his room. 3 F**king hours........ why couldn't he just do ask I asked? it was a 10 minute job! but because he didn't want to do it AS ITS BORING!!?? he just played with his toys. (I don't want to go in and gather everything up in a black bag and chuck it, as I have worked DAMN hard to get the money to buy the toys)
I got so angry with him.... and im ashamed to say punched the wardrobe - rather that than him... but he still shouldn't of seen such behavior from his mother.

I feel so guilty, but am trying to rack my brains as to why he behaves in the way that he does? did I do something wrong?

I constantly feel like a failure and I really have got to the point where I am resenting him, and no longer want him in my home...... hes driving me insane.... to the point of where I don't want to be alive any more. I want to curl up in my bed and die, and the only reason I don't? Is because my son needs me and I love him.

This is not what I expected of motherhood.

I am elated to read some of the comments on here, because I KNOW you KNOW how I feel and its very comforting to know I am not the only one.

I am tempted to ring social services, but am terrified in case they think im doing something wrong or take him away from me.......

What else can I do ?

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J. - posted on 07/24/2014

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Let someone raise her who has been through this and has the time and patience to put into it:-)

Chrislowery6 - posted on 04/21/2014

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reading this is like reading a page from my own life i have a 19 yr old daughter who is completely out of control she has done some very hurtful thing to me and my other three children i am the one who takes blame for everything that goes wrong in her life i love her very much and tried to get her help at the age of 13 when she started acting out like this she has 2 children which she has abandoned and she blames me for that she has a very big drug problem and she is verbally abusive towards me and her siblings and she has been physical with all of us as well i have tried to get her the help she has needed but the people that are suppose to help me has told me in not so many words but to suck it up your her mother you need to fix her not us well you cant fix something that is beyond repair unless you have help this county i live in is a joke but i have been at my wits end for a long time just recently i found out she is a heroine addict and this is probably the reason she acts like she does but i have pleaded with her to get help and in response i get told that im the one who needs help not her i have had to cut all contact off to her. her siblings can not stand the way she treats us all one minute she loves us the next minute she hates us and wants us dead she is very cruel and i have had some peace since i stopped all contact but she has contacted me on social networks and slandered her little sisters name im actually at my wits end i have no clue what i can do from here i know that im replying to a post that is similar to what im going through i just do not know what else to do but love her from a far and raise my other three to realize what could happen to them. my oldest daughter is now homeless and feels i should allow her to come back here which i can not do because i refuse to place my other children in harms way and she has burnt every bridge in this family and she no longer has many friends except to say the ones who use her for her money which she gets ssi for her anger issues and she spends every dime of it on drugs

Lisa - posted on 03/27/2014

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Hi to the lady who advised child's diet. I already do not give my boys artificial colours or sweetners.

Lisa - posted on 03/27/2014

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Hi im new on here and have just searched online to see where I can go for help as I too am desperate. .I read the first post and it is exactly the same for me. I have 7 year old twin boys who were IVF babies and born prematurely at 27 weeks. At 4 yrs old one of my sons told me when he was 18 he was going to get a gun and kill me. I have had black eyes and thick lips where he has punched and kicked me. After visiting my GP he was finally referred for assessment and was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. My other son has since been assessed for ADHD and as yet we are still awaiting a diagnosis. Both of my boys swear at me get extremely angry throw things at me threaten me call me names basically they both physically and mentally abuse me. My husband works away all week so I am practically a single mother dealing with me on my own. During the last assessment I was very emotional and because I am on medication for depression because of our home situation I was sent for parenting groups. I already spend all my time playing witj the boys praising them giving them boundries and basically all the group advised. I am now at a stage where I cannot cope with this anymore and am scared ofwhat they will turn into as they get older and I am at a loss of where to turn to now. Can anyone please help and advise. Many thanks lisa

Mary Beth - posted on 03/19/2014

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To all moms out there.....have any of you looked into your childs diet related to behavioral issues? I have been reading so much on the correlation between red food dye #40 sensitivity and anger and aggressiveness, We too have an eight year daughter that has many of these symptoms. From the moment of her birth, she displayed domination with a simple situation of trying to place an eye mask on her for bilirubin lights. It took the physician, two nurses and myself to get in on her. The nurse made a comment that she had never seen such a thing in an hours old infant and that we should beware of her personality at she grows! She was right. I have talked until I'm blue with physicians, counselors and no one seems to be able to come up with any answers for her behavior. I know that she certainly possesses characteristics of ODD with all her oppositional ways, demands, outbursts if she doesn't get her way, threatening, verbal assaults and most horrifying, physical assaults. She has turned our whole household upside down and her personality can flip like a switch. She's the master of manipulation and if she doesn't want to go to school that day, she will make it a living hell in the morning to get her way. The only difference between my child and your children is the fact that she will not control the situation with other adults in charge. She is perfect at school, is exceptionally bright and maintains excellent grades. She does have trouble making new friends and finds her comfort zone with a few close ones. She will be very good for my in-laws or my mom while visiting them. It only seems to be when I am present. She occasionally demands control over her dad and will lash out at her 14 year old brother and 12 year old sister, but when they are in the house alone together, she generally acts very well. I know the control is very much focused unto me. We are a stable, middle-class family. We did lose our oldest son in a mountain climbing accident when she was five, but her behavior was like this from the beginning. She has suffered no abuse and I have been a stay at home mom with her until she started school. She did have a difficult time separating herself from me while I would go to work out and she would stay in a playcenter and also starting pre-school, she didn't want to go. Kindergarten was difficult. She didn't want to go at all and missed a lot. It was very weary on me to try and fight with her because mentally, with the loss of our son, I wasn't very "with it" and probably didn't make matters any better. The first grade year for her wasn't much better. I started looking into some natural remedies and physical causes for her behavior. The thing is with her....I know that she can control it because she wouldn't consider acting this way in class. I took her to a nutritionist and discovered that she has severe sensitivity to red dye #40, dairy and sugar. Sleep has always been an issue for her and started her on a low dose of melatonin (with dr's permission) and it worked for a brief amount of time, but seemed to not be as effective and gave her nightmares after a few months. The nutritionist prescribed ribonucleic acid (rna), which I would give her at the first sign of a meltdown. I started that when she was five and continue to this day. I also purchased on amazon a Kid's Calm Multi drink, completely organic by Natural Vitality, and also Calms, nerve tension formula which you can get at any health food store or on amazon. These truly help. I also had her tested at the dr's office with a vap screen. This test tells everything from thyroid and hormones to genetic problems that may occur later on. Fortunately, everything was normal with her......but if they could have even found an slight issue with hormone or thyroid, we may have an answer to this awful situation. I really do believe that our processed foods and especially the dyes that are put into our foods can alter our kids to become monsters. If your child is sensitive to fabrics and has meltdowns about their clothing, socks or shoes not "feeling" good, you might just look into the connection between food sensitivity and their behavior. If I cut out all things red (and this is SO hard because read your food labels and most snacks contain it), and of course snacks that the teacher provides (even though I tell her not to give it to her), and the snacks parents bring into the classroom, it can be very daunting. I try to stay on task and "lessen" the sugar intake, dairy intake and especially the dye intake. I beg all of you to at least try this method. If it can make a slight difference, you will be happy. You must, must follow what they are eating and stay on task with it. If I falter, we all lose control and believe me, it only warrants me to want to try and help her more, especially when she is coming after one of us with scissors. Please hang in....I KNOW how hard it is, but for the love of your child, try this.

Zenovia - posted on 03/17/2014

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@Crystal I hope you are getting her some professional help by medical people. The animal cruelty and behaviours you describe are not normal and are indicative of serious mental health issues...hugs...it will be tough but you need to keep pushing for help and do not take no for an answer...

Kristy - posted on 03/16/2014

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I havent been on for a while but so far nothing has honnestly changed for me and my daughter!
The doctors put her on so many different medications that only work for a minute she is failing 6th grade well actually getting a d- meeting after m eeting at her school and the school system feels like no special education is needed for her because she has the capiblity to learn but she is failing not doing her homework because she dont no how to do it she has been tardy to mostly all of her classs and the school has no answer to were my daughter is even though she is under medication when she walks in the door at the school.
4 out of 5 of the teachers tell me in are last meeting she is doing so well in our class but I have the progress report infront of me and she has 4 -f and 3 -d so my questions was how is she doing good they had no answer to me !!
They let her use a calculator for math because she dont even no the basic from way back 3rd grade but I tried since 3rd grade to fight indiana lake county for special education for her but they think im the crazy one !!
Her doctor keeps upsing her medication
her therapist dont want her to see hard knock life on what can happen in real life
she has failed reading and math assiment test
she complains the teachers are moving to fast one out of 4 teachers agreeded they wont give me a iep only 504 the special education in lake county is different from ill school they keep the kids in a regular class room any ways and ill they take the kid out and put in a smaller class setting with 2 teachers not in lake county because they dnt want other kids to make fun of other kids so they put the kid who is failing in the same class any way!
Basicly to say lake county blaimes home instead of helping the kid stay positve they say its ok to pass with a d- as long as ur passing !!
And telling me special education may hurt my child instead of help her but how is this possible when she is getting a d- any way
so now this is my challenge but I wont give up
my child comes home crying every day about passing and she has zero self asteem and the school wont help instead blame me
but I keep figting for her im a mom thats all I can be

Natalie - posted on 03/15/2014

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Hi, I feel the same way about my daughter. I can't help but not want nothing to do with her because of her attitude and punching walls. Calling me b@@@@, when she doesn't get her way she states she hates me. She has put bath salt in my drinking water, she has put urine and water in a water bottle and left in the fridge for someone to drink. She has stated that she wants to cut my eyes out and put them in a jar. She has stated that she wants to stab her brother and sister. She states she wants to hand cuff me with her and burn us on fire. I have told the therapist. I'm frustrated. It makes me sad because I love her and try but she always has some kind of rude comment and nothing I do is good enough. I have gained 15lbs in a matter of weeks because I'm so stressed out. Her father is not in the picture. Also, my son has adhd and ODD and autism and now has tried punching walls because her behavior. Also, school as now asked for her to be on independent study. I have got fired from job because she was put on a 72 hour hold and now have childerns services in my life because she has threaten to kill us. I don't want her to be put in a girls home or to be in foster care where she might get hurt but I feel I don't what else to do with her. My daughter is only 12 years old. Looks like 17 . She's 5'5 and 130. She also doesn't like to take showers , brush her teeth, and she pees her pants everyday. Also, due to stress my finance and I have broke up. Also, the therapist states it will take time before they can give her meds. I would take any advice or meds I could ask for her that might help her and our family .

Zenovia - posted on 03/12/2014

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Google BILY in Canada...its Because I love you and they are a parent and youth support group. There is one in Alberta but might be able to help with getting one in Ontario...also police, community groups and mental health lines are all sources of information. Hugs to you I have been there and am coming out the other side...

Tamara Sue - posted on 03/12/2014

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What medicine is your child taking and does it help with the agression?

[deleted account]

I am so glad I found this site. Even though my story is a little bit different than most of the ones here. Especially in the sense that the 12 year old girl I am talking about is not technically my daughter. My boyfriend and I are her guardians and she lives with us. When she was twelve she opened up to me about being sexually abused by her step-father. Of course I reported this and he is in jail now for life as this was not his first offense. Anyway, we have had her for close to a year and at first things were pretty good. She also suffers from ADHD and a few other possible things which have not officially been diagnosed. But she takes medication and it doesn't seem to help. And after knowing her as long as I have, I have a hard time believing her behaviors are strictly related to her diagnosis. I think she is just very manipulatie like her mother and she is a lot smarter than most people can see...she just knows how to fool people. She is at a k-2 acedemic level when she should be nearing a 6th grade level but I don't think it's because she doesn't understand anything, I think it is because she is very lazy. These are some of the problems we deal with. She doesn't like to do anything for herself....as far as chores go she refuses to do anything and YES we are very strict with her. Her only chores are to clean her room and to clean up after herself so it should be fairly easy for her. But no it's always a process. She is constantly peeing her pants and all medical possibilities have been ruled out. She has told us before that she doesn't like to go to the bathroom because "it is too much work". She literally says we are mean because we tell her to use the bathroom and brush her teeth and take a shower and clean her room. It is a process to get her to do ANY of those things and if we aren't RIGHT THERE supervising, she won't do it.

So there are some examples of what we deal with. But those aren't the reasons I can't stand being around her anymore. . .
I am almost 27 and my fiance is almost 31. We have a very good, healthy, loving relationship. SHE is an angel to him and so evil to me. . . even though we both treat her the same, we both share our responsibilities and we are both disciplinaries. She is constantly drawing him pictures saying "I love you", or telling him she loves him and asking him for hugs. The other day she even asked him if he wanted a foot rub!!!!! I heard her ask that and I was so incredibly infuriated that I just couldn't even find words to tell her how wrong and innappropriate that was... Now I understand that it might sound like she is just a very caring little girl who favors him instead of me.... but lately, my intuition is telling me that she is a very twisted little girl who is trying to threaten my relationship. She gets so pissed when I am around. Before anyone makes judgements or assumes anything disgusting about my boyfriend, please understand that he does not feed into her tactics. He puts her in her place when she acts inappropriate. It has even gotten to the point where he refuses to hug her because he fears she takes it the wrong way! And frankly I have the same fear. The fact that she was sexually abused tells me that she doesn't know how to love in a healthy way. I feel like the way she thinks love is supposed to happen is through sex and "favors" because that is how her stepfather treated her and her mother allowed it to happen. But HOW am I supposed to get over this and force myself to be around her??? I try constantly to develop an understanding of her but the way she treats me is so offensive that is just makes me sick to be around her. I cook for her and she spits the food in the bowl and says "this takes like puke" or "this smells like dog breath" and she just wont eat it.

On a different note, she has tried to torture our dogs SEVERAL times...she has tried to choke a puppy by spitting wads of gum in its throat, she tried to put a stick in my moms dogs anus, she tried to force the puppies eyes open after they were born AND IMMEDIATLEY AFTER we explained how dangerous that was. We bought her fish for her birthday and she killed them by pouring two bottles of chemicals into the tank and two full canisters of fish food. I could literally go on and on and on, but I think most of you probably can understand how twisted it is.

Myia - posted on 02/11/2014

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Have you had your peditrician look at your son? He has some problem that the peditrician should be able to help you pin point. If not find another physician. A psychologist might help also. If he is ADHD their are medications that will help. Read on the internet about a medication call Vyvance. See if your child has the symptons. Question him, Why don't you want to brush your teeth. See if you can get out of him why he does not want to do things. Does he get along with kids at school? Have the school nurse talk to him about hygene. The internet has a lot of information. Search his symptoms. You will find a lot of help.

Myia - posted on 02/11/2014

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ADHD specialist in Ontario Canada. I believe I have seen some listed on the internet you can check out. I have been dealing with the ADHD for 9 years. He still is not as focused as he should be and the lying is awful. they say that is due to the mind altering meds he takes. We have special help with him at school there are special programs here in the states. You really have to work with the child and their teachers. I hope you can find help. Your child may not be perfect but the medication and right medical help is something that will help a lot.

Amanda - posted on 02/04/2014

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i feel terrible im a single parent with no respite my 9 year old hasnt been diagnosed with anything but he s insular he s lazy he wont wash or brush his teeth he wont clean his room still wets the bed im at the end of my tether,its almost 11 pm and he s wide awake and can be until 3 am im tired and broken sorry i dont know what else to do and consideering contacting social services.

Rebecca - posted on 01/18/2014

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I deal with a son in the same way but he is medicated all the time to avoid the thing I see that you go through. that at one point I did go through . it is tough and you feel guild and you feel like a bad mother and at times that you don't want you own child. it will pass. good luck.

Myia - posted on 01/12/2014

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I have a ADHD child I am raising and yours is not a typical ADHD child. There are more serious issues You need to have her psychologically tested. Sounds like she is bi polar more than ADHD. My grandson was diagnosed when he was 5. He did things like hid under the desk at school and cut papers to small pieces, draw on other kids papers things like that. ADHD is a attention span issue and sounds like your child has more of a violent issue. I have my grandson on meds for his ADHD. When is is off he can not focus and is wired all the time. Jumping around and can't be still. On the meds he is calm and has more focus.
I would have a complete mental work up on your daughter including a brain scan. There is something seriously wrong and ADHD isn't it.

Kerry - posted on 01/08/2014

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I know how you feel, my daughters meltdowns can go on for hours, she is disrespectful and once she gets an idea in her head she will fixate on it to the point where she will not sleep, it is midnight and she is crying like a little baby despite my assurances. This has gone on for around 6 years. Because she did not 'engage' with the counsellor our gp referred us to (though it is hard to build up a rapport with someone who only saw her once a month and for the most time.cancelled) he now appears completely disinterested and has refused to make any kind of dianosis, even though I myself know that this kind of behaviour is not right for an 11 year old.

Velma - posted on 01/05/2014

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My son is very similar at times, but now he has xbox live he has some mates he loves to chat to, and this really actually helps him no end. Some say he shouldn't stop on this, and I do limit him, but this has calmed him as he does not like clubs etc, and I have tried to make him go to clubs for years but he won't. I know this isn't an answer but I was at wits end end and very low, worrying how to carry on. With swearing etc, I have to ask him to change his attitude, and ignore him, it is hard when you feel threatened. Try Empowering Parents site this helps me with tips.

Trish - posted on 12/15/2013

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Hi you have really helped me help my sister and her husband who are going through the same thing. Can someone please tell me where you can find help in Ontario Canada.

[deleted account]

Jean, it's really hard to get people to understand. Only recently, in the past year, have two of my other daughters come to understand how serious a problem I was having with their sister. After they witnessed her behavior themselves. My oldest has said she doesn't know if she will ever trust her little sister again. The other had to deadbolt her front door so she would not escape into the street. My daughter who has taken her for now doesn't believe any of this. I'm just waiting for a phone call. She lives in another state so she will have to keep her until she can bring her back. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but I've also had the very same thoughts as you. More than once. I wish I could say it gets better. The only thing that helped was risperadol, but it has some serious side affects. My daughter was also hurt in one of her daycare centers. I feel so ashamed sometimes. But it helps to know I'm not alone! I wish you all the best and advise you to look into medication. You can also call child services and they might refer you to some help. Stay in touch!

Martha - posted on 12/02/2013

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Omg I feel the same way. my son his 6 yrs old and he has mild autism he has had it since always but they told me did at age 2 1/2 I had tuff run with him when he was little he would do tantrums any where we went, he would scream, cry and even hit himself in the head. But I knew that he would do it more because he couldn't communicate with me at all. Until he grow and those tantrums went away, because he got speech therapy, but then as he grow he would start still with tantrums but this time it is violent will hit other kids or scream at me then he started saying am gonna kill u, am gonna cut u with a knife, am gonna take u to the hospital, am gonna hit u, etc. to the point that after he is relax he acts like he doesn't remember anything he did of said. He has already even graced a knife and treatend not me but my mother in law with knife did says and to even his little brother that his 2 yrs old. To tell u that Idk know what to do his my little boy and I hate it that sometimes I just try not make his burst because am afraid of him am even afraid of him hurting my little son which he has already his made him bleed I've had to hide everything from him. And sometimes I get do frustrated Idk what to do he wasn't like that but I feel like his getting worse that the thought of think of his future as and adult scares me...idk what to do what ever I do makes him get worse and he holds a lot of vengans in him and never let's go of the anger. :'(

Zenovia - posted on 11/01/2013

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To all of you...keep the comments supporting each other coming. Vent if you need to...don't be alone. My life is different now, it is what I have made it. Perfect no but better. I am divorcing, my husband blamed me. She now lives with him because I am so horrible. He came to me the other day and apologized, said he was having a hard time and now knew why I was the way I was every day when he came home. She is 16 now and very little has changed for her. I feel somewhat vindicated by her fathers' admission and am not having her back here. Peace is prevailing. Hugs, luv and prayers to all of you struggling. You are not alone.

Kristy - posted on 11/01/2013

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Im so sorry to here this I have 3 girls my youngest was born with spina bifida and we just found out she lost her hearing in the rite ear and my middle child has adhd and bipolar and uncontrolable out burst prayers to you

Kristy - posted on 11/01/2013

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Dang it is that what I have to do cuse this is crap medications after medications for my kid why why why were mom listen or dont but take the dont and suffer the consquence but its not like this no more and my threats have been week any who her threats to me have been more beliving any way she makes it seem that way ugfhhhhhh these kids

Kristy - posted on 11/01/2013

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Nope dont feel bad haaaaa im glad I found this page
my daughter let me tell you the stress on top of stress there is no perfect child my thing is it shouldnt matter if you take medicine or not my daughter was taught at a young age rite from wrong and lately I guess she takes me for a joke I have 3 girls and yes she fights with me to do her chores she fights with me to clean after her animals which she begged me to get. She tells me to shut up she tells me to leave her alone she tells me im not her mom she tells me I wish u werent invented I waste my money on buying beds ive bought the 5th bed today and there not cheap I have holes in her room her daddy tried to paint over she slams doors she is only 11 she tells me haaaaa this not ur house this is grandpas house which we were blest some what to even have help from grandpa to buy a house for he s grand daughters he loves she usto kick the back of my seat when I driving I had to stop the car she dont care man police dont do nothing one time I told her at 5 pm to rite 50 times because of her mouth she refused to do it and I did call 911 let me tell u what happen I put on my face book proof cuse my family are on my facebook and they saw it that I said welp andrea in trouble again I made her rite 50 time s well behind my back andrea wrote a nother 50 times which made it 100 times and when the police came they told me that was to much at 8 pm I said let me look at that paper shure enouph she pulled one one me her daddy and the police they told me to feed her dinner even thoug she took my table 3 times and rammed it into my china cabinet and hit me and was fightkng with me I got yelled at now she is 11 and I feel like if u are grown enouph to put ur hands on me and leave marks on me as the mom ur grown enouph not to eat my food I buy in this house welp thar didnt work out so well I was forced to feed her because she gave that cey baby face now today she threatend to kill me I took her out to cicis pizza with the rest of the family on my bday and I paid for it and I also bought new winter jackets im not talking no cheap stuff eithe I bought like 250 worth of jackets for 3 kids all are treated the same here here in all she wouldnt listen when we got home who is this child of mine this has to stop the the police tells me oh well we cant do anything cuse she has adhd and she has bipolar and she is on medication well so what the stuff do something im not gonna be scared of my kid im sorry for that im to dam good of a momma for this I can see of u are having a bad day child but not every day like this in public she dont care at the doctor at home just not in school she plays games then she threatens me buy saying im gonna tell u dont feed me well go ahead do what u gotta do go tell u dnt scare me they take u thats on ur choice then the lieing oh my gosh I cant believe her for nothing so tell me what do I do I love her but she just got it were im not gonna listen no matter what oh and she is also in and out of sleep but I fixed that I give her a turkey base medication from eeither cvs pharmacy or walmart she goes rite to sleep for the whole nite with it thankgosh for the pharamcy it not a bad drug it fills u up like a turkey I would try it out there if u got a older one put it in juice drop the pill in a cup or something were they dont no but besides that she is tring to make me look bad when im the only one that can do for her behind why me errrrrrrr help I also see a therapist nothing working medicine therpist hospital nore police

Jennifer - posted on 10/15/2013

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You are so NOT alone. I have only one daughter and she is just so much, too much! I am so upset about her right now that I can't even begin to describe what it's like with her, other than Ihave wanted to run away at least a hundred times and she's not even 12 yet...

Tonya - posted on 10/03/2013

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Wow, this sounds like me. Guilt is my friend. 100% of my kids are stressful. I hope you are finding happier days now. I was glad to read your post. I'm not alone...

Rowena Sandra - posted on 09/18/2013

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Hi, I understand how you are feeling and how difficult it is to cope. I have a severely mentally ill son who ia 26 years old and has ADHD. I live with constant stress. He is demanding and abusive and although I have an AVO which gives me limited protection he really does not care if he breeches this. He threatens to kill me taking knives out of the kitchen draw and is in constant trouble with the Police - and is going through the court system now with 2 cases going to trial.

I am divorced and nobody in our family with have anything to do with him, and provide no support for me.

With the problems you have with your daughter I wonder if she would agree to seeing a therapist? I don't think respite care is the answer as she probably would not agree to that.

There are organizations that have meetings for parents who are having difficulties with children suffering from mental disorders.

I have found that a set routine does help, and try to interest her in some sporting or other activities with kids of her age - I don't know where you live (I am in Sydney) there are a few Police clubs that offer activities for 12 to 18 year old children. You may feel that Martial Arts is out, however I have found that it does encourage self discipline and positive behaviour....if she were to be interested in MA you could speak to the instructor about the problems you are having and he/she should be helpful.

Apart from this, and perhaps sending her to the occasional Camp. I cannot suggest anything other than you take good care of your own health, and for you to seek some assistance from a social worker or similar so that at least you can offload, as of course it puts a huge strain on your marriage.

Don't give up. Set good boundries and hopefully your daughter will improve with age.

All the best, Rowena.

Summer - posted on 09/18/2013

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As I sit here crying I'm glad I am not alone. My child is 4 non-verbal, not pottie trained, and is constantly destroying everything. He never stops. When I finally get him to go to sleep he only sleeps for a couple of hours and gets up and starts all over again. I am so stressed I want to just hand him over to someone and say take him I can't do this anymore. It breaks my heart because this is my child. This morning as always a bad one he took my keys and hid them. I only have on exit door in my apartment that has a double sided lock because if not he would let himself out. So we had to leave through my bedroom window. I was late for work. I don't know. I just don't know.

Reesef_teresaf - posted on 09/17/2013

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OMG you hit the nail on the head!! I feel the exact same way with my daughter who is 11 and diagnosed ADHD/ODD. Every second of everyday is a challenge. Your post made me realize that I am not alone. I am a single mom and I have a younger daughter who is 4. My eldest has not only attacked me but her as well. I am at wits end lately. Going on Anxiety meds this week. Starting to feel as though my only option is residential care.

Mika - posted on 08/22/2013

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Hi. there i have 4 kids my son who has been diagnosed with (mr) mental retardation.I have a boyfriend who does not live with me but we where talking about buying a home im scared though.My son is a good athlete plays football other people look at him like hes normal but when he at home im scared he going to hurt someone.My family gets mad cause they say my boyfriend soppose to be a man and help me raise my kids but im scared my boyfriend will hurt my son or my son will hurt my boyfriend i dont want to be apart of that kind of family .Im so fed up i just dont think i will be able to care for my 17 yr old i want to put him in a group home or something but im scared someone will raoe him or not take care him like i will then i dont want him home because i feel i will never be happy im 37 i dont want to be alone when i get older

Zenovia - posted on 06/18/2013

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Sometimes I would call another Mom who understood from the bathroom if necessary. Made a point of finding someone to give me an outing once a week. When she was in school I would take myself out for coffee and a good book. Just write down a bunch of things and see what would work. There were times I would just go. Outside, sit and stare at thee sky.

Rhonda - posted on 06/18/2013

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That sounds like me writing that everything you say. My question is what do you do when you get so over wehlemed???

Zenovia - posted on 06/17/2013

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You ARE NOT a failure. Never forget that. No matter what you are doing the best you can. It does get better eventually, just make sure and find a way to always put yourself first by taking care of you and not sharing in your child's crises. I have learned that even with mental illness we can still hold them responsible and not "take on" the crises they create.

User - posted on 04/15/2013

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I understand everything all of you are writing. I can't take it anymore either.

My daughter is 5 years-old. In addition to having ADHD, she has epilepsy, and a developmental speech delay.

She is on a medication that causes Keprra rage; so in addition to having all of the aforementioned issues, she is angry...most of the time.

I'm also a recently divorced single mom.

I just can't do this anymore...

Kristine - posted on 03/18/2013

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I feel the same way. I am the mother of 4 boys. My oldest has a visual disability and ADD, my 8 year old has severe ADHD and we are currently looking into other issues he may have. My youngest two just copy their brothers behaviors. My house is chaos. We go to individual therapy but the behaviors of the boys make it hard for us to do anything fun. I feel like a failure as a mother.

Michele - posted on 01/14/2013

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I have an 8 year old son who was dx at age 4 w adhd and bipolar.. I knew when he was born he was different because i have 2 older children.. His dad has bipolar and i have been dx w bipolar also.. I feel just like u do at times. I am raising him alone. My other 2 children r grown. I feel like u do too like being married to a drunk. Always walking on eggshells...very difficult at times because of my own illness and i am 46. Being a little older doesnt help either! My family dont understand

User - posted on 01/02/2013

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You are not alone..and I quess neither am I. I have 4 children and 2 of them are ADHD. I have struggled with my 11yr old since he was 5 years old when he can't control his anger have hard time with school teachers homework etc. Now my baby who is 3 years old too is on boderline ADHD he can't control his anger he takes his clothes off shoes hits me in public slaps me pinches me but he cannot be apart from me. I have to keep watching him because he is aalways into something either escaping home, making a mess and have to keep anything harmful away because he will intake anything. I can't seem to find my way out. I ask god for a lot of patience. I sometimes want to quit too. Being a single parent and the father not being around to help is very difficult. I know they love me dearly they are very lovable children with a big heart. They just have these bad moments which is an everday thing. But I am all they have. Can't quit on them.

Melissa - posted on 09/16/2012

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Just so everyone knows my son is now 8 in grade 3 has a teachers aid doing really well in school he's now on a pill called biphenten in which helps tremendously with his over activeness he now has a sister who's 2.5 they fight a lot but he cares tremendously about her and always making sure she doesn't get hurt. Thisedication has stopped him from

Hurting people he can focus much better he's very good with Legos and drawing he is still a bit saucy and talks back but he gets out of it right away so there's hope try getting her on that medication and good luck

Carol - posted on 09/15/2012

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wow..."I am lost. I am a stong person.. but over time i have lost alot patience,willpower,i am weaker then before, and i am hurt by the things he says to me on a daily basis. I just want to runaway too.. I feel what ur feelin. I just dont know. I will end up being alone, I dont know but I feel that is where it will lead and i will just break and lose it all. I cant do this alone. I just cant anymore.. *crying* I give hime everything and he just keeps disrespecting me more.. and then he will be nice and then once he gets what he wants he is awful and defiant all over again.,. "



I could've wrote that. I hope things have worked out since your last post.

Carol - posted on 09/15/2012

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I had just hit the back browser from a previous google search when I saw a few words from your title ... "I feel like a horrible mother, calls me a fat f***in bitch. The page was already gone, but I had to click back to read the story. So here I am now a registered user. The story is so familiar. My son is 21 now and the histrionics seem worse now than when he was a kid. I don't even have the time to go into his drama king ways, but I just wanted to say I feel you on this. I've felt the same way. I love my son and only child to death, but he really leaves me feeling like I don't like him much alot. And i feel bad for feeling that way. No one should have the right to abuse another, no matter the relationship. I don't have a bf or husband because I don't put up with stuff like that, and it boggles my mind that I tolerate it from my own child because I don't choose to disown him and I don't quite know how to draw the line since he refuses to grow up and earn a living wage capable to keep him living independently on his own. He's been working since he was 15 years old and I helped him get his credit started so he' have ease in his life, but instead he started job hopping after high school, partly because of his lifestyle and lack of respect for anything structured. Now the credit is destroyed and he finally has a part time job with a good company and I hope he holds onto it until he gets more hours. He knows right from wrong, but he just seems to feel that I'll always be there to pick up the pieces and make things right after he kicks me in the teeth over and over again. In a recent argument, he suggested that I wasn't as slim as I think I am, too. and I thought it was funny since I'm only a size 10 in my mid-life. but anything to be insulting. I think that one was lost on me cuz I could only find humor in it. he was really reaching for straws. hmn what can i say to hurt her feelings? he should've known me better by now that I don't have a fat complex., LOL!!! But it made great fb humor for the day, which made me feel a lot better. I think is attempt to insult and humiliate me back-fired that time. I'm glad I found this group because I've been thinking of forming a group in my local community for some time now, but now i've found one online. Stay strong and hang in there. I'm sorry I can't give any better advice on the subject. Just that you're not alone.

Roberta - posted on 09/10/2012

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It certainly sounds like you need some respite. Your # 1 priority needs to be taking care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself you burn out and then you can't take care of anyone. You are not a bad mom by any means and I think your concerns are valid. If you find the physical abuse to yourself or to siblings is increasing you may have to look at placing her in a home with others with the same problems to keep everyone safe, including her. That doesn't mean you don't love her or that you are abandoning her as you would still be very much involved in her life. You wouldn't want her to have to live with the aftermath should she lose control. If you have any support groups in your area you may find their support very beneficial. You may want to get a second opinion on the physical violence. What you don't love is not your daughter but her behaviours, you can love someone and not want to be around them. Many parents just walk away from difficult children but it sounds to me like you are seeking answers to help her and the whole family. That is a sign of a good mother, don't give up on yourself. If nothing else get some respite, you need the break and probably the siblings do as well. All the best to you and your family.

Jenny - posted on 09/05/2012

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It sounds like you're giving yourself a hard time - kids don't come with an instruction manual and they're all completely different. As mum's, we've all been in the same situation. I have 3 kids too and you can't split yourself in to 3 pieces. You sound like you need someone to speak to, can't you speak to the psychiatrist/psychologist?.

Adrienne - posted on 08/06/2012

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you are definitly not alone, i can relate in my own way to what you are going through. my son is adhd/anxiety/ocd. we are trying to find the right medication for him, and it has been really tough. he has been acting out so badly, so he is always getting yelled at/privileges being taken away etc. then i feel guilty and horrible for always yelling at him but what am i supposed to do? he pushes and pushes. it is extremely tiring, i know. sometimes i feel like i just want to run away and not deal. i know i cant and wouldnt of course but it is mentally and emotianally physically exhausting. its like all you want is for your kid to be happy healthy a good person...is it really too much to ask? im rambling, as you can see you are not alone, being a mom is the hardest thing in the world and add a child with issues forget it . hang in there :)

Mary - posted on 07/31/2012

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I totally get how you feel. I have to say that I don't blame you. I have an adult daughter who was and still is extremely difficult. She seems to hold the power in all relationships because she will flip out if anyone challenges her. She does not live with me and will never live with me again. I am on the brink of cutting off all ties with her because it never ends and I am tired of feeling like her prey.

User - posted on 07/21/2012

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hey my son is four and has recently been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. And your the first person i've heard say there kid has it. he was misdiagnosed several times. Are there why medications you know of? i'm on the edge.

Zenovia - posted on 07/15/2012

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I don't know where you live but have you asked your sons doctor for support groups for parents facing what you are? I also know BILY (Because I love you) helped me and the Dr.Lehman materials. Take care of yourself because you must in order to help yoirself and your family. My husband left because he couldn't take it. Now I am on my own but doing better than I ever dreamed possible. She is 14 and we have really had a lot of success the last 5 months. Remember you ARE. Number 1.

Angela - posted on 07/15/2012

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My son is 6 and diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. I have two other children who are getting the bad end of the stick because of my constant dealing with him. I can not take it anymore. I am at my wits end. Where can I send him what can I do? I need a break from him but need to know he is safe too. What can I do? Someone PLEASE help me!!!!

Eileen - posted on 08/26/2011

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thank you so much I live in the US in PA in the country, not a single stop light for 40 miles radius...lol I will look into that Bily group, I wrote it down. I read your post then told my husband & then read it to my husband, I got 1/2 way thro it & started to cry..I kept reading it as he hugged me...He says he is interested in reading more on this community...I have been telling him everything I read on here etc, it does make a difference to realize you are not the only person dealing with this & others have been there done that & can help us...Thank you so much!

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