I feel like a horrible mother because I can't take my child's behaviour anymore

Teri - posted on 04/15/2013

I understand everything all of you are writing. I can't take it anymore either.

My daughter is 5 years-old. In addition to having ADHD, she has epilepsy, and a developmental speech delay.

She is on a medication that causes Keprra rage; so in addition to having all of the aforementioned issues, she is angry...most of the time.

I'm also a recently divorced single mom.

I just can't do this anymore...

Kristine - posted on 03/18/2013

I feel the same way. I am the mother of 4 boys. My oldest has a visual disability and ADD, my 8 year old has severe ADHD and we are currently looking into other issues he may have. My youngest two just copy their brothers behaviors. My house is chaos. We go to individual therapy but the behaviors of the boys make it hard for us to do anything fun. I feel like a failure as a mother.

Michele - posted on 01/14/2013

I have an 8 year old son who was dx at age 4 w adhd and bipolar.. I knew when he was born he was different because i have 2 older children.. His dad has bipolar and i have been dx w bipolar also.. I feel just like u do at times. I am raising him alone. My other 2 children r grown. I feel like u do too like being married to a drunk. Always walking on eggshells...very difficult at times because of my own illness and i am 46. Being a little older doesnt help either! My family dont understand

Erica - posted on 01/02/2013

You are not alone..and I quess neither am I. I have 4 children and 2 of them are ADHD. I have struggled with my 11yr old since he was 5 years old when he can't control his anger have hard time with school teachers homework etc. Now my baby who is 3 years old too is on boderline ADHD he can't control his anger he takes his clothes off shoes hits me in public slaps me pinches me but he cannot be apart from me. I have to keep watching him because he is aalways into something either escaping home, making a mess and have to keep anything harmful away because he will intake anything. I can't seem to find my way out. I ask god for a lot of patience. I sometimes want to quit too. Being a single parent and the father not being around to help is very difficult. I know they love me dearly they are very lovable children with a big heart. They just have these bad moments which is an everday thing. But I am all they have. Can't quit on them.

Melissa - posted on 09/16/2012

Just so everyone knows my son is now 8 in grade 3 has a teachers aid doing really well in school he's now on a pill called biphenten in which helps tremendously with his over activeness he now has a sister who's 2.5 they fight a lot but he cares tremendously about her and always making sure she doesn't get hurt. Thisedication has stopped him from

Hurting people he can focus much better he's very good with Legos and drawing he is still a bit saucy and talks back but he gets out of it right away so there's hope try getting her on that medication and good luck

Carol - posted on 09/15/2012

wow..."I am lost. I am a stong person.. but over time i have lost alot patience,willpower,i am weaker then before, and i am hurt by the things he says to me on a daily basis. I just want to runaway too.. I feel what ur feelin. I just dont know. I will end up being alone, I dont know but I feel that is where it will lead and i will just break and lose it all. I cant do this alone. I just cant anymore.. *crying* I give hime everything and he just keeps disrespecting me more.. and then he will be nice and then once he gets what he wants he is awful and defiant all over again.,. "



I could've wrote that. I hope things have worked out since your last post.

Carol - posted on 09/15/2012

I had just hit the back browser from a previous google search when I saw a few words from your title ... "I feel like a horrible mother, calls me a fat f***in bitch. The page was already gone, but I had to click back to read the story. So here I am now a registered user. The story is so familiar. My son is 21 now and the histrionics seem worse now than when he was a kid. I don't even have the time to go into his drama king ways, but I just wanted to say I feel you on this. I've felt the same way. I love my son and only child to death, but he really leaves me feeling like I don't like him much alot. And i feel bad for feeling that way. No one should have the right to abuse another, no matter the relationship. I don't have a bf or husband because I don't put up with stuff like that, and it boggles my mind that I tolerate it from my own child because I don't choose to disown him and I don't quite know how to draw the line since he refuses to grow up and earn a living wage capable to keep him living independently on his own. He's been working since he was 15 years old and I helped him get his credit started so he' have ease in his life, but instead he started job hopping after high school, partly because of his lifestyle and lack of respect for anything structured. Now the credit is destroyed and he finally has a part time job with a good company and I hope he holds onto it until he gets more hours. He knows right from wrong, but he just seems to feel that I'll always be there to pick up the pieces and make things right after he kicks me in the teeth over and over again. In a recent argument, he suggested that I wasn't as slim as I think I am, too. and I thought it was funny since I'm only a size 10 in my mid-life. but anything to be insulting. I think that one was lost on me cuz I could only find humor in it. he was really reaching for straws. hmn what can i say to hurt her feelings? he should've known me better by now that I don't have a fat complex., LOL!!! But it made great fb humor for the day, which made me feel a lot better. I think is attempt to insult and humiliate me back-fired that time. I'm glad I found this group because I've been thinking of forming a group in my local community for some time now, but now i've found one online. Stay strong and hang in there. I'm sorry I can't give any better advice on the subject. Just that you're not alone.

Roberta - posted on 09/10/2012

It certainly sounds like you need some respite. Your # 1 priority needs to be taking care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself you burn out and then you can't take care of anyone. You are not a bad mom by any means and I think your concerns are valid. If you find the physical abuse to yourself or to siblings is increasing you may have to look at placing her in a home with others with the same problems to keep everyone safe, including her. That doesn't mean you don't love her or that you are abandoning her as you would still be very much involved in her life. You wouldn't want her to have to live with the aftermath should she lose control. If you have any support groups in your area you may find their support very beneficial. You may want to get a second opinion on the physical violence. What you don't love is not your daughter but her behaviours, you can love someone and not want to be around them. Many parents just walk away from difficult children but it sounds to me like you are seeking answers to help her and the whole family. That is a sign of a good mother, don't give up on yourself. If nothing else get some respite, you need the break and probably the siblings do as well. All the best to you and your family.

Jenny - posted on 09/05/2012

It sounds like you're giving yourself a hard time - kids don't come with an instruction manual and they're all completely different. As mum's, we've all been in the same situation. I have 3 kids too and you can't split yourself in to 3 pieces. You sound like you need someone to speak to, can't you speak to the psychiatrist/psychologist?.

Adrienne - posted on 08/06/2012

you are definitly not alone, i can relate in my own way to what you are going through. my son is adhd/anxiety/ocd. we are trying to find the right medication for him, and it has been really tough. he has been acting out so badly, so he is always getting yelled at/privileges being taken away etc. then i feel guilty and horrible for always yelling at him but what am i supposed to do? he pushes and pushes. it is extremely tiring, i know. sometimes i feel like i just want to run away and not deal. i know i cant and wouldnt of course but it is mentally and emotianally physically exhausting. its like all you want is for your kid to be happy healthy a good person...is it really too much to ask? im rambling, as you can see you are not alone, being a mom is the hardest thing in the world and add a child with issues forget it . hang in there :)

Mary - posted on 07/31/2012

I totally get how you feel. I have to say that I don't blame you. I have an adult daughter who was and still is extremely difficult. She seems to hold the power in all relationships because she will flip out if anyone challenges her. She does not live with me and will never live with me again. I am on the brink of cutting off all ties with her because it never ends and I am tired of feeling like her prey.

Khrystal - posted on 07/21/2012

hey my son is four and has recently been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. And your the first person i've heard say there kid has it. he was misdiagnosed several times. Are there why medications you know of? i'm on the edge.

Zenovia - posted on 07/15/2012

I don't know where you live but have you asked your sons doctor for support groups for parents facing what you are? I also know BILY (Because I love you) helped me and the Dr.Lehman materials. Take care of yourself because you must in order to help yoirself and your family. My husband left because he couldn't take it. Now I am on my own but doing better than I ever dreamed possible. She is 14 and we have really had a lot of success the last 5 months. Remember you ARE. Number 1.

Angela - posted on 07/15/2012

My son is 6 and diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. I have two other children who are getting the bad end of the stick because of my constant dealing with him. I can not take it anymore. I am at my wits end. Where can I send him what can I do? I need a break from him but need to know he is safe too. What can I do? Someone PLEASE help me!!!!

Eileen - posted on 08/26/2011

thank you so much I live in the US in PA in the country, not a single stop light for 40 miles radius...lol I will look into that Bily group, I wrote it down. I read your post then told my husband & then read it to my husband, I got 1/2 way thro it & started to cry..I kept reading it as he hugged me...He says he is interested in reading more on this community...I have been telling him everything I read on here etc, it does make a difference to realize you are not the only person dealing with this & others have been there done that & can help us...Thank you so much!

Zenovia - posted on 08/26/2011

Thank you Eileen, yes I am feeling better now, got help for myself, my child. I am on medication and see a psychologist. I have also learned that even if she is having a bad time, if I have plans I keep them as long as the caregiver (motherinlaw) or husband know what to expect and how to deal with it. I also always take a cell phone just for my comfort because if they can't handle something they can call me for advise. Respite is something you can get and it is through the hospitals or care places and they are trained professionals who deal with autistic and others all the time and they come take care of the child or the child goes to them for the weekend or overnight or a day just to let you have some time and/or for you and your husband to get away. I could never qualify for this because my daughter's issues were not firmly diagnosed but I know others who used it and swear it was what kept them sane. Also when we are worn out we are not lazy we are just too exhausted to push anymore. That is nothing to be upset or call ourselves names like lazy. We are good busy moms. Keep looking for a therapist you connect with and if you are in the US look for a BILY parent support group near you. Some of the children in my daughter's treatment facility lived 2-4 hours away and it was tough for their parents but they still found really positive changes by having their children treated daily. Love yourself, ask for help, keep us posted because at the minimum, this place cares and we have been there. Sometimes just unburdening can feel like a good start. I also felt very alone when things were terrible and I was shocked afterwards at how many parents are stuggling like we are in silence and behind closed doors. When I first made my post last year, I really did take a shot in the dark because I was feeling totally and completely alone as I never knew anyone whose children weren't "great". What we don't know is what is happening behind the closed doors. Take care, post to me anytime...if we share our strength our children will be okay and so will we.

Eileen - posted on 08/26/2011

Zenovia, thank you for responding, I felt a lil dumb responding after I seen it was an older post but it popped up off to the side & I was drawn to your story. It is funny bc that is what I did when Braydon was 3. My niece who is raised by my in laws a couple doors up (but never leaves my house...lol) was a CYS case bc of her selfish parents, so they were already coming to my house to make sure my niece was adjusting...I opened up to them & like you said the ball started rolling, In the end I even had a autism advocate fight for him to be accepted into headstart (they lied abt the % of disabled children already in class, I live in a small town out in the country, so I know the kids accepted, we won) I have every program there is up to 200 miles away for Braydon. He is 7 now. I am scared to send him to a hospital bc I will miss him (we do bond in between the torture) also they gave me 3 options of where I could of sent him, 2 are a couple hrs away & one is 45 mins away near where we grocery shop anyways..They gave me all the info & then said that they dont like the hospital that is closest, they would rather we took him to the other ones...Then why even give me the info, b4 they said that I was on the fence bc it was close..Then I have a friend who adopted abusives sibblings all under 3 & the oldest is very violent & she has him in everything available & even sent him to the hospital I was told isnt good. She told me her son was even worse when he came back, now she is looking at placement for him...I am scared & dont want to go down that road. I need to take care of myself more, I go to a phycologist (sp) & take meds & use to go to therapy til she left & a new one took her place that I didnt feel comfortable with. I know I need to talk to someone & get fresh idea on coping & such. I havent got myself all the help that is available, I know. Just the other day I picked up a pamplet at my drs called Heart to Heart...It has a meeting place 30 mins away, activities & online help too...I have to look into it & force myself to get more help...I have became lazy abt it & rather just deal alone. Family & friends always say I am a great mom & such & my nieces & nephews are always here or begging to be here bc I play with them & enjoy them. I want it to be less of a hassle everything that involves him...Like I said he is very sweet too & shows me lots of love, as much as he shows that hate...I PLAN to get more help for myself b4 I would consider sending him off. The thing is that the last few yrs ppl can count on me to back out last min...My life depends on his behavior, if he is having a bad day, I cant bring myself to leave him with my mom in law...even if Hubby is going to stay home so I can go do something, I wont go if Braydon is having a bad day esp when he throw around death to me. I need to stop doing that, I know...So I am telling myself & you all help me so much, that I have to get more help...What is respite? I was told abt it yrs ago but I dont remember all the details, is it a train professional that will babysit for you to get away? Is there a set amount of hrs etc? My kids & nieces & nephews all mean the world to me. Being a good mom & a great aunt is very important to me...But I am not at 100% like I once was...I know I lost interest in lots of things, esp friends & a social life...My friends now are my husband's girl cousins who I love but there's only 2...I miss who I use to be, I miss even having life changing goals other than pushing myself thro most of the day...Is that how you felt? And it got better? Now this week I get his evual from Achievement center & they added ODD, I dont know abt treatment or therapy abt it just yet, I kinda feel like he is just going to be ODD & I have to deal with it...Ive only known a couple days so lots to learn Im sure...Thank you so much for sharing...My husband is so laid back I have to poke him sometimes to make sure he is ok, lol...He is very level headed & a goof at the same time...We go to each other (more so me to him) for support. He too thinks at times that the drs are careless & just label kids whatever but he also believes in some of the drs & therapies Braydon gets..He helps out A LOT, pharmacy, dr app, school meetings etc, he does just as much as me & he can keep himself together better too. But me, when its been real bad then I am grumpy to him & he lets me blow it off & he waits for me to calm down..He really is a saint...I dont know where I would be without him, he is the only person I trust & believe in...His family are all good, loving, caring & supportive, the opposite of my "family" I know I am soooo lucky to find him & his family...sry I am going on too much. Thank you for your reply, I will use all your advice & I hope we can continue to talk...I never belonged to these boards b4, its not even been a month & I am so shocked at how I am not alone, ppl experience the same as me & my feeling arent evil...Why did I wait so long, I hope this is a stepping stone to better mental health for me...thank you so much... ♥

Zenovia - posted on 08/26/2011

@Eileen I feel for you. It is hard to let a child go. When mine went into a treatment facility I thought I was terrible but it helped her and our family immensely. You see, I still was involved with her, there was counselling and therapy for all of us and there was a strengthening and calming respite from the turmoil. They helped me realize that because I was so worn down I couldn't be a good mom no matter how hard I tried. They taught me that in order to take care of my daughter and my family, I needed to take care of me and I wasn't doing that as a result of her issues. I don't know where you are or what access you may have to help and respite but the only way I finally got help for my daughter was to tell Child health services (social services) that I was unable to cope. Suddenly wheels started moving and she was on a wait list and within 2 months she was approvied and went for orientation and within 6 months she was in the facility. She has only been discharged since August 12 but our lives are different. Not perfect but different. They helped me learn her uniqueness and develop discipline and coping techniques that would work for her and they did. By seeing her every day, by having her in therapy every day and in group with her peers, along with schooling etc., she has in 6 months changed dramatically. She still gets angry but she walks away, doesn't threaten me, is not physical and after she calms down apologizes. This all from a child that was completely uncontrollable. I also learned that I am entitled to boundaries and the more I enforce the boundaries and make her feel safe with my authority, the more positive her response. It got worse before it got better but it's much better. She will never be like other kids, but our love relationship is renewed, she talks to me now, states her needs and knows that I mean what I say so the struggle no longer exists. I was a good parent before and I am now...I was just worn down and abused and the treatment facility helped me get my strength back as well as helping her see how her behaviour contributed to the breakdown in our family. My husband...that's another issue not for this forum but he couldn't cope with the changes and his guilt so he is doing his own struggle apart from us. I pray he gets the help he needs as we still love each other but his pain is not something I can help with now and has alot to do with his childhood. I think seeing how transformative my daughter's help and mine was messed him up as he never really thought highly of the mental health professionals and the work they did. One thing they did teach me and I WANT TO SHARE WITH ALL OF YOU...In a plane, you need to put the oxegen mask over your own face then help those that your are responsible for...MAKE SURE AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES because no one will take care of you and if you don't, you won't be there to continue to love and take care of the children that so badly need us despite how hard they try to push us away. Luv to all ♥♥♥

Eileen - posted on 08/25/2011

My 7 yr old has autism, adhd, epilepsy & ODD...He picks on me & enjoys it. But he is as sweet as mean 30% of the time. I go thro what you do except the career thing is different, if I take away a toy for punishment (he's obsessed with heavy machinery, construction) or wont buy another toy or one of his impossible demands he tells me Im going to die soon & he will get it then or he says "Im going to kill u up to god" I feel like you more than not. I was abandoned & abused as a child & 36 yrs later I am still dealing w/ it. I will day dream abt whole different life but I know I could never abandon him bc I know how bad it hurts. Sometimes I get so sad thinking my childhood was horrible & now this? But I just came to realize that as hard as it was for me as a child I was being prepared for my son. I would never leave him, abuse him or anything that was done to me. It is unfair to me I feel but I am a tough person (who cries everyday multi times bc of my son). I have a lot of fight in me. What I am trying to say is I know how u feel, I feel that way often. I search my soul for reasons all the time. My dad replied after I said to him "why me? I took care of myself while pregnant, there are moms who dont & their kids are fine! its not fair" Dad said " you got Braydon bc you will take care of him, those other mothers wouldnt" sometimes that helps. I had the worlds worst evil mother in the world & I can say I feel like a bad mom when I want to run away from it all. I have a awesome husband, some friends & this group to remind me how good I really am...Im sure you are too! I have 2 older children & their lives are turned upside bc of Braydon often, we talk abt it a lot & I hope I am doing my best with them. Its hard, there is no easy fix. Braydon threatened his BSC a couple months ago in detail abt him sending her to god & she said he should be sent to a hospital for like a week to be evaluated to get a better grip. Braydon's dr didnt agree & it scared me to have him gone when it came right down to it. Is that a possibility for you? Its has to be soooooo hard for you...I dont have any answers just that I can relate...I always ask myself when I think "thats it, Im done I give up" well now what? life goes on, bedtime comes & goes & muddle thro another day praying its better...I sit by my lil pond I dug & look at my flowers & watch the frogs for my get away...but you need much more...I know its impossible but try to get a break as much as possible from her, you are only human, no one could handle what you are going thro & I think if you need to space yourself then do it, you are doing everything you can & you are protecting & raising her like a good parent, excellent even, I would break down a lil & secretly look into this acting stuff. Maybe its what she needs in some odd way...IDK, just a suggestion...Im sure you have thought abt already...I use the backhoes etc as discipline examples for Braydon, not that it always works but it does often...you are in my prayers & I am here anytime...♥

Zenovia - posted on 08/19/2011

I want to thank all of you for your support. Just so u know as an update my daughter has been in an in house treatment facility for the last 6 months. She is now on antidepressants, she is happier and NEVER fights physically and we have a relationship finally. She will always be dramatic but its okay. Also my husband has moved out so the yelling in our house and stress is way way down...your comments kept me going some days thank you all

Crystal - posted on 08/14/2011

Hi I am 27 yrs old and I am single parent but have been engaged for bout 3 yrs now..not the father of my two children or my son the one I am bout to share with you.. he is 9 yrs old. He was diagnosed with adhd/depression. This last couple of years he has been hospitalized and in a day treatment center to help with coping skills. I seen him worked progress but when it seems it got better it seems to feel it has got worse.. I dont know what I did.. he was diagnosed when he was 5 1/2 years old. Now at 9 yrs they have added ODD to his list of mental health disorders. I have Anxiety and now so doesnt he .. I have depression so doesnt he.. I try to analyze all these things in my head try to find what I did wrong and why my son has these problems and then I tend to guilt myself more and more and friend i thought were friends guilt me more sayin i dont discipline him enough by spanking. I have spanked him when he was 5 and 6 and it didnt work it would just get worse and they would say, obiviously your not doing something right or ur just letting his get off easy.. But like I said so many times to family and friends.. if you could just walk in my shoes for a month it would make you feel u went threw a year of abuse..Lying,vindictive,blaming others,sayin he will call the cops on me ,munipulative, being mean to his sister, teasing her, pushing her and she is only 3 yrs old. He tends to also exaggerate the situation that he never does anything wrong and that it is someone elses fault and before I met My fiance.. I felt I would always be alone and no one would want to be with me. Who would understand his disorders and his tantrums and disrespect as a troubled child. Without overracting bout things he does .. without nagging him and blamin him and knowin that he just needs love and coping skills. See I go from Positive to negative.. I feel at times I just want to get help and run away.. i feel there is no support.. even though my fiance and still stuck around I feel i am constantly arguing bout my son.. and he doesnt seem to get the whole picture.. and who wants to give a child the time of day when they say they hate you and bite you and hit you and threaten and call you names.. and so much more. My fiance has said to me he would leave a few times now and I am depressd even more to think he would of got it by now, and that I am tryin everything... and I been trying since he was 5 yrs.. and on my own alot of the time.. I feel not close to my son no more.. and it hurts me that are relationship is going down when it should only be going up and that I am scared.. he will only get worse..I have so many mixed emotions that I get frusterated.. becuz ppl intercept with there opinions and think they know what is best. I feel tired and exhausted at the end of each day. My daughter is teased constantly non stop. She is now learning the behaviors from her older brother.. so i have now two battles to deal with. and it seems it never ends. I dont know what to do anymore. I am lost. I am a stong person.. but over time i have lost alot patience,willpower,i am weaker then before, and i am hurt by the things he says to me on a daily basis. I just want to runaway too.. I feel what ur feelin. I just dont know. I will end up being alone, I dont know but I feel that is where it will lead and i will just break and lose it all. I cant do this alone. I just cant anymore.. *crying* I give hime everything and he just keeps disrespecting me more.. and then he will be nice and then once he gets what he wants he is awful and defiant all over again.,. his friends let me know how he is too. He is always blamin his sister and makin up stories and saying we always blame him. When we know he was the only one. We would set him up to point only to him and he still would deny he did anything. He wont admit to doing anything wrong. Things only he could do he blames either his friends or sister. I just need some others who understand where I am coming from.. no one else knows except me and i still feel all alone even when they think they know or just say they know.. cuz i dont beleive it no more. He loves music so i been tryin to work on his coping skills with him and he loves dancing.. becuz i have always sang and dance for my coping skills.

Colleen - posted on 06/13/2011

You are not alone. I love my son Jack but he can drive me bananas. He has ADHD and is now on Ritalin but I don't think it is the perfect fit for him. He is like your daughter and is very emotional and believes the world revolves around him. It is frustrating but you can be assured you are not the only parent on the planet that loves their child but hates their behavoir. If she is ADHD talk to a doctor about medicines to try. Sometimes for ODD they use a drug called Intuniv. I have not personally used it for any of my children so talking with your peditrician would be helpful to determine if it will work for her. I have had good results with Vyvanse for my older boys but they didn't have the emotional issues that Jack does. They just had to work on focus and impulse control.
I have 4 boys and Jack is sort of the middle child because my older boys are twins. He definitely seems to need more attention than the other three. Some things that I have tried with Jack are a special kind of hug. We call our hug "hugging it out" It makes something so simple seem special to him. The busier he is the better he is Outdoor play gets out a lot of emotion. Swimming, basketball and running sort of wear him out and make him calmer.
I was just saying to my husband the other day why do they always make motherhood sound so perfect? It is wonderful but it is also very hard. Kids can make you feel so good and at your wits end all in the same day. Hang in there.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/16/2011

sorry to hear about what your going threw have a son hes 8 and has development delays with adhd features of autism and sensory but he gets mad and angry at times where he would get mad punch himself and bits himself and if your in war zone you may get pinched or bit and sometimes get punched but seems like me and my older son which is 9 are his punching bags im sick and tired of being abused by my son hes 8 but loks like hes 5 and when ppl meet him dont think hes like that but so i understand what you mean and did she get worse as she got older i know how you feel and i sometimes wanna give up on him but hes my son and i love him brings me to tears when i say that out loud

Jessica - posted on 12/21/2010

I hadn't thought of this before, but I will be trying it out tomorrow. How long did it take for your son to accept the journal?

Eva - posted on 11/20/2010

www.livesinthebalance.org
Children with neuro-differences cannot respond as neurotypical children can to imposed adult will. If the child has the skill to respond they do. IF they don't they usually act as if someone had handed you a fork to paint the wall with. There is a method of handling challenging behavior from kids whos brains are underfunctioning in the regulatory areas. The ability to regulate Emotion, how much when how is how ADHD and ODD go together. ADHD causes ODD. ADHD a is very manageable! Given that they are unable not unwilling is the key mindset parents must convert to. A disability perspective is in order because children do well if they can, not if they want to. Please visit Dr R Greene site at www.livesinthebalance.org I know it is not 1-2-3 magic. Kids with challenges in development need a 50 year plan and specialized therapy to help them along the way. Please call 800-233-4050 or visit also www.help4adhd.org for current,correct and evidence-based treatment and information for ADHD.
You are not alone and you are a good mom.
Please don't loose sight of you in all of this.
You need support, CHADD has support groups throughout the country for parents. Essentially this is the missing piece of the treatment www.chadd.org
Hope this helps.

Dawn - posted on 11/12/2010

my son was like that for yrs, and I was told for yrs that he was strong willed it wasn't till I had him to a neurologist that they discover that he is tourettes and I have him on meds and haven't been hit since.

Pat - posted on 08/29/2010

hi zenovia i have just read your message sounds like u could use a friend right now,have you just ingore or for a little while when she does things,take the things she really likes of her and explain to her she cant do things like this.is she on meds?you are doing ur best if you need to talk either here or on facebook pat xx

Kate - posted on 08/09/2010

kids do these things because they are getting a response they thrive on the bite, the love to fight and argue best medicine ignore what you can learn the bear hug hold until they calm an stop hitting or throwing things have an isolation time out room like laundry or bathroom, make sure its safe for them not to self harm and only speak after they have calmed down and use very few words make them simple straight to the point, this has significantly helped my phyco son lol (phyco) give nooo attention to it remove them without speaking, dont argue back bear hug kids don't behave that way unless they are getting something out of it it hard not to bite or argue i no but try it worth it. Pick an choose your battles make a list with your partner on what behaviours u will act on an how u will act on them consistency is the KEY do the same thing every single time do not budge keep your power stay in control IGNORE IGNORE KEEP YOUR COOL.

Julie - posted on 07/25/2010

Well, to be honest, I think your daughter needs a lot of help. I don't think you can do this alone. It is interesting that your husband tells you not to give up on her, but what is he doing to help you, help her? Is he giving you breaks when you have had enough and need a break. I don't think you are the problem at all. I think like I said before your daughter needs major help, a couselor/psycharist, she also needs a doctor who totally understnads the ADHD and the compulsive behaviors she is having. You say she is on medication, but it seems as her behavior is not getting better, you need to protect your other children & yourself...so I would seek some major help, maybe a in house place, where they could help her away from the family for awhile. Just for a time being, to see what they can do to help her...I don't want you feeling more guilt if something happens to your other children. You are in a tough spot. You will be in my prayers, I will pray you find answers. Take Care.

Beth - posted on 06/10/2010

One thing you have to remember is you are not alone. Your daughter sounds a lot like my son at times. He has A.D.H.D. and O.D.D. I do not get the worse end of it though. My 14 year old daughter gets it. My son is 11 years old by the way. It takes a lot to deal with it all I know sometimes I think I am going insane. My daughter is Bipolar and has A.D.H.D. feel free if you need anyone to talk to message me. Maybe we can help each other or atleast try.

Angel - posted on 06/10/2010

i completely understand what you're feeling. when my son was first diagnosed a weight was lifted, because there was an actual reason for his behaviors. i started reading all i could to be more informed in the decisions that were going to be made for him and one of the first sites i went to started by saying that children with ADHD and other similar medical conditions are VERY hard to love. this to other mothers would seem like a horrible thing to say, let alone to feel. but that was exactly how i felt. as girls then women we are told of this magical feeling we will have towards our children. unfortunately that isnt always the case. i love my child, as i know all the other mothers here do as well, but i know we dont have the connection that we should have. my sons favorite thing to tell me when he doesnt like something is "you dont love me" i just tell him that i DO love him, i just dont LIKE him sometimes. i've also experienced the anger and aggression you mentioned. after being told he wasnt allowed to do something, my then 7 yr old went into the kitchen and took out a knife from the drawer and came after me. when asked by the doctor what he was going to do, he said he wanted me to die. that is a feeling that will stay with you for a long time. while we concentrate so much on our childs problems by getting them the right meds, understanding teachers, and doctors who listen to us not talk at us, i think one of the most important things we overlook is ourselves. as mothers we take so many things upon ourselves that we need an outlet. be it either professional or spiritual/religious. by association we too have a medical condition.

Peggy - posted on 05/06/2010

I feel like that sometimes too...I just dont know how to handle his behaviors anymore. My son is ADHD and ODD. He has only hit me once but he is a bully to his little brother..Im worried because we are having another baby in Sept.

Nichole - posted on 04/13/2010

i know my parents were at there wits end with me. nothing they did seemed to work. i'm sorry for all parents going threw this, i also feel sorry for the the kids. looking back i am so greatfull my parents never gave up on me. i wasn't as bad, but i did have my moments. like so many of you they felt trapped and powerless. as did/do i. i still struggle daily with these issues (im now 28) friendships are hard enough but when you have add/adhd and odd its much harder. i've had to learn to control my anger some days are worse than others. i find that im harder on myself than my parents ever were. we sometimes really have no clue what we do till after the fact. we just do there is no thinking invovled why that is i dont know. in another post i place in a similar forum, i stated that sometimes we have control and other we dont. it's like watching a horror movie, you know that if the person opens the door they will die, so you talk to the tv "dont open that dorr!" and not matter what you say they open the door. when i did something that i knew was wrong it was like just like that. i just couldn't stop no matter how badly i wanted to stop, i just couldn't. i know this isn't much help but please whatever you do dont give up on them. we will thank you for it one day. i have thanked my parents over and over again. and it has brought us closer together as a family. my relationship with my brother has gone form pure hate for him to the best friend i could ever have, he to also has adhd with odd.

i can already see the same patterns that i had as a child in both of my sons, and i have my work cut out for me. but i will do what i can for them just as my parents did for me.

Chantal - posted on 04/08/2010

I totally understand where you are!!I have a son who is Adhd/Odd and has sensory issues. There are times I feel alone at my wits end. I also at times feel like a horrible mom as well. I love my son so much he is 8 yrs old. he does some of the same things swearing, hitting , throws stuff at me. Today he through a soccer ball hard into my stomach. I got mad . I have done therapeutic horseback riding which has helped him immensely. Right now he is in a day behavioral treatment center. This is helping really well. Its a team of people and who are working together and I have support. He is learning coping skills, and how to manage with all the struggles he has. Odd is so hard to deal with. I have other children of which 1 has Adhd too! but no Odd..hes much cheerier. well take some time for yourself and a deep breath.

Melissa - posted on 04/07/2010

I don't think that anyone has a right or wrong way of dealing with children with add or adhd with comorphic components. Mainly because no one child acts the same even when diagnosed with the same disorder. My son was diagnoised at age 3 with adhd and odd but i knew months and months before that something was very wrong. He is now 17 and 8 mos(acts more like a 15 yr old). I have to say that i think most (all)parents of children like this have enormous guilt because not only do baby's not come with instrutions for most of us there just wasn't anyone talking about this issue or how to deal, cope survive ect. The one thing i think i did right is that i never let him see me feel sorry for him and i never let his issue be a excuse for any kind of behavior if he was good he got rewarded/praised if he was bad he got punished and i always apologize when i've overreacted i feel that's probably the most important thing to let them see that you can be bad also and sorry for how you handled something. As far as punishment went i must say i REALLY wish supernanny had been around then. After all they will be adults some day and they are going to have to figure out how to cope in the real world. So i've done a lot of standing over and redirecting and screaming and crying and basically letting him know that no matter what i was not going away, neither was he and that i love him enough to "nag" him 24/7 until i can start backing off on somethings when i see him doing them without my "nagging" and i have to say it's kinda like planting a seed and watering it and watering it and watering it lol you get the idea and one day you look and the most beautiful flower has appeared over night ( your son just said excuse me to the man he just bumped into when yesterday he wouldn't have even noticed he bumped into anyone) They are tiring and it is the hardest level of the job of being parents!! But there is a flip side to these children they are absolutely brilliant, funny, unique thinkers my son says "kids like me are going to change this world" amazing. My point is as hard as it is and as many mistakes as your going to make you have to try everyday to wake up to a new day start fresh not already pissed off because you know whats about to take place but have faith that it could be different or even just wake up and pretend you have amnesia i've done that it helps. One day you will slowly start to forgive yourself for anything you feel guilt about because as i've come to realize how where we suppose to know what to do when most days we are just reacting to whatever is put in front of us because there is just too much to get done in one day!! By the way it's ok for you take a vaction by youself in fact i highly recommend it. I did it once for two weeks (i was a single parents until last year and also have a 15 yr old daughter no issues w/ her except she's a teenager ha) and it was the best thing i ever did for myself. i didnt do anything just went to a friends summer house on the lake and did yoga and contemplated my life. If you can afford it do it. It's not the child that needs to get away it you and you'll find that you won't feel the same about your child afterward. p.s. the bonus is you can close your eyes after your back anytime you want and picture something from your vacation that was especially pleasing that really helps in moments of dire stress. Good luck and know that you are NOT ALONE!

Terri - posted on 03/31/2010

Zenovia, I wish I could be there to give you a hug! I have a now 25 yr old, who was diagnosed with ODD when she was 15. She was also diagnosed with ADHD in first grade. One thing I can tell you, that I learned in therapy is that it takes two to argue. It's really, really, hard, but you have to learn key phrases that will shut down the argument. We worked with a family therapist who told us to respond to "I hate you" with "I'm sorry you feel that way. I still love you" There were other phrases that we used as well that essentially let her know that we loved her, but not her behavior. One of my proudest moments came earlier this year when we were on a long drive together and she admitted that she really was a pill back then and that she was amazed that we were so patient with her. I told her that telling her I loved her was validation for both of us at the time, and that her therapist told me that someday we'd be friends. The therapist was right. We endured several years of her making seriously bad decisions, but we pushed through and she's a better person for it, and we're better parents!

Diane - posted on 03/28/2010

you are not alone. You are doing everything you possibly can. I have two girls that way. I feel the same way you did and people keep telling me thatI am doing everything right and I feel like I should be doing something more.

Krystal - posted on 03/27/2010

My son is both adhd and odd too! Sometimes I feel like I am at my breaking point but I have found that trying to redirect his anger to something else has helped some. We have a journal and when he gets angry I have him write down all his thoughts and feelings, then we can discuss them. This didn't help right at first but we have been doing it for a while now and it helps alot!

Claudette - posted on 02/26/2010

Dear Zenovia
You are not a bad mother. All I want to do is to take you in my arms and let you know that you are doing the best you can in this situation. I've felt like this with my own son and he doesn't have any of the medical issues your daughter has.
I would question the suggestions of your doctors in you spending more time with her. I would also have the medication checked to see if they are really working or if there isn't any side effects causing her outbursts.
But most of all, you need help, for yourself. You need some space and a place to breath. You are simply overwhelmed and exhausted. Expressing your thoughts and feelings is a start, but you also need to find time for self-care, if only it's 10 minutes a day.
I went into a depression for about 1 year when our family moved to another country. I was alone, I was raising two stepdaughters and my son and felt like no one cared what I thought or did. Then after a while, I started doing something just for me. I did yoga. It changed my entire perspective in life.
Find something that will inspire and motivate you. It could be something as simple as listening to your favorite music, or writing in a journal.
But just remember, you are a GREAT mom. This is a phase and it will get better eventully.
Claudette

Monifa - posted on 02/22/2010

I am feeling that way right now!!!!

Melissa - posted on 02/21/2010

hi, i know how you feel, and i hate when others tell me to spend more time or show more disipline, etc. I have a 5.5 year old son, he has adhd, oppositional defiency, and possibly ocd, and hes getting checked out for autism/asbergers, he is exactly like your child, he has hit me with rocks, over the back with a large speaker, he got kicked out of 2 day cares...one being in for 11 months, the other aftre 3 weeks, hes in grade primary, inwhich is suppose to be til 2:30 hes only in til 12:30 bc they cant handle him there. hes active, hes a saucy little brat, i spend time with him, and he does lose priveledges also, and also doesnt really learn from them.right now hes on a pill called dexadrine 15ml, he was on ritaline 10ml, and 20ml, riteline slowrelease, dexedrine 10ml, now 15ml, nothing seems to work. and before his pills kick in i dont want to be near him, hes loud, he doesnt stop, he doesnt be quiet, everything is NO I DONT HAVE TO. he screams and growls at me, the entire house and world has to revolve around him, if he wants a toy that someone else owns hell scream for it, he screams in the stores for things, i know hes only 5.5 but he doesnt act like a 5 year old, he acts more like 2. its very very frustrating...and i also have a 3 month old baby who was born nov 24th. anyway i have to tend to my kids, but i will me more than glad to chat again. just email me if youd like. either way you are not alone, i know how frustrating it is, im 25 years old, although age does not make a difference, but yeah. i live in cape breton, nova scotia, canada! also, keypointer: the first time my son got kicked out of the first day care it was the last month of me attending college so i had to find a sitter, then he got kicked out of the 2nd daycare ON the day i got accepted into my 2nd year, so im stuck with no college for a while, decided to have another child now so that when brandon IS situated in school properly hopefully sometime in the next year or 2, my daughter can get into a daycare and i can finish college. SIGH to us mommy's who have so many trouble with our kids, noone every understands and just tell us its our fault and we dont parent them right. ya right, NOT our fault at alll!!!

Dusty - posted on 02/14/2010

You're not a horrible mother for feeling the way that you do. I completely understand how you feel and what you're going through. After all that you have done for her and still are doing, it makes you a great mother! I know it's hard and I understand that it has been hard. Have you considered putting her in a home for kids that are like her. I'm not talking about sending her off or getting rid of her. I'm only suggesting something that will help her and you both. Some place where you can visit her and she can get better help with her situation. It is something that you may want to consider since you have been struggling with trying to get her help and under control. As a mom, I know it's hard but you have to think of what is best for the child. I have thought about doing something like that with my oldest son if he hadn't of calmed down over the years. Seriously I have. But I will keep you and your family in my prayers! I wish you and your family the best of luck! God Bless!

Ann - posted on 02/02/2010

Well, sounds to me like mom needs a break! Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves so we can take care of our kids! My son is ADHD and seems to be talking all the time. Sometimes I just need to get away for awhile. So take a deep breath and walk away for awhile everything will be there when you get back! Hang in there! Don't feel bad. You are doning the best you can. Blessings to you and your family.