Is it normal for ADHD children to lie, sneak food and take things that are not theirs?

Marrissa - posted on 06/02/2013

My 9year old son has Adhd with Ocd and general anxeity disorder. He has been on Adhd medcine since he was 5 years old. For most of his earlier years it has worked well. He's great at his grades in school, but recently his behavior has been off the wall, to the point of getting suspended from school. The first set of pills he takes in the morning 20mlg of Folcain xr, 15mlg of prozac, and 10mlg of Folcain. These are the pills taken first. Then he takes 15mlg of Foclain after school. Then he takes Trazadome with bendlry at bed time to sleep by 7p.m. he is a eating machine that dosen't feel full at all. He has been sneaking snacks and drinks and hiding them in his room lately and getting punished by a time out in the chair and sometimes a 8pm bedtime he also gets his ipad and ipod taken away. Yelling and spankens don't work with him. I don't know what else to do! My husband&I are so furstrated with his lying and sneaking food, it's stressing the whole family out. When his pills have wore off it's chaos. When his pill are working he is the sweetiest, helpful, polite boy. The punishment's aren't working because he will do the samething all over. Constantly trashing the house not picking up after his self, makes excuses and lazy. He's very anti social with other kids, He will try to put a guilt trip on you for being punished and will blame you things that are his fault. I'm so upset at his uncontrollable behavior lately. I just pray he will one day think about what he's doing instead of acting on impulse.

Faith - posted on 05/14/2013

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liki...

Faith - posted on 05/14/2013

Diona,

Tragically such miscommunications and misunderstandings can be quite be unfairly labeled as "lying", "untrustworthy", or "manipulative" or in other ways as negative throughout their lives. Yes, those with ADHD, like anyone else, can indeed be untruthful, manipulative, and intentionally misleading. But for those who struggle with ADHD, unfortunately their various processing issues can often be at the heart of their misleading communication problems.

The paragraph above is a quote from the article linked below. Read this article, it will help you understand that your daughter doesn't understand about her own lying.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liki...

Faith - posted on 05/14/2013

It seems that many parents here don't understand what is happening with their ADHD child and lying. I strongly suggest that you read this article. How you handle this issue can determine whether your child has a positive or negative outcome, whether you push them into a "not caring because I can never get it right" attitude or not. You have the power through understanding this illness to guide them into the best personal outcome they can achieve but you must have the will and the "want to."


Here is a quote from the article about "honest lies"

Tragically such miscommunications and misunderstandings can be quite be unfairly labeled as "lying", "untrustworthy", or "manipulative" or in other ways as negative throughout their lives. Yes, those with ADHD, like anyone else, can indeed be untruthful, manipulative, and intentionally misleading. But for those who struggle with ADHD, unfortunately their various processing issues can often be at the heart of their misleading communication problems.

Take the time to become informed so that you understand what is actually happening in your child's mind. Use this link to read the article.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liki...

Kit - posted on 05/05/2013

We too were at our end. We tried everything. Our son was on adhd meds and meds to sleep. After some research and many books later, we decided to feed him everything all natural. We do not give him anything artificial, especially dyes and sweeteners. It is not sugar! Red 40 is the worst. When our son eats or drinks anything with dyes he immediately becomes wild and beligerant. He becomes elated and begins to have delusions of grandeur and wants to buy everything. These effects can last for up to 2 days. His behavior normally is a little bouncy and he well, you know, adhd. Anyway, we can always tell if he's had anything from school or from friends. Its almost as if he has smoked crack if he eats junk food. He becomes totally unmanageable. Long story short, we have shared this to other friends and they tried it with amazing results. they are still amazed and are.so relieved. Try it. cut out junk food, you have nothing to lose. It sounds far fetched, but it definately worked for us. We are much happier.

Brittany - posted on 05/01/2013

First off it is nice to hear that others have to go through this as well. My son is 7 and he has been stealing from friends, neighbors, stores, strangers, and of course our household for the past 3 years. We have got locks for cabinets and combinations and believe it or not the child has cracked them! It is true that the spankens have not helped at all and I hold back from them as much as possible but sometimes it seems that, that is the only time when I get the proper response from him. I get mad at him and he looks at me like it is a joke. I cry and he ignores it. I am quietly talking one on one with him and he automatically cries. It seems to be getting worse as well. He is a tiny little thing gets very good servings and seconds when ever he asks. But the other night he got up after me and my husband went to sleep and ate an entire loaf of bread. He ways 40 pounds I have no clue where it went. But I need help I am at my last straw. he has been home schooled for the past year and a half because we are working on the meds. Right now we are on Triliptal for his anger problems clonidine for his sleeping (he wont sleep more then 5 hours with out it) and for his major ADHD symptoms we have him on Concerta. We meditate, we take things away, we yell, we spank, we ignore, we praise only good behavior. NOTHING WORKS. Any suggestions?

Michelle - posted on 04/09/2013

My youngest daughter is 10 1/2 years old and she is on Adderral and is bipolar as well and on meds for that too. Her appetite is insatiable all the time. SHe is on the highest doses of meds we can do and takes sleeping medicine to help keep her asleep at nioght. I hate having her on so much medication but its the only way she can function. Without it she would be in special education classes and out of control. I am having the same problem with lying and no remorse. The tears will flow how I should believe her but I just dont know how to deal with it. She has gotten into some trouble in the neighborhood and is always to blame for everything according to everyone else. I am very strict and supervise her very well but I am at a loss on how to deal with the dishonesty. It is embarrassing to me to always try to find a way to defend her . I feel like I am not on her side if I choose to believe the other people involved or she feels betrayed by me. I dont even know if she is lying to be honest because her friends have ADHD as well. My daughter has been the neighborhood scapegoat for three years. Please give me some advise. the lying is a big concern as the eating is not. I dont think its stealing for a child to eat food when they are hungry and I thinlk its shaming to make them feel like it is.

Jean - posted on 03/25/2013

I am not sure if this is the right place for me to be posting this but I wanted to share this article with Moms like me, who have an ADHD child. I should say had in my case. For so many years I felt it was my fault as a parent that my daughter had ADHD. I just read this article today and thought it was excellent information. I used neurofeedback playattention.com and my daughter is finishing it up and is moving on. It was a success for us. Check it out. http://www.sbwire.com/press-releases/dra...

YVONNE - posted on 03/23/2013

Try giving your child some Insure or a drink for people who need more nutrition. Sometimes this helps. Make fruit available to them on the counter so he can just go eat it when he feels hungry. Make sure at night you give him something filling before he goes to bed. Our grandson is ADHD wants to eat all the time in the evening and if we don't give him a lot to eat before bed he gets up and eats at night. When the Vyvance or whatever meds you have her on run their course for the day they will become hungry. Try that or a protein drink.

Faith - posted on 03/21/2013

My daughter is in the process now of getting evaluated for ADHD so she is not on meds as of yet but she already lies about everything. She will take food off her brothers plate when no one is looking.

YVONNE - posted on 03/19/2013

Is your son on medication of any kind? Our grandson is 12 and does the same thing. Lies and takes things usually food. The ADHD meds makes them very hungry when it wears off. Once you get him on the right dosage the stealing food will probably stop if you let him eat something real filling and a lot just before he goes to bed. It helped our grandson to stay in bed. Our grandson also had incontientence until he was about 10. The fact kids have this medical problem and some emotional problems is what caused the incontientence. Hang in there. If you can get him on some meds that work for him both of you will be happier. The lying may never stop. According to the peditrician I use had a child with the same problem and he says it is a product of the condition.

YVONNE - posted on 03/19/2013

My grandson is 12 and has been on several ADHD meds. He lies all the time. He never has any kind of remorse. The doctor tells us this is normal for kids on the mind altering drugs. It is very worry some for us. He is on a IEP program in school because he can not concentrate enough to get work done. We have had some problems with him taking things but nothing big just things like food, or he will take tools like screwdrivers things like that. Any one else have these problems?

Morgana - posted on 03/16/2013

Thanks so much this helped so much my 8 year old has been doing this lately he has adhd and I did not know there were others going through this to

Stacie - posted on 03/15/2013

My eight year old does this

Laura - posted on 03/02/2013

"Barb"--you are a genius. Thank you. People need to hear from you!!!

Laura - posted on 03/02/2013

Yes. They have no mechanism to aid in self-restraint, or that mechanism is impaired. The term ADHD is so common, people have no idea what is really happening in their brains. It's more about emotional control, impulses and outbursts than about attention. It can be ugly and can make you cry. Your child will seem like she's possessed ---sweet one moment, hateful the next. She needs lots of love and understanding but lots of boundaries. NO means NO, absolutely, everytime. My son has trouble letting go, like when we say turn off the video game or TV show...he melts down, hates everyone, wants to kill himself, etc...then within a few minutes when he regains his focus on something more pleasant-he's fine. LIke a small but horrible tornado, it's in your face then it's gone. Love her, hold her, prise her--and tell her NO when she needs it.
*****Spankings don't cure ADHD***** I promise you.

God bless!

Cheri - posted on 02/25/2013

I still have all that and my son is 19 now...I find he is better on his meds. I find when he is off he is not focused. As others need other meds to get them through a day such as high blood pressure and so on. Our kids need their meds too.

Melissa - posted on 02/17/2013

My son has been diagnosed with ADHD and learning disabilities (although I myself believe it's aspergers) and he's taken icecream out of the fridge for himself while I was putting his 3 year old sister to bed (he's 8) and he's not allowed in the fridge , he also lies as well as tells "stories" constantly . He's on biphentin Bc Ritalin, slow releases, and other meds didn't work out . He also is on valproic acid for siezures .

Stephanie - posted on 02/17/2013

Hello Diona,

My heart goes out to you for your concerns...
I have worked with many children with ADHD boys and girls as tutor or caregiver.
In my years of working with children, I found that kids (boys and girls) begin to lie or steel when they feel like they cannot get in control of the situation, emotions, lifestyle, peer acceptance and etc.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a grown woman... thinking back
I also, had my season of years where I made stories, taken things, broken things just so that I can figure out how things work, and sneak food (especially, sweets!)

It became a routine in our house where all the family members believed that I caused all the wrong doing... I was even blamed for what my siblings did
I was loud, I acted out on impulse, and I had no fear...

Now, my little girl, who is 7, shows my behaviors...
I cannot give treatment for ADHD because meds will trigger heart attack for her

there are days when I feel like I have failed as a mother...
there are days when I want to drop everything and CRY...

I made some ground rule for me to keep me going...

1. take things one day at a time (do not let past incidents overlap with today... that is probably how my child is thinking anyway)

2. Think outside the box ( lie-yes its bad, but how is my child using this "tool"? cry for help, seek attention, escape stressful reality, gain control or power?)

3. its okay to be a " broken record" after a "cool off time"
my initial response is fear followed by anger so, I walk away while I ask my child to clean up or try to fix the mess.. then once I am calm, I have a talk with my child (yes, I repeat same things over again and again)

hope this helps

Andrea - posted on 02/17/2013

OMG. I was so happy to read this post, just seeing how many Moms are experiencing the same thing. My son is 14 with severe ADHD. He us also Bi-Polar and was diagnosed with Autism last year. I have been experiencing These issues with him since he could walk and Talk. Thank you for helping me realize it may not be due to my lousy parenting.

Tamara - posted on 02/13/2013

Diona, Hi my name is Tammy and I understand what you are going thru. I have a 18 year old son that I have the same problems with. He lies, steals cheats, and every time I say something he always debts me know matter what it is about. For the longest time I thought that I was the inly on going thru this. I am like you I don't know what to do about this situation. If there is any one that know anything that we could do please let us know. I know that there are times that I want to pull my hair out because of this, and I feel that I have done something wrong as a mother.

Jessica - posted on 02/12/2013

oh my, I thought I was the only mother that had this kind of problem. My son who is 8 does exactly the same things. I feel like I repeat myself over and over about the same things. Telling him that if he just asked he could probably have the snack he is sneaking. sometimes I cry because I feel there is no change in him. I want him to strive to be better. He tells me all the time that he wants to make me proud and not get in trouble in school anymore. He is my one and only child and I can relate to all the moms that has a child with ADHD.

Kristine - posted on 02/11/2013

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one going threw this. I'm a single parent of three kids.. my son who's in the middle is 9 almost 10 has ADHD. He has been lying and stealing food for quite sometime. His answer is always I don't know... He also has accidents every night. It's very overwhelming to sit here and clean up after him everyday like he's a baby. Hard to focus on most anything else I have went Down to part time at work cause its affecting my other kids and my health.

Melony - posted on 01/14/2013

Michelle, I love the positive approach! Thanks for sharing!

Melony

Koko - posted on 11/26/2012

I am having the same problem but my child is on 7 sneaks food lies about it stays in trouble at school I just decided to put her in counseling it seems to be working so far along with the meds that she is on.

Fatima - posted on 11/21/2012

my son is 8yrs. old and he constantly lie and no emotion as if his hollow ? it's affecting the home and school.

Brianne - posted on 11/13/2012

I have that same problem with my son, I have tried and tried to talk to him about the lying and sneaking but nothing helps.

Jean - posted on 11/13/2012

My daughter is 8 and YES this behavior is typical so please, please do not put a guilt trip on yourself. As other posters have told you, I had the same problem: she would hide the food under her bed and then blame it on her brother which caused more pain within the family. I turned to the neurofeedback platform and have had total success. It's called Play Attention. I truly believe that ADD/ADHD is a neuro disorder that can be treated. The program basically shapes her behavior and allows her to focus and stay on task. Now, she can even have sleep-overs, she has friends! I am now using their latest program for adults because I really felt I needed something to help calm ME down and let me focus on her. Please view: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/266282... I tried the medication and didn't like the results but, each to his own. I am only offering you solace because I can tell from the tone of your post that you are totally your daughter's advocate. So the next time you start feeling the resentment or anger when she exhibits these behaviors just tell yourself: Don't give in and don't give up. It is so hard to step outside of the box when it is someone so dear to your heart. I commend you for reaching out, you are in the right circle of moms!

Danielle - posted on 11/12/2012

My 8 year old Son, diagnosed with ADHD since he was 5. He is underweight, has problems learning and sometimes runs around screaming.



We have had many challenges with behavior issues. But we BOTH go to therapy for the behavior issues. I think that has helped. Maybe you both should work together on this behavior..



Best of luck..

Melody - posted on 11/01/2012

My nephew is now 11 and as well has ADHD. My sister lives with my mom and i sit and listen to them tell the stories of him stealing food in the middle of the night and lieing as well. I have a son (13) as well with ADHD and although I do not have to deal with him stealing food at night I do have to deal with him having an anger issue at times and he gets very upset. I feel for all of us who have to deal with our AMAZING children who struggle with this as well. Hold on tight and enjoy the ride and continue to love them. Heres to hoping someday we will have answers to our childrens ADHD.

Deborah - posted on 11/01/2012

My son is grown. He was diagnosed with severe Dislexia and was in Resource classes through school. He has been in and out of trouble, used drugs, and I had the same problems with the sneaking food, overheating, lies about anything, and usually will admit it without acting as if he did anything wrong. He is easily talked into things and got on drugs, he also stoled money from me all through school. He has never acted like a normal child growing up. Did not talk alot,

only had friends when he had a car, but when that was taken away, the friends left. The teachers wanted to put him on Redlin when he was small, but I was afraid, because I did not know much about it. He was NOT a hyper child. In fact he moved very slow. He has never been motivated to do anything. Now he is grown and lives with his grandmother. He does not work, or have any intrest in it. I help my Mom financially, but she love him and wants him there with her. He cannot live with me, because when he is alone, then he steals from me. I am still lost and don't know what to do. I feel for anyone who is raising a child with this problem. I wish there was an answer, but I don't know it.

Andrew - posted on 11/01/2012

Hey Diona

Well theres no need to worry about that hun because ive a 17yr old boy whos a month from being 18 constantantly takes things from the house eats, takes things to his room and thinks the world evolves around him! and he does not have any problems physically or mentally.

He just took ... while the family want for a walk, he didnt want to come with us and was constantly whining about wanting to go with his mates out on halloween night but days prior he promised his 8yr old that he was coming for a scarey walk down the tree line at night with us all which he promised her .. she for some reason she looks up to him. So the 8yr old went to a childs halloween party in the day time and came back with a partyy bag and some sparklers. It was getting dark so we got ready and he decided to not come with us after promising his sister he`ll come. we returned back 1/2 hr later and he left as we walked through the door.

he left his sister only 2 spaklers out of 10 from the box and eat all her sweets from the party bag. This may be trivial in some eyes but after many years of things getting took and money being taken and the blatent lies and disrespect ... its just another happening..... Oh bye the way ITS NEVER HIM!! or so he keeps telling us. Weve tried to scare him with friend whos a policemen to come round .. didnt work. Weve sat and talked to him ... it never worked. Ive threatened to chuck him out ... but no matter what he does the wife will not let him leave the house hold. He`s aggressive when he talks .. you cant 100% rely on him so you cant ask him to do anything for the house like grass cutting or even keep his room tidy

I personaly dislike him soo much and he was my first born ... so thinking that we`ll have a strong good relationship and one day he`ll buy me his first legal pint at 18 in a pub and just have a social drink together... now i dont want that at all. I have no respect for him and wish he would just get up and say he`s leaving... but all i get of the wife is ... HES GOING NOWHERE!. I think if it wasnt for the other three children i would let her have him and i would go my merry way as she is a controlling woman sees what he is doing but shrugs her shoulders at him and just tells him off. I know he just shrugs back at her. I just want to beat him ... the disrespect and raising his voice above hers just makes my blood boil. All the other children dont go close to him in attitude

Ok rant over .. just to let you know your not alone after 3 years later from the original post haha...god what a life i lead its totally naff thank god for my other three kids who love to peices

Jeannine - posted on 10/22/2012

My son is the same, He lies and takes things from around the house that aren't his. He also takes Vyvance and also Zoloft at night to help him sleep. I find that he is about 3 years behind in maturity so all of these things are normal for kids with this disability. Everyone keeps telling me just be consistant in the punishments and done let up. it will click eventually. Now as far as taking food he does this too but he dosent eat all day because of the meds. So I am just thankfull that he is eating.

Krisann - posted on 10/16/2012

My son is 10 and has been ADHD all of his life and is on 50 mg of Vyvanse. He has been kicked out of 2 schools, 2 daycares, 5 summer camps all due to behavior issues and "refusing to listen". My ex husband has ADHD and a long list of other mental issues. We are on heavy watch to see if my son develops some of these secondary issues...so far so good...whew!



My son lies about EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING!



ADHD children and adults (No it does not get better as they age!) first of all forget everything!! Moms....have ALL ADHD's with check list everywhere! My son have to check off all the things he has to do every morning so he does not forget This is a great help!!



I am finally starting to break through the lying. ADHD adult nor children have the ability to predict consequences. I mean ZERO ability! You must make their consequences persistent and consistent and follow through with them fully so they learn to understand the price of the crime ahead of time so they learn how to stop and think before "just doing".



I took my son's report card and took his worst subject, in his case it is French grammar, he got a D+ and every single lie no matter the size, we started with a page of French to English translation per lie. My son tells a ton of lies!! We started this 4 months ago and as his skills have developed in the subject i have raised the amount of pages per lie. He is now up to 6 pages which takes him about 60 minutes to complete. 60 Minutes is a ton of time to an ADHD!



This first of all teaches him FOCUS. ADHD children and adults have very limited ability to focus, he is now much better at the subject and it has taken 4 months but for the first time is now showing remorse for the lying. We recently went 2 weeks without lying which for him is incredible as 4 months ago 4 hours was pushing it! He has become so good at translation as has completed over 300 pages of it! We are now taking the same book that he translated and starting full book reports, chapter and character reviews.



To some of you it might seem harsh...BUT....an ADHD must learn to predict consequences and see it in writing. They need to understand follow through so they can start to be less impulsive and stop and think about right and wrong before acting. I will also give him an out before I assign the pages. I will say..."You know the consequences if you lie...are you sure you want to say that?" Offering him the time to think before acting. If he tells the truth, the punishment is less, in his case 1 page instead of 6. which takes him now about 10-15 mins.



Remember, if you are not ADHD..it is hard for you not to take these skills for granted. They have none in these areas and you have to start from ground zero and assume nothing.



Write out your consequences for lying and stealing, make sure the child is well aware of what they are and follow though. It is tough with implementing at first but being determined will prevail. I have had to march my son right back to the dining room table and his book many times especially in the beginning. There was lots of crying, fits and freaking out over the new punishment. I just march him back to the table and say "I'll wait..."



I have not fully won the battle yet but I have tried everything and this is the only thing that I have tried where after months at it is starting to make a change as to how my son thinks in the first place. Instead of just "coping" with the problem.



Now that he is starting to have some remorse, when he tells the truth rather then lie about something we celebrate the wins also. I usually take him out for ice cream!



I now finally have hope as a parent that we can make a difference instead of ADHD running everyone's lives



Putting an ADHD in music REALLY helps to teach focus. My son has been playing piano since the age of 5. Having to sit down and practice for an hour and close out everything around him and focus on getting the notes right is really helpful to an ADHD. He is becoming a brilliant pianist!



I have enjoyed reading everyone's postings! Thanks for sharing blog!



God Bless :)

Adrianne - posted on 10/16/2012

Kelly, your advice is spot on IMHO. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop" applies to these "busy" kids. Most kids have a talent. Go with it, let them immerse in what they love. This keeps them busy and builds esteem. Attention deficit? I think more like bored to death and not inclined to be bored just to please others.

Yes, stay off the sugars and processed foods. But must say, the original question asking a

about stealing food, of course they will, if a parent withholds it and they are hungry.

Kelly - posted on 10/16/2012

This is VERY normal. My son is 16 and has been diagnosed with mood disorders (being treated for bipolar without being labeled as bipolar), ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, and ODD. I've been through it all. I have a lock on my bedroom door with a key as well as an access code (I got locked out once when he tried to pick my first lock that didn't have an access code and jammed the keyhole). Sugar and all unhealthy foods are behind lock and key. Anxiety and boredom seem to make the problem worse. These kids need a mentor that doesn't live in the household. It's amazing what my son will do when he wants to impress a teacher or coach. He HAS to LIKE them, or else they're pretty much dead to him. Best thing I can suggest is get them in an after-school activity or two...or three...! If money is an issue, see what church groups offer. There are a few churches in my area who have great youth groups, and you don't have to be a member or pay dues, etc. Your child's psychiatrist may be able to recommend a place. Also, I know the humane society in my area allows teens to volunteer for some things like dog-walking when they're 14 as long as a parent is present. It's a good way to teach them to care about something other than themselves, is good exercise, and keeps them out of trouble.

Adrianne - posted on 10/14/2012

I'm sure my reply won't be popular. Do follow this link. Your son is on an addictive drug. http://prescription-drug.addictionblog.o...



It seems to me that if he can be well behaved as in school and becomes the demon child at home, would suggest that there is wisdom in the adage, "Children will live up to .. or down to the expectations of them." In school, he is treated like all others, perhaps without realizing it Mother, you can't relate to boys as well as girls.



They are different you know.



Am not pointing fingers, am not assessing blame. Am simply saying that if your child can behave some of the time, he can behave all of the time and it's a parent's duty to figure out the "disconnect" and figure out how to make that connection. I had this plaque hanging outside my kids bedrooms as they grew up. I know parenting is hard. But maybe, this will help put some things in perspective for you:



Children Learn What They Live

By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.





If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.



Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

Kathy - posted on 10/14/2012

my son is 10 and was diagnosed around 5. he was put on adderall at 7 and it worked great, for school. it got him out of special ed and into a regular classroom where he is almost a normal kid. he steals all the time. food, money, lies, he seems empty in the eyes when i ask him about his behavior. i am going crazy. he is the middle child and is mean to his younger and older sisters. he set a fire in my house 2 weeks ago and i wanted to beat him so bad. i did spank him and ground him. he doesnt understand the word "punishment" or "grounded". he comes out of his room whenever he wants and then cries when he gets yelled at and sent back to his room. he just doesnt obey me at all. i really am at a loss for what to do with this kid. i considered residential treatment but i dont think it will work. he is well behaved at school, aside from the stealing which i cant prove because no one has accused him yet, he will behave if he is alone or with another adult but at home, its just like a switch goes off and he becomes this demon child. i feel like i failed as a parent and everything is all my fault. my girls are normal children and dont behave this way. i dont know how much longer i can have him in my home. it literally makes me cry more often than i would like

Deborah - posted on 10/11/2012

My son is now 31. He has been in and out jail his whole. He had freinds that got him into trouble and took advatage of him. He is overweight and seemed to always want to sneak food. He stoled his a bycycle at age 15 from his friends urging him to get and then bring it to him. He started stealing from his parents after that and we had to lock everything up. He never told the truth about anything. Even if it were as simple as saying he was going to a friend's house, he would lie and say he was going to his grandmother's house. He was in special classes in school for reading disabilities and other things. He was diagnosed as dyslexic, but I think he had more problems than that. He developed rolling of the eyes when he was small which the doctors thought was seisures, but then said it was a stress tick. He stays with his grandmother and he steals her checks and money. He cannot hold a job and cannot be trusted to live at home because I work and he would steal everything I own. His grandmother wanted him to stay with her after his grandfather died, but he only causes her greif and shows no remorse whatsoever. My mother is getting older and more fragile. She does ok, but someday will need to live with me or another sybling. And my son will be homeless because i don't know how to find the right help for him. He has no insurance. When he was in school, I would ask the teachers if he would be able to get along in the world and they thought he could. My life has been nothing but hell. When I try to help him, he always does me in and then I give up, then I feel guilty and still love him, so I try again. But it is always the same. I would appreciate any kind of suggestions or help I can get for him. He has no insurance.

Sheri - posted on 10/10/2012

I know as a parent it is not easy for us either. I am trying to gain as much knowledge as I can about ADHD so that I can help my son who is 10. I found that the medication messes with his appetite. After it wears off he is starving. We have started a couple of new things with him that is working great. First I get up early and give him his medication so that when he gets up he is more focused. This is something you can do on your own if you are currently on medication. The other thing we have started was giving him a breakfast drink every night right before bed. This has kept him from getting up in the middle of the night and sneaking food to his room. He too would lie about the food. If you are not seeing a counselor it might be a good idea. If you are not on medication it is something I would consider. ADHD is just like any other medical condition. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is something we have to understand and find what works for each person and their family.

I will pray for you, your family and your situation. Trust in God and remember God would not bring you to something and not be there with you to help you get through it.

Mimi - posted on 10/10/2012

Victoria,

I hope you can find a way to talk with your parents. I undersrand how difficult it is as a parent of a child with ADHA and how at times the stress is overwellming and we as patents are not sure what to do next. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping that your family can work things out.

Victoria - posted on 10/10/2012

i am 19 and i am defiant as my parents say, and i sneak food to another room and after im done i hide it for some reason, and ive been given ltos of chances, n i have lied many times im basically what ur saying as a child.. well im 19.. n i might be getting kciked out tonight and idk what to do.. this is stupid of me i keep sayign sorry and say ill be better but i wont.. how can i talk to my parets and still live with them?

Maura - posted on 10/07/2012

My 13 year old has started picking up food from the previous lunch period left on the table. She says it is closed packages but I found a container that either had french fries or chicken nuggets. She lies constantly and I was told she had RAD ( reactive attachment disorder) We adopted her from the foster system when she was 8.

Mine lies about everything and shows no remorse. She is only sorry when she gets caught......

Rebecca - posted on 10/06/2012

Hey, I'm not a mom, but I am a kid that has ADD, and I am currently on medication, but I go off during vacations and breaks from school. I can assure you, I've lied, took things that weren't mine, eaten loads of junk food, and on occasion been absolutely remorseless. Sometimes I did these things while on medication, sometimes off medication. Sometimes I still want to lie, steal, say and do awful things, but I am older, and I am getting better at impulse control. Not to make light of what your daughter is doing, but I think it has less to do with ADD and more to do with being a human. My mom had five kids, and she had to work on these issues with all of us...she got better at it with every kid, I think.

Mimi - posted on 10/04/2012

Hi Barb,

I am having a very difficult time and am not sure what to do next, My son is now 14 and a freshman in high school. He wanted to join the football team and was very excited. Well he has always had trouble making and keeping friends. He either tries to hard and is over whelming or attempts to act tuff and comes over as arrogant and obnoxious. Well he went from being excited to now coming home angry and saying the team treats him badly. I have heard kids say (after he makes a mistake) "oh but he is supposed to be the best player on the team" because he has made comments saying that. it breaks my heart that he doesn't have one real friend. He comes home mad and then ends up arguing with his father and I and has said on a few occasions that he hates us or he tells his father "your not my father" knowing that hurts and the argument ends because my husband then won't talk with him. He never takes responsibility for what he has done and never appears to be sorry he will say it but doesn't seem to mean it . I have taken him to therapy and while the woman seemed to pick up on all the things that he needs to work on. he gets very mad and says he does't want to go, says he will run away or kill himself if I make him go. So I stopped. I am thinking of taking him to someone new because it is just getting worse. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated and ideas on how to handle thing or some place I can go to for suggestions. We have taken away his Xbox and Ipod. and have also reward him when he does good. but now his grades are falling and he says it's not his fault it's the teacher they are wrong.

Jamie - posted on 10/03/2012

It's funny you said about beating a dead horse. I was going to say that same thing to my boyfriend because he repeats himself to my daughter. And she has ADHD and were going through a lot of what everyone else was talking about...lying,steeling,blaming others,selfish,...it's always something with my girl.

Jamie - posted on 10/03/2012

Oh my. My daughter is 11 and she steals,lies,blames everyone else for her mistakes. And what makes me the most sad is that she dosent really have any close friends. It's crazy to hear your story because I thought my daughter was the only one like this. I was starting to think there was something other than having ADHD. She does have depression and was just diagnosed with that only a yr ago and being diagnosed with ADHD when she was in 3rd grade. My boyfriend thinks she just a compulsive lyer. He dosent truly understand her because I've researched ADHD and he never dealt with anyone like her. It would be so nice to talk to a mother that's going through what I'm going through. It's exhausting most days

Linda - posted on 09/30/2012

I am older and my daughter always said she loves me but does not like me I never understood. When I had my own businsess I treated her like a queen and lavished her in what ever she wanted she was nice when she got things she was always jealous and did not want to do things with me bacause everyone said we look like sisters and I guess talked to me more her being the only child and I really did not notice this. I grew older got in a bad accident and could not afford to live alone she asked me to live with her now and she steals from my room all the time I am not allowed to sit on my own livingroom furniture and she does not keep it nice with the throws I kept on it they meaning my grandchildren put dirty feet up sit in underwear and the dog chews bones on furniture and it makes it stink. Any opportunity she gets if I go out she steals or puts hair balls in the item area she steals from she has brown hair and I have blonde she is now kicking me out every day she talk how long before I get out and trys to pick fights I can not handle the fight so I say noting and I get weak from sadness of all the awful things she does to me in front of my Grandchildren she now will not let me participate in anything with them and they always loved me. Now one will not talk to me and makes faces and the other knows if she says much it will go back to bad treatment for her she is my wonderful little Granddaughter but I thought when I moved in it would help the pressure off my daughter and the children would be happy but my daughter seems to be so evil to me &them if they talk to me. Any feedback would help I am in such pain until I get called from a apt. waiting list and I hurt so much also because my daughter says I will not see her again n the children for accusing her of stealing as she calls it I say things are missing nicely

Mimi - posted on 09/28/2012

My son is now 14 and was diagnosed in 3rd grade, He is now on Concetta and what you describe sounds just like him. He also never seems to take responsibility for the things he does. It is always either "it was a accident or not his fault" and doesn't see no matter how we try to explain that he needs to take responsibility for his actions.He will say we are just picking on him. It is very difficult and frustrating.

Sheri - posted on 09/26/2012

I would see another Doctor. You know your child better than anyone else. I have 2 older children with no medical problems did well in school made it thru the teen years uneventful. Then I have my younger one I knew he learned differently we thought he had a LD because of his Spina bifida. We had testing done looking for the LD but it came back he did not and he scored at 98% ADHD. The test has triggers in it that if someone has ADHD it would show up. They said he scores so high they knew he had ADHD. I took him to a specialist and yes we put him on medication. We were also afraid of the labeling and the zombie state. We wanted to make sure we did not lose our son and his great personality. Well we got so much more :-) His Doctor said that if a child is like that then their medication is to high. My son is on Concerta he has been on meds for 2 years he is catching up in school, he is able to focus. This medication he can eat with but he still gets really hungry when it wears off. We have found giving him a breakfast drink before bed keeps him full and he is no longer raiding the fridge and hiding food in his room. We explained to him we know he is hungry and we do not want him hungry. If he needs something to come and get me. so far this is working great. I also get up earlier to give him his medication and then we go back to bed by the time he gets up he can focus and there is no more fighting. Before the medication he would take things that did not belong to him especially family because he was angry with them. He would have complete meltdowns anywhere even in stores. I had to leave him at the store with my oldest son in the foyer area while I went to get the car. I then had to drag him to the car screaming. We do not have this anymore. The lies he would tell would be about him taking food now that he knows he can eat we are doing ok with that so far. He will be 11 in November and let me just say everything we tried and all the people we talked to finding out what was really wrong with him and being able to help him has been a blessing. Who would have known all the issues were because he is ADHD.Keep fighting take him to as many Doctors that you have to. You are his ADVOCATE you are the only one fighting for him. ADHD is a medical condition some need medication like my son some do not. No one should label a child as bad because of this. I hope you find out what is going on and you all get the help you need. Remember you are his advocate no one else will ever fight for him like you will. My son's school and Doctors know who I am and I will fight for him I have before and I will continue to do so.