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Help! A christian mom, is there life after divorce?

Allison - posted on 02/12/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

Hello, I am pretty new to this site and have never posted I am in definite need of support and feedback and any given would be helpful. I was married for 11 years to my ex husband we have 2 girls and twin boys. Our divorce was final July 29,2010. It still hard to say it and see it in writing. We divorced due to infedility. He met someone at work. The first time I found out I just wanted him back, he said it would be different and just wanted his family back, I tried several things thinking this was my fault. I even went to the doctor and had a full work up just to find out I was severly depressed. A little over a year later he cheated again with the same women. We divorced and the new women and her husband just finalized their divorce Jan 2011. I am in counseling now but how do I move on. Some days I feel like I can beat the sadness and just move on and other days its just so sad. Not to mention he is extremely selfish. The kids and I suffered from his selfishness during the marriage and I just didnt see it or didnt want to. I want happiness again. I see him moving on with this women without a care in the world and wonder how he does it? What was the 11 years we were together. I dont want him back I have healed enough to know that it would not be good for me or the kids either one, I just want to where I am going and how to get there!!!!!

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Beth - posted on 02/17/2012

548

My ex had an affair when I was preganant with our third daughter. Our marriage was on the rocks anyway - but when he told me that was the tipping point. Basically he felt we weren't getting enough action in the bedroom department (At the time I was 8 months preganant and had two older children. ) Ummm wonder why no bedroom action.....

Anyway after we'd split up, he claimed that he hadn't been to bed with this woman and it was only to get my attention (of course the woman on the side had suggested part/all of the 'get my attention', though she had children of her own). Needless to say, that relationship only lasted months. After being with her, he went on to have at least another two relationships (of which he married one and now divorced from her). I've heard along the grape vine that he's got another girl friend. So that's four women in 7 years (including the woman that he had the affair with and not including me). Says something.

As he was a lorry driver, I don't know if he had any other affairs/one night stands and if this has resulted in any half siblings. To the best of my knowledge my girls don't have any half siblings.

To top it off, he claimed that I'd had an affair with his brother and that the youngest was his brother's child and not his. Mainly because a) I was getting on better with his brother and b) his brother had been boosting that he was going with a married woman and the husband knew nothing about it. That equals me having an affair with my ex brother in law. I could stand the guy, and yes was getting on better with him, but in no way/shape/form would I ever consider having an affair /relationship with him. Lets just say I know a bit too much information about how many women he's had sex with. Since I split up with my ex, I've communicated through facebook with the ex brother in law and mentioned what his brother accused us of doing. Told him that no offence, but I have never/will be interested in having sex with him and anyway - if that did supposedly happen (which my ex still to this day claims), when did we ever get the chance to do it?

I've moved on, but it did take me time. I know that there is a Mr. Right out there for me, it's now if I will meet him, it's when.

Amy - posted on 04/06/2011

105

I know how your feeling. I was technically married 20 years on paper but was hit with Divorce papers 2 years earlier. I found out he had cheated on me for years and I was in the dark. It was easy for him to hide things as he was in the military and I trusted him when he said he was doing things for work. Two things that helped me find someone you can talk to or maybe even two. Get involved in something to help take your mind of things. I have 3 kids so I volunteered for different things they were involved in that way I was not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. There are times I get upset that he has moved on with his life but I am a survivor and I have 3 kids to take care of and some day Mr. Right will come along when I least expect it. My ex's track record speaks for itself so who knows how long he will be happy. While he was off being happy he lost time with his kids and so much more and who knows if he will ever mend those fences. If you need an ear I will be glad to listen. I had two friends that had or were going through it too so that helped me. Good Luck.