17 year old mom needs to know what it takes to be a good mom

Wendy - posted on 11/30/2009

what your aready doing. Love & love unconditionaly!

Rebekah - posted on 11/30/2009

Just because your young, don't look down on yourself. God gave you a special gift because He knew you were ready. Put 100% faith in God, pursue Him and He will give you the wisdom, knowledge, peace and even encouragement to be the BEST mom because He's the Perfect Father!!! :) He's all you need.

Angela - posted on 11/30/2009

It take hard work, time, love, understanding, and tenderness. If you put God first in your life, he will make things work for you and your child. Sometimes it may get hard and there may not be alot of money but if you pray and ask God for help. He will help you! Love child or children and pray each and everyday and you life will be great.

Anna - posted on 11/28/2009

I'm very proud of you for every part of your question. First off it is important to set the example of a God fearing woman in your child. My only suggestion away from that is be patient. Ask for help from moms around you. I have to ask my mom-in-law all the time. And yes sometimes it kills your "self" to ask but your child comes first. God bless you and just trust in the Lord w/ ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Kristina - posted on 11/28/2009

If you're wondering if your're doing a good enough job you probably are. Just love your baby, remember everything you do affects his/her life, PRAY, and never stop learning (learn anything, even if it's not about kids and parenting) knowledge is power... Every once in awhile have a "mommy day" , get a baby-sitter and do something for yourself (even if it's just take a bath and peint your nails).... Surround yourself with helpful supportive people and never listen to people who put you down.... Your doing great....

Nicole - posted on 11/28/2009

I was you once and I can say You are already off to an awesome start! You are thinking of your child and wanting to do what is best and that shows an amazing maturity.
The one thing that I have now that I didn't before is my mom to mom group at church. You might see if your church or another one nearby has something similar. The one at our church only has the requirement that you be a mom. We have women from 6 different denominations that I can think of right off hand. We talk about everything from parenting to Christmas, to husbands to parenting step kids to just plain laughing at something one of our kids has done. It has been a wonderful support to me now and I wish I had gone to a church offering one years ago.

Carol - posted on 11/28/2009

Alisa,
I applaud you for already asking the best question of you child's future! You have already shown a selfless heart and mind by desiring and realizing that your child's needs now go above yours! It truly takes selfless parenting and unconditional love to give them the best that they can be. And that is what the Lord our God does for us! Trust in his word and His example! Please do not be afraid to teach your child "NO". Too many parents give their child what they want instead of what they need. By this I mean that as they get older, it starts with running to them for every whimper instead of teaching them to comfort their selves. Listen to their cries. You'll know when to take off running. It's hard not to spoil them, you'll have so much love and fear for them. Practice tough love from the beginning but LOVE in an amazing way! It's a lot tougher on you than it is for the child but they will need to understand their boundaries and it is not something you can teach easily once patterns are set and they are older in their teens when the real fun begins! Good parenting takes back bone! For now, enjoy the beautiful gift and opportunity that God has given you! He has given us 18 yrs. x 365=6570 days to do our best. Every day is a new beginning. Trust in HIM and he will guide your path. Love your child as God loves his children! Happy parenting! My oldest is 16 and I still have fears, doubts, and worries such as yours. From what I hear...It's a lifetime thing!!
Blessings and prayers to you!

Lisa - posted on 11/27/2009

My best friend became a mom @ 17, and she is now 30, and one of the best mom's I know. Youth isn't necessarily a bad thing.. Maturity and a strong relationship with Jesus is what counts.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/27/2009

I'm 19, so I have an idea of what you are going through. I think you just need to love your child. You'll figure things out. I'm still trying to figure it all out. Think of what is best for your child in the long run, not just at the moment.

Surround him/her with loving people who will tell him/her all about God's love.

I know it's hard, but continue with school, and go to college. You want to make sure you can support your child. I've taken out so many loans to pay for school, but I know that it will be worth it when my daughter is older, and I won't be so stressed about money.

Also, if you don't have them already, try to find friends with good morals. You don't want to put yourself in a bad situation when you are responsible for another life. Anyways, I usually have my daughter with me when I hang out with my friends. I don't want to have to worry about them doing or saying anything that would be inappropriate for my daughter.

Another thing, make sure you are growing in the church that you are attending. Your son/daughter needs to see his/her mom growing in and loving Christ.

Good luck with everything! Don't worry. You'll be fine. :)

Rabecca - posted on 11/27/2009

my sister had her first son at 15 this was 19 years ago didnt happen as much back then but was starting to a few years after that really have a huge amout of teen moms around our area and ove tthe years I have seen alot of them fail as parents and just start off on a bad foot and stay on that bad foot thinking that i a mom my life and dreams are over they ended up with a life on welfare and unruly kids its sad to see that happen .
I can tell you from the git go my sister never looked as being a young mom a really young mom as somthing that hurt her but instead as something that made her more determinded and a driving force to make sure she was not going to play into the way people though was going to be he rand her and her sons life it helped her grow and grow up but it wasnt always easy I think sometimes she wanted to say okay I cant do it but she never did she took care of herself sometimes putting what she wanted away for another day and gave her son what he needed which as a teen not an esy thing to do . My sister has become a very sucessful adult she owns a wonderful home ( that she bought before she married) married a wonderful man had 2 other kids with him shes happy her son is well ajusted and about to gradute from highschool this year wow time flys .
Being dedicated to go out and seek God first and asking him to help in any situation he will never fail you sometimes we are put through trials he can break us down to rebulid us and can seem so lost at those times but he hasnt left us even trails and challenges are part of his plan you will come out with more armor to make your way after being through such trails trust in his plan even when things seem to be falling apart hes there wanting you to call out to him . I can tell you just from my own life God knows your heart and he blesses more than we could even imagine when we stay true to him even in our darkest day trusting him to see us through and what he wants for us can be true test of faith but letting go and letting God have his way will never leaving you in need but bless us more than you could have even hoped for and sometimes the best blessing are in the fact that he doesnt always give you what you asked for but gives you something different that you never knew you needed or even wanted .
My other adivse which I use everyday and sometimes so many times I cant count is to thank him for all the blessings he gives us I try to always thank him even when I feel that my life is caught up in some kind of strom to thank him for things likr thank you God for letting me get dinner made on time or thank you God for letting me snuggle my baby for a few min without being pulled in 20 different directions or thank you God for today just letting me be a kid life can be so crazy and yours can be harder than some because of so much so soon but thanking him keeps your mind in the posative and focused on him and all the good things he allows us to do or have evreyday and it glorifies his constant hand in our lives my life became way more blessed and way more full of good things that its like blessing just flow into it all day long once I starte to see how much I have and he does for me try it out at first it seems like do I have stuff to say to him or do I recognize this was him or all I have but once you start it just seems liek I cant make it htrough a day without giving him glory for so many things its not that you have to stop and think but just while your in your busy life quielty give him a real thank you even sometimes I say Thank you God for allwing me to breathe a moment because I was angry and you gave me that time so calm down so I didnt beat the daylights out of my son even though he might need it HAHA and I feel centered and able to be the mom or wife God wants me to be . Having a great support system and a good church family is so important a very wise woman one told me you are only as strong as those who hold you up God put those people in place for you because he knows its not always an easy road but he only wants to bless you and enrich your life never to do harm dont be afraid to even say God today i need help my faith sems hard to have today things are so hard he will be help you renew and grow in your faith

Melissa - posted on 11/27/2009

Love has brought us a lkong way and in this hard financail times trusting in God's love has truly helped.

Karen - posted on 11/27/2009

I can only say something that sounds easy to you, it is, Love. That is it. If you feel that

love than you are a good mom and you will continue to be one. Dont worry about the small stuff that seems to be huge stuff and believe me, I know it prob. is to you, Life is huge stuff. We have to much of horrible problems with money and ..even trying to feed our kids is so hard and that is real huge stuff. Love is simple. U will be ok.

Melissa - posted on 11/27/2009

It takes love and wisdom from others who have been sucessful in raising kids ,, patience and time.

Kimisha - posted on 11/26/2009

What you need to be a good mother is a close relationship with Christ. If you have a close relationship with Christ then you'll have an intimate prayer life which is one on one conversation with God. Then you'll have God leading and guiding you in all that you should be doing. And I'm sure with going to church every Sunday and Wednesday you know how to develop a relationship with Christ. First, admit that you are a sinner and accept Him into your heart. "That if thou shall confess with thou mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9. Then have faith through prayer, faithful prayer that God is going to lead and guide you in all of your parenting. God bless you sister.

Rachel - posted on 11/25/2009

Honestly, this is a question every new mom should ask - regardless of age! Kudos to you for trying to be the best mom you can be!!!

The best thing you can do, apart from maintaining your relationship with Christ, is to read and research. Some great resources include parenting books from Focus on the Family, such as Bringing up Boys, books about brain development (what stimulates the brain, how children develop, what to watch for), discipline (versus punishment) - this is especially helpful to think about now before your child gets older so you already know how you will handle sleep times, tantrums, disobedience, etc. Learning about child training and what to expect makes the actual experience soooo much easier! And since you will already have a good idea of how you will handle various situations, you will be pleasantly surprised how well your child responds to your consistency and calm behavior in the face of toddlerhood.

When reading, don't just accept everything the book recommends. Think about what is being presented and what you think will work for you and your little family. Think about the kind of life you want to live (how structured, organized, strict, etc.) and how the information presented will fit with your goals.

If you have a boy, I recommend reading "Bringing up Boys" and "The Wonder of Boys" - both are excellent books for moms to help them understand how boys work, what their unique needs are, how they develop, what they respond to as they grow up, and more.

Other books I found helpful include:
> Ages and Stages by Dr. Charles Schaefer and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo
> What to Expect the First Year
> On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Dr. Robert Bucknam (a controversial book to be taken with a grain of salt, but has some good concepts that we worked into our lives)
> Baby Minds: Brain-Building Games Your Baby Will Love by Linda Acredolo, PHD and Susan Goodwyn PHD.
> Parents' Answer Book by Dr. James Dobson

One of the most helpful things I've found is to realize that our children are miraculous gifts from God. And we have a duty to love them, train them and guide their development. We should never attempt to live through them. We should seek to understand who God made them to be, respecting who they are as little people, and seeking to mold that person into a mature, responsible, caring adult. Keep in mind that this is the end goal. Children are not meant to stay with us forever. They are meant to grow up and live their own lives. It is our job to cherish them, train them and set them on a path that will bring them joy and peace.

If you equip yourself with the knowledge necessary to understand where your child is developmentally, how to effectively train him/her, and continually pray for guidance, then you will find parenting very rewarding. Everyone told us how difficult our toddler was going to be, but we planned ahead and set him up for success. We didn't cater to his every whim, but set planned boundaries and enforced them, all while showering him with consistent love.

The greatest lesson I ever had in parenting came from my dad, who tragically died almost two years ago. He taught me the unconditional love of Christ through his own actions. He was always loving and kind, even doting. However, he did have clear boundaries and expectations. When I did something bad (and I was not an angel of a child, I'm ashamed to say), he would tell me how much he loved me, that his love would always remain and there was nothing I could do to change that, but my actions had consequences. He taught me that there are good and bad consequences to my actions and I had a choice. But, though me may occasionally be disappointed in my choices, he would always, always love me.

If you can manage to get that message across to your child, you will have done well. The security that gave me growing up, especially with a mother who told me she couldn't love me without God's help, gave me a great foundation to grow from, both personally and spiritually. Because of him, and despite my mother, I can understand God's unconditional love for me. That is probably the greatest gift you can give your child.

Congratulations on your new baby Alisa. It is awesome that you are choosing to care for your child and do your best by him/her. I know God will honor this choice and your efforts. As a parent, we will never be perfect. But your openness to learning and growing will serve you well. Best wishes for you and your new baby.

Regards,
Rachel

Victoria - posted on 11/25/2009

Age has nothing to do with being a good mum. You're already off to a good start, by seeking first his kingdom and so diligently too. And the fact that you have a good family and church support makes it that bit better. The only thing I can add is to don't be afraid to ask and take advice, but also don't be afraid to trust your own self too, your mum and as mum, God is going to use you foremost in that baby's life, you know your baby, because God has put it in us to know our children as mothers. Lastly pray, pray, pray.
And may the Lord Bless you!

Stacy - posted on 11/25/2009

Yes, definitely trust in God first, read His Word, and fellowship with other believers. But there will be times that you have to make decisions for your child that the bible may not be clear about. You will have people telling you what you should do, especially since you are young. But you have to determine what is best for your child and your family.

For example: attachment parenting vs scheduling. Some people will say feed your baby on demand, hold them all the time, etc., but for me I prefered for my son to learn to fall asleep by himself at a young age and not be dependent on me or anything else for sleep. I also prefer to have my son on a good feeding schedule so that we both know when he should eat, especially now that he is almost 2. He would probably prefer to snack all day, but I know that it is better for him to eat 3 meals a day, with a snack or two if it will be a long time between meals. My sister chose attachment parenting and I chose scheduling with flexibility (specifically babywise). Both of our boys are healthy, happy, and smart.

Read the Word, trust in God, ask for advise from experienced moms, but also make informed decisions for yourself, don't let others tell you how to parent! Know and love your baby!

Dee - posted on 11/25/2009

Sounds like you are already off to a good start by asking such a mature question. Heather is right that you just need to make sure your relationship to Jesus is ongoing and genuine. Be honest with Him about the days you don't feel like being a Mom and we all have them whether we want to admit it or not. Take as good care of yourself as you do your child, by eating healthy, getting rest when you can, etc. One other thing I would suggest, pray that God will bring a mature experienced, Christian, Mom into your life to be a mentor. Titus 2:3-5 speaks to this and if your church doesn't have a MOPS group (Moms of Preschoolers) maybe a church nearby does. You would find a lot of encouragement there. God Bless!

Heather - posted on 11/25/2009

The only thing that it takes is a close relationship with Jesus Christ. Keep looking to God and to the Bible. Let God continue to work in your life, and he will continue to make you a better mom every day.



Matthew 19:26

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."