2 year never want to spend time with daddy

Jamesa - posted on 10/02/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My son is 2 years old and he always tell me he dont want to see his dad. i dont like sending him to his dads house because daddys girlfriend feels like she has the right to hit him. ive told his father that im not comfortable with her hitting him but he

always say something like she's my girlfriend. my question to you is am i wrong for not letting my son go to visit because of daddys girls friend?? please help i need advice.

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Linda - posted on 10/03/2011

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I'm one of those that think it is sometimes necessary to spank your own child (when done in the right way). However, I would NEVER agree to someone else doing it. He is already (at age 2) wary of going over there. I would listen to him. Unfortunately, the girlfriend/boyfriend of a child's parent is often an abuser. Does he have to go over there (according to the court)? If I felt my child was in any danger, I would not send him...and I would go to court if necessary to prevent it.

Carla - posted on 10/04/2011

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If your child is 2 and doesn't want to be with his father, I would take this as a signal that SOMETHING is going on that is making him nervous. Warning signal #1

#2, if your ex is not standing up for his child, here is warning signal #2.

You've talked to your ex about your concerns, and he doesn't seem to want to listen. I think I would contact the court with your concerns. Listen to your child, he's trying to tell you something.

God bless, honey

Angela - posted on 10/04/2011

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You've had two very definitive answers. I can say that being beaten as a kid, I adamantly stood on the no spanking rule. Mother of 3 kids, I can see where a 'spank' (one good swat on the butt) can make a difference. Being 'hit' is another story entirely. Being hit brings a whole nother view to a story. That can mean hit with something, say a flyswatter, a stick, a book, a spatula, etc. That's abuse, bottom line, and NOT okay for anybody to do. I've not had to go through my and my spouse being in separate places so I can't help you with that, but as mentioned, find out what you have to do through the courts, if necessary and make sure you go back to court to have this brought to lite in the courts eyes. Maybe you can get daddy time without the girlfriend present, etc. Jamesa, good luck! I would move heaven and earth to not hear my son beg not to go because he's getting hurt.

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Trine - posted on 10/17/2011

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I believe our childs safety is first and dad's girlfriend does not have the right to hit your child, instead of hitting she should be communicating to the parent's about what is going on. This is a child and we need to be loving to children, they are children and we as adult's have to protect them, the girlfriend maybe you should talk to her directly and make things clear. As the father he needs to step up and be a leader and not let his girlfriend dictate to him about his own child. Praying for you and your family, Luv N Blessings T

Carla - posted on 10/05/2011

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You are entirely welcome, Jamesa. I am glad you are wise enough to take your son's welfare first and foremost and protect him. God bless, keep in touch.

Jamesa - posted on 10/04/2011

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To everyone that made time to post. I would like to say thank you. This has been a very hard choice because I want to do the right thing when it come down to my son having visits with his dad. Reading everyone's post im going to take heed to them all. A couple of my Co workers agree with you guys on the situation. So im just wanted for him to go to the court asking if he can have dates to see his Child. I really hate to be this way but I love my little Guy and I don't want anything to happen to my baby.. thanks again everyone.

Angela - posted on 10/04/2011

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Hi again Jamesa. On here you've had an anti-spanker (me) and a pro-spanker (Linda) both advising that persons outside the family should not be spanking the child. Have you checked him over for marks/wounds?



If he has made it clear he doesn't want to go there then we might reasonably assume that she is not simply giving him a light, "corrective" swat occasionally.



Until you have some resolution that your child's Dad's girlfriend is not going to hit him, I would therefore keep him away from their home.

Angela - posted on 10/03/2011

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I'm not a believer of smacking/spanking kids but many on here are - however, I'm pretty sure most on here would NOT agree to other adults outside the family (or outside the bloodlink) smacking their kids. A friend of mine was a believer in spanking but she always said no-one but HER was allowed to do this to her children - not even her husband. And she once played merry Hell with a schoolteacher that struck her son!

Some questions:

Does your son's father spank him?
If his father spanks him, are you comfortable with this?
Does your son's father's partner have any children of her own?
Have you had the chance to speak to this lady yourself about the spanking issue?
Do you believe in spanking children yourself?

Physical restraint like pulling a child away from danger or from a situation where they will cause damage to property is quite effective and does not involve pain. A few firm verbal restraints can also be effective.

If you don't want your child to be spanked or struck whilst he's in their care you need to get together with BOTH of them and say why - suggest alternative means of restraint or discipline and also ask if good or positive behaviour is recognised and rewarded. There's a school of thought that spankers rarely praise!

Here are some weblinks about spanking that you can study and therefore be able to discuss knowledgeably with your ex and his current partner: (forearmed is forewarned!)

http://life.familyeducation.com/parentin...

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipl...

http://www.neverhitachild.org/noframes.h...

http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/conte...

http://articles.cnn.com/2009-09-16/healt...

Good luck with this!

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