a serious - and difficult - question...

Jenny - posted on 09/22/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

73

18

3

as a child, i was sexually abused by two different people, one of whom was also a child. i want my children to understand that "good touch, bad touch" is not something that is only received, it is also something given. as they get older, i believe they need to be told more than simply "if someone touches where your bathing suit touches, it's not ok", because the abuse SO MUCH MORE than touching inappropriately. we're about to have our first child, a baby boy, and i'm wondering if i should talk to him when the time comes, or if it's something my husband should do. part of me says my husband should, because he's a fellow male, but then there's the part of me that says "i'm the one who's been through it, i'm the one who should explain to him"... it's also vitally important to me that my son knows very clearly how he should or should not act with other people in this area. as i said, abuse is not simply received, it can also be given. i want to teach my children how NOT to abuse in any way.
all of this to say: how do i deal with this with my children? how do i help them understand about abuse without being explicit? how do i help them understand that just because someone's an adult, doesn't mean you have to let it happen? i desperately want my children to know they are safe, but we don't live in a safe world...

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

4 Comments

View replies by

Jenny - posted on 09/22/2009

73

18

3

thank you everyone for your advice. it's definitely something to pray about and also discuss with my husband. i agree that it's best to do it as a family.
although this is just my first day on this website, i have already found a ton of encouragement, and i'm not as afraid of being a mother as i have been up to this point.
God bless!

Heather - posted on 09/22/2009

4,634

42

1135

I also was sexually abused by my step father. The conversation with our children is one we have had together. My husband carried the conversation, because that was easier on me as I am more emotional. I think it is important to talk about it as a family. That way they get the male and female voice saying that it isn't okay, and that isn't what anyone is suppose to do or go through.

Shirley - posted on 09/22/2009

29

35

5

I completely understand your concern. I have 4 children and I have also wondered how to deal with this subject. One thing my children have taught me is that they are all different. No child understands things exactly like another child would. And no one will know your child and how he works better than his mommy and daddy. Pray about when the right time is to talk with him. When the time comes, you will know a lot more about communicating with your little one than you do now. Just explain it to him the same way you would explain anything else to him. I think it is something that both you and your husband should be involved in. You both will have valuable insights to offer. Pray about what you should say before you say it. You don't want to confuse him.

I can't stress the importance of prayer enough. Allow God to guide you. He is the perfect parent. He is the best one to teach you how to take care of the little one that He has entrusted to you.

Heather - posted on 09/22/2009

4

9

1

I went through a short episode of abuse from my step father and I understand it is something that you will never be able to forget. I now have two children, a boy and a girl and I have been the one to tell them about inappropriate touching. The cool thing was that my husband backed me up completely. He would agree with me and our children know how we both feel and what is the right way to touch our friends. Our world is a scary place but I know the Heavenly Father is always protecting us.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms