any great books on dicipline??

[deleted account] ( 23 moms have responded )

HI Ladies,

My oldest child Gabbi who is 3, is one of a kind to say the least. So with that being said, I need some suggestions on any good dicipline books out there. I am on a verge of a nervous break down, although there are alot of other stress factors in our lives right now, she has just been out of control the last couple of weeks. She is usually a harder one to handle but lately she is just exhausting. I can't even clam her down to softly talk to her, she will not let you get a word in. If you try to talk to her she just keeps talking and then it turns into screaming b/c she wants to talk......whewwww. I can't even have a normal conversation with her, I put her in her room, she get spankings, she gets put in time out,,,,,,,these things happen ALL DAY LONGGGGGG. I continually praise her for being a good girl, for eating all her food, for sharing with her brother, etc. I am just at my wits end with her, and I am wondering if she isn't just one of those extra hyper children.....???? So, with all that said I really need a book with good methods. B/c there isn't a day she isn't climbing the kitchen cupboards, getting into everything she know she is not suppose to . Please mothers help me on this one...... Thanks, Brittney

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Vicki - posted on 07/12/2009

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Hi Brittney, what a great lot of feedback you have been given. I am a childcare worker and know how interesting and difficult this age can be. It is great that you can be honest and share with others how you feel. A great book I have studied and put into practice is by Louise Porter - "Guiding childrens behaviour' there is one specifically for parents the name escapes me at the moment, but it gives a different view of childrens tantrums etc and how to deal with them, it sounded a bit far fetched to me but as I studied and put bits into practice I was delighted with the results with children in my care. It is a book I recommend to parents. Be sure to take 'time out' for yourself!! Relax, read a scripture, take deep breaths and ask the Lord to give you patience and calmness amid the stress etc you are in. That peace only God can give can really help us to cope with the day to day stresses. Praying for you, Vicki

Cassandra - posted on 07/11/2009

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Dr, Dobsons the strong willed child, I would also ask doctor to see if she is vitamin B deficient. Had a freind that son had same issues and once they started giving liquid substitute for the B she had a different child.

[deleted account]

Wow, I could take your post and change the names and it would be describing my daughter! She is so like her daddy, they don't think like everyone else! Since you are not anti-spanking, I will tell you the book that we just read about TRAINING, called To Train Up a Child, by Michael & Debi Pearl. It has a lot of simple life overtones, but the training principles apply to anyone. I am struggling with being consistent since I have 3 small ones, but even now, while we are just starting, some days we have had more spankings as part of the training, but we have had virtually no tantrums from our 2 & 3 yr olds! I intend to do a "come here" training day, and a "be quiet while mommy's on the phone" training day. It's all about obedience. (By the way, you train the behavior, you discipline the attitude...tricky sometimes!) And yes, I have heard that some people find their approach harsh, but if you had seen me before with the kids, you would think I was worse. Instead of a calm spanking it was thunder and lightning and "you will know the wrath of GOD!!" : )

I have checked out Dr. Dobson's books from the library and will read those soon.

Bryony - posted on 07/10/2009

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My daughter from age 1 1/2 onwards was a real handful. I literally felt I spent the entire day following her and doing damage control. She is now six and considerably better but still very challenging. For example, when I was pregnant with my 3rd (she was 2 1/2) I ended up removing everything from her room (EVERYTHING) but her blanket, and a scrap piece of laminate which we had left over from the new floor. I took the dresser out because she would climb it and empty it (Yes, I did spank her repeatedly for these). I took the bed because she would pull off the matress. I took the night light because she drew on the wall with it. I thought, what could she do? (apparently, she could still draw - with the laminate! LOL) Anyhow, I have been there done that and the most helpful books I have read were "The Strong-willed Child", by Dr. Dobson ; "How to Really Love Your Child" by Ross Campbell , And most recently : Don't Make me Count to Three, by Ginger Plowman. Hope this helps - it does get better!

Donna - posted on 07/10/2009

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Dobson books I highly recommend. I have a very "spirited" 4 yr old. I am reading 'Have a New Kid by Friday' by Dr. Kevin Leman. He makes a lot of sense and the concepts will help as they get older. It is worth reading. Good Luck!

Mimi - posted on 07/10/2009

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I have three books to recommend: Teach Them Diligently by Lou Priolo, Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman, Withhold Not Correction by Bruce A. Ray. All very biblical.

[deleted account]

Kevin Leman has some goods ones Makign children mind w/o losing yours, Have a new kid by Friday. I like Lisa Welchal's book Creative Correction, it is a great for scripture refrences for specific disipline situations. It's always hard for me to find a balance between being overbearing and to lacks. Praying for wisdom had been the most effective way for me to see results in my kids.=)

Sherry - posted on 07/09/2009

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I understand. My children are grown now, but I remember the times such as my three year old cutting a hole in our brand new livingroom chair so he could see what was inside, or swallowing a penny, quarter and then a RATCHET of all things to see what they tasted like. He could climb to the top bunk at 10 months of age and scared me something silly! There are many more, but just know...I really do understand. The things I mentioned were all by my youngest who is now 27 and has 2 of his own with one on the way. I am VERY proud of him as I am all 3. So you WILL survive, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.
I read "Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World," by Zig Ziglar and many books on child rearing by James Dobson. What I found worked better than anything was taking 5 minutes off by myself to pray and then facing each obstacle one at a time.
It sounds to me like you have a very inquisitive child who is probably VERY intelligent and just wants to know things. She obviously learns by doing (a tactile learner) so try saving paper towel tubes, cardboard boxes, etc. that are trash to you, but she can use her creative mind to "build" something out of them. Give her palydough in the kitchen while you are cleaning it. One thing I always tried to do, if you want a clean house, keep her in the same room with you as you clean. If you change rooms, give her an appropriate toy for that room and bring her with you. Let her help do dishes and make the bed too! She'll stay busy and you'll get something accomplished...I hope!!

Susan - posted on 07/08/2009

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The Dobson books are great and I also recommend Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A Bailey. And lots of prayer for God's wisdom and guidance!!

[deleted account]

Though I haven't been as consistant as required, I was given a book to use with high recommendation. "How to Raise Children of Character, Even if they are Charactors". Twelve traits to work on each month, with versus to back them up and activities to do either as parents only or both parents and children. I got overwhelmed trying to homsechool, discipline, handle the multitude of stress for everyone and myself and failed to stay consistant with it. Things are starting to settle down now. I hope to start trying to use it again soon.



Sometimes, the enemy can use the ones we love most to hurt us. Pray for her and over her daily letting her know she is loved and that you both are working to make the days better for everyone. It really helps with my oldest sometimes.

[deleted account]

Sandy, that sounds like a great bible study. I am going to have to see if my grace group (what we call our bible study) would be interested in a study like that, thanks. And Vicki thanks for another book recommendation. Yeah know I just figured that there have to be other mom's that know what I am going through, so why not ask for some needed advise. Before I had children, I always thought how hard can it really be....lol, ok now I am eating those words. I always said I would never be the mother in the store with an out of control child who doesn't listen....lol, guess what I am that mom. Well easier said then done, it's a little harder than it looks...lol. Thanks again!!!!

Vicki - posted on 07/08/2009

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I am so impressed with everybody's loving, gentle advice to Brittney. Brittney, my heart goes out to you, I am also impressed with the way you reached out for help, and with your level of honesty. There was a time in my life, when my son was 3 that I also had a very stressful home situation. I sought the advice of a child psychologist and he recommended a book that was very helpful to me, even though I do not care for the title.



It's called "The Difficult Child" and authored by Stanley Turecki, M.D.

Turecki maintains that some children are just born difficult, but if you have the right parenting tools, the job can be performed with more ease more effectiveness



I like how Turecki states that the difficult behavior is not the parent or the child's fault. He recommends a 4 step program in language that's easy to follow: 1. Evaluate your situation 2. Regain adult authority using discipline that works 3. Managing your child's temperment through understanding first, then taking action 4. Putting it all together, now that you are an expert. This book helped me a lot during a difficult time in our life.

Sandy - posted on 07/08/2009

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Hi Brittney! I too have a 3 year old named Joshua. I totally understand what you're going thru and there have been days when I have been so frustrated with the discipline. I am currently in a Bible study at church for moms and we're reading the book, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. It's so great and it's helped me to look at discipline in a totally different way.... understanding that I first have to shepherd my child's heart to Christ and help him learn that when he disobeys, he's really disobeying Christ. I've seen a difference already and I'm not even done with the study.
If you have a church home, see if there is a Mommy bible study(or support group). There are quite a few of us who take turn watching each others kids so we too can take a break. I'll be praying for you... hang in there. A friend once told me the majority of a child's discipline happens before the age of 4 so, hopefully they'll be better days ahead!

Alice - posted on 07/08/2009

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Whoever dubbed the two's terrible never had a 3 year old. I feel your pain. I have a child like that too. I have found with mint that whne she is bored it is worse. If I have her do more grown up things than most would have a 3 or 4 do she is better. For example we just made lemonade with fresh lemons and she was super good. Spilled a little water and looked up and said, I am so sorry about that Mommy very quietly. It was great! If she has things to figure out like harder puzzles or printing it helps. All the discipline in the world does nothing if I am not stimulating her brain. Let me add that I agree she wants your attention any way she can get it. Mine does that too. It can be very hard. Right now I have two 5 year olds, a 4 year old and a 3 year old (grandchildren are visiting and they are close in age to mine). Involve her as much as possible in everything you do. I also concur with praying over your child and being sooooooooo excited when she makes Jesus smile.

Anne - posted on 07/08/2009

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Hi Brittney, one more thing I would do is Pray Scripture over and with your daughter. I am sure you are Praying for your children, but there is something about Praying to our Heavenly Father with our children that really helps. I have also Prayed over their rooms.
My VERY GODDLY Mother -In-Law shared with me this Bit of wisdom. This too will Pass.



When she is calm remind her that it makes Jesus soo Happy when she does the right thing.

God Bless you and your family. I will be Praying for you and your family.

Anne Watkins

[deleted account]

Thank you ladies. Wow Felissa you hit home, I have been told she was craving my attention by my mother, and I just shrugged my mom off. I am just spread real thin right now, and I know it shouldn't be about me. A little info about my family is, my husband works out of state 2 weeks at a time. So he's home twice a month equalling 4 days total for a month at home with us. So, its just me and the kids, and I just recently had to take on a part time job, b/c my husbands works is not looking good b/c of the economy. I am just exhausted, but that doesn't excuse me from not spending more time with my daughter. I never thought that just one on one time would make that much difference since I take both my kids to the park, and swimming, and on walks. But I can see your point. Ok I have been sobbing through this whole post....lol. Thanks for all the good advise this circle is a godsend. Thanks for your prayers as well we need them right now.

Kristi - posted on 07/07/2009

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I agree with the Dobson books. Check out the parenting section at your christian book store or better yet, try christian book distributors (CBD) for better prices. On Becoming Childwise by Gary Ezzo is also a good book. They stress the importance of starting moral training at this age, or teaching your children why they should behave.

[deleted account]

The one that saved my sanity was "You Can't Make Me (but I can be persuaded)" by Cynthia Tobias. An absolute GODSEND for really difficult kids.

Rebekah - posted on 07/07/2009

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I second the books by Dr. James Dobson.

And I also agree with Felissa, I think your daughter is craving attention so she resorts to the negative attention. Set aside each day a "mommy" time with your 3 year old - no other distractions, just her. See what happens after a few days of this. I bet you'll have a changed girl! :)

Felissa - posted on 07/07/2009

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I forgot to say what I said to my husband about spending time with the girls, it's not quanity of time it's QUALITY of time. You'd be surprised the conversations we've had just going to the convience store!!!!!

Felissa - posted on 07/07/2009

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Sounds like to me she may be craving your attention and negative attention is better than no attention, Please don't take it as me saying that your not doing your job because that's not what I'm saying. When I had my middle daughter my oldest got jealous at times and at that age they don't have the communication skills to verbalize it.

Try spending some one on one time with her, even if it's just running to the convience store to get something,or have her be a helper I know that things would get done faster without the "help" but kids like to help.

Also you said there is a lot of stress right now in your family, your kids can tell that even though they are young and you don't point it out to them. They pick up on these things, kids know ! Try to find someone to watch the kids for you if possible for a little bit so you can unwind.

Please know that I will be praying for you and your situation and hope that things start looking up soon.

When we say things are impossible God says that they are possible. (Luke 18:27)

Hang in there! :)

Delaina - posted on 07/07/2009

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Dare to Discipline by Dr James Dobson and The Strong-Willed Child by Dr James Dobson are both great books!

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