anyone else struggle with anger issues?

Holly - posted on 10/05/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I feel like a volcano that will erupt at any time..the littlest things seem to set me off..it is so frustrating knowing that I am not being a good witness but it seems to have a hold of ,me..Please pray God will give me the strength and courage to not live by how I feel but to live in the Spirit..My anger has affected my relationships with my husband and kids...any advice is greatly appreciated,,in Christ's love,Holly

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Carla - posted on 01/23/2013

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You're welcome, Jonathan. God gives us comfort and encouragement in some of the strangest ways, yet it's always Perfect. Like I told another lady on here, the Holy Spirit sits on my shoulder when I write, and my fingers comply. AND, with being the poster child for everything you SHOULDN'T do, I can have compassion for just about anyone ;)

God is so good. I just can't imagine why it took me so long to figure this out! But, like one of my 'girls of the heart' (one of my daughter's girlfriends who came to live with us as a Junior, and has stayed over the years) says, if I didn't go through all this heartache, I wouldn't be able to cry with you when you hurt, or talk to you like a Mama when you need it--and a lot of women on here will tell you, I DO give it to ya straight when ya need it ;)

God bless, hon!

Carla - posted on 01/21/2013

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You're welcome, Jonathan. It is generally when we are at our lowest that we call on God, and He lovingly swoops into the scene and gives us a hand up. It was that way for me. My story is the stuff that Lifetime movies are made of, but suffice it to say that, when I thought my life was over, God restored to me what the palmer worm and canker worm stole. That's why I love Him so! My husband also saw the difference in me--we had been fence-sitting for 30 years, but when I got serious with the Lord, there was a change in me. And God restored our marriage. Several years later, he re-dedicated his life, or rather quit playing church and started developing a relationship with God. We now counsel with couples or person, if the other spouse doesn't want counseling, and put God out there as the Solution to ANY problem.

God's never done. Keep living your life, making you the best Jonathan you can be. You never know what's around the corner.

God bless!

Carla - posted on 01/20/2013

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Thank you, Jonathan. That took a lot of guts to post.

I don't think Holly's on this forum any longer, but I hope others (including me) will read your testimony and take a good long look at their lives.

The beauty of these forums is that people from all over the world can share and encourage each others, and we have had quite a few 'Mr Moms' contribute.

May the Lord bless you, and I pray that if it's the Lord's will, your wife will see the change in you and give it one more try.

Holly - posted on 10/06/2009

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Wow! I can relate. I grew up in a very angry and negative home, and I carried that into my marriage. I was wicked!! I have been married for nine years and I have a son, almost two years. In the past year, God has changed me almost completely. My anger and bitterness is gone. I rarely lose my cool and have learned to think differently about things. God has showed me that it's a spiritual issue of the mind. How I think determines how I react. I have been reading so many good books and God has brought some great truths to light for me. I would encourage you with the following thoughts: God always has your best interest in mind. When you are tempted to be upset about some circumstance, you need to remember that if there were a better, easier, or more painless way for God to accomplish His will in your life, He would do it. Another thought: Anger is based almost entirely on expectations. The difference between our expections and what actually happens = anger. The closer our expectations are to actual truth, the less angry we become. Try to lessen your expectations in the areas that always fall short. Another thought:"You can't cease to be angry about things simply by trying hard not to be. You need to change your mind about how important some things really are; get your priorities in order. Then, when something is withheld or damaged, or you are critized or slighted, anger will not be your first response." Another thought: Most of all, remember that God is in charge! The more you trust Him, the less angry you will be. You need to trust Him with everything!



I'd be thrilled to share more with you. I am so excited about what God is doing in my life. It is difficult to change, and certainly impossible on our own! Trying harder is not the answer. I tried that for many many years. I am currently finishing my degree in Biblical counselling, so I really enjoy listening to others and trying to help them. Feel free to contact me, if you are interested in working on this with me. I'd be happy to pray for you and try to be accountablility for you, if you'd like. Trust me -- it's so worth it to get this under control before you destroy your home. I have been learning to change my expectations for my husband and my kids and myself. I'd love to share! My email address is as follows: h_besser@hotmail.com. Contact me anytime!



Holly (too!) :)

Anne - posted on 10/05/2009

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Holly, I have had problems with anger in the past. I finally had to be honest with myself, family and God about what was really bothering me. For me I tend to be a control freak so when things do not go like I think they should IF I DO NOT stay in the Word and IN PRAYER anger is going to get me every time. The one attitude change came for me when I , and I really can not even remember what made me so angry, realized that what I was angry about was not going to keep me out of Heaven BUT my attitude and the results could keep me or someone else from going to Heaven. That shook me to the core of my being to think MY Attitude could cause someone that did not Know Christ to deiced they wanted nothing to do with Christ because of my behavior.



One other thing that helped me was to Read I Cor. 13 every day and to put my name where it applied and my families name where it applied. I hope this helped.



I will be Praying for you. God changed my heart Hecan change Yours too!!!

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Jonathan - posted on 01/22/2013

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I am so glad I met you Carla. What a blessing! May the Lord richly bless you and your husband and may he cause you to richly grow in faith and love and every grace! Many blessings:

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.” - John Newton

Jonathan - posted on 01/21/2013

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Thank you and God bless you Carla! I was worried that if I posted it I may receieve negative feedback. So I really appreciate your kind loving and understaning words. This is honestly the most difficult and challenging time in my life, and the Lord knows I need encouragment from others. My wife really needs the prayers of God's people. She is going through alot. But yes I really hope that in some way or other the Lord changes her heart and allows her to see the great changes he has worked in my life and in my heart. Thank you very much for your words of comfort.

Jonathan - posted on 01/20/2013

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Hi, Though I may not be a mom. I was a stay at home father for 6 years. I was married to the woman of my dreams, but because of my struggle with bipolar disorder my moods were often way out of whack and as a result I often struggled with sinful anger and angry outbursts towards my wife and children. Though it got somewhat better over the years, I never seemed to be able to conquer this beast fully until things finally took a turn for the worst in my marriage. One evening I had a severe manic and psychotic breakdown and I got angry at my wife irrationally for things she wasnt even doing. In fact It got so bad I even got the children involved in the argument and I said and did some very hurtful things to my wife. It was domestic violence, plain and simple. Her mom had heard us arguing on the phone and so she called the police. They showed up and I was arrested and taken to jail. My wife was persuaded by law enforcment to get a restraining order against me and I was ordered by the courts to take a year of domestic violence classes. At first my wife wanted to give me a chance to change and make things better but her bitterness and anxiety from the events grew so much that it is as if she doesn't even love me anymore and regrets ever having met me (inspite of all of the good things we experienced together in our marriage over the years and our fellowship together and growth in grace). And now its seems like she is talking about wanting to get a divorce. The Lord has really used all of these seemingly horrible events to show me just how destructive my sinful anger had been over the years and the dire necessity for me to repent of it and to establish more godly character in my life. The Lord has shown his undeserved and truly amazing grace towards me through all of this and he has even used all of it to uproot my sinful anger and to cause me to grow in faith and love and every grace. He has caused me to bear new fruit of kindness gentleness peace and self control. I just want to enourage you Holly that yes, there are other believers out there who are going through similar struggles with anger issues. The good news is that the Lord will give you the victory over these things to the praise of His glorious grace. May the Lord richly bless you as you seek to do his will more and more.

Jonathan Sutton

Angel - posted on 10/06/2009

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I must agree with Ann Watkins, I to struggled with Anger. The Lord help set me free. When I get in his word and pray, it changes me from the inside to the out, everyone notices a change in me, my husbands, children, and even strangers. I will be praying for you on this journey, it is a hard one but it is well worth the fight.

Lyanna - posted on 10/06/2009

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I have this problem also. It truly makes me feel like a failure as a Christian. I see so many others who are able to deal with similar situations with so much grace. I often lash out at my daughter and husband (sometimes in voilent ways) because I am angry. I do not even know where the anger comes from. I have been praying for patience which I feel God is slowly blessing me with. Surrounding myself with others who have different perspectives on the same situations and events helps also (for example, when my friend and I get together and our daughters play, watching how she disciplines and words she uses helps me think in other ways. Also watching Nanny 911). Unfortunately, the anger is still there, I am simpy able to cope and respnd a little better. I just wanted to let you know that someone else is going through something similar. I will continue to follow this post to see other suggestions and let you know of anything that will help us both. God Bless.

Shenell - posted on 10/06/2009

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hi holly.i will pray for you.i too have just overcome alot of my anger.i was violent to my husband,it didnt take nothing for me to blow up i was told you could hear me yelling down the street.i would tear my husband down to no end.i would cuss strangers out.my family was scared that oneday my anger would land me in jail or worse.i started christian counseling and praying.confronting my anger and finding ways to channel it in different ways.God helped me and continues to do so.i still feel angry sometimes i just talk to him ask him for peace and evaluate the situation.

Anne - posted on 10/05/2009

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Holly I just read your post about your Testimony. I am responding here about your other post BECAUSE as you said God Saved you from all of those things. HE can and Will Heal you of your Anger. It is not easy to surrender your anger to God but YOU WITH GOD"S HELP can do it!
What an honest and wonderful testimony. I was saved 20 years before I could be that honest. I have now been saved 36 years last month and I know if I learned to be honest with my past you can give your anger to GOD.

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