Are there any other Moms in this group that use a paddle to spank with?

Anna - posted on 11/15/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My name is Anna and I am from Mexico and now living in Ohio. I have three school age boys that suffer from ADD/ADHD. I am a pro spanking mom and I have a paddle that hangs on a hook in my kitchen for everybody to see. I am a firm believer in my paddle for discipline as a last resort. I always try other punishments first like time-outs, taking away things they enjoy and grounding them; but, when all things fail I use my paddle for age appropriate spankings. - So, my question is Am I the only Mom in this group who believes in using a paddle to spank with?

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Carla - posted on 12/01/2011

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Rebecca, in certain states it may be illegal, not in others. We need to be very careful in labeling other womens' discipline methods. Each person will stand before God and give an answer for their lives.

I feel maybe it's a good time to close this thread. May God bless us all, and give us wisdom to raise the children He gave us.

Angela - posted on 11/27/2011

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Surely any child can avoid punishment (spanking or whatever) by complying - but only doing this for the sake of the peace. I can think of loads of situations where I was docile in order to have a peaceful life and avoid punishment but inside I seethed with anger and didn't agree with how I was having to behave. I'm sure I wasn't the only person who has felt this way when growing up?

With this in mind the (mentally) rebellious individual who goes along with whatever behaviour parents prefer makes a definite choice to do exactly as they wish when they're old enough not to get parental discipline (whether this is spanking or any other discipline). And believe me, they COUNT THE DAYS .... Being able to "show" one's parents becomes more important than anything ...

And that why you have rebellious adults. Pride plays a huge part.

Some things my parents were right about, some things they definitely weren't right about. But also, some lessons have to be learned by the individual person themselves.

The same pride is why many adults are estranged from their family members.

I wasn't estranged from mine but I'll admit to mellowing at the point in my own life when I realised it wasn't easy raising a family.

But realistically, a stubborn, strong-minded child doesn't have to be punished for defiance, disobedience etc ... All they have to do is comply whilst at the same time making up their minds to "do things differently as soon as I'm old enough ..." Trust me, loads of kids and teenagers do this.

Keri - posted on 11/22/2011

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In response to Rachel, I disagree. While I know the "spare the rod, spoil the child" refers to discipline not spanking, Spanking IS a form of discipline and when used correctly is a good form as well. My children do not "fear" the rod but they "fear" the pain it causes, and it is a healthy fear. As we are to "fear" the Lord,"fear" His wrath. It is not bad to "fear", it simply depends on what it is you fear, and why. The WHY is a big factor. The Lord doesnt want us to fear some things because in most things we fear because we do not have the faith that God will provide, or our trust in Him. Totally different from discipline.

To OP: I do use the rod, or paddle, or mixing spoon whatever is close by lol I do not need it often, but it has been used, and I'm sure it wont be gathering dust anytime soon.

April - posted on 11/22/2011

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I do use spanking as an option in discipline and I do have a paddle to use if the situation is appropriate, but I don't use it every time.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

15 Comments

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Rebecca - posted on 12/01/2011

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In America it is illegal to hit your child with a paddle or a wooden spoon. That is called child abuse.

Jennifer - posted on 11/29/2011

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We have two small children 5 and 2 about to be 3. We do spank but we have strict rules about when and we only use our hands on their butts because if I spank to hard I want to feel it too. I grew up in a house where my mother disciplined from her chair she never got out of and my father used the belt for anything you did he did not like. Our rules for the house are they get spanked for two reasons.
1. For doing something dangerous ie. Running out in the street, climbing something they should not, things that just in general would be a trip to the hospital in the end.
2. Is for just flat out disobedience ie. Saying NO in a situation they where told to do something, those times they look at you and do it anyway. (Which as my husband points out connects back to the first point. If the kid is riding their bike and over a bush you see a car backing out of a driveway that your child cannot see and you say STOP! You want your child to stop not the 2nd or 3rd time but the 1st to insure their safety. We want our child to learn to stop when we tell them to keep them safe.
All other offenses or just being bad like hitting or throwing toys have other consequence to the actions or choices they make.
The only other problem we are having is with grandparents to follow our rules or them stepping in the middle of disciplining and contradicting what we are say. It is not with our kids but their grandparents.

Carla - posted on 11/28/2011

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@Angela, my apologies. I deleted that post after thinking on it for a while, I don't know how it returned. The wound of my daughter is a little raw. Putting the duct tape on my fingers ;)

Angela - posted on 11/27/2011

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Carla, my comments were general - not aimed at your personal situation - if anything they were reflecting on my own past. And I didn't suggest family estrangement was through spanking or punishment, but rather because a child had chosen to avoid spanking/punishment by being docile and therefore not true to their own selves - all the while planning & plotting for a change of action in the future!

I know of a happily married lady with 2 grown sons who are doing well in their chosen careers. They have absolutely NO contact with either set of grandparents.

All four grandparents were a little heavy handed with their (unwanted) parenting advice when the first child was born. So the children's mother just cut them out of their lives completely - her own parents and her husband's parents. That was over 20 years ago. The kids are absolutely fine, so are the parents. Grandparents still have no contact. I personally think this was a bit drastic!

Today's generations of young parents are far more assertive. Many grandparents are loath to talk to their own adult children on equal terms, neither side will bridge the gap - pride plays a massive part ....

Not saying any of these scenarios are YOUR experiences, Carla. It takes all types to make a world and parents unfortunately have to do a lot of tongue-biting!!

Carla - posted on 11/27/2011

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I am in serious doubt that my daughter is estranged from me because I spanked her. ALL our children were loved lavishly. People have rationalized and explained rebellion so that it doesn't have to be seen for what it is.

Each person has to be fully persuaded in their own minds as to the disciplining tools they use. I freely admit that I somehow dropped the ball in raising my oldest. She had been through a lot with my first husband, and I allowed her 'a little slack' because of what she had witnessed in the past. I was wrong. Disciplining is a separate issue from what we, as humans, experience. We ARE expected to raise our children into Godly adults. Rebellion is unacceptable.

God bless, all

Rachel - posted on 11/26/2011

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@Keri - you make a good point about fearing God. We are to "work out our own salvation with fear and trembling", and are to "fear God more than man" and "fear and quake" at sin, but I really believe paddling gets in the way of this kind of fear, rather than reinforces it. Obviously every family is different, but I really only have my own experiences to go on. My husband is a wonderful man, but was diciplined with a paddle. He now really struggles with fear based living. For years, his "fear" of God would turn into angry rebellion. Now that he fully understands the atonement, he has graduated to a low grade anxiety, but fear still controls so many of his choices. Its just not good enough to me. The same goes for my oldest child (the one who saw the most paddling). She is a wonderful, sweet delightful child, but she is the one with the devious streak. She hides things, lies about things, and is my only one to struggle with theft. She's also scared of what others think of her. And here was the real dealbreaker. While visiting a neighbours, another kid molested her and she was too scared to tell me about it for over a year. When she finally did, I talked to the boys mother and the boy had been in councilling for 6mo because the boys uncle had abused HIM, but the parents had no clue he was repeating the behaviour. Now he's getting the help he needs. So, you can see why I've changed my tactics. I truly believe children need to be taught to fear the sin, not the punishment, fear the consequences of turning away from God more than turning away from the things of the world, and to take their own salvation more seriously than anything else. A paddle just doesn't have the ability to do that. And a child who obeys me out of fear just isn't good enough anymore. For much of the last century, we've been bombarded with fear, much of it used to manipulate or bring about an agenda. I want to give my kids more than reactionary thinking processes. John 3:9 (i think) says "there is no fear in love, for perfect love cast out fear; because fear hath torment. He that feareth has not been made perfect in love". I want my kids to be fearless as Jesus Christ was fearless. Would he have ever made it to the cross if he learned to not do anything that might cause him physical pain? Just my take. And like I said, my hubby WAS paddled, and he really did truly turn out to be a wonderful man.

Liz - posted on 11/22/2011

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My little one is only a year old so shes not there yet but my mum used a slipper on me on the back of the legs which hasn't had that bad effect on me

Rachel - posted on 11/16/2011

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I used to. Couple things changed my mind. The book Children are from Heaven by John Gray, the explanation of the scripture "spare the rod, spoil the child" and having someone bring to my attention that God commands us in some form or other to not have fear 144 times. The book really made me second guess the effecacy of spanking, the "spare the rod" scripture is a reference to the guidance and boundaries a shepherd gives his lambs by pointing and aiming and moving the lambs with the rod, not
beating them with it. And if God has commanded us to fear not, I can no longer, in good conscience, utilize fear to discipline. I still don't "spare the rod", but I personally feel like I'm doing a better job now than I was when I was spanking.

Carla - posted on 11/16/2011

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Our children are grown, but when they were little, I usually used my hand. When they were old enough that I couldn't phase them with a hand, we started using restrictions, taking away items, etc. Now with our grandbabies, we use the naughty chair, and this seems to work very well with them. I tell them to do (or don't do) something once, next time is 'the warning', the third time, they go in naughty chair, 1 min per year of age. This seems to be a great deterrent to bad behavior. Also a good attitude adjuster for my granddaughter.

God bless, sweetheart!

Anne - posted on 11/16/2011

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Our daughters are 23 and 27 so it has been a very long time since I use the wooden spoon, but yes like you I would use it in extreme cases and NEVER in ANGER. With our daughters one or two swats on a covered bottom was all that was need to not see that behavior again.

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