Attachment Parenting - anyone?

Karen - posted on 09/04/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I grew up in a Christian home. My dad was a pastor for all of my growing up years. I attend a Mennonite Brethren church. Basically I am a follower of Christ and have been for as long as I can remember. And yet ...
I often feel alone in this group and rarely comment (though I often have a totally different take on the subject from most of the people who post) for fear of how I will be perceived. I'm an Attachment Parenting, parent. I wear my babies, co-sleep, breastfeed (currently breastfeeding my 22 month old and will continue until she weans herself), use positive discipline strategies (no punishments or rewards), cloth diaper (and next time I plan to EC), have not and will not use CIO, respond quickly to my child, etc etc etc. Are there any more of us in this group or am I truly alone?

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Jami - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hi Karen, I am a Christian Attachment Parent too, and like you I also sometimes feel alone, one because of how I was brought up and two because I sometimes feel very different or judged by other parents because of the way we parent (does that make sense?)

I tend to just focus on what Christ has done for me and hope that with Him shining through my life others will forget the way that I choose to parent and focus on the Christ in me and want to know more. Not everyone is the same or parents the same, but we are all sisters in Christ :)

Amber - posted on 10/03/2012

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I too am a believer in our awesome Lord. What a blessing to find your blog on here or question. I am brand new to this site, and looking for more answers on attachment parenting. I breastfeed until self weened, co-sleep, partially clothe diaper (paper out on the town dont know why we just do, and paper at night) I too wear my lo, when needed. What is EC? I did the babywise method on my oldest but it worked the very first try, I never had to wait for her to stop crying longer than a minute or two. Its as if she was ready to be sleeping on her own. That was at 6 months, old now with my second daughter who is 7 months old, I am nursing her literally all night long. We thought that it was a teething thing but her two teeth are completely in and she is still nursing all night.

Angela - posted on 08/27/2012

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I breastfed and used cloth nappies. I doubt if I was an "attachment parent" though. Didn't like to hear kids cry it out - my own kids or anyone else's so I usually attended to them so the crying would stop. Due to really serious issues in not being able to find employment, I was a stay-at-home-mother - so not through choice.



I always did my very best to foster independence in my kids - from an early age. They generally laughed, ridiculed and made fun of other kids who were clingy to their mothers or less "grown up" for their age! They read newspapers fluently from 6 or 7 years old, had opinions on current affairs in the media and on the behaviour of both adults and children in our neighbourhood. They did very well at school and had the respect of school teachers with the exception of one old-fashioned teacher one child had who felt children should be children and be very innocent and not have a clue about anything.



Nurturing children well as babies ensures they're not babies for too long. God wants us to raise self-confident, self-sufficient individuals who have minds of their own!

Shelley-Ann - posted on 08/27/2012

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Valerie, darling, thank you so much for clarifying what EC was. I'm not up to date on the abbreviations and was a little lost at first.



Anyway, I'm very fascinated about these terms and concepts such as attachment parenting, cry it out and the whole elimination communication thing. The reason I say this is that I'm from the Caribbean and these concepts are just so alien to me because it's like every day life. You don't lable it. It's just something you do. Co sleeping is just a fact of life, like breastfeeding until the child weans him/herself. We just do what we have to do, what we think is best. I did use cloth diapers for my first child until I had to work and couldn't handle the clean up. The second one used disposables simply because it was easier as both my husband and I worked. The daycare wouldn't deal with the cloth diapers.



I never let my kids cry it out, and they are not spoiled. They know I love them and they often don't fuss about many things. They adapt and adjust quite easily, as all kids who feel safe and loved will do. I've never "worn" my kids, but whenever I was home they were with me. Always in the same room, usually in my arms, unless they were sleeping. We bathed together until they got independent enough to want to be on their own.



I just realized that this post was from 2010. I hope you no longer feel alone because there are many women who do what you do, even partially if not completely. And, quite frankly, I think there are many who wish they could do what you do but circumstances may not completely allow. Be encouraged, Karen, that you are doing what you think is best for your kids and I believe they are the better for it. But my opinion isn't really what matters, it's how healthy and happy your kids are.

Samantha - posted on 08/27/2012

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divorced single christian of three here. im an attachment mother, it started during my divorce. extended breast feeding, sleeping together bathing together, slings, love and cuddling

Megan - posted on 09/14/2010

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just remember your opinions are just that - yours. when someone asks for advice and you give it, they have the choice to take it or leave it. chin up, nobody totally agrees with the next.

Lori - posted on 09/13/2010

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I guess I could be considered an attachment parent. I breastfed my son and only stopped because my milk supply was not efficient enough for him. He has slept in our bed from day one. I absolutely do not agree with the CIO method, it literally makes me sick to hear my child cry. He is very attached to me, to the point that I can not even leave the room without him flipping out at times. My husband gets frustrated at times and tells me he is too attached. I think that is non sense, I am a stay at home mommy, he should be attached to me more than anyone else. I love every minute of it. I also believe in positive reinforcement as a discipline strategy. I am not sure if all this qualifies me as the attachment type of parent, I am just trying to do what is right by my son. I love him dearly and would do anything to help him thrive.

Valerie - posted on 09/13/2010

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For us ec'ing was harder than diapers for the first two weeks as we adjusted to really being focused on her and her signals, but after that it was so much easier!

@Jill - I know! I know it's mostly about what's best for our kids, but when I think of all the money I spent on diapers and wipes with the first two... ;)

Jill - posted on 09/12/2010

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valerie .. that is cool the EC thing.... wish i would have known that 3 kids ago.....i def,,,don't let my kids cry it...and they are def. not spoiled by it..... they are just happy happy kids

Valerie - posted on 09/11/2010

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CIO is Cry It Out. That by attending to babies as soon as they cry can spoil them and you should let them learn to soothe themselves. Anti-CIO thoughts are that until 3-4 months of age, it is impossible to spoil your baby. They need to learn that they can trust you to attend to their needs when they need it, whether it is feeding, changing a wet diaper, or maybe they were just startled by something and want to be held. As they get older and the trust has been built, you can begin to teach them to self-soothe.

EC is Elimination Communication or 'Natural Infant Hygiene.' It is based on the premise that babies are born not wanting to wet themselves or sit in wet diapers, they learn to tolerate it. They we have to 'train' them again to stay dry. Babies in less developed and poorer countries whose moms wear them all the time don't pee on their mothers all day long. My first two kids went through disposable diapers so I am not 'preachy' about it, but if anyone would like more info, I would be more than happy to post more information on it. I was a HUGE skeptic and my husband thought I was nuts when I suggested it to him, but by the time she was 4 months and he didn't have to change poopy diapers anymore, he was sold. lol

@Karen Ellerbe - We use Moby wraps. I am 5' 4" and my hubby is 6' 3" so we had carrier issues too. The moby-style wraps are tied individually each time you put it on so they are very versatile and easy to fit any body type. I just have more fabric left over than he does when he wears it.

Stephanie Jo - posted on 09/10/2010

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Karen, my 6yr Isabella has her twin bed in our room. She needs to be with me and I agree.She says she is going to sleep there until she is 16.lol. I slept with my mom until I was a teenager.mommies baby.

Jill - posted on 09/10/2010

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please tell me what EC is and CIO... i have never heard of attachment parenting but find i do things similarly... i breastfed...God bless you for the duration of yours... my longest was 8 months. i have co slept with my first 2 and currently do it 1/2 the night with my 2 yr old.... i respond quickly to my kids ... mine never had to cry it out....i thought this was normal and what most mothers do....

Karen don't worry about how you are percieved ... this is a forum for opinions .... some you will agree with some you will not... i think the main thing is to build someone up with your words instead of tearing them down... thats it... i find if i don;t agree or can;t say something nice to a post i don't post my opinion...God Bless you

Valerie - posted on 09/08/2010

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Hi Karen, nice to hear from you! I only check in every couple weeks, I have 3 kids so I don't get as much computer time as I'd like. ;) We co-slept with our kids until around 6months, and I am a firm advocate of baby-wearing! I used my sling and moby wrap in the early months but now that my youngest is 21 months I mostly just use the moby because it spreads the weight out so evenly. She is also still nursing (my older two stopped at 22 and 26 months respectively and it was on their own.) Although my first two were diaper babies, a good friend of mine EC'ed with her two boys and was very encouraging so I have ec'ed with my youngest since she was 7 weeks old and I wish I had known more about it with the first two! She was 80% diaper-free by 6 months, I just used waterproof training pants when we were out of the house. She has been in regular cotton panties since about 12 months during the day, though I still used the waterproof pants as back-up at night until about a month ago. We have never let any of our kids CIO until the toddler ages when they can start to throw fits when they are mad. But I found that just walking out of the room and ignoring it stops that from becoming a habit! ;) I don't count that as the same as letting an infant CIO though.

In short, good for you! My older two are 12 and 7 and are not sissies, spoiled or a 'mama's boy or girl' or anything else that some people have said can happen from 'spoiling' them with AP. My 12 y-o girl is almost a tomboy, she is all about sports as is my son. She likes dressing like a girl and wearing nail polish so I can't say she is a total tomboy. lol God is great and leads us to be the best parent we can. I know AP is not for everyone, but the physical and emotional benefits, both for my kids and for me, I see are amazing! You are not alone and feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk about anything!

Karen - posted on 09/08/2010

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Hi Karen! (Love the name!!!) I also do some AP myself, and I don't believe in CIO. However, I don't wear my 10 month old because I don't have a carrier that fits me comfortably. I'm only 5'2" and my husband is 6'2". the one we have is comfortable for him, but not for me, so I would be very interested in finding out what you use. It would help me a great deal. My son is attached, but lately I've been trying to break him out of it just because he is too heavy to carry all the time!!
I'm new here as of yesterday, but I don't think you should feel alone. I believe that we all have our own ways that work best for us and our babies. Everyone is different and that includes our children. What works for one doesn't always work for the other, and it seems that your parenting style works best for you and your babies. Don't feel alone. Be blessed. Love you in Jesus' Name!

Jamie - posted on 09/08/2010

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I practice attachment parenting! I don't do everything that you do, but I wear my baby, co-sleep (she moved to her own bed at 13 months because she started waking up 5-8 times a night. She moved straight to her crib without a single tear shed. Oh, and her crib is still in our room ), breastfeed until the baby self weans, and have never used cio. I do, however, use disposable diapers, and I don't know what my discipline strategy would be called, but my child is punished for bad behavior and rewarded for good behavior. Different strategies work for different babies. I hope this makes you feel more at home.

Rebecca - posted on 09/08/2010

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I'm not an AP mommy, but I do some of the things that you mentioned, and I would love to hear more of your suggestions! I, like many other moms I assume, had never heard of AP until you posted, and I'm sure that your advice would be helpful to many other moms. We all do things a little different, and we all have opinions as to the pros and cons of discipline, sleeping habits, diapering, CIO, etc., but that doesn't mean that one opinion is right or wrong...it's just different! And even if someone didn't want to adopt the AP lifestyle, there are certain aspects to it that they may want to try.

I do cloth diapers and wipes, and make my own detergent, I would have breastfed longer but my milk dried up, I don't wear my baby all the time, but I do sometimes in a sling, and I let him CIO to an extent. I think you have more in common with the other moms here than you think! I look forward to your great advice and I hope you are beginning to feel more at home here!

Josette - posted on 09/08/2010

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I am a very attached Parent Karen!! I can't breastfeed because of the medication I take for my blood, however I co-slept with all of mine and I am now doing so with my 6 month old, I carry them everywhere too. My Amber (she is going to be 6 in December) was being held and picked up right up until my baby was born. You know what some children need more time with Mom and Dad and others are more independent my oldest daughter Alexandria was always very strong willed and Independent and wanted to sleep on her own early and do things for herself.
I also was born into a Christian family and just followed the example of my Mother and she showed me how to be a good Mom :)
I do not use punishments either we instead talk about what happened and I ask them "lets see what the Bible says about this?"
You are never alone we are family, Sisters in Christ *hugs*

Kari - posted on 09/07/2010

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My sister in law does seems to practice AP It would have some benefits and downsides just like any parenting style. We have many great chats she is very green, making her own lawndry detergent etc, etc, while I don't take things that far we still have the most important part in Christ in common. We respect that we make time for some ideals and not others. I don't vacinate (anymore) after a very bad reaction that the doc's wont admit to. She feels VERY strongly for vacs who is right? I am still dealing with the my daughters reaction 4 years later. we both have very strong thoughts on the subject. We still get along good though. I think on some levels we all feel alone out there and different. With so many choices and the world throwing "mud" at us it is hard to stand firm and secure. I just did part of a coarse on AP and really enjoyed it. My kids are 11, 9, 6 and 4 I homeschool and were breast fed. so on many levels we are probably on the same page. just be carful though... when your kids start calling Macdonald the diarea place and you have the owners as customers it can be VERY embarrasing :)

Anne - posted on 09/07/2010

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Hi Karen our daughters are 22 and 26 so I had never heard of AP Parenting. I am not sure I would have had the patience it must take for you to follow through with your parenting style. I have always respected moms that were able to BF for longer than a few months. Welcome to our group and also to Kristin.

Kristin - posted on 09/07/2010

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Hi Karen,
I love my attachment parenting ways. I wear my one year old everyday, we are breastfeeding and will continue, we no long co-sleep because she prefers her own bed now. I applaud you for cloth diapers! I'm not that green yet:) I attend to her when she whimpers...she never really cries because I'm always right there with her. And if you really want to talk about feeling alone...I don't vaccinate, ha ha ha.

I understand where you are coming from. I feel this way too sometimes..I live in a part of the US where my mothering is foreign. I've never seen anyone ever wear their baby around here.

BUT... like the other mothers here I LOVE THE LORD...and he supports my mothering:)

You are not alone here...I am new to this group ..as of today. I hope to learn from you and be a support in your AP ways.

Carla - posted on 09/07/2010

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Back in the days of the dinosaurs, the only disposable diapers were these stiff horrid things that no self-respecting mother would put on their children, so I used cloth diapers. They were cheap, you could rinse out the poo in the toilet, so there was no garbage smell. I used disposable diapers on my 3rd, because they had improved them between #2 and #3, and I worked, had 10 people in our household at that time, and I had enough wash! My niece is using cloth diapers, and likes them!

God bless, honey

Sarah - posted on 09/06/2010

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Stephanie, CIO is letting your child "cry-it-out" when they go to sleep.

I do not consider myself an Attachment Parent, but I know there's bound to be plenty of Christian mommies out there that do practice AP. I'm sorry you feel alone in this group & I hope you still feel free to express your opinions and thoughts. Even though I don't consider myself an AP parent, I do love to learn about how other parents do things! For instance, I don't use cloth diapers with my son, but I plan to try them out with my next child & love to hear about other people's experiences with them.

Stephanie Jo - posted on 09/06/2010

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I thought that we were all sisters in Christ. We are here to support each other, give our thoughts and try to help.You should give your thoughts, it may help someone in need. I really dont know what attachment parenting is. I breastfed my youngest until she was 15 months and only stopped because I ran out of milk. Would love to know more about positive discipline strategies.Dont know what cio is. I hope I havent said anything to offend you if I have I am sorry. Hope to see ya around.

Karen - posted on 09/05/2010

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I certainly appreciate your comments and encouragement. I guess I'm still hoping to find out if there are any Christian moms out there who are also attachment parents. I'd really like to chat with them.

Victoria - posted on 09/04/2010

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Karen don't feel alone. Just because some of our practices are different, we are followers of Christ & the word foremost & everything else is really just secondary.

[deleted account]

The only 2 of those I do is co-sleep (in his own bed now, but I don't have a room for him) and breastfeed my 2.5 year old son, but you should never feel alone here. You ARE a Christian mommy and you are doing (sounds like, at least) what you feel is best for your daughter. That's what matters. :)

Carla - posted on 09/04/2010

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Karen, no one should feel alone in this group, we are all sister Christians. We may do things differently, but we need each other! Sometimes we get stuck in our own thoughts and beliefs and forget that there are others out there that come from different backgrounds.

Please, do not ever stand back when someone may be waiting for what you have to say.

God bless, honey

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