begging for prayer and any type of advice!!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/16/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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please pray for me i am having a very hard time. i left my husband 18 months ago because i couldnt handle the never helping me, never being home, working all the time, no emotional support...years of begging him to get US help and always told it was me not him. so i left...it turned my world upside down, i thought i was doing better by leaving so maybe he would do more with the kids and realize work wasnt everything. but i was done...i just wanted him there for the kids! well after 18 months i cant let him go, we are suppose to sign divorce papers in a month, but i will never be able to do it. but so much has been done and said, and so many hurtful things, that i dont know if i could ever go back. he works for his family and they have ALWAYS been a huge factor in our problems. i was raised in a very good christian family, so my decision was not easy, but my husband after 20 years of marriage never was saved and never would attend church. when i left i had this PEACE about leaving. he started going to church and he was saved and baptized, and please GOD forgive me for saying this, but i dont know if it was true or a way to get me back. sometimes he can still be so mean with his words and i dont know how to even think about how to make things right with our marriage. i dont know that i will ever be able to let him go, but im terrified of getting hurt again.
so please anyone if you have anything suggestions, or scriptures, please help me, because i feel sometimes i have let GOD down for my sins and maybe i dont deserve to be helped or even be happy...but i know that the power of pray and the more i have praying for me then GOD will hear my begging of his help!!! thank you for praying for me!!!

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Kelley - posted on 09/16/2009

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Hey Heather the bible says that a sanctified wife will make a sanctified husband if not your children would be unclean. It also says you can win them over by your chaste conduct.Also Proverbs 31 lays out an outline of a virtuous woman of course going step by step these attributes would be impossible to follow but as a guideline they are simply Be a godly woman putting God first and provide for your husband ,kids everything they need. I was married for 6 years to a man that was not a christian and I didn't believe in divorce so I put up with alot of stuff.Including mental,emotional abuse,Drug abuse,alcoholism,abandonment,loneliness and the list goes on.Till one day I knew and was told I was released from that marriage.No matter how much I prayed he never was interested in God for that matter he fought every christian thing I did. But he was abusive in so many ways!!! I later years later found out he molested our children during his visits. My point is this even though I was married to a monster I can still look back and see where I was wrong in the marriage. Even though the percentage was 95% his fault and 5% mine.I realize that I was so disappointed in my marriage because it was by far not what I ha ever expected or thought for myself.I shoved my wants ,beliefs and being a christian down his throat so hard.It only caused an already rebellious person to rebel more.Then instead of me winning him to Jesus because I made being a christian look wonderful. It became a battle of the fittest who would win this now power struggle. No where in the bible does it say wives nag your husbands into being the christian/father/husband they should be. You can only change you and your actions. If you want him to spend time with his children, then quit nagging him about it and tring to force him to be interested in their lives as you are.That is only hurting his relationship with them because it will become a war of who is gonna get their way and men are stubborn he will avoid doing things just to prove you can't make him. you want him to spend family time because he loves and misses his family not because it is a chore or to shut you up. Learn to watch what you say.If you need to vent have a prayer journal and vent it to God. Cast your cares upon him for he careth for you. Proverbs says it is better to live on the corner of a roof top than with a fighting nagging woman. I guess what I am saying is if he is not abusive to you or the children.Then pray for him but quit judging his faults "Though they probably are many" Judge and change you and let God do the rest!!























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Marilyn - posted on 09/17/2009

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Hi Heather,don't give up. God is all POWERFUL!! he knows your troubles and his issues(your hubby).God hates divorce,reconcile talk to your pastor that he can give advice.we all go through storms in our marriage.read these scriptures..1Cor 7:10-16...7:27,28.....Be strong in the Lord,read Ephesians 5:9-20,may our Lord Jesus Christ bless your home..I to go through alot.

Rita - posted on 09/17/2009

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Remember the scripture also says if the unbeliever wants to go let him go. I do not know your situation but from what you have said it appears that you may be under a lot of emotional abuse. That is worse that physical abuse. Physical injuries heal and sometimes ther are no residual reminders of the injury but what is spoken is sometimes very painful. Scripture says the tounge is like a sword because words cut deeply. It is hard when you are struggling with your christian beliefs and divorce because the desier is that we don't divorce, but God does not want us to be abused. He is a loving God and He knows your heart in this situation ... Trust in the Lord. have you spent much time talking with Christ and asked for what He wants you to do? Maybe talk with your pastor. Another great help is an elder in the church. A older woman that is solid in Christ that you also trust. Good luck with this and I will keep you in prayer. I know the difficulty of living with someone that it seems impossible to live with.

Heather - posted on 09/16/2009

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First off, God truly can handle it. If I were you (which I'm not) I would go talk with your husband. If he still wants to work things out I would say that is what's best. Then I would look into some kind of marriage challenge that you could do together or on your own. Love Dare is a good one, there is also an on-line 30-day husband encouragement challenge that I could get you the website for. Focus less on what he doesn't do, and focus on what he does do. He does go to work and bring home a pay check. Yes, that is a good starting point. I truly believe that it is easier to love your husband when you focus on the good things. Don't get mad if he leaves his socks on the floor, but smile over the fact that he needs you. Yes he may take you for granted, but my favorite Bible verse when it comes to being a wife and mother is Galatians 1:10. It says: Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. If we look to our families for our approval, they will always fall short. Plus their approval can't get us into heaven. We need to serve God and do what he wants us to, which starts in our home. Kelley was right about Proverbs 31 being a great outline for our lives. The entire Bible is full of wonderful things that help me make every decision. I have found it best to not worry so much about everyone else's walk with God, but let Jesus shine through me. My family sees me reading my Bible, and I read it to my children. When I first started playing Christian music my husband (who is a Christian) couldn't stand it. He was always changing the station, now years down the road, he listens to it quite often on his own. Not because I forced him to listen to it, I never once complained if he changed the station, but because it really is a wonderful way for God to lift you up.

If you haven't already I would recommend reading 1 Corinthians 7. Keep praying, and then go and talk with your husband. Remember, it isn't all on him, while most of it maybe, let him know that you take responsibility too. No one is perfect, that's why Jesus came. We serve an awesome God. I will be praying for you!

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