Carmen - posted on 02/09/2012 ( 40 moms have responded )
So, my husband I have been married going on 4 years now. While still engaged, we agreed that we would allow God to plan our children, when they would come and how many (no birth control, our family planning would be left to God and His perfect timing).
My husband was raised in the Catholic church, served 6 years as an alter boy and even after becoming a born-again Christian has maintained his belief and conviction that He wanted to trust God completely with future family planning. If we can trust God with our finances, with finding our spouse, with our future career then why take child-bearing into our own plans by using birth control? is his reasoning. Also, God's scripture of "Be fruitful and multiply", "Children are a gift from the Lord"..so who are we to take matters into our own hand which prevent God's gifts.
At first, I was was not in agreement with him and reasoned that "I would like to go to grad school, travel and spend time nurturing my marriage first" but in order to come to an agreement with my husband and feeling excited about the mystery of God's timing, I trusted that He would indeed not "give us more than we can handle" and so, upon marriage..we did not use any birth control (instead, I prayed almost everytime before we made love that a baby would not be conceived - so messed up right?!).
Two months later (after marriage), and into my 3rd week of my graduate program, we found out what I was fearing all along, we were pregnant! Nervous, scared, upset, sad were my emotions. How I hate that those were the emotions during what was supposed to be such a joyful time. Needless to say, all of my fears and worries were all being taken care of and God didn't give us more than we could handle. I gave birth naturally to a 8lb. 15oz. boy the Sunday after my last finals for that year (May 2009) and was able to spend the entire summer (3 months) at home with our baby before having to go back for my 2nd year of grad school. Then I thought I wouldn't be able to continue nursing and financially "how were we going to make it"..but God had all that under control as well. I received one of the few graduate assistantships that counted as my advanced practicum (internship) for the program which included a full tuition waiver and a monthly living stipend (which was more than I was making working more hours at my part-time job. My placement was also very understanding and gave me space to pump during my intern hours and I was able to nurse for my son's entire first year. I graduated with a Masters in Social work that May of 2010, the day before my son turned 1. To make a longer story short, my husband had also been wanting to go back to finish his degree that he started years ago, wanting to pursue his dream of a college education so our son can know that his papa also followed his dreams as an encouragement that our son can follow his.
Financially, we didn't know how that would happen..but God knew. As a family of 3 with 2 in school, my husband received grants that covered his entire tuition and a parent scholarship that covered both of our textbooks. My living stipend was enough to cover the basics and we took out a small loan to cover emergencies and extras (since our tuition was being covered). This entire time, although God had provided, I struggled with fear that "what if we get pregnant again...right away...what if God thinks we can handle another kid? ..."I don't want another kid right now" but we were not using birth control and allowing God to give us His miracle(s) in His timing.
When my son was 16 months old, I stopped nursing and that same month (October 2010) conceived our 2nd son. Our second son was another healthy boy born naturally weighing 9lb.7oz...the labor couldn't have gone smoother. Although I had symptoms of nausea and fatigue for first 6 months of pregnancy with both babies, me and babies were healthy and had no problems.
Now, with 2 sons, having graduated with a second Masters and my husband having graduated with his BS degree..I am not in agreement with my husband about continuing to NOT use or practice any form of birth control. I am being adamant now about using the wisdom that God gave us, and the freedom of Choice that He gives to us. I tell my husband that God desires to give us our hearts desire, and right now, I do'nt desire more kids. I personally do not want to take any hormonal birth control however will be for condoms, or the rhythm method, i.e...my husband is against all forms.
Now, I do agree with him in a sense and would love to feel peace about allowing God to have his complete way in our lives..although I justify practicing some form of method because financially, I don't want to have to work full-time and put my kids in day-care (in school, we utilized the University child care center which worked on a sliding-fee-scale) and now that we're out of school..we won't be able to utilize all of the services once available to us. We are fully capable of working and should. I currently work part-time in a very flexible good-paying job and my husband works full-time seasonally while he awaits for his "dream job" to open up. I desire to be able to travel and do things with my family, go on vacation (how I would love to go somewhere nice within a year)..I can't be pregnant and do what I would like to (7-day cruise) or missions trip to Costa Rica...I also, don't want to have to get a new vehicle to fit us all comfortably (I want to be comfortable).
- Am I being selfish? or am I just using wisdom and practicing the choice that God gives to his children? I have prayed that God would reveal his plan for me and my family, that He would give me a revelation into this birth control debate (whether it's sinful not trusting in Him or reasonable)...I would like another child, just not right now. ????
- Is my husband being religious about this?
- Would natural family planning (rhythm method, temperature method) be considered not trusting in God?? My husband thinks so
- Anyone else in my shoes or have agreed to trust God with His Family planning?
At this point, my husband has preferred to abstain from intercourse with me instead of using a condom. This is our biggest and greatest issue and is greatly affecting my husbands trust in me as he questions my decision to desire some form of Family planning now.