Christian mom needing advice

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2010 ( 40 moms have responded )

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I am desperately in need of some advice. About a month ago my husband started coming emotional distant, and we have separated because of it. He would not even sleep in the same bed with me blaming it on his sinus saying that he had to sleep in the recliner. I asked him straight out if he was having an affair but he said no. I don't know my mind is going wild I don't know what to think because if he is not having an affair then what then what could it be. He is not the man I married. I am not sure what to do, because I want to do the right thing for my children also as a christian. I don't way it would take him this long to see whether are not he wants to work it out! If anyone has been through this or can give me some advice on what I can do please let me know because I am about to go crazy!

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Carla - posted on 11/09/2010

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As long as you don't know for sure, you will assume the worst. Yes, sometimes we get that little nagging voice in our head and it's right, but sometimes it's something totally different. If you are married to Mr. Clam, the way I am, it takes a little work to find out what is actually going on inside their heads.

I don't know how long you've been married, but there are ebbs and flows of relationships. You can't always be in the honeymoon mode. There are times when you look at them and ask 'why did I marry him?' The next week you are in honeymoon mode again.

You NEED to talk to him. Send the kids somewhere for the night and talk. But before all this, you need to spend some time on your face before the Father. HE knows what's going on, and He also knows the desires of your heart. I am in total agreement with Heather, marriage is for a lifetime. It took 30 years for my husband and I to get the silliness out of BOTH of us and to realize what prizes we had in each other. Marriage is rough a lot of times, and you go through some pretty messy times. But, in the long run, I couldn't think of living my life with someone other than my husband, so that's when I started seeking God with all my heart. It took a little while, but we got it together. We just celebrated 38 years last week. Am hoping for 38 more.

NOTHING is impossible with God, honey. We just have to be willing to put in the work.

God bless

Heather - posted on 11/09/2010

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Fighting for your marriage is NEVER a mistake. Don't stay together for your children, stay together because you married him for a reason and God want's marriages to be forever. I agree with Anne that you should pray. There are biblically acceptable reasons for a divorce, but divorce breaks God's heart. He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Saying this, my first husband did leave me for another woman. But that was his choice. I learned so much from that time and I am still best friends with his sister. I would have loved to make it work, but that wasn't what he wanted. I recommend reading 1 Corinthians 7, it helped me a lot during that time. Pray for God to guide you in which way to go. Don't make your decision based on what anyone else tells you, make the decision that you can live with the rest of your life, knowing that you did what God wanted you to do. I don't know what God has for you or your marriage, but God does. Look to Him and He will guide you during this time.

Sherry - posted on 11/20/2010

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I have been through this. Our daughter had cancer and 2 years of struggling and going through chemo with her.... a year after she was cancer free, my husband decided he wanted a divorce. He left. No affair or anything. No explanation either! My son was so mad at him that he punched a whole in the wall, stating to him after all we went through together with his sister! He was distant for awhile and started acting strange. I bought my husband roses and sent them to his work with a very loving note. He cried and came back home. Sometimes men go through things too. They feel they are the providers for the family and when things are over whelming..they bail out. Friends and others explained that when a family goes through a huge crisis, it often happens that they split. Supposably that wasn't the case. he later explained to me that he felt like we were just 2 people living together and not husband and wife. we put our daughter first which was the right thing to do, but we kind of forgot about each other. So maybe look at your life and see where you stand as a couple.. and send him some flowers. It might send a shock right to him and it maybe all he needs. Good luck!

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I'm sorry about what you're going through. My husband has problems with sinus and he sometimes has to sleep elsewhere because of it. As far as the sleeping and even the sexual side of things go, I wouldn't take it personally or read too much into it. It doesn't mean that he wants to reject you or that he's having an affair.

If he is emotionally distant and witholding affection I would be more concerned. This doesn't mean that he is having an affair, it could be that he's having other issues that he needs to deal with. If he's stressed or depressed he is the only one who can get help. You can't force him to help himself, but you can talk about your concerns and suggest that he sees a Christian counsellor with you.

Also trust God and don't depend on another person for your self esteem. Don't let another persons treatment of you affect your attitude or you are giving them permission to bring you down. Trust in the power of prayer and make your relationship with God your top priority because only he truely love us in the way that we want to be loved. Other humans will always fall short in this department.

Nicole - posted on 11/22/2010

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I highly recommend a book: Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Simple and highly effective. It talks about why men become distant.

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Shari - posted on 11/23/2010

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I am a coach. I would like to help, however, I have too many unanswered questions to be able to help you. Maybe you could email me at peacelovinlight@live.com and we could talk more about this. I think I could help you if we could have a conversation. (((HUGS))) Shari

Kathy - posted on 11/23/2010

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Years ago ...seems like a lifetime ago....I went thru a divorce. Anyway, just a couple of thoughts.. God is faithful - seek Him. You are not alone. Call a good female friend who will be your prayer partner and someone you can trust to keep your prayers and conversations confidential. Also a good book to read NOW is His Needs and Her Needs. If you can get your hubby to read it after you have, it is a great eye opener and helps both of you see what the other one is feeling. I wish I had read it sooner. And, final thought. No matter where all of this goes....God does have a plan for you. You can't change anyone but yourself...give God permission to work in your life....He will direct your path. Also, know that you are beautiful, you are loved. Hold your head up. Another book...love Must Be Tough. Hang in there. God does turn lemons into lemonade. Keep on loving your kids. Don't say negative things about their dad - it will not have your desired effect.... my kids have a relationship with their dad today..and ..we all celebrate birthdays of the grandkids in the same room! God does heal and life goes on. If things do not go good and you find yourself going thru a divorce. There is a good ministry called divorcecare. Look them up on the internet to find a group near you. God bless you and keep you inHis loving arems. Trust Him.

Amanda - posted on 11/22/2010

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Thank you all for your advice I do appreciate it! I got to talk to my aunt who has been in two bad relationships this weekend, and she said that it never gets better also her children suffered for her decision to stay in the second one. I am praying and hoping the answer will come soon. Just keep praying and I will be too!

Sherry - posted on 11/20/2010

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Well, I just looked and read all your latest posts. I will be praying for you. I am so sorry. I think you both are past the roses. :( He seems to have some hatred in him and it may not even be towards you. It may be at himself. I think he's the one who needs to be on here getting the advice. I'd still seek legal advice. Your decision will come to you when it's right.

Heather - posted on 11/20/2010

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Amanda, why does it matter who files for divorce. If he files you can still get a lawyer. I don't see the point in trying to beat him to it. From someone who has been divorced, it doesn't matter who files. My husband filed and I still got everything I wanted. I am not trying to guilt you into staying, and I haven't read anything that said that your husband was beating you, but I totally agree with Carla, pray and give it to God. Let Him lead you through this time.

Tonye - posted on 11/20/2010

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Amanda it is a daunting task to take care of the home when you have 3 little kids, I know because I am in the same boat and especially when you cannot work to help in the finances also. I think your husband is just feeling over whelmed with the financial issues which is playing out on other aspects of your life together (but that is never an excuse to handle you roughly). Can you get a job you can do from home? Check out elance.com etc for freelance work. You can also try to get the kids to help you out by picking up their toys just to make the house neater even if you don't physically clean it for a week, it won't look too bad when things are not scattered everywhere. You should also try to keep yourself looking nice which is very hard with kids you'll always want to just wear our comfy joggers and sit at home but if you make the effort to dress up at home it will be good for you looking at your beautiful self in the mirror. Don't sit at home all day doing nothing, take the kids to free leisure centres you'll feel better doing such little things for yourself.
Most importantly as you do all this continue to pray that God touches your husband because the heart of kings is in his hands, you will surely see a change either way. God knows what is good for you so trust him to lead you in the right direction

Sandy - posted on 11/19/2010

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you didn't really give any type of hint into how old you are. There are things that cause men to act the way you describe that are physically based. He may be sice and not even know it. He may have some "male problems" and be too embarrased to say anything to you or a doctor. The problem is that if he is it is a sign of something worse. Most of those things can be fixed. My husband went through this. It took him years to get to the point to actually talk to the doctor and then a year or more to finally talk a little to me. It is too hard on them to admit they have any kind of problem. Of course sometimes a physical problem will lead them to doing things that they shouldn't do as you suggested he might have. Mine did a long time ago. With God's help I forgave him not because he asked my forgiveness but because he asked God's forgiveness. I saw the battle he was going through at that time a battle between him and God. I was just the tool he used since he couldn't do anything physical to God. He probably needs a good physical if he hasn't had one in the last year. Then he does need to sit down with you either the two of you or with a counselor and discuss those feelings he is just letting hanging. He owes you that much. Don't pressure him because he may wind up doing something neither of you want. He may be feeling unworthy. I don't know because I don't know either of you. But for YOU I would have a couple of suggestions. First I would check my own relationship with God. Make sure your relationship with God is in order. Make sure there is nothing between your and your own eternal life here and in the future. Then pray, for yourself that you would be the wife God wants you to be and your spouse needs you to be and that then for your husband, that God would work in his heart and life. Don't nag, let God do that. Just pray A LOT! This will be one of the hardest jobs of your life but if you both can pass through this and come out on the other end praising God together, it will be worth it May God bless you has you seek His face.

Danielle - posted on 11/19/2010

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Do the LOVE DARE from the movie fire proof, and u tell satan face to face to back off Because your not going to let him destroy your marriage!!!!

Mary - posted on 11/19/2010

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We teach people how to treat us. If my husband ever laid a hand on me yelling at me to shut the f up, my first call would be to 911 and have his unhappy self arrested. Children learn to be adults , parents, husbands, and wives, from the examples that are set in the home.
I am a Christian, but my safety and my children's safety will always come first.
I really don't understand why women continue to allow this type of treatment and then wonder why their husbands give them little respect.

Barb - posted on 11/19/2010

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Until he wants to start talking or at least seek counseling, you should. Not just for yourself but your children too. How can you make decisions on something as critical as dissolving a family without going the professional route of counseling. Of course, pray unceasingly.

Carla - posted on 11/19/2010

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Sweetie, well-meaning friends try to impose their will on us. 'Leave so you can have the upper hand' 'Don't leave cuz then you won't get the house' and on and on. Do not give in to the spirit of fear. Your God is on your side, and He will take care, if you have faith. There is not an affair, he's just going through the doubts we all go through. Pray, be the best you can be, and let God do the rest.

God bless, honey

Maggie - posted on 11/19/2010

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you should never assume anything, and in this society today too many people are ready to jump into a divorce for no good reason. attempt to talk to him first, and do it in a friendly, concerned manner, not an in-your-face confrontation. depending on his answers you may bring up that you feel you two need some pastoral counseling about the issue. if he is reluctant to go, you go by yourself, and maybe you can get a pastor to visit and chat with the two of you in your home. the pastor should be able to give you a sound, impartial assessment of your situation. usually this behavior is because they are struggling with something on their own they aren't comfortable with sharing, so definitely get a copy of the power of a praying wife and be doing that WHILE you are being proactive about trying to find out what the root of the problem is -- in a meek and humble way.

Amanda - posted on 11/19/2010

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I have watch fireproof and I have been waiting since the beginning of October! That might not seem like a lot but it is when you don't know which way you are coming and going! Someone did say the other day that what if he is doing this to make sure that can get the up hand in a divorce - another words while I am waiting on him to talk to me he is making is plans and is going to slap me with divorce paper! They said that I should file and if he truly is serious about working it out then he will want to talk and work it out! But if you will remember about the nurse in fireproof talking about the her cousin who husband butter her up for a divorce and left her with nothing! I just don't know what to think?

Verity - posted on 11/18/2010

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just ask him more as a friend than a nagging wife whats the problem? or try giving him more affection or paying attention to what he wants

Kristi - posted on 11/18/2010

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Do you think he's having and affair because he is sleeping in the recliner? Maybe he does just have sinus problems? Men are usually one dimensional and straight forward....women read into things a lot. But if there are other indicators, you can't jump to conclusions until you have proof or his word....until then you can just pray about it and try to be understanding...maybe he is going through a depression or something at work, etc...you never know - still waters run deep! Also sometimes emotionally distant means that he is going through something and it has nothing to do with you....just be the good wife you know you can be and he will come around.....good luck! PRAY!

Gabrielle - posted on 11/18/2010

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I also have Christian beliefs. I married my ex in the catholic church back in 96. For awhile things were going pretty good. Even have 3 wonderful boys from that marriage. However, we had a business set up in our garage, and it got to where he would just stay in there till all hours, barely coming inside to sleep. He got to where he wasn't very supportive or help with our boys. I had considered divorce for a long time, but he had been going to his mother's house 2 hours away for a week at a time. When he didn't even come home until the day after our anniversary, I called it quits. He hadn't hardly been home for a month, and I figured I was doing everything for the boys anyway, so I was going to get out. I got my divorce from him back in April 2009, and got married to a wonderful man who accepts the boys as his own in May 2010. Even if your husband is not having a physical affair, he could be attempting to leave you by becoming someone you don't even recognize anymore. My advice is to talk it over with your husband, and if there is something that can be resolved, then all the better. However, if you see him as someone you can no longer love or trust, than you need to get out--the sooner the better.

Maggie - posted on 11/17/2010

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You need to confront him about his behavior, because as your husband he has responsibilities to you as far as physical intimacy. (1 Co. 7:5) Men can become emotionally distant for many reasons, and not all involve adultery. sometimes it can be over a wife gaining weight and they feel repulsed by that. but regardless of what reason, it sounds like you need counseling.

Karna - posted on 11/16/2010

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Amanda - in 1 Peter 5:7 we read that we must cast all our burdens on the Lord. Do that... take all your fears to the Lord, and leave it in His capable hands.
And then you be the best wife and mom you can be.
And lastly - bind any demon spirit that might affect your husband's soul in the Name of Jesus. And speak life over and over into your marriage. The power of life and death lies in the tongue - use this wisely.
And bless his spirit with wisdom, and knowledge and love and peace and kindness, and all the other fruits of the Spirit.
I will pray for you and your family!

Amanda - posted on 11/16/2010

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I have gone to my pastor wife for help in this matter and she is helping me!

Felicia - posted on 11/16/2010

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Start seeing a counselor and or start with a prayer partner (if you can't see a counselor at this time) Your pastor, but someone that is there for listening and not gossiping. Someone you can trust. I wouldn't keep asking my husband what's up, because men don't do well under pressure. Trust me, it will come out, maybe not when you want it to. You are a Christian, keep doing what a Christian wife should- for better or for worse. Start praying for your husband. Continue to be there and don't dwell on the what he's not doing, that will make you crazy.
Keep praying and being there for him- it's not easy and there really is no easy answer. Just continue to love him as Jesus loves us, in spite- But yes, try to seek counseling for yourself and don't try to pull him in just yet. Sounds like he has a lot on his mind...

Amanda - posted on 11/15/2010

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I have been lucky to be able to apply for a job to where I work around the kids and possible my three year old with me! I am hoping for a call back, and then an interview. If I can get this job and start making money then hopeful I can put her back in preschool because the doctors said it would help. My son has Celebral Palsy, and my little girl has Celebral Palsy with microcelphley. The both have conditions that can improved, have been and still are. The get services through the school, and I don't have to pay for that of course it is not the attention they need but it better then nothing. I do what I can at home. I am always looking for deals and thrift shop all the time - I have always been that way. My boys get hand-me downs from his aunts boys and I go to consignment stores for my little girl! Thank you for your advice!

Carla - posted on 11/15/2010

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I'm so glad he opened up to you, honey! We always fear the worst when we don't know, don't we?

I know that trying to be the breadwinner all by yourself is hard. And you feel trapped with 3 kids when he working away his 20s. But what is daycare going to cost, and how much will you actually net if you work? We have done cost studies for people, taking into consideration clothes for work, a decent vehicle, gas, lunches, daycare, etc., the net income is usually appalling, unless you have a degree or some kind of specialized training. You don't indicate to us what kind of special needs your children have, but I am assuming it involves extra cost for raising them. But is there a way you can economize to make it easier for him? These are some of the ways I found to cut corners:

Make a menu for two weeks, then make a grocery list from this. We did things like buying a turkey (yes, you can find them during the year), having turkey dinner one night, hot turkey sandwiches the next night, then making great turkey vegetable/noodle soup with the bones. Buy a ham, have great ham dinner one night, the next ham and cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Either freeze the rest, or make yummy bean soup with the bone and remnants. This actually stretches your food dollars. Also, you aren't running to the store when you are out of something, which usually adds 2-3 items than you didn't need. If you have a Save-a-Lot store near you, we buy all our pasta, rice, canned goods there. You save about 50%. Most chain stores sell loins of pork, which you can have cut right there. They are cheaper than buying individual packages.

Have you checked out the Volunteers of America, St. Vincent DePaul, Good will stores for clothes? We buy all the kids' stuff there, as well as our own. A lot of times the price tags are still on them. Donate your used clothing to them, and you get a donation slip for your taxes.

If you need to run errands, don't run and do one one day and another the next. I make a list of what I need to do, even mapping out the order, so I don't waste gas.

When I had to go on disability, our income was cut in half, and when my husband retired a couple years ago, it was cut in half again. The Lord was very gracious to us, and told me to start early in paring down our lifestyle. I had all our phones, satellite, internet through AT&T in a bundle. I got a call from the cable company and they are saving me $130 a month! We got rid of our high-priced phones and got the pay-as-you-go phones. We don't talk on them unless he is telling me when he is coming home for dinner, or if he's gonna be late. We have a home phone for conversations.

Finally, have a little Bible study on a husband and wife's role in the home. Men ARE to support their wives, while they stay home and guide the house. I know most womens' libbers don't want to hear that, but it is very Biblical. If a woman wants to work, and her husband is agreeable, that is up to them. But, especially in your situation with the children, it would probably be way expensive to find daycare for them. If you contact the county where you live, I'm sure they have persons who will come for a couple hours and stay with the children so you can get some fresh air. Or how about someone from the church?

Lord, we are very grateful that things are looking up for Amanda and her hubby, but they still need Your guidance and wisdom. There are so many ways we can use the money You give us more wisely, and still be able to support missions and pay tithes. Please speak to them! Bring understanding and wisdom for them both. Let Hubby understand the strain 3 little ones is, even if he, too, is feeling strain working so hard. She needs to get out once in a while, too! Bring understanding, bring mercy and grace, and renew the love, in Jesus' Name, amen.

God bless, darling!

Amanda - posted on 11/15/2010

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Ok! Here is an update! We talked and it is not another women! It seems that it is my keeping a clean house with three small children - two special needs, keeping a closer eye on the checkbook, and my family and what they did to us! I can understand the parents thing because even I am not over how they did us when we were down there, and I talked to my mom about our situation and the only that she can recommend is getting a lawyer! I told her that I was not a quicker and that if it was not another women I wanted to fight for my marriage unless he comes to tell me that he just wants out! Last night conversation made me think of how lonely I feel because I really don't have a support system around me to help with the children. I can't work because of everything with therapy and school with them, and that is why my husband has been working two jobs. He says that he worked his 20's away for me, and I wanted to tell him that I felt I spent them alone however I did not! I think that he is hitting what they call a middle life crisis! He has soften up at least and is not cold anymore so I think that we are heading in a good direction but I still not sure if he comes back if it will be different our the same. He feels like he is in the " I am the working parent" all by himself and I feel like I am the "stay at home parent who does everything and does not get to go out to have some free time" by myself! I feel like I am in my part by myself and he feels like he is in his b himself! How do you get to a point where you help each other? I have already applied for a job where I can possible take my three old with me when I work! I would hope that I would started making enough to put her in a preschool like setting at a daycare for special needs children! She still is not potty trained and the other school I had ask that she be moved to the nursery. I decided to take her out because her doctor told me she needed to be around her age children. Pray I get the job and pray we found a way to come together for our children! I am slowly finding my way back to where I need to be for God, but my husband is still struggling! Pray that him that he will find his peace!

Amanda - posted on 11/13/2010

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You are right it is hard! especially since it seems like my heart is the one that out there and his is closed to everyone around him even his family! I am trying to hang in there but I am just so worried about how this could be affecting the kids! I am really trying but I have been so hurt in my life that I am trying to shield myself I guess by wanting to know so that I can prepare one way or the other! I try to lift to it all to God, but it is hard. I have been wondering if this is his way of teaching me that sometimes it is better to let it go so he can handle it! I am praying too! Thank you everyone for your support!

Lindsay - posted on 11/13/2010

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Pray for a change of heart for both of you. Make sure if he wants that he can spend time with the kids. Don't worry. God will provide and God can and will change us all. Pray that God will show you anything inside of yourself you need to change and start changing for God. Fall in love with your God and don't worry about what your husband is doing. The only thing you can do is pray for him. You cannot make him change so don't push him away by trying. You can't make his choices for him. Olny God can change us. And He will. He has changed me AND my husband. My husband had BIG issues to deal with and he left me twice. He wasn't even truly sure he wanted to stay until after God started changing his heart. I know it's hard. I do. Don't worry. God will be there

Stella - posted on 11/13/2010

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Just as Anne Watkins said serious prayers is your only solution and if no immediate change you shoul have to add fasting. Holdon, steadfast to the Lord and you will not fail and you should not be going crazy, remember He said cast ALL your burdens upon me for i care for you. I also will be praying with you. God bless

Amanda - posted on 11/12/2010

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I have been doing a lot of thinking in the last 24hrs and I am trying to be the good person and christian here! My latest decision is to file for a legal separation which in my research would give him a year before in goes to divorce. Terms are set like a divorce, but you are still married. He has been telling me that he is coming to pick up the children and showing up like 2 to 3 hrs later. Wednesday he took the boys but not our daughter but told her that he would pick her up the next day and they would do something - that never happen thank goodness she is only 3! We are just now starting to pull out of our money trouble but I because we had a check to bounce because it was either pay the power bill or do without power he got mad at me and his response "What I am going to do with you?" - nevermind that he took 200 dollars that week on his business trip,and I had to take care of that today with some of my tution money that I am suppose to be sending back to my school for my class! I just hope that I can put the money back before my classes starts are I will be forced to drop it setting me back on graduating in January 2012. I don't know what to do and I am tried of being the blame for everything while he thinks he does nothing. Please any advice!

Carla - posted on 11/12/2010

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Amanda, sweetie, am praying for you for wisdom and discernment. No, honey, God does not expect us to live in this kind of atmosphere, nor to raise our children in it. Your most recent post is LOTS more revealing than your first one; it is a lot more intense than just being 'distant'. His father is a pastor? Does he know any of this? I ask because--most abusers show a happy face to their family, and act like the loving spouse. And because we love the abuser, we keep this stuff to ourselves and protect the person who SHOULD be protecting us, but is hurting/beating.

I have just gone through this today. I picked my nephew's wife up from the emergency room. The police took her to the hospital after her husband beat her and dragged her with the car. She loves him and is trying to protect him, telling me it's her fault. Yes, she drinks, but they both do. She was orphaned early in her life and is desperate to be loved. My heart is so broken right now for her! I hated taking her back to the house, knowing this is going to happen again.

So, honey, forgive me if I sound a little dramatic today, but protect yourself! I even think I might have his father, if he's a Godly pastor, in on your talk. People have GOT to know what these people are doing! Sheltering them isn't doing them or yourselves any good.

God bless, honey, I'm praying for you

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2010

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Ok! So after my son asked my if I loved his daddy anymore because everytime me and daddy get together I decided that it was time for us to come of up with a time that we can send the kids off and talk about things. He can over to pick the kids to spend the night with him, and I asked him since I had a little time did he want to give me some idea of what the problem was. He told me no it would take longer then the 15 to 20 mins I had. I then asked him when we could get together to talk about this and he said that we were both to busy right now and that he did not know. I don't like this not knowing and I don't like him going around me in circle not telling me. He needs to be a man and tell me. I am ready to contact a lawyer because just from the way he is acting, and the way he does not want to say what is wrong in fear that he will disappoint his father who is a former pastor is wearing on me. I deserve to know if he is wants to work on the marriage and I ask him this in which he could not give me answer. I then told him what our child said and told him that we need to figure all of it out - he agreed. I then told him that we need to get together and resolve this - he question was "what if it can 't be resolved" in which I stated that if nothing else we needed to end as friends. He is acting so weird. In my corner I have had time to reflected on things that have happen in the past and now, I have even started to question if I even want it to work. I am tired to being put down everytime things are not the way that he thinks they should be, I am tried to being the only working to trying to work on it, I am tried of hearing him says things like I am a f------ b----, f------ stupid, fridged b----, piece of s--- mother, and I am tried of him blaming me for everything. These is a imagine that I have been really thinking about here recently and that is when I was pregnant with my daughter (she is 3 now) and my sons were 4 and 2 that my husband and I were fighting about the fact one of the children had got a sharpie writing on the wall with it! It got pretty heated which his temper got the best of him and he grabbed my neck so hard pushing me to the ground that it hurt for two days. He had a look on his face and told me while he was doing this to shut the f--- up! My two boys saw this! He did this once before when my oldest was a baby but I loved him. These has not been another one of those things to happen but he has more than once told me that I make him so mad he could hit me! I have conflicted in my heart but also I can't help but wondered does God mean for us to live like this? I mean you can't honestly tell me this is love because our relationship is based on me being the one that gives and he the one that takes! God could not mean for a christian to live in this type of situation, and he could not have meant for my children to have to witness it! I still not sure what it going to happen!

Chrystal - posted on 11/09/2010

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I am very sorry for what you are going through. I would have a talk with him and ask him why he is acting the way he is. If he can't give a straight answer and you don't think he is telling the truth, you can always hire a private investigator if you think he is doing something wrong. I really hope he is not though for you and your children's sake. Definitely pray about it and again, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I hope everything works out for you:)

Penny - posted on 11/09/2010

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Hi, I am in a 25 year marrage basically in the same boat except last year on his birthday he did cheat. I am separated from him as far as any marital things but he still lives in the same house because neither one of us can afford to leave financially. My husband change on me a fewyears into the relationship. I hung in there all these years because of my christianity and the kids. Mistake. The kids suffered because of it. Kids a smarter than we think. They feel when things arn't right with mom and dad. I feel a couple should never stay together because of the children. The children can get the best of both parents more so if they are not unhappily together. Does hat make sense. Usually if the wife has an inner voice that says he has cheated than he has. They say the wife is the ast to know but that is so untrue. We have instincts about these things just sometimes we choose not to listen to that tiny inner voice that is a gift from God to us. Don't waste your whole life trying to figure him out. He eith wants this or he doesn't and his actions will speak truer than his words.. Hope this helps. I will pray for your situation and for you to have the wisdom to know what is the right thing to do. God doesn't want you to be neglected ignored, or cheated on. He has a very high standerd for a man in marrage. The Bible say a man who doesn't provide for his wifes needs is less tha an infidel. An infidel is a non believer. The consiquences for a man who doesn't take his wife and marrage seriously is very harsh. Pray for him.

Anne - posted on 11/09/2010

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I am sure you are already doing this but just the same, Pray Pray and Pray some more for your husband. If you can get a copy of the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian get it and start reading it From The Intro. I will be Praying with and for you.

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