Christine - posted on 02/21/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )
Some will say I'm lucky to have my parents nearby to help me with the kids. But I am struggling to have a balance of power between my mother & myself. I feel guilty for wanting to raise my children on my own but she wants to help but takes over my mother role as I become a bystander. I find it so hard to make boundaries with her.
For example she comes over every morning to help with the routine before the bus. She always insists on doing my dishes. She prepares the kids lunchboxes. My father will get the kids clothes ready. Do their beds for them they serve them breakfast. Why is it so hard for me to fight for my place? Night routine they've come by for the past 6 months. I asked them tonight to not come by tomorrow morning. My mother said she doesn`t mind coming. I said trust me I can do this on my own. She said oh but maybe your father will come by to do something. What something? I'll be fine. You are so afraid that I will need help and you won`t be around. Allow me to ask for your help. She replied But what if you don`t ask for it? Then I said you can come tomorrow night I will need a babysitter... We'll see how things will unfold.
It's when my son cries at night and asks for his grandma. Well it's great that they have a close bond with their grandparents. Is it that I am jealous or selfish? Is it too much to ask to have some control over my life. I know my mother feels like I am not appreciating her help as I am impatient with her but I want space and she won`t give it to me. She wants to run the show her way. When I tell her I do things my way she replies that she does things her ways. But I said your ways means I have to abide by your rules & do things your way. No. That's just the way I am. I just feels there is no way out. Keep on accepting & feel trap? Some advice. I don`t want to feel like it`s a mother contest no more. How do people find their place & accept others new role?