Controlling religious Mother-in-law hurting my marriage

JW - posted on 06/19/2012 ( 51 moms have responded )

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Hey Ladies,



So far I have very much enjoyed this wonderful group of Christian Mommies! I am thankful to find a group of women with a Godly perspective on raising children and dealing with life's challenges.



I am in need of some advice on how to deal with my Mother in Law.  I did a post awhile back about how she nags and controls me and my husband.   I also mentioned that my husband is on my mother in law's mortgage that is underwater by at least 60K!  In my post I also said my husband hid the debt from me.  The mortgage is 357K because my mother in law took out 200K out of her home (she treated it like a piggy bank).  I am trying to work on forgiving my husband for not telling me about the mortgage and accepting the way my mother in law handled her mortgage.  



But apart from the mortgage issue my mother in law is very bossy to me and uses a very hash, rude and disrespectful tone when she approaches me.  I have a big problem with her treating me like a five year old.  I  have only been married to her son for a year and a half and we have a 4 month old baby girl.  She is really interfering with my marriage and making it very difficult to be married to her son.  Plus my husband doesn't stand up to his mother.  He just let's her nag me even when he knows it bothers me. Therefore I don't feel supported by him.  I feel nagged by the mother in law and uncared for by my husband.



I sometimes feel like the only hope for our marriage to be successful is to move to another city.  I don't want to get divorced but sometimes it feels like my husbands loyalties are with his mother and not me and our daughter.  I can't live with a mother in law who nags, controls and disrespects me for 40 years.  I emotionally cannot handle that along with a husband that isn't emotionally supportive.



Plus it is not healthy for me or our baby.   My mother in law lives about 40 minutes from us.  When I get regular mistreatment from the mother in law and unsupported by my husband I get very frustrated with myself as I suffer from post parttum depression.  Her treatment is making me feel worse about myself and sometimes make me think she wants me to disappear.  I got so upset with myself because my husband doesn't act like he cares that I hit myself.  I know this is wrong and I have never done this before.  Please don't judge me for this, as I know this is wrong.  I am trying to learn a better coping strategy.  My husband saw the bruises but he has a flat affect reaction to them.  It almost seems like he didn't care that I was that frustrated.  I have asked him if he loves me and he says he does but I don't feel loved.  I wish he would have given me a hug.  I almost feel like he is apart of the reason I am feeling more depressed.  



At times, I am angry that I married my husband  because it feels like everyone in his family is trying to get me to have a breakdown.  I have told this to my husband and he says that nobody is trying to do anything to me.  He claims his sibling and mother love me.  But there actions are the opposite.   I don't know if I am being too sensitive but I feel like his mom is purposely making my life difficult and because she knows I have depression she is making it worse.  



Also my sister in law made fun of my depression and laughed about it.  She made fun of it to my husband behind my back.  She is also a pastor.   I feel like everybody in my husbands family is out to get me.  I feel like they are playing sick mind games and want me gone.  If I had known my husbands family would treat  me this way I wouldn't have married him.  I do  think his mother is abusive, at least that is how she makes me feel.   Plus she uses God and religion to control us, which is totally wrong. She thinks she's our spiritual advisor and that we need to take her advice.



My mother in law is a constant problem every single week as she is always in our business and giving unsolicited advice.  She acts like she is the ultimate authority on my life, my husband and child.  She has told me I am her "Ruth" and that I need to get on my knees and pray.  She told me I don't pray enough.  She even questioned if I knew the story of Ruth.  She says then that  because i am Ruth then, I am supposed to help he no matter what- that means i am supposed to take over he underwater mortgage and bail her out of her debts and help her even if she goes through bankruptcy.   I am sorry but that is too much pressure fora daughter in law.  She has 4 daughters and 3 sons.  I think she is having very unrealistic expectations of me as a daughter in law.  And the topper is last night we had guests over and my mother in law dropped by without letting us know.  I am very frustrated too because she commanded me to pray for our guests.  I would never command someone to pray.  It's like she is using religion to control my every move.  She even is in our business over what church we go to.



I went to a counselor last week and it was sort of helpful but I know that I am not going to change my mother in law or husband. I can only change myself and my reaction. I have tried to limit seeing mother in law but it never seems to work. She always somehow sees us almost every week. I told my husband I don't want to see his mother for a least a month or until she can treat me with some level of respect but that is not happening. I want her to see her granddaughter but she can't mistreat me and expect me to want to see her. What else can I do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Angela - posted on 06/19/2012

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JW this is shocking! I remember your previous post about the underwater mortgage.

As for your husband's sister, whilst she is making fun of you she also has the comforting knowledge that you & your husband are carrying her mother and her debts - all this from a Pastor, no less!

I think it is time to forget respect and politeness. I'll just amend that, it's time to RESPECT YOURSELF! This will begin with some plain talk to your oppressors. I'm sorry to hear you're self-harming - these things happen because troubled people like yourself would rather live with anger than with guilt. Speaking your mind and standing up for yourself may make you feel guilty so you do nothing and then feel angry. Your anger leads you to self-harm. Well JW handling "guilt" is better than handling "anger".

You need to be assertive. Your husband is incapable of growing up and is in awe of his mother - so much so that he's picked up her debts. No-one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

You cannot be Ruth for your mother-in-law. Ruth was a WIDOW. However, I see your mother-in-law's point - you may as well be a widow when your husband isn't standing up for you!

Time to say a few things to your mother-in-law. You don't need to say them all at once - just have your answers ready when the occasion demands.

She pokes her nose into your business? Try saying "Oh - thanks for your opinion but this is between my husband and me. It's our decision and we'll manage it the way we decide between ourselves."

She "commands" you to pray for your guests (whilst at the same time SHE is an uninvited guest herself?) - just say

"I pray for all my guests, Lord
My humble heart is glowing
Some make my day by coming here
And others - by them going ...."

She advises you on child-rearing ....

"Thank you, but this is MY child. I hope to guide her into being a happy, well-rounded child who will grow into a mature well-rounded adult - not someone who will place either of her parents above her eventual spouse. I don't feel your influence or advice is beneficial ..."

She trots out the line about you being "Ruth" - you say

"Sorry - I can't be Ruth! Ruth and Naomi stuck by each other because they were both widowed. I'm not widowed, I have a husband who left his parents, married me and must cleave to me. I must also cleave to him. You're out of the picture!"

Think of every possible scenario and have an answer ready. Say what you have to say whether your husband is there or not. If he objects - and especially in front of her - then you know that he is 100% a Mommy's boy and hasn't grown up yet. If this is the case HE is a bigger problem than his mother.

Also take a look at this weblink:

http://www.gotquestions.org/mother-in-la...

Good luck.

Carla - posted on 06/20/2012

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IF your husband and mother-in-law ARE Christians, you might want them to read where Jesus says a husband leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and they are one flesh! NOT Mama, his WIFE! As for the siblings, the same thing can be said. We are absolutely to judge those inside the church, and I'm sorry, they have been weighed in the balances and found wanting (like in Daniel). Just because I say I am a car cuz I am in the garage doesn't make me a car--being a minister or a parishioner doesn't make anyone a Christian.

Whether your husband goes with you or not--you need Christian counseling. The post-partum depression combined with your hurting yourself tells us you are very frustrated and are at the point of breaking. GET HELP. This is a very sick and perverted situation you have found yourself in, and whether your husband chooses his mama or you, YOU need to get you and the baby to a safe place, emotionally and physically. Maybe leaving will give your husband the wake-up call he needs. He will have to decide. I don't lightly suggest leaving, and I am not even saying divorce, I am saying get some space and get your perspective back.

We are always here for you, honey. God bless.

Angela - posted on 08/02/2012

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JW - have you moved away from this man yet? A confrontation isn't going to work with him, he will have to be desperate and on his knees for him to realise what he's almost lost. I beg you, get out of that situation and take your child with you. A short note explaining why will be enough.

He has no idea about the priorities and partnership of marriage. His mother has NO part in your relationship. Get tough with him and then, hopefully, he'll re-assess his priorities and get tough with his mother.

Angela - posted on 07/03/2012

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Great advice there from Kimberly - RECORD her! And RECORD her talking down to your husband as well. Get a few recordings and if he's not going to grow a pair and face up to the fact that she is overbearing etc .... tell him you'll play those recordings to somebody else (a counsellor? Your Pastor? A Friend?). Make sure you have stashed away copies of the recordings before you play them to him.

Another way to deal with her verbally (and also your husband) is instead of meekly obeying & acquiescing - try asking questions. Speak in a polite tone, even in a friendly manner. Ask what her opinion is on the Biblical ideal for marriage. Politely enquire if she feels it's right for a parent-in-law to be aggressive to an adult child and their spouse. Have your biblical answers ready as well!

If she wants to browbeat you with religion, it's time to turn the tables.

Did you know you can get people more mad (or certainly more unsettled) by challenging them in a polite, cool tone of voice than if you're shouting, shrieking and swearing?

I know this is not about one-upmanship but it does wonders for the self-esteem if you can put an overbearing person neatly in their place without resorting to the methods they use themselves.

Kimberly - posted on 07/02/2012

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I know that your husband is stuck between a rock and a hard place. He is wrong ether way. I assumed for years he would stand up for me. Trust me. The tons of fights. The anger and resentment building up. After I had my blow up. I think for once she respected me. Now after 12 uswest she is different with me. You are going to have to make a choice. Options are keep doing what you have been.
Let it continue accepting this is how it will be tell husband exactly the problem. Then when MIL starts in. Kindly say we need to talk. Get down to heart of the issue. Not rude though. I would not discuss financial with her. Husband yes. Stand your ground. This is YOUR HOUSE. You refuse to let your child grow up watching his family treat you the way they do. It belittles you to child. Tell him and her. This is how it is going to be. I refuse to live this way. Tell husband this is your needs. Do not share your health issues with her. Depression is a major problem not an excuse or only weak people get it. Some people still do not believe in it. Set down rules and boundaries. Interfering mother in laws are very hard to deal with. She is your husbands mommy. Always will be. If you and her can come to a mural understanding. Come over every other weekend. No suprise visits. That is your home not hers. Your husband has to see. I tried everything. the only thing that worked was being rationale ( his eyes not angry emotional) logical. Telling him exactly what she said or did. How it made you feel. Tell him what you want, need. If not you cannot continue. Only then did he see the light. He assumed I blew it out of proportion, exaggerated it. He had a hard time believing she could be so mean. If you want i can give you my email. Then number. I wish I had someone to talk to. It felt very lonely. I started to feel it was my fault. You can only control you and your feelings. Your response. If you keep nagging husband. It only frustrated him. I found that even though she drove him crazy. She was still his mom. If you keep going the way you are. You are going to explode or get super sad. Maybe counseling. Record her. Play it back for him. I will pray. I know every situation is different. I dealt for six years before I blew up. I don't know if she thought I was weak. No clue. No one was good enough for her baby boy. Please know this is not how it will always be. ;).

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Angela - posted on 07/04/2014

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Hi Selina, this is a CHRISTIAN community and we don't believe in spells, spell-casting etc .... I actually feel offended that you think we're gullible enough to fall for this rubbish. Furthermore I will need to report your post because it's soliciting which is against the Circle of Moms rules, terms & conditions.

Just to add, I don't for one minute believe you're English either, I'm English and although your post isn't in "bad" English, it doesn't flow in the natural way it would from someone whose first language was English! Your post comes from the account of a member called "Selina Jackson" but you say your name is Rosemary. In the post history of this account (and currently ONLY 12 Circle of Moms posts for this member) you also call yourself Cynthia Morgan on another post. And ALL 12 posts are endorsing the spell casting service!

Another thing - none of your posts were relevant to the query on the thread you posted it on. It's like you're selecting random threads on any topic whatsoever to post your testimonial for this spell caster!!

Finally - you tell a story (very probably bogus anyway!) of a husband leaving you and how your spellcaster associate apparently brought him back - I've heard similar stories of various situations - husbands having an affair, etc, etc .... and the spellcaster "put things right!" Let's be honest - we're modern women who are educated and have pride and self esteem. If a man chooses to leave - we don't darned well WANT him back - particularly if he's been fooling with another woman. Modern, empowered women don't wring their hands and cry "woe is me". And we sure as hell don't hire spell casters to restore things to how they were. We have more dignity than that!

Now I'm reporting your post for soliciting!

Julie - posted on 07/07/2013

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Or she's facing a season of abuse from which God can DELIVER her. Sometimes the only sharpening God wants to give us is to trust in HIS unfailing goodness that the abuse we're suffering is NOT from Him, NOT His will, and He will DELIVER us from it.

Julie - posted on 07/07/2013

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Oh my!! What a dreadful, dreadful situation!! Just reading it makes me angry. Lets makes some things very clear, hon.
1. Your mother-in-law is a very sick person. She is absolutely abusing you and overstepping her bounds so far that I wonder she can even walk!!
2. Your husband is terrified of her and needs to slice the apron strings. He may need a chainsaw. He doesn't know he's terrified of her, but he grew up being conditioned to be controlled by his need for her approval.
3. The Bible says to LEAVE your...MOTHER and CLEAVE to your WIFE. She doesn't want to let that happen so she has invented her own version of the Ruth story to try to control both of you. Your husband lives in fear of having to go out on his own. It's a sick co-dependent relationship that needs to come to an end.
4. It sounds like the sickness extends to his entire family.
5. This situation will continue until it destroys you and you & him.
6. Since your husband doesn't appear willing to make it end, and it sounds like you love him and need this to end for the sake of your sanity, here's an idea of what you can do. And don't think it's not being submissive. You'll be sacrificing to save yourself and your marriage:

Find a new place to live. I'm not kidding. As far away as you can possibly go from his mom and family. And tell him simply that you love him and respect him too much to allow his mother to interfere anymore in what could be a beautiful marriage for the two of you. She may not mean to be hurtful, but she is being that way, and for the sake of all of you, you need to move away from his family. She has an unhealthy, unwarranted control that she is exercising over your home, and as his wife you respect him too much to see him or you be treated like children anymore.

Find support in your family and friends. Surely your parents would not want to see this happen to you. Surely they are worried about you!! And I'll tell you, Jesus does not want to see this happen to you. Your mother-in-law is disobeying him.

Also, don't be afraid to claim bankruptcy if it clears you of any debts to her. It really isn't the end of the world. My husband and I did 14 years ago and it was the best thing we ever did. Every year saw things get better and better for us. We've owned a house for six years now -- a big house. She has no right to have done what she's done. See a lawyer or financial advisor for your options. She mustn't have any claim to your home, husband or family.

You might not be able to change your hubby or his mom, but God is BIGGER than this problem. Cry out to Him to save you and create a circumstance to get you out of this. God is NOT DISEMPOWERED by weak, sinful, little humans who take advantage of others. Read Psalms and claim it all for yourself. And don't be afraid to act. God will fix this for you. This is NOT His will.

Julie

User - posted on 02/17/2013

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I had a mother in law similar except she just thought she knew everything and could do or say anything she wanted. She was not Christian and thought i was rediculus for being one. My marriage ended but it was due to his physical abuse and abandonment. I eventually got to the point that I told him she wasn't around anymore....period. If she called I didn't answer, if she dropped by I didn't answer. I gave her a warning that if she didn't step back and speak respectfully to me then I would end all contact. and I did because she didn't listen. Some people are just like that. The problem is that it puts a huge strain on the marriage and can borderline you to divorce. Because its an insult to him, in his eyes. But if you don't then you will get worse mentally and consider divorce anyways. It is hard but once she was out of my life I was so much better. Keep praying. It sounds like nothing is going to change by them so let God change it. Wish I had better advice

Vanessa - posted on 02/14/2013

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It seems that he is numb to emotion. How could he not feel for you and your depression? Keep praying for your health and strength to do what you need to do. I've kind of dealt with my husband running to his mom for things that only should have gone on between us and all I did was keep telling him that he is my other half and I need his support and strength in every area of life and this is our marriage and we need to be partners and fight for it etc, of course this didn't happen overnight but I replaced the negative, nagging (because that's what men hear) with these positive "reinforcements." We have to meet people where they are at (emotionally or mentally), so for his whole life this behavior from his mother is what he knows as "normal" and its his mom so being the opposite of her behavior (positive) and gentle may help to open his eyes and he will probably take it in better than negativity about his mom or the situation. I have also had postpartum depression and know how it feels to want to disappear, so having these people in your life that are not supportive and understanding can be damaging to your self worth, I will be praying for you, don't give up and focus on God, with Him all things are possible :)

Marykj - posted on 02/10/2013

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hallo, I know this is really late but I went through exactly what you describe for sixteen years and all I want to tell you is remember always "the battle is the Lords".
One article that helped me immensely is the following link: http://hissheep.org/deliverance/breaking...
Pls read my testimony on testimonyshare.com "my testimony and the beginning of a lovestory..."
Never let the devil tell you that you will lose. Cling onto the hand of Jehovah Rapha and He will restore your marriage. He has promised to give wisdom to those who ask for it.
Be strong.
Mary

Lupe - posted on 09/11/2012

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wow, I really feel for you. Its gonna take a lot of prayer. When you pray ask God to take the blinders off your husbands eyes, pour out all your feelings to God about how you feel. I was once in your shoes and it was very bad. Ask God to cutt the soul ties your husband has with her. Pray her away if she refuses to change. Prayer is powerful sister don't give up,God will fight for your marriage. He will protect you in this. I went through the same thing for many years with her always wanting my husband to feel sorry for her because she is a single mom, She chose to be with his dad for many years who is a very bad influence on the family and leaves her all the time, back and forth in and out of the family. I spent a lot of time in prayer building my husband up to face his jealous family. she can't stand to come around me or to even look at me. she once shared with someone that i got in her way whil she really needed a financial support from her son. Its a very sad situation! Keep praying for her and your husband God will interveine!

Angela - posted on 08/10/2012

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Please give us an update on how it's going now JW. Really feel for you in your circumstances.

Tracie - posted on 08/09/2012

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First of all, the next time she "commands" you to do something, tell her to go to hell!! OK, not really, but seriously, that is outrageous behavior on her part. How dare she think she can give you orders in your own home! Just say, "I am an adult. I don't take orders from anyone" and walk away. You need to stand up for yourself and your family.

Secondly, your husband needs to grow a backbone and tell his mother that her behavior towards you will not be tolerated. If she can't give you the same respect as a mother that she demands for herself, then she is not welcome at your house. If she comes over unexpectedly (and uninvited) let her know it's not a good time, she should've called first and don't let her in!! She is not the head of your family, YOU ARE!

Bottom line, people will treat us the way we let them. Don't let her do this to you anymore. And couples counseling for you and your husband would be a great idea.

Best of luck to you and your precious baby girl!!

Nancy - posted on 08/02/2012

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I am sorry that you are struggling as a mom and as a wife. I know what it is like firsthand to have ppd and have people around you be unsupportive or doubting you. I remember when I got postpartum depression I was kinda paranoid that everybody just knew I was losing my mind or not thinking straight and it was read all over my face. First, take care of yourself, your health, and life do not worry about what they think of you. I remember my mil and mom did not understand ppd at all and even made me feel worse that I had depression and they played the lack of faith in God card which made it even harder. Depression is a serious illness and not a joke at all and should not be taken lightly. Nobody should make you feel worse b/c you have this illness. It is already hard being a first time mom. Shame on your SIL who is a pastor and makes fun of your depression.I hope if she ever gets any depressed or mentally ill clients that she will refer them to somebody who is caring and understands the seriousness and severity of this illness. It will get better and it is a struggle. Your husband's flat affect to your illness could just be a response to the illness. He may not know how to respond and this is his way of responding to your depression. This was my husband's response to my depression. It's very hard for a husband to watch his wife change completely into somebody he doesn't know so be patient with him and even do a therapy session with him and your counselor to understand PPD,

Regarding your husband and MIL situation is very difficult but one thing is for sure according to the Bible you and your husband are cleaved together. The word cleave is a very strong word for being connected/bonded. The way that your skin is cleaved to your body is how you and your husband are cleaved to your marriage. Your husband needs to understand his relationship to his mom is over and he needs to suppport you and be able to talk to his mom in a respectful manner. Boundaries need to be set in these relationships to have healthy ones. MIL should not interfere n your lives together and should just give advice and it is up to you guys to take or leave it. Keep praying and God will resolve your dilemma. God bless.

Carla - posted on 08/02/2012

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lol, Sherice! I read your post, and thought, her writing style seems vaguely familiar ;)

Chaya - posted on 08/02/2012

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Your mother in law is almost as nice as my dad's wife was to me. I literally had to leave the state and drop contact with most of my siblings because I was so stressed out I was afraid I would have another stroke.
We lived on opposite sides of the same metropolitan area, she would come over and ask about something, my choice of names for my baby when I was pregnant, for example, I gave her our choices, she went ballistic. I wasn't going to be allowed to give the baby a name over four letters. I told her she didn't have to be in contact with any of us. Later, she decided she was going to raise my daughter, yeah, right. I'd have charged her with kidnapping if it became necessary, it didn't, probably because she'd have gone to a psychiatric facility if she had.
I'd had to leave the state a few times because she couldn't mind her own business, I'd come back for a weekend, she'd grate on my nerves the whole time. I returned to Oregon at one point, and met my husband there. Later, I had to move to Washington State to get away from her
My point, and I do have one, do whatever it takes to protect your baby and yourself, if it means moving to the other side of the country to get away from her, so be it. Drastic, I'll admit, but my kids well being is more important to me than their relationship with their grandmother, or their dad.

Sharice - posted on 08/01/2012

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I think you hit the nail on the head, Angela--her husband is the bigger problem. That he is incapable of going against Mommy tells me she has bullied him his entire life, either passive/aggressively, or through actual abuse. Until and unless he, as you so delicately put it 'grows a pair', this situation is going to continue.

Having been in a 'delicate mental' state myself, I think JW isn't capable of attack mode--yet. When I was in this place, I had to get myself into the Bible and get my spiritual self strong, then my mind kinda came along for the ride. THEN I was able to put things right in my household. So, JW, sweetheart, get yourself to a safe place, even if it is outside your home for the moment. My niece just took her 1 y/o and went to a woman's shelter because my nephew is abusing drugs. She isn't looking for divorce, she is looking for him to take his stand as head of the house and act like a man. Same thing here. Continuing to stay in this unhealthy atmosphere will do NOTHING to help a broken heart and mind. Only the Holy Spirit can fix this, and usually, a person isn't willing to cry out for His help until they are forced to. That's human nature. Hubby needs a wake-up call.

God bless, sweetheart, I sincerely pray the Holy Spirit lead you and give you peace and wisdom.

Becci - posted on 07/31/2012

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Oh my days !! I can't believe u are being so badly treated this is just awful , all I can say is if I was in your situation then I would stand up to them I would not put up with this behaviour , your husband sounds to me like he is way too attached to his mother for a grown man with his own family , I would give him an ultimatum either stand by you and your daughter or he can move back in with his mother and both go your separate ways explain that's it's not something you want to do but him and his family have pushed you to this , iv had PPD for the last 3 years in the beginning it was really bad but I got help through counceling and that helped a huge amount , now instead of feeling like a victim I feel strong and the way I get through thing is saying exactly what I'm thinking or feeling to the person that made me feel that way , I hope and pray you can do the same and tell your husband his prioritys are with you and and your child not his mother, that doesn't mean he has to be horrible to her but he shouldn't allow her to be horrible to you

Elisha - posted on 07/30/2012

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JW, I know we all agree here that God hates divorce, because of all the pain that it causes, but as a Christian woman who is going through a divorce from an abusive, narcissistic man, let me tell you that God also does not want His daughters living under abusive situations, especially such emotional, verabl, financial and spiritual abuse. I would definitely say to continue counseling, and consider what makes them so abusive? Could either of them have a personality disorder? (They're much more common than you would think.)
I would actually go see a lawyer. I know God hates divorce, honey, but that does not mean that you would be in sin for divorcing someone so abusive. You cannot change an abuser. I've seen it time and time again, as well as lived it, if you try you will only feed their abusiveness and you'll eventually be worn down at best, or badly hurt in the process. What assurance do you have that these two unstable people won't team up, hire a lawyer, take you to court on false charges and take the baby from you? I know that sounds ridiculous, but I've seen it happen over and over and over again, to good mothers, innocent mothers.
I would get a notebook, keep it a secret, write down as much information as you can remember to document everything that's happened, including the mortrgage situation, all the emails, comments, conversations, criticisms, EVERYTHING, between you and your dh, and you and your MIL, and take it to an attorney. Personally, I would do that, then file for emergency custody of the baby and child support, and get the heck out of there, but make sure that you have a good lawyer and solid, documented evidence.
If a consultation fee is something that you just can't do at the moment, look up your local Domestic Violence Shelter. They don't just house battered women. Most of them offer free counseling and even legal aid. At the very least, call them as soon as possible, but don't tell your dh. Keep it a secret from him and your mil, otherwise, they will try to interfere and use it against you. Call them as soon as possible. I'm praying for you, Honey, and if you need someone to talk to, message me on here.

Angela - posted on 07/24/2012

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Carla, I wanted to mark YOUR post as funny too! I have some issues with my son and his partner. But I take a step back and mind my own business. I read (and hear of) far too many mother-in-law issues with their daughters-in-law (and their sons-in-law) to ever want to join their number.

Carla - posted on 07/23/2012

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@Kathy, I wanted to mark your post funny, but I didn't want you to think I was being flippant. I have this mental picture of mil under the car bugging it, then standing with a glass at the wall of the house, listening ;)

Being a dil is rough. It took my mil getting Alzheimer's before she actually liked me! I pray for all of us, that God give us abundant love and wisdom to be able to get through these trials.

God bless, all

Kathy - posted on 07/23/2012

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Oh you poor thing. I will be praying for you and your family. These people are unbelievable! As is the fact they call themselves 'Christians.' The fact that you live 40 minutes away can be a plus since you don't HAVE to see MIL if you don't want to. But the fact that she will show up unexpectedly and then stay when you have guests is very rude. Any normal human being would have excused themselves and left. She has some serious issues with insecurity and has a warped view of what it means to be a Christian (I wonder if she is even 'saved'). Let your husband know that you understand she is HIS mother, but she is NOT yours and you both are adults and she cannot treat either of you like children! And if you don't have a local church (that your SIL is not the Pastor of), find one so you can get real Christian counseling. You may need to 'shop around' as not every church has this available. Try to find an Evangelical Free, or Four Square church. Churches are open all week, so she doesn't have to know (unless she has tapped your phone or has gps on your car). And when you pray, pray FOR her & the fam, not ABOUT them. Good luck.

TINA - posted on 07/19/2012

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You could always ask for an annullment. I know you dont belive in divorce but this is abuse plain and simple. You should leave immediatly and tell your husband that you Will not be back until you have had counseling in which he actually participate. The problem that you have with your hubby and mil will be there regardless of where you are so you need to address the issue. You have to be strong for your child. I know this is hard but if your not your child will grow up thinking that this is an acceptable way for others to treat her.

Carla - posted on 07/19/2012

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Gail thanks for reminding me of the 'you're my Ruth' thing--let's see what Naomi did for Ruth:

When their respective husbands died, Naomi first did the responsible thing and told her to go live with her own family, so she would be taken care of. Secondly, she took her home, when Ruth wouldn't leave her, to HER HOME. She then arranged for Ruth to be in close contact with Boaz--not particularly for the grain, which they needed, but I think her ulterior motives were to have Ruth marry within their family, and to marry an honorable man. She then moved in with them, and helped with the household and the babies. I don't know the mother-in-law in question, but I think I can about guarantee that she has done NONE of these selfless acts for her daughter-in-law. So you can't have the Naomi-Ruth scenario without SACRIFICE on both parts!

Living a Christian life, and I mean a TRULY Christian life involves sacrifice and humility. Right now it's JW that's doing all the sacrifice. You haven't posted for a while, sweetheart, but I hope you have taken steps to get yourself mentally and spiritually healthy so you can then address the main issue.

God bless, hon

Gail - posted on 07/19/2012

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One other consideration, if your husband shares an agreeance at some point that the debt under his mother is part of the trouble, I would suggest considering selling your home or investigate refinancing through another source so that particular connection of stumbling block is resolved. Finances among friends or family commonly can cause problems and is best to avoid such scenario's and when possible debts or partnerships of those sorts (book of Proverbs can give you a feel for this kind of stuff).
I had some smaller items of nature (big to me at the time, but not a house) that my MIL stumbled over connecting us and some others on 2 occassions that I had to release the debt (taking a loss) because of the trouble it caused, as soon as I did this, it resolved the problem (and complaints) she had.
Renting again sometimes can be a gift until the Lord opens a door... We did not have funds for a down payment on a home ourselves, our opportunity to own came through a government "Selfhelp" program, where we were a part of a group that our down payment came via "sweat equity" were we all helped build each others (often 8 to 10 homes). With a supervisor that taught us how to do the job, some sub contracters were hired for things like plumbing or electicity, unless someone in your group has that skill set.. Anyway the point is the Lord can provide new avenues if you trust Him to dissolve this one for the sake of healing.

Gail - posted on 07/19/2012

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note, I am basing my counsel on the fact we cannot control or change anyone elses behaviours, hearts, attitudes, only our own, Only your own actions and attitudes, thus producing our need and dependency on Christ alone in difficult situations.

Gail - posted on 07/19/2012

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normally I read the other posts before responding, but I am going to go ahead this time and just comment. I have been in your shoes of sorts... but the things that the Lord lead me personally was to the awareness that we will experience persecution and often from those closest to us. Therefore we have to realize in this imperfect world, and imperfect spouses and family, our calling is: "to put on Christ". I am sorry you are having to face this so early in your marriage, but God will not leave you or forsake you. Cleave to Him and His love. This is your opportunity to live out your faith. Which at times calls us to give "grace" (meaning unmerited favor) where it is not deserved. In example where as your mother inlaw showed up at the dinner party uninvited unannounced then demanded you to pray, I might have offered her to do the prayer instead since she seems to be the one feeling the burden of the need.
You apparenlty have married into a complexity of relationships in a family that is foreign to you, and your husband is likely to be more passive in having such a dominating parent (not uncommon). So rather than taking it all personal step back and observe it as an outsider watching... In fact, since your mother inlaw makes the claim you are her Ruth I would find a loving humble manner to turn that in response to some of her demands that you need to learn by her example (like the prayer situation) and invite her to take the lead so you can step back.
Take time to not only observe but anticipate prayerfully seeking for the Lords guidance (what would Jesus do) so that you may learn how to graciously love this new family, in all their complexities in Christ....
You clearly are facing a season of sharpening, the question is are you willing to be sharpened? Are you willing to love the unlovely as Christ has shown us he did?
I cannot judge what is best for you, nor any of us, we only know be these fragments reveled through your sharings, where it may be more complex. God honestly knows their hearts and yours, and He will be the best equipped to lead you. I suggest to read through the gospels "Matthew, Mark, Luke and John" and examine Christ behaviors and words and try to fit your circumstances or situations as closely as you can to Christs, in this He will show you "the way".
Father God, I pray for this dear sisters stressful circumstances, I ask you lead her how to handle each situation as it arises to Your glory and give her peace in it. I also ask for Your intervention that will provide protection and strength for her marraige in what ever manner most needed to glorify You in all of their lives. I ask these things in Jesus Name.

Amanda - posted on 07/13/2012

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Instead of wishing for your husband to give you a hug ~ ask for one. Men (nor women) are mind readers.

HIs mother is HIS mother, not yours. If you don't want to see her, when she drops by unannounced ~ leave. If she is good to your baby, your husband and MIL can care for the child while you are gone. If she is abusive to the child, take the baby with you. If he wants to travel to see his mom, he can go alone.

In my experience, if you feel that a family is not welcoming, they probably aren't and won't be.

Kindly remind your husband that within your vows of marriage, you guys became one. If you have a problem, so does he and vice versa.

Also, if you do decide to not stick around for MIL visits, do not be mean to either your hubby or MIL. Just state you forgot you had plans, or have some urgent errand to run.

Best of luck to you.

Angela - posted on 07/04/2012

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Read the Cloud & Townsend books. There's one on general Boundaries, one on Boundaries in Marriage etc ....

I've just browsed through them on Amazon and found them really good.

Melissa's comment "I do believe God does not want any of us to be a doormat to anyone" is very important and relevant. Submission to one's husband gets a lot of airplay in Christian circles - resulting in the inability of both men and women to differentiate between being a man's helpmeet and being his doormat!

Whilst your mother-in-law and your husband are not respecting YOUR boundaries, you are not enforcing those boundaries yourself - you are providing licence for their treatment of YOU. There is an old saying that no-one can make you feel inadequate, insecure or bad about yourself without your permission. It's time to take a stand and withdraw your permission!

I appreciate that this is easier said than done. But only a bully really has time for a very passive person. Your mother-in-law sounds like a bully. It's time to stop feeding her appetite - just like it's time to stop paying her debts.

You need supportive friends that you can turn to - but not so supportive that you never develop the motivation to turn things around for yourself. I have been in your shoes (not with an overbearing mother-in-law, rather with "friends"). Sometimes, if you're incapable of confrontation, physical distance is the only remedy.

I have read self-help books for encouragement but in the end I only treated them as a good, comforting read without taking the advice and guidance offered. I could've had a "good, comforting read" from a frothy novel! I have had the comfort and support of friends etc ... but used this resource as an end in itself - simply as respite away from the people who were giving me the stress instead of boldly proceeding in changing the situation.

Please don't make the mistakes I made - I made them for YEARS.

Get a life and be your own person. Your husband will follow when he takes stock of his priorities.

Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 07/04/2012

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JW
There is a book by cloud and townsend on boundries it is a really good book to help set boundries from people who try to override you at every turn. Also it is utterly frustating to not be taken serious by your husband I also do not believe that God wants us to divorce but I do believe God does not want any of us to be a doormat to anyone, you can give very clear lines to your husband by first giving his mothers debt back to her it is not your frivolous spending that caused this God calls us to be accountable for the things we do this is a sign of maturity your mother in law maybe a christian but she has no maturity or she would have never put you in this situation. You need to have a sit down with your husband and explain that debt is not yours or his and that it is time his mother becomes responsible for her actions their does need to be a appeal that this is not the way you want to live and that he does not have the right to put you in this situation but you may have to ask him to make a choice and whatever you put up as the consequence to him be ready to stand by like I said I do not believe in divorce but seperation for him to think of what he has to loose is not a bad thing, this is if you have a strong support system from your family or friends cause you are going to need that so that you and your baby can go stay with until and then you and your husband can have time to reflect and discuss what your expectations of your family are going to be he does need to figure out what he really wants to please Mommy or to have his family with him. Before you do anything seek counsel in someone you know to have a faithful walk with God that can trust to give you some scriptural insight.. A very wise woman told me once that God does not require me to stay and be emotionally abused I can walk away. My husband chose his family over his mother we moved to another state and been married for 25 years and the last 18 have been wonderful.. praying for you, boundries do work and the books are good.

Kelina - posted on 07/01/2012

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when you went away in june was it simply for a visit or did he actually know something was wrong? When I had to deal with this with my own husband I talked until i was blue in the face and severely depressed. We went and talked to our pastor who did bring up cleaving to your wife and becoming one. Then one day I left. I packed our bags, took my son who was about 10 months old and didn't tell him where I was going (in all fairness I didn't know myself I walked half an hour in the pouring rain with my son strapped to my back and prayed I could get a hold of someone who would be willing to let the two of us spend the night). Nothing else had gotten through to my husband despite me keeping the lines of communication open-like so many before him he didn't know what he had until he lost it. Things didn't change overnight but they did change because he finally started listening to what I was saying. One other thing though, have you tried going to your doctor about your depression? If you're under this much stress medication might help a lot. Make you better able to think and process and deal. I hope things get better for you.

Trévera - posted on 07/01/2012

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There is nothing wrong in standing up for yourself! Politeness and gentleness can be firm and stern. It is ok to say to your inlaws that the mistreatment of you and your family has to stop and that they are over stepping their boundaries. I also hope that you seek counseling for yourself it will benefit you and your child as well as help you to set the boundaries that are needed . As far as the mortgage and your marriage i cannot agree with you husband.... He was weong in hiding it and he is wromg for not having a back bone and standing up for your marriage and child. He is supposed to love and care for you as Christ loves the church! I applaude you for going to see a counselor and please continue. Sister your have to speak up for yourself!

Kimberly - posted on 07/01/2012

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I dealt with similar. Fighting with your husband will not help. He will sit it out and not take sides. In my situation. He avoids conflict. He loves his mom and you. I know you want him to stand up to her and make you feel loved. My man is half Korean. He was raised to respect his family and take care of them when they get old. He does. The only way I got her to stop..she still does a little but not near what it was. I lost my temper after several years of her coming over while I was at work throwing all my clothes in the dirt! I stood up to her and told her some truths. Can. I ask why did you marry? Baby? If so she may think he doesn't love you and married you because of baby. Not to sure. Post parting is real. I had to get antidepressants to deal. It helped. As far as finances go. The way he is handling the situation is crazy. She may need to file bankruptcy. She is using the bible to manipulate. I would never allow someone to make me pray. She may want to see how much you can take. I know my situation she looked me up and down and never yelled at me like that again. My man also caught her talking to me that way. He stands up for me now. We have been together 12 years. In my case she is Korean and has some language difficulties. Misunderstandings. Now if she gets mad at my man she takes it out on me. I suggest sitting her down. Getting to the point. Finding out what the problem is. If you believe in God. Tell her you do and that you dont need her to tell you to pray. Yelling at husband won't work. Mine just got quiet. He honestly didn't know what to do. He refused to side. I think you need a woman to woman talk. Mine thought I was using him blah blah..you need to stand up to her respectfully. He wont change it. He doesn't know how. Maybe she is trying to see how tough you are. Are you a strong woman. I too have been that mad and frustrated. I will say a prayer. Please do not let her turn you off God. He is not doing that she is. Please remember being post partum makes things seem more intensely. Praying I helped you some.

Linda - posted on 06/27/2012

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I think that perhaps you may need to be away for longer than a week. I think I would pray about talking to your husband. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you both need marriage counseling if this marriage is going to survive. Tell him you are going for an extended visit (of undefined length) until he can figure this out.

Also, in order for your sanity to remain intact, I would establish a few of your own rules. I would NOT visit your MIL. IF your husband wants to go visit her by himself, that's fine. I would NOT have her in my house. If she came uninvited by you, I would simply leave...or at least go into my room and shut the door. I would NOT talk to her on the phone. I would explain to her (probably in writing would be best) that you DEMAND respect and will not have a relationship with her until she gives it to you. Forgiveness is important and you need do that, but that doesn't mean subjecting yourself to constant abuse. Do not let her load "Christian" guilt on you--it's not Christian at all!

JW - posted on 06/27/2012

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Thanks Carla, Yep, you are right. God hates divorce. I do not want that at all! I just have become so frustrated that I am not being taken seriously. It's like my feelings don't matter. I did actually get away for one week in June and took myself and baby (without husband) to relatives which did help. I was able to have one week without being bossed around by MIL. However, she did send me an email while I was gone ordering my husband and I to bring our baby- so extended family members could meet our baby. I didn't even respond to her email as she was basically ordering me to do this. So even though I didn't see or write her she still is trying to bully me around and tell me what I am supposed to do. This is over the top overbearing.

Nothing has changed since I have been back with my husband. If anything I am still dealing with problems with mother-in-law and him not stepping up to the plate and being the man of the house. I am not sure if that means I need to be away from him for longer than a week or until he can man up and be a husband and father and not his mommy's bail out boy and passively ignore how she mistreats me.

I am praying for a miracle that God can fix this very miserable situation. Thanks again for your posts.

Jen

Carla - posted on 06/27/2012

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I understand your frustration, honey, but please don't do anything rash. If you and your child need to have a little space, by all means take it. If you have relatives, friends or a little money stashed away, to get a motel or cabin where you can find quiet and think, please do so. God hates divorce, however, God also has commanded man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. He is to put her needs before his always. Your husband is not holding up his end of this covenant. Strong measures are going to be taken to get your husband to untie the apron strings and act like a husband and father. Sometimes thinking you are losing your loved ones, you will try to put things back in order. I truly hope this is the case for you guys.

Pray hard, honey. God is a God of the Impossible.

God bless

JW - posted on 06/27/2012

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Hey Ladies,

Thank you all so very much for you thoughtful and kind comments during this very difficult time for me. I appreciate your continual prayers- I really need them. I am becoming eternally frustrated that I am getting controlled by my Mother-in-law. I have shown beyond what I would think Christ would want me to give to my both my husband and mother in law. I want to be gracious in spirit, but I no longer can do that because it is making me feel terrible inside about myself. This is destroying my marriage (the constant drama and unhealthy relations with the mother in law and how my husband doesn't act like a man).

I do not think my husband realizes how his mother has made my life so hard for the last year and a half even though I have told him. I believe I am a long suffering and resilient person, but I know Jesus also wants me to be respected and show respect to myself and to my marriage. By having the mother in law always bossing her way in our lives and us carrying her debts--this just spiritually feels wrong.

This is not a marriage between me and my husband like I thought it would be when I got married- but it is a marriage of three. That is Biblically wrong. I don't think my husband feels that it is wrong. I feel like he is being a coward and getting the easy way out as he is so passive with his mother. I feel like the only way I will possibly ever get my husbands attention on how destructive his mother is to our marriage is if I leave him, not that I want to but he is leaving me with no other option. I don't think he takes any of my feelings seriously or if he does he just agrees with me and doesn't do anything about it. I am sick of this. Talk about killing a marriage.

I feel like all my dreams have been crushed. I knew one day I wanted to buy my own home with my husband, but now we can't do that as he is on his mommy's underwater mortgage. I honestly wish this was all just a very bad dream. I am so sad this is my life, as this is not what I had planned for my marriage. It feels like a big sham because my husband didn't have the decency to give me the truth about being on his mommy's house before our marriage. That is just so wrong. Total fracture in trust, a bad way to build the foundation of your so called "marriage"!

Cyndel - posted on 06/24/2012

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JW - I sorry sweety, this is hard. I wanted to say first that it sounds like you have post partum depression, please, please, please, go see your doctor...no one needs to know, yes even your husband if you feel he would spill the beans to his family and cause you more emotional hardship. I usually don't advise keeping secrets from a spouse but if telling might cause you more emotional harm then keeping it a secret for a while until you are stronger and better able to deal with the reactions then do it, but get help. PPD can cause you to not be able to emotionally deal with stress like you are having in a good way, and also is probably the reason you are hurting yourself. I suggest if your husband is willing go to counseling together. Having a 3rd party involved who isn't involved in your everyday life and relationship can bring a different perspective and help...if not then go yourself, it will help you learn how to cope and the counselor can help you figure out the best thing to say in each situation.

I agree that your husband is the issue here, your MIL wouldn't be able to talk to you like that if he would be a man, as he isn't you will have to do his job for him until he realizes he is an adult not 5 anymore. I only once had trouble with my MIL, hubby took care of it only minutes after I called and told him. I haven't had a problem since.
But I grew up watching my dad be a coward about his very controlling mother (she's raised half her grandkids, except my brother and me and a couple grand kids who didn't live in the same state) my mom had to stand up to her, alone, many times, and twice we completely cut off communication with her both times between 1-2 years. I was 12 when my dad finally manned up and realized what he was doing to mom making her deal with Nanny when it was his responsibility. Now Nanny sees that mom was right and knew what she was doing, and that mom and dad did a great job raising us and didn't need her help. All four of us now have a great relationship with her. Mom paved the way and now she leaves me alone to raise my own kids with almost no unsolicited advise. Usually her only advise is "Your mom and dad did amazing with you and your brother, do what they did and you'll do just great!"

Angela - posted on 06/23/2012

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It's my favourite expression, Carla, to describe problem mothers-in-law. I go on another Chat Forum for wives & mothers and I've used it there 2 or 3 times. Not that I've ever had a problem mother-in-law myself. My mother-in-law's lovely, and my ex-husband's mother was lovely too.

Just realised, I'm sure JW is quite young if she has a small baby and therefore it's quite likely her mother-in-law is maybe the same age as me - possibly even younger!

In which case I'll apologize for the "old". But not for "trout" - that still stands, LOL!!

Angela - posted on 06/23/2012

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Try having a good heart-to-heart with your husband. If he's so easily manipulated by his mother, maybe it will be easier than you think to get him to listen to you and take on board your concerns? Then again, maybe it's only his MOTHER that he's taking any notice of? In this scenario, you're going to have to be very straight with him!

Choose a time when it's unlikely that she suddenly visits or phones you. Begin your conversation with "Honey, I have some real concerns about our marriage, the way we relate to one another, the example we're giving our child as parents and the example we're giving younger couples at our Church ....." This should get his attention!

Next you bring out your Bible and turn to Genesis 2:24 "a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh". Ask your husband if he really believes you're both doing that. Raise the fact his mother seems to be ruling your home and your marriage. Be ready to give lots of examples! Advise him that you are fnding it intolerable and are seriously considering leaving him because he is not fulfilling his marital role effectively. He needs to know/learn that his first responsibility is towards YOU, then his child and there are a few other considerations as well that come before his mother. I'm talking about financial responsibilities & looking after someone else's mortgage etc ... It's not good enough to be able to "cope" or "manage" - she's living off YOUR wealth - think of what YOU could be doing with that money! (in your shoes I'd be using it to move a million miles away from HER!!)

Pause for a while to let these things sink in and then remind him "If you're a worthy man - which I'm sure you are honey, you'll be taking stock on what I'm telling you - right now! I hope you're thinking of ways we can change this situation together ...." Then you can add that you sincerely hope he's not trying to work out when you'll be otherwise occupied so he can phone Mommy and place the issue before her! Of course, it would only be right that he approaches his mother to tell her to butt out of your marriage, but I'm wondering if he might just phone her or visit to appeal to her for help because his misguided wife is thinking of leaving him .... Say all of this to him - let him know that if he immediately goes running to Mommy to complain that his wife unfortunately has a mind of her own, then he will have sealed his own fate! It's really time for him to be an adult and start wearing big boy pants.

Of course if he lets you down again in the way I've described (goes running to Mommy about the problem his wife is presenting) then you really MUST follow through and leave him. It doesn't have to be permanently - but you DON'T return until he has done something about the problem.

I would certainly say something to the old trout myself, but it'll be better coming from your husband - he's her son! If he refuses to speak to her or makes excuses or "says it wrong" - then you could speak to her. Or if you feel nervous or expect her to take over the discussion and steer it in another direction - why not write her a letter? Put in plenty of Bible quotes to support your case.

If it turns out that YOU are the one that needs to approach the mother-in-law (or send her a letter), then you need to (again) take a long, hard look at your marriage. If you speak to her and it has the desired result, then you need to stick tight by your husband. If you still left him, it wouldn't take long for her to seize her chance and undo all the good work you've done so far.

Remember - this problem is NOT going to be solved by a one-off conversation with your husband or your mother-in-law or a conversation between the 2 of them. That's only the starting point. The communication MUST continue, and the resolve (discouraging her from interfering with your marriage and your home) must also continue. It's all an ongoing operation.

Here's another 2 Christian weblinks to read and consider:

http://www.marriagemissions.com/leaving-...

http://www.gotquestions.org/leave-cleave...

Good luck to you!

Basit - posted on 06/22/2012

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I am very sorry to read your sad story. I possible believe every thing will be fine soon.
What i can do for now is to help you in prayers, so that the good lord will guide and protect you..

Peace and love be with you.
Basit

Anne - posted on 06/22/2012

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JW having been a "Daddies Girl" as a Bride, I can tell you from experience neither a "Momma's Boy" or a "Daddy's Girl" make good spouces. It was not until I decided I needed to grew up and be An Adult did Ii make a good wife. Because of this I am in agreement with Carla and Angela.

I will be Praying for you to have the courage to do what you need to do be safe, and get your husbands attention that things need to change.

Carla - posted on 06/21/2012

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I think you hit the nail on the head, Angela--her husband is the bigger problem. That he is incapable of going against Mommy tells me she has bullied him his entire life, either passive/aggressively, or through actual abuse. Until and unless he, as you so delicately put it 'grows a pair', this situation is going to continue.

Having been in a 'delicate mental' state myself, I think JW isn't capable of attack mode--yet. When I was in this place, I had to get myself into the Bible and get my spiritual self strong, then my mind kinda came along for the ride. THEN I was able to put things right in my household. So, JW, sweetheart, get yourself to a safe place, even if it is outside your home for the moment. My niece just took her 1 y/o and went to a woman's shelter because my nephew is abusing drugs. She isn't looking for divorce, she is looking for him to take his stand as head of the house and act like a man. Same thing here. Continuing to stay in this unhealthy atmosphere will do NOTHING to help a broken heart and mind. Only the Holy Spirit can fix this, and usually, a person isn't willing to cry out for His help until they are forced to. That's human nature. Hubby needs a wake-up call.

God bless, sweetheart, I sincerely pray the Holy Spirit lead you and give you peace and wisdom.

Angela - posted on 06/21/2012

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Carla says it all so much more ladylike and Christian-like than me! I especially like this bit:

"being a minister or a parishioner doesn't make anyone a Christian."

This is a fright/fight/flight situation. You NEED that adrenaline! LOL!!

1) You've had your fright (actually you've had several unnerving experiences with your formidable mother-in-law!)

2) I've guided you on "fight".

3) Carla's guided you on "flight".

Whatever you decide to do - please, please, PLEASE - don't let it ride. It will only get worse.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked at the audacity of a woman who feels it's perfectly OK to crush you and preach to you - and at her son who is supposed to support and protect you - when you and he are holding her up financially! I keep asking myself "Is this for REAL?"

See if you can get some Christian guidance AWAY from the current source (meaning your mother-in-law). I mean ..... how would she counsel anyone else with these issues who wasn't related to her? What planet is this harridan living on?

And sorry for the vulgarity, but it's definitely time for your husband to grow a pair!

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