Daddy Giving Baths
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Beki - posted on 09/20/2010
I also agree it is a total comfortability factor. My husband will still start the bath for our 7 and 9 year old daughters and squirt shampoo on their cute lil heads. They'll do all the scrubbing and daddy will wrap them up in their towels all warm and snuggly. My husband probably washed our daughters until around the age of 3 when they could wash themselves completely, of course with proper supervision. Sometimes society can make us second guess ourselves. But you know whats right and what works for your family. First and formost always trust your feelings and feel free to ask for suggestions :)
Sarah - posted on 10/01/2010
Lanetta, I'm sorry you have such a hard time trusting men. Yes some men abuse,MOST don't. I know in my family, when my children (boy and girl) were small, bathtime with Daddy was a lovely time. When he hadn't seen them all day, it was a really nice opportunity for him to play and bond with them. Of course if I didn't trust him to behave appropriately, I wouldn't be married to him in the first place!
Merry - posted on 10/02/2010
I agree Jennifer, my mom, my aunt, my cousin 2 times, my aunt in law, my sister in law, my friend, 3 coworkers, all abused. All the abusers were family members in these cases, statistically it was like 80% of abusers are family or close trusted friends. It's sad but true.
LaNetta - posted on 10/01/2010
I did not say that I did not trust men. I am in fact a very trusting person and always give everyone (men and women) the benefit of the doubt. Some have even said that I can be naive about total trust of everyone. What I am saying is that I am old-fashioned when it come to that subject. There are a lot of times when Dad can bond with the children, such as feedings, playing, rough-housing, talking, reading, listening, praying, tucking them in bed, hugs, etc. As another mom put it, it all boils down to the comfort factor. If mom, dad, and child are comfortable with the idea, then all should be fine; but if there is even the slightest bit of unease from anyone it should not be attempted.
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Jennifer - posted on 10/02/2010
Not to change the conversation at all but Sarah i want to point out that abuse is way more common than people realize. I'm sooo glad that you had a wonderful loving father! It's so encouraging to hear that they are out there! But every woman I know personally, in one form or another has been sexually abused by a parent, grandparent, or sibling. Men and women abusers. It's a scary world out there, and if you've been abused it makes raising children even scarier. Sadly my daughter's father abused her when she was 3. She's since asked me why i married a man like that. My answer," Well sweetie, he didn't come with a sign identifying him." He made a HUGE fuss over diapering, changing, or bathing her in infancy. So i didn't push it. I'm proud to say I had all that potential bonding time to myself. Every bath, feeding, changing, play time. I know some men are amazing and just step up and never have a problem being the father they are called to be, but some men (and women) need help. I just had this out with my ex fiancee too... He said "Jen you are the exception not the rule." I told him to go home and ask his mom and sister if they have EVER been sexually assaulted. Both had. He was so shocked. He's a wonderful man and there are more like him. my own bio father would never had done anything to me, but my step dad, my husband.......................... I'm just saying, it's more common than people want to believe.
LaNetta - posted on 10/01/2010
In my opinion, daddies should never bathe little girls. Bathing babies no matter what sex is strictly a mommy job. Maybe sometimes, daddy can bathe a baby boy, but never a baby girl. I guess I am from old school, but that is how I was raised. With so much abuse going on in the world, it is best not to tempt even the strongest of men. I know this is a double standard, because women can be abusers also, but mostly it is men, who say they were tempted or just could not resist the urge.
Sharon - posted on 09/30/2010
Most kids becomes independent very young and want to do things for themselves... that's a clue to let the child bath her (or him) self. Of course, for safety sake, you want to make certain the door is ajar and you can peep in every few moments.
Carla - posted on 09/30/2010
@Summer, I like your image of your daddy. My daddy was like that, and I loved him hopelessly! I told my mom, when I was about 4, that I was going to marry him. I never lost that adoring love for him, even when his feet of clay were so evident. He was my beloved daddy, and always will be. Daddy's in Heaven now, and I can see him holding, tickling and playing with all the little children up there. Hi, Daddy, miss you!
Lots of good responses here! I agree with just about everyone here. We have three girls, 7,4 1/2 & 2 1/2. Our 7 yr old takes showers and mainly just needs some supervision with hair washing which he only does when I'm not home. He also washes the younger two with no problems when I'm not at home. He prefers to not have to wash them, which I understand. All in all, I think it is pretty much a comfortability issue. If they are not comfortable with it, then by all means don't force it.
Emily - posted on 09/29/2010
my husband has always given our daughter showers because she threw a huge fit every time we tried to bathe her. She like it so much she would push her little self into the streaming water and get mad when whoever was showering her moved her face out of the water lol
anyway now she is able to sit and play with supervision in the tub. (8months). But i guess I am wth the rest, when its the unconfortable factor
Summer - posted on 09/29/2010
I agree that most girls will be bashful and will start to let you know before it becomes an issue. I do think though that it is really sad that there are fathers who won't even change their baby girls diapers or do normal baby hygiene things with them. Remember it is a CRITICAL role that fathers have to teach their daughters that thier bodies are not a purely sexual item, that they are, after all just other people with bodies that need to be taken care of and caressed. Fathers are the only people in a little girls life who can touch and caress their daughters in ways that remind them that thier bodies aren't shameful or disturbing. As a society we over sexualize our children all the time, let's not do it to our babies too.
Jeanette - posted on 09/29/2010
I don't think you should push him either if he's not comfortable. Most men aren't. You have childhood issues that have caused to have your opinion as well. I am very sad you had a bad relationship with your dad. I to had that. But worse. Don't need to get into details of that. God has blessed me with a great husband. He is what I wished my dad was. He cares and he helps me with our children.
Heather - posted on 09/29/2010
I can understand that laura. My husband did change wet but very few poopy, simply because he was inclined to throwup everytime literally! But like you I stayed home so generally i changed or bathed but he waould have if I needed or wanted him to
Merry - posted on 09/29/2010
My husband says he isn't going to change the diaper of a daughter we may have, I'm ok with that I guess, I stay home so I do the most diapers with our son, so if he is uncomfortable then I say he shouldn't be pushed to do so. I'm extremely disgusted by the thoughts of my father diapering or bathing me as a baby. I hate the pictures of him holding me in a bath towel. But after all he was emotionally abusive to me and very angry and hurtful. But nonetheless I wish he had never laid his hands on my body as an innocent child. So I support my husband if he wishes to stay out of that issue. I think his foresight and caring is a true sign of the amount of respect he would have for our daughter.
So it's not that I don't trust him, or he doesn't trust himself. It's just not something he feels is appropriate. And that's ok!
Jeanette - posted on 09/29/2010
How sad our world is. If I didn't trust my husband he would not be living in my home. I trust God more and so, My husband will bath our daughter until she can bathe herself. He still helps our 9 year old boy. The gender doesn't matter and and it shouldn't. TRUST GOD to protect your children pray for then daily.
Heather - posted on 09/29/2010
I agree with the rest. Where the comfort level is. But also most kids do an adequate job bathing by age 3-4 so it should be a moot point by then. unless there is a handicap or develop mental problem that makes it a neccessity
Abby - posted on 09/29/2010
I think it depends on the child. My husband is uncomfortable bathing our 7 and 9 year olds, but perfectly ok bathing the 2 year old (all girls). The 9 year old can take showers by herself and is totally independent (just needs to be told to go take a shower). The 7 year old, however, is autistic. She still needs to be washed (she is incapable of completely cleaning herself). My husband is extremely uncomfortable with doing this because of her age. However, he understands that I cannot always do it and he does it anyway when it needs to be done. I figure that she is a special needs child and because of this his assistance is warranted. I do understand his discomfort, though.
Christina - posted on 09/28/2010
I agree w/ everyone saying when they can bathe themselves. You'll also know when they're getting too old for daddy or anyone to see them naked because they will get bashful & probably cover up quickly or run in the other room. Really, the girls will let you know probably before you know.
Naomi - posted on 09/21/2010
i agree with everything... but i would like to add, it also depends on the child. Some child are very aware of the whole "privacy" thing and may feel uncomfortable being naked infront of any boy/man, just because they've been told there are girl parts/boy parts and those are private... so i think it depends on the child, the family dynamics and the dad...
Cheryl - posted on 09/20/2010
I agree with Cara. He prefers not to just so there is never any chance for a hint of abuse but will if I ask, which I try not to becuase I know his concerns. Kind of seems silly to me becuase women can abuse, too, but I try to respect his concerns.
Cara - posted on 09/20/2010
I think it really depends on the dad. My husband always had a hard time bathing our daughter or changing messy diapers. Although he has never said the reasoning to why it bothers him I've always really kind of thought it to be because I was sexually abused as a child. He will change or bathe her if I ask him to but you can tell he's not really comfortable with it.
Anne - posted on 09/20/2010
I too agree with Heather and Victoria, and Jennifer.
However My husband NEVER did give our daughters a bath. We were in California when a BIG Pre-School Child Abuse case became Public and it sickened my husband to the point that he never could give our daughters a bath. He could and did diaper them.
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms