Brianne - posted on 02/02/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )
Lately I've been really battling with depression..... But I don't know what to do.. I feel ashamed and terrible.... I don't know what to do.... I talked to me husband a little bit about it but I don't know if he fully understands everything that I'm going through... And I feel like I can't talk to anyone else.
Growing up in a christian home and in the church I've grown up hearing that "good" Christians don't get depressed....that depression is purely a spiritual problem and that if you are in a good relationship with God then you won't be depressed..... But I can't help the way I feel. I try daily to commune with God, I've been crying out to Him for what feels like forever and it seems that like He doesn't hear....And so I feel ashamed I feel like a bad christian because of the feelings that I'm battling with. I feel like a bad mother, I have no energy, I hurt all the time I'm irritable and on and on...... I just don't know what to do anymore...... and I don't have health insurance so I can't even afford to talk to a doctor about it to see if there's something to do for it......and then even if I could I worry what people will think if they knew... Oh I'm so confused and stressed out...everyday is an internal battle, the guilt, shame, self-esteem, worry etc.... it just overwhelms me and I really struggle... There are times of joy, times when I feel happy, but they never last long before the negative stuff comes crashing in......
I'm just really struggling....I'm stuck at home almost all the time with my 10 month old daughter and virtually no friends.....And I feel so bad....I know that I am loved....my husband adores me...my daughter loves me.....and so does my family....but still..... I can't seem to escape ....
Please help me.... even if all you do is pray for me..... I just really need some sort of help and support.