Depressed, does it make me a bad christian and mother???

Brianne - posted on 02/02/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )




Lately I've been really battling with depression..... But I don't know what to do.. I feel ashamed and terrible.... I don't know what to do.... I talked to me husband a little bit about it but I don't know if he fully understands everything that I'm going through... And I feel like I can't talk to anyone else.
Growing up in a christian home and in the church I've grown up hearing that "good" Christians don't get depressed....that depression is purely a spiritual problem and that if you are in a good relationship with God then you won't be depressed..... But I can't help the way I feel. I try daily to commune with God, I've been crying out to Him for what feels like forever and it seems that like He doesn't hear....And so I feel ashamed I feel like a bad christian because of the feelings that I'm battling with. I feel like a bad mother, I have no energy, I hurt all the time I'm irritable and on and on...... I just don't know what to do anymore...... and I don't have health insurance so I can't even afford to talk to a doctor about it to see if there's something to do for it......and then even if I could I worry what people will think if they knew... Oh I'm so confused and stressed out...everyday is an internal battle, the guilt, shame, self-esteem, worry etc.... it just overwhelms me and I really struggle... There are times of joy, times when I feel happy, but they never last long before the negative stuff comes crashing in......
I'm just really struggling....I'm stuck at home almost all the time with my 10 month old daughter and virtually no friends.....And I feel so bad....I know that I am husband adores daughter loves me.....and so does my family....but still..... I can't seem to escape ....
Please help me.... even if all you do is pray for me..... I just really need some sort of help and support.


[deleted account]

Being depressed is a real medical condition. The chemicals in your brain are out of sync so you have no reason to feel like a bad christian or mother. You need to see your Dr. and maybe you need meds maybe not, you need some one to talk to I recommend a christian counselor. And you need to rebuke the devil. That being said, after my 2nd child was born I flipped out, left my husband and kids and did not tell anyone where I was when I got home my dad had came ( at the time he lived in a different state). He was so mad at me told me I did not lose my mind or go crazy (as I put it) that if I was a christian that just couldn't happen that all that was wrong with me was I was tired and sick ( I had strep throat and pneumoia at the time too). But I was taken to my dr and he put me on some meds and told me I had postpartum depression. In a few weeks with a lot of prayer and the meds I was doing 100% better. Some people believe that if you believe in Jesus and have a relation ship that you cant have those problem, and my comment to them ( and to my dad) has been "I am glad you are so perfect that you don't fall to being human but I am and God gave the Dr.'s the knowledge to help me so I am going to take advantage of it."
I will be praying for you and I hope my short story helped some too.

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Anne - posted on 11/10/2010




my reply to the title of your post his absolutely not.
God made you in His image, You are beautiful in His eye,
Elijah was deressed, cried under that tree and wanted to die because Jezebel was pushing him to the edge. Elijah was one of God's servants/ prophets. and was even taken up to heaven in a chariot.
Those people that say good Christians dont get depressed a legalistic and suffer from that religious spirit, I wouldn't listen to them, they are not God and have no right to judge. The Bible says not to judge.
Pastors even get depressed.
I have suffered from depression myself since 1988.
What helps me is the wonderful fellowship I have with people at my church, also right here in facebook.
I have made many Christian friends and its so wonderful to turn on my facebook and see all the wonderful Scripture filled posts all day long. Fellowshipping with fellow believers is sort of God's rock that holds you up.
Bible Gateway has an audio option now so you can listen to the Bible if you are too busy to sit and read. The Bible says in Romans "Faith comes by hearing, hearing by the Word of God."
I hope this has been helpful. You are welcome to send me a friend request on facebook as well.
Here is a link to a page on Facebook for people that suffer from depression :
Hugs and God's Blessings to you in Jesus Name! ♥

Erika - posted on 02/08/2010




Hi Brianne
There is no reason for you to feel ashamed. However, you have to stay in prayer, do not stop, God is able.

Dawn - posted on 02/08/2010




who ever is telling you that is soooo wrong. we are doing a bible study on this very subject at my church. so let me give you the bible passages we are studying. 1Thes. 1:6, 1Thes 3:3, 2 Corinthians 6:9-10, 2Corinthians 4:8-9, Mark 8:22-26 this is the healing done in stages. Jesus could have healed him immediately, but chose to do it in stages. Actually, the Bible does not ignore the physical aspects of human beings nor condem treatment of hte physical body. - Jeremiah 8:22, Mathew 9:12, Luke 10:34, Colossians 4:14, 1Thes. 5:23(spirit, soul and body), 1 Tim 4:8, Look at the story of Elijah in 1King 19. He was physically exhausted, hungry and so down he just wanted to die, but God gave him food and rest. Moses was depressed cause he was carrying the load of the Isrealites all alone, so God gave him help. he didn't take it, but God gave it to him. Hannah was barren and in that time and culture nothing could be worse, so she humbled herself and called out to the Lord in allllll honesty about what was going on. , and Saul was beaten down by his insecurities and couldn't do all that God had planned for him. that is pretty paraphrased, but I hope it helps... Also contact your local school district, library, and maybe hospital to see if there are things that you and your baby can do together to get out of the house. Our library offers a baby story time a couple times a week. i plan on getting invovled with that. I will be lifting you up in prayer. Don't give up God will get you through this.

I also want to tell you I have been there too, when my daughter was 10 months old I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. having to have two surgeries, emergency wean her, and then have her live 5 hours away while I went through radiation brought me sooo low. and since then we have moved and my mother in law has passed, so I am still a tad bit down. but through it all I have faith in God and I see his hand in everything sometimes I have to look hard, but I do see it.

Stephanie - posted on 02/07/2010




wow.. i really hate(as i have prayed over this for years! and beleive it is a goddly hate) when ppl say that dipression is only a spitual thing. yes i believe the spirit and body are conected and can not be sepret. ..dippression is a very hard thing to ever pinpont(other wise no one would deal with it long term) ..

There is nothing wrong with feeling dipressed. it is what You do to get out of it, how You respond to the feeling and Your action and thankfulness to God that matters.
i have come to believe that Dipression is God given to help us deal with problems in our life and in our heart.(yes?) and that some times we do need help to get out of the self dippression that can come from long term morning.(of some kind of loss,job loved ones,self werth)
Just becouse God alows us to go threw dipression does not mean we can not seek help out side of out selfs(prayer and meditation in God) God has given us medications and loving church familys(if not just You holding familys) not everyone does get help from just those around them. the mind works so difrently and can be heald with the grace of God threw medications. (tho they dont always help)
I deal with long term dipression(and have sense i was young but did not know it till i was about 20) i my self dont take medication(now tho i did for a short time when i was in highschool. onwhich did not help me at all) im not saying there are times i dont wonder if it would help. tho i thank God that i am alive and that i am able to be His. (tho sadly that doesnt go on everyday) ..
(and im rather in the same bout with a 2 year old and a 7month old. some times it gets better other times it seems werce)
I would love to exstend a hand(message if nothing else) to You. If You would ever like to message me feel welcome to. I will love to be a soundin bored. tho this sounding bored will give any wisdome i can. =)

Suzanne - posted on 02/07/2010





Darla - posted on 02/07/2010




Depression isn't always a spiritual battle Brianne. Don't put guilt on top of the depression, dear one. God knows what you're going thru... I would really suggest getting on some meds, but i understand you can't right now. Have you looked into any herbs or natural rememdies. Check online... you may be surprised at what your local health food store has.
But the main thing you need to do each and every day is have a routine for you and your baby of getting out each day. Say, Monday you got to the park... Tuesday grocery shopping.... Wednesday go to a mommy and me meeting or some such with other moms and babies... Thursday go to the library (babies like libraries too)... Friday go to the mall, walk a while then sit and just watch the people.... that's just an example.
love, darla

Aimee - posted on 02/07/2010




I know what you are going through. I battle depression with aniexty. It is a hard battle. You are not a bad Christian or mom because of this. God hears your cries and He knows your heart. He loves you know matter what. Somedays you have to tell yourself breathe, take a step and breathe again. Hang in there!

Trina - posted on 02/06/2010




I totally understand how you feel. I began suffering with PND when my son was about 6 months old and I felt very overwhelmed and ashamed to talk about it. One Sunday in Church I totally broke down and told a good friend what was going on. Talking about it really helped me to turn a corner. Find someone (not your husband) that you trust and can talk it through with. I found a Christian charity called Acatia that works with women suffering from PND - their research shows that 1 in 4 women suffer from it and they offer a befriending service and helpline. I really didn't want to go onto antidepressants as I was worried about coming off of them. Thank God I never had to, but I have a friend who's a health visitor and she reassured me that the docs monitor you carefully these days and that they can help you out of the rut you are in. When I was feeling desperate and like I couldn't even get out of bed I cried out to God. He answered by being my strength when I had none of my own. He is not a God of condemnation, He loves you with a never-ending love and will hide you under the shadow of His wing. There is no condemnation for tose who are in Christ Jesus!!!!

For those ppl telling you that it's spiritual, I do believe that some depression can be, but the depression many women suffer with after having a baby is more than likely caused by hormones and the overwhelming changes you have been through emotionally and physically. I have several Christian friends who have also suffered with depression. It doesn't make you a bad Mommy or a bad Christian. It is more normal than we know - it's just that no-one wants to talk about it.

When all else fails cry out to God and turn to His word. AND talk to someone. My husband also found it useful to talk to a male PND counsellor at Acatia - he wanted to help me so much but didn't know what to do. He also blamed himself, thinking he had somehow caused it. This might be something for your husband to think about too?

Hope this helps you. Praying for you x

Julie - posted on 02/06/2010




Depression is an illness - it doesn't make you any more of a bad christian than someone with diabetes or cancer or any other health problem.

And trust me - you get many arrogant "christians" who will even go around telling cancer sufferers they are "bad" christians because God hasn't healed them.

My mum has bipolar and the absolute rubbish so called "Christians" told her about her illness was ridiculous - stuff like she just needs to pray harder, or that she must have some unresolved sin etc etc (I think if we're all honest, we all could pray more and we all have sin in our lives).

The reality is, depression is a genuine health condition, and like any health problem, God chooses to heal some, and not others.

I had post natal depression (more from an abusive, violent, psychoses suffering, drug addicted husband losing the plot after our daughter was born) and while it wasn't fun to go through it, if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met some really great people who I was able to help through their difficult time and introduce Jesus to them.

Not being healed straight away shouldn't be seen as a spiritual problem - God gives us hardships for a reason - rather than condemning ourselves and thinking we are bad or being punished, think of it as something that opens your eyes to what others go through and teaching us how to reach out in empathy - what better way to understand someone than to have gone through suffering ourselves?

Janet - posted on 02/05/2010




I lived in depression for a while..At first I didn't know that is what it was. I have seizures since 1980 when I was 20 years old with in the last 5 years I have gotten asthma , and had falled down the cellar stairs hitting my head on the cement floor. My drwanted me get a ct scan which a big mass , he said i was going to have seizure so bad and more often and i did i even had grand mal . i felt useless, i could go anyway and when my daughter graduated i had a seizure there and missed most of the accitity. I felt like a burden to people and smoe times i wished the Lord could ttake me home but i had a in plant that helps with the seizure and I praise the Lord that I got a chance to have it. it is a vagis nerve stimulater(vns) for short but it has improved my quality of need to get out of the house sometime have your husband babysti and take a little walk get your thoughts together and talk to your husband or if you go to church talk to your pastor.We all go though hard times .take care.

Anne - posted on 02/04/2010




Brianne You Are NOT a BAD Mother or Christian. I do agree with Victoria about seeking the help of a Health Care Professional. I realize you said you do not have insurance, so the cost of medication if necessary would be very hard for you to afford. I know this to be true because I have been on medication for depression and know that with out insurance to pay for most of the cost, I could not have afforded the medication. Even though I do take medication for depression, the medication is not the complete answer. Yes it makes it much easier to not be depressed, however I can still choose to not take the steps I know I need to that insures that the medication is the most effective. These are some of the things that I do to help myself. NOW Please Believe Me I am NOT saying that if you would only do what I am doing you would not be depressed. I am ONLY offering you some ideas biased on my experience. So here goes.

First Off, I will be Praying for you.
I have found that if my Prayer life is NOT healthy-- meaning that I need to be "Praying Without Ceasing", and hand in hand with my Prayer Life I know that if I miss more than one or two days of not reading and or studying Gods Word I will have a harder time not being depressed.

Along with my Spiritual Health, I need to make sure I get enough sleep. Not to little or to much, I need to get daily exercise, eat right, and get 5 to 10 minutes several times a week of sun light. For me I also need to not dwell on negative thought patterns. Also If you can PLEASE find someone that you can Talk to face to face to help you with your depression.

I hope this has helped you in some way. AS Heather told you I also am willing to talk. You can send me a private message, or Add me to your FB Friends list.
I will be Praying for you.

Perla - posted on 02/04/2010




God is with you never forget it. Try to set a time for yourself, being all day at home it doesn't help. Take your daugther for a walk or to the park, find a group of Christian moms.

I will pray for you.

Alice - posted on 02/03/2010




I have been a Christian since I was 7, but a few years ago I realized that I needed to take anti-depressants. My main symptom was being on the edge of rage all the time. I wasn't able to feel any joy and felt irratated even when things were calm. In my case it was a family history of bad brain chemistry, triggered by mid life changes, but I know that God is using me more now than when I was in denial and struggling along in my depression. My husband and children are pleased to have me back, because depression made me into a different person. Don't let depression steal your joy. If it takes medicine then so be it. If you can do it with exercise and spiritual encouragement then that's great. But don't sit and do nothing. Every day is a gift of the Lord and too precious to waste. I think you can tell now that there are other Christians that have depression and it is not anything to be ashamed of.

Brianne - posted on 02/03/2010




Thanks all. It means so much to know that you are praying and that somebody understands. And most of the things that you all suggested are things that I have not been good at keeping up with, reading my bible, eating, and so on... I'm trying to be better about it. it just gets so hard... when I feel like it takes everything I have just to get out of bed and take care of my daughter other things sort of get put on the back burner. Plus at the moment we are living with my parents and feeling like I don't have a home of my own is really hard... I mean I have a house but not a "home" does that make sense?
Anyway my daughter has a doctors appointment coming up and since I don't have my own health insurance I think I'll take the opportunity to bring it up....see what he thinks and says....
Thanks again.. I really appreciate it....

Kristine - posted on 02/03/2010




I grew up hearing something similar to a "good" christian doesn't get depressed. but i've realized something. Even 'good" christians got depressed... cause even good christians are human. but it's what we choose to do with that depression. stay in it or fight out of it, of course you need back up on that.

i understand where you are coming from. i've been in thte same place. i'm home all day with my daughter while my husbend works. we live with my in-laws (who are not saved and don't really want anything to do with God) at the moment. It's really hard to be in a negivitve enviorment. I couldn't really hear God or feel Him until very recently I decided that I was tired of feeling this way so I try to keep praise and worship music on all the time in my room. Praise music to lift the depression... then when the depression is lifted worship music to thank God for lifting it =] (Hillsongs, Rick Pino, Christ for the Nations have good songs for that). I figured if anything I would be teaching my daughter how the praise and worship God.

I don't have very many friends and the ones i have are working or at school.. and they aren't moms so, even tho they love my daughter, they don't completely understand what I go thru sometimes. I've been in and out of this "rut" for about a year now.

Praying with you! If you have Facebook I get on quite a bit we can chat there too =]

Shawn - posted on 02/02/2010




Oh, so you mean you are human like the rest of us?! Please don't ever be ashamed of what your going through, I think it is awesome that you can be honest about how you are feeling, that is a great start on how to work through what is going on in your life right now. We all have our ups and downs, thank goodness God does not expect us to be perfect, none of us would ever make it there! I can't even tell you how many times I have messed up, and will continue to mess up, because that is our nature being human. I work for a program that works with young children, and you would not believe how many moms tell me they are feeling what you are feeling right now, so your not alone!! Do not ever be ashamed to go talk to someone, I did that once, and my issues crossed into other areas of my life and almost destroyed my marriage..never again!! I promise you God hears you, but sometimes he remains silent to grow you more into who He wants you to be, but He is always there..ALWAYS!! I remember having times where I felt like I had no one around, sometimes you gotta be proactive!! Do you have any play groups around your area for young kids? If you do, GO!!, If not, start one..our program had a parent put an add in the paper asking for moms interested in meeting for playdates and the response to her add was incredible!! Pick your head up and don't allow Satan to make you feel inadequate, he loves to win, but you can't let him!! I am going to pray specifically for you Brianne, may it bring you comfort and peace.

Cheryl - posted on 02/02/2010




I can totally relate, Brianne! That was me about 4 years ago!! I don't have to time to post a bunch right now but yes, I agree with Victoria- make sure you're eating and sleeping good. You can't survive on baby scraps and snacks- especially if you're breastfeeding. Lots of fruits, veggies, whole grains, and WATER!!!!
Check out and see if there's a group near you. It's specifially for moms with babies and toddlers. Most of my friends today are moms I met at MOPS over the last five or six years!
There's a great book that I enjoyed called The Myth of the Perfect CHristian Mother" or something like that- helped me put things in perspective.
and most importantly- stay in the Bible everyday, even if it's just for 10 minutes!! There's nothing to be ashamed of, remember- God created every emotion you are feeling. Talk to Him about it, even shout at Him about how you don't want to feel this way- David did it!!

For me, i'll share real quick, it was post partum depression compiled with a Vit B deficiency, I was not a very healthy woman!!! My hormones were so out of wack!!Although I was making sure my kids ate good, I was not eating complete adult size meals to get enough nutrients for me. We goto a natural physician (also a MOPS friend) and she got my hormones squared away and I still take a good deal of supplements. I can tell when it's been a few days that i've skipped becuase I can't deal with stresses and i get impatient easier with the kids.

Victoria - posted on 02/02/2010




Don't be ashamed. Yes Depression can be spiritual, but it can also be chemical or enviromental. I recommend that you see your doctor to start with, but also talk to your pastor or christian councellor. satan want you to think you can't turn to anyone for help, and that God doesn't hear you, but that simply isn't true. Things like baby blues and post partum depression are very real, but God gave us medical professional, medication, spiritual leaders to help us in our times of need. Once you get a handle and a direction as to what is going on, it'll be easier to give it over to God & lean on him, but that isn't to say that he won't use other means such as doctors.

You're in my prayer, but don't ever be ashamed. God has a plan and a purpose for your life & your daughters life, but you need to be healthy....spirit, mind/soul & body, so that you can raise her up & walk in His intended plan for your life. May God Bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you..

Heather - posted on 02/02/2010




First of all, God does hear you. Don't be ashamed, and don't worry about what other people think. The only opinion that really counts is Gods, and he does know what you are going through. I have been there. There were two things that helped me the most. I joined a womens Bible study. The fellowship and friendships that I made there were amazing. Plus I was able to talk to big people! And not just any big people, but other Christian moms going through the same problems as me. It was very encouraging. The other thing that I did was to compile my list of Scriptures for when your stressed posted at the top of the conversation thread. I have many of my favorite Scriptures posted around my house and in my car. I can read God's word and be encouraged at almost every turn of my head. When my girls were younger it really helped. It's a great reminder that God is always with me, and there is nothing that I can't handle without his help. I still get stressed out, sometime I just go to my room and shut the door and cry out to God.

I guess that there is one other thing that really helps me. I am horrible with schedules, but I divided all of my housework so that each day I do a little bit. This way I'm not overwhelmed and trying to do everything all at once, plus if I miss a day, it really isn't that big of a deal if I'm keeping up on it.

I don't know if that helps, but that is what helped me. And remember, we all get stressed out. It doesn't make you a bad mom or a bad Christian. It makes you human.

I will be praying for you. Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you. If you ever just want someone to talk to, you can e-mail me or add me as a friend on FB.

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