Divorce

Angela - posted on 07/06/2011

My husband and I both divorced our previous spouses - long before we met each other, I hasten to add! I was in an abusive marriage. My husband (I mean my current husband, LOL!!) was in a marriage that wasn't abusive or anything but his wife told him she'd fallen out of love with him. He agreed to get divorced. They remained friends although their paths hardly cross these days.

We were very fortunate to meet each other. I have never regretted marrying this wonderful man.

Nicole - posted on 03/11/2010

No, I don't believe in divorce. There was a time in my marriage where it came up and actual papers were filed not by me but by my husband, I am a firm believer that once you are married it is for one time and one time only. I do believe that with guidance and faith things can be helped. My husband never went through with it and now we are back together and living day by day, yes we do have our moments but we now know that if we have problems we pray about it... We are doing are best but we do truly love one another and know that divorce is not an option.

Janene - posted on 03/10/2010

Well I do believe in divorce. I had no choice but to free myself and my children from my abusive husband. As a single mom of four--I tried to stay in the marriage but one day i asked the Lord to show me or give me a reason to see if divorce was the answer and he showed me . I was in danger so I fully believe what I did was best for my children and myself-I believe I was not the one who had sinned--I admit I was not the perfect wife but his sins far outweighed mine and we are all not without sin.

Shannon - posted on 03/10/2010

No! God hate divorce...."A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives." 1 Cor. 7:39 God wants one man & one woman to be together for a lifetime. Divorce wasn't in His plan. Why? Because He knows that divorce hurts the family & ruins the picture of God's love that marriage was designed to portray.. Malachi 2:16, Matt. 19:3-9, 1 Cor. 7:11, 1 Cor. 7:27. ♥

Jeanne - posted on 03/10/2010

I have to give you what the Word of God has to say about divorce: Jesus teaches about divorce, (read Matthew 5:31-32). and in Malachi 2:16; God says he hates divorce. Divorce in these time was practiced exclusively by men. They broke faith wih their wives and ignored the bonding between husband and wife that God instill (the two become one person) as well as his purpose for them(raising children who love the Lord, "godly offspring"). Not only were men breaking the faith with their wives, they also were ignoring the bonding relationship and spiritual purpose of being united with God. Now , I firmly believe the God would not want one to stay in an abusive relationship. and when one think about marrying the first thing he or she should consider is what the Word of God says.....Don't be unequally yoke with an unbeliever. We need to first seek the Lord and then let him guide you as what to do concerning marriage. Do I believe in divorce. Yes! only for the reasons aforementioned; sometime when can go ahead of God and this is not his will for us. There is so many scriptures that is written as a guideline for us to follow. My advice to you is the find yourself a good concordance. Look up the word divorce and let God teach you about what he has to say about this subject. I pray this has at least given you another outlook on how God views thing as oppose to how the world.

Mary - posted on 03/10/2010

Bottom line, Jesus died for our sins. We should turn to Him in ALL our needs. God literally moved mountains for me to get away from my situation. I learned that when we meet with God, he sees the cleansing blood of Jesus as long as we have repented. The sin is no longer there. I also learned that when Jesus died on the cross it was for all of our future sins. (remember, he died over 2000 years ago, none of us were born yet) So not only does this include divorce it is ALL sin. So repent for your part of the divorce, even if you were in an abusive relationship, there is always something that we dont do in accordance with Jesus. *my anger and fear of it for example. Then just praise him for taking the punishment so we don't have to. We have all fallen short! Pray for the other person. Not only for their benefit but for yours. Forgiveness of an abusive spouse doens't come easy. Yet it is very necessary so we can be closer to God.

I pray for everyone that has ever had to go through a divorce. It is a very difficult choice no matter what the reason. I pray you get closer to Him in everything you do. Let him move mountains for you! In Jesus name!!

Jean - posted on 03/10/2010

I went thought a divorce 20 years ago and it was the hardest thing I ever have gone though. I felt I was letting my family and God down as I said until death do us part. However I do not think God wants us in destructive relationships when there is no hope for change. Is Divorce a sin, yes, so is stealing, telling lies etc. So pray and ask God for forgiviness and understanding and support. You will get though this. God is a forgiving God and we must do what is right for our families.

Anita - posted on 03/10/2010

I believe that at times divorce is necessary. If my memory serves me right, being brought up christian/catholic it says in the Bible that God hates divorce, however, he did give Paul permission to grant divorce if the heart was hardend back in those times. These are now much different times and most people don't think twice about divorce. Divorce is a difficult matter for ALL involved no matter how civil, but I believe, gone through this my self, that it is necessary if it is to the point where the two of you are causing termoil and discord in the home/safe place of the children. This can really cause a negative impact and confusion to the children. My suggestion would be if this was the case and there is no reconsile, and the love and respect of a relationship is gone, never to return and you have given your all to include counseling, then yes, a divorce is or should be in order, however, I have found that no matter how hard it is, never talk bad about the other parent, do not discuss Big People information in front of the children, speak kindly to the other parent in front of the children and if the children are old enough, everyone sit's down and explains to them how much each of you love them and will be there for them and never, ever keep the children from the other parent. Support the other parent emotionally and (financially if possible) when the children are with the other parent. Divorce is a crushing, heartbreaking issue of today for both children and parents, but I believe being civil and loving keeps the stress down for your children. I know it is hard, because I have to deal with this and the other women. I did not want my divorce. The other women was my friend and babysitter, but I would not be doing anygood for the wellbeing of my children if I was to be a negative and vengful person to either of them. Believe me when I tell you, this is where being a parent and adult is fully challenged!!!!!

Kelly - posted on 03/10/2010

Yes, you are correct I am a divorced christian, but also believe (know ) God did not make people to be doormats for abuse either. yes, there is heavy fallout , but with God hopefully everyone recovers and moves on to a better life. still working on that one myself

Mwende - posted on 03/10/2010

Divorce should be avoided by all means coz God hate divorce. It is not in His plan coz He is Love, and wants people to love one another, if the circumstances are not right , it is better to separate, if all has been tried and there is danger, then you might consider, BUT God hates divorce.

Geraldine - posted on 03/09/2010

I learned as a young woman that you can go out for 2, 6 years and still not really know a person. Luckily I didn't marry him, cause he turned out to be an adulterer and emotional abuser.
I went out for 5 years before agreeing to marry my husband. When he asked me to marry him, he told me to think very hard about it, because there will be no divorce. In 22 days, we will be married 13 years, together for 18 and a half and have 3 kids. We have a wonderful marriage. If you both decide from the beginning about no divorce, you work so much harder and listen to each others needs.
We don't believe in divorce, but we have friends and family who has divorced. I don't believe in condemning others, only God can, and each case is different. Especially were children are involved.
I do however think that young people go into marriage with the idea that they can divorce if things don't go according to their wishes. Marriage is not something you play with. You guests is people you invite to be witnesess to the vows you and your husband make to God, forsaking all others, clinging to each other until death do you part. Someone told me when I got married : You marry the person you love and then you love the person you married.
People fall in and out of love to easily today. People also has lost their respect for marriage and the spouse of the one they are commiting adultery with. They don't care about the heartache of the spouse or the kids. Just as long as they can be happy themselves.
I'm very thankful to God that He has given me a Holy Spirit - filled husband, who doesn't want to go anywhere without me, loves the kids and doesn't abuse us emotionally or physically. He isn't very neat in the house, but that is his only fault..... and that I can definitely live with :D

Alison - posted on 03/09/2010

sitka, are you telling me to learn to shut my mouth? im sorry, but if a man (or anyone) is berating me and blaming every problem in the world on me, i'm not going to just take it. i understand that women are to "submit" to their husbands, BUT there is a line that shouldnt be crossed. i respect you for your point of view, but i am a person, with feeling and emotions and i feel pain. if my spouse is stomping all over me (literally and figuratively) i refuse to "submit" to that. i'm not saying you're wrong or attacking you, just telling you how i feel.



dru-this is true and i completely agree with you. however, i personally did not rush into marriage, we had been together for a year and a half and had lived together for a year when we got married. i did not marry him because of lust. i married him because he said all the right things and i loved him.

Sitka - posted on 03/09/2010

Heather said it best- or should I say, the Bible says it best. That's our final authority isn't it? My mom has been divorced twice and I don't hold it against her a bit. And if it is for another reason, yes it's forgiveable if there's repentance. As far as keeping your mouth shut- the Bible commands wives to SUBMIT themselve to their own husbands. Maybe it isn't you to keep your mouth shut, but that's where the Holy Spirit and dying to self comes in. Doesn't give any man any right to hit (he commanded them to cherish us as they do their own bodies), but still... learn to shut your mouth. I'm SLOWLY learning! It's encouraging to see GOD change your husband and not you.

Teresa - posted on 03/09/2010

That is true as well, Dru, but you can't control what others say/do... only yourself and the above advice unfortunately does no good if your potential spouse LIES about who he/she really is... :(



Even though I do believe that divorce is a sin, I would never be so bold as to say that would condemn a person.... everyone sins every single day. If committing a sin in itself condemned you... well, Jesus would be the only human in Heaven. ;)

Dru - posted on 03/09/2010

that's true dear, God hates divorce but in oder for us not to go thru all this chaos and heart ache people need not to rush into marriages without giving it proper thought and that we always miss coz our bodies are lusting.iwould advise all those who are not married to take their time and then when they feel ready for the long term committment then take astep of faith and enjoy yo marriage..

Kat - posted on 03/09/2010

I always knew that in the case of adultry that God would allow divorce. I did not know about the unbelieving spouse. In saying that, if a Partner is a perpetrator of abuse then surely he/she is a non-believer.. (If you believe in God you believe in his word, if you believe in God you do your very best to uphold his word. Therefor in my mind an abuser is a non-believer and if they say they are it's not a genuine belief & it's not a genuine relationship with the Lord.) I personally believe in Divorce under the guidelines the Bible sets out.

Alison - posted on 03/08/2010

it was the hardest decision i have ever and probably will ever make. i could have put up with him hitting me, but i was too afraid that he would turn that anger on our child, and i would die before letting something happen to my baby. i know that all the pain and hurt i endured made me who i am and gave me two wonderful things...my beautiful little girl, and my fiance. were it not for the jerk i married, i would have neither. sometimes people need to step back and look at the whole situation, not just the label of "divorced". that is an issue that i think a lot of christians are very quick to judge people because of. there are some marriages that just cannot be saved.

Cindy - posted on 03/08/2010

Erica and Alison, I totally agree with you. God does not want us to live in abusive homes of any kind. Even though the decision I am sure was an extremely difficult one, I am so glad that you made it. THrough it you have shown strength and power and I for one, even though I don't know either of you, am proud of you and you need to be proud of yourselves. May God Bless You Both as You Coninue to Grow in His Love and Grace.

Heather - posted on 03/08/2010

Alison, I would never tell you that you ruined your daughters life, you very possibly could have saved it. And all things are forgivable. That is the power of our God.

Alison - posted on 03/08/2010

yes. i am divorced. i understand the biblical stance on divorce (adultery/unbelieving spouse leaving) HOWEVER...i also believe that those are not the only cases in which a divorce is "forgivable". i lived through hell with my ex husband for 4 years, and i KNOW that my god understands why i left and filed for divorce and does not fault me for it. yes, god hates divorce, but god also hates to see one of his children in physical, emotional and spiritual pain. my ex was an abusive alcoholic who had no control over himself. he was raised in a home where it was ok to beat your wife and drink all the money, and was heck-bent on carrying on the family tradition. before anyone can say a word about why i married him, the answer is simple-i didnt know. he was a "perfect guy" until one month after our wedding. then his true personality emerged. he wanted a wife to stay home, have babies, cook, clean, be his sex slave and most importantly (to him) KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT. that's not me. i've had PLENTY of people tell me i am wrong for leaving, that i ruined my daughter's life, that i'm going to hell, and that i should have worked harder to make our marriage work, but working on a marriage will only help if BOTH partners are willing to do so. he saw no problems with our marriage, except that i was too mouthy. i'm at peace with myself and with god with my choice to leave, and i know that i am giving my daughter a better life without him. there is always damage and fallout from a divorce. that is inevitable. what matters more than the divorce is how your life and parenting is handled afterward.

Erica - posted on 03/08/2010

My son and I came out of an abusive situation. My ex-husband has an extensive history of mental illness. He was verbally and emotionally abusive with me, and finally physically abusive with our son prior to being hospitalized. I was raised not to believe in divorce. It was not an option for me, but after two pastors three counselors, and countless friends and relatives insisted that God did not wish for us to live in fear, we left. It was not an easy decision. Since that time, God has blessed us immensely. He brought us a loving, christian man, I have a new little daughter, and we have a peaceful home I thought would never be possible.



Our pastor brought up Malachi 2 in sunday school as support for those who come out of abusive relationships. It says that God hates divorce, but he also hates when men act in violence within their homes (the covering of their garments.)



I do not believe that God likes divorce, but he also does not want us to live in fear. If we are living in fear it hinders us from doing his will.

Bobi - posted on 03/08/2010

I think it's okay if there is adultery or abuse (and that includes mental abuse). My first marriage ended because my husband committed adultery. He had been acting strange and I suggested we see a counselor. That's when he admitted to the adultery. I immediately moved out - taking our 1 year old daughter with me. That was about 12 years ago and I have no regrets. There is no reason you should stay in a relationship where the trust is completely gone. I am remarried and my husband's first wife really beat him up mentally. He couldn't take it anymore and she refused to listen to anything the marriage counselor had to say. You can't save a marriage when the person causing the problems refuses to change.

What I don't agree with is people rushing into marriage before they're ready and acting so nonchalant about getting a divorce. You see it all the time and it breaks my heart - especially when there are young kids involved. I think what happens sometimes is that women get really wrapped up in the excitement of wedding plans and maybe not think too clearly about what it is they are actually doing.

Teresa - posted on 03/08/2010

Two more comments to add... Ditto Heather completely and I sure hope so Victoria.... ;)

Teresa - posted on 03/08/2010

I believe that divorce is a sin. Considering that I AM divorced though I have learned something.... Divorce is never the RIGHT answer, but sometimes it's the ONLY answer. That probably doesn't make sense unless you've lived it though.



Biblically speaking the 'outs' from a marriage are adultery and if an unbelieving spouse chooses to leave a believing one... and, from my understanding (which is obviously imperfect), that is it.



I could share more of my story, but I've got a cold and a headache at the moment.....

Victoria - posted on 03/08/2010

As Heather stated there are 2 reasons the bible outlines for divorce. And there are certainly times that it is safer for a couple to be separated. But never something that should be taken lightly. Again as Heather stated I to don't think I could ever file for divorce myself either. My husband was divorced by his previous wife, but right up until she remarried he believed that God could reconcile them. God didn't, obviously He had other plans, and in all honesty my husband never even signed any papers, she did it all by herself in court, taking everything, only giving him the children as they didn't fit into her plan, saying that he had prayed that he would get the kids. God is faithful even when man is not. So even in circumstance like divorce, although God hates it, He will still use it for the benefit of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose.(Romans 8:28)

Heather - posted on 03/08/2010

The Bible outlines two reasons that I can think of for divorce. 1. Adultery and 2. The unbelieving husband or wife chooses to leave. You can find these reasons in 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 5. That being said, you will also read in Malachi 2 that God hates divorce. So even in those situations I do not think that it should be taken lightly. On that note, I am divorced. I won't go into all of the details here, but he was committing adultery, and he is the one who chose to end the marriage. I spent a lot of time reading God's Word during that time, and I just feel that God really delivered me from the situation. I'm not sure I could have ever filed for divorce myself, but I didn't have to.

Cindy - posted on 03/07/2010

That is a difficult question. I believe that there are times that a divorce are necessary for the safety of the family. Many people believe that the only time that you can biblically divorce is in the case of adultry but I believe that if there is abuse in the home that divorce is ok. I don't mean ok but that is the only word I can think of. I believe any time there is a divorce it is a sad, sad thing but if there is abuse, I believe that God does not want anybody to be abused and that you need to get out of the situation. Our bodies, which include our minds and souls, are to be a temple to God and if you are being abused, how can you be a temple to God. I also believe that abuse occurs within both the males and females, that it is just not a gender issue so this can apply to both husbands and wives.



That being said, I believe that too many couples use divorce as an escape and don't really try and work out there difficulties. I have heard many couples say that "IF IT DOESN"T WORK OUT, WE CAN ALWAYS GET A DIVORCE." If there is no committment going into a marriage, you are setting yourself up for failure. After all. "It is always greener on the other side of the fence." That is not true.



I have never been divorced, in fact I have been married for over 30 years but it hasn't been without many struggles and tribulations. We came very closr to getting a divorce and in some ways we were except for the legal parts. We lived in the same house but seperate bedrooms, etc.



I know many people who have divorced for variou reasons and it makes me sad because many of them are for lack of communication (they will tell you that). The sad thing is the their 2nd and subsequent marriages usually end in divorce.



So do I believe in divorce, I believe that couples need to work harder with the committment that they made, BUT there are times when the only answer is a divorce. So yes I do believe in divorce in certain circumstances.