Does anybody find it hard to stay at home all day?

Christa - posted on 03/19/2010 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I have a beautiful 17 month old son and am expecting our second child in September. My pregnancy with my son wasn't planned and I was only 21 when I had him. I have struggled with many hard feelings since I was first pregnant with him, like I was too young to have a baby. I have chosen to stay at home and sometimes resent it. I pray to God every single day that he will change my heart and make me feel great about being a stay at home mom. So far I have found no comfort... any helpful advice?

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Rebecca - posted on 03/19/2010

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I work full time and my son stays with my mom. I would love to be able to stay home with my son. However, I am a school teacher, and last summer I had two straight months off to spend with him, and in just that time, I remember how caged in I felt, and it reminded me how staying at home with children is still a job!

I know my experience isn't the same, but getting out of the house is vitally important to me when I'm home with my son. Liesurely days around the house are nice, but it does my soul (and sanity) good to get out. Even better if it's with other moms!

We have a group of friends with children about the same age as ours. We schedule cheap outings about once a week (when we're all home). In addition, we have "girls night" and "boys night." Once a month. Either the moms all go out and the dads get together with the children, or the dads go out and moms get together with the kids. Either way, we get fellowship and the kids get a play date!

In any event, find something you can get involved in outside the home. Pray about it, and listen. While being a parent is the best job in the world, God makes all kinds of people, and not everyone is meant to be a stay-at-home parent. There's no shame in it. So, if you aren't content, maybe God is trying to tell you something.

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Angela - posted on 04/21/2012

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Thread originator started this in March, over 2 years ago.

@ User - you have posted helpful reflections for Christa Stone but she may not even come on Circle of Moms any more.

Mods - maybe time to close this thread? Carla? Anne?

Emy - posted on 04/21/2012

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I find my self blessed that I dont have to run to work everymorning and come home at late evening, and have to deal with everything else , kids, food, cleaning etc. I agree that as a human being is a need to have someone to talk,( adult talk) or meet with other people and have a break from daily routine time after time. If you had a hectic life before the child arrived you will miss that , but As a mother if three I promise you time will go by so fast and you will soon have grown up kids and even time to work. I had three children very close to each other and 7 hectic years, but now I soo miss those times, the little projects, walks, time together everything that is not going to happen again. My 7 year old told me the other day, Mom I miss the time when I was little and we would cuddle up and you would read to me, that was so beautiful, wasnt it? We did lot od school, lot of activities and he is on of the best in his school even his school is in diffrent language ,not english. I pray that you will find comfort and happiness in staying at home . Is the greatest job ever.Stay at home moms are nothing close to ordinary.

Stephanie - posted on 03/25/2010

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i know alot of ppl have said that in time and efert You can/may have a change of heart with being a stay at home mother. and it is sooo true. and so inportant to have conections out side the house(im still looking for one for me too) tho. for many mother it is the best thing for them and their chuldren. tho i do believe there are women out there(in this big and confusing world) that God does call to do more(not saying being a mother isnt enuf) with you not being happy have you thought that God may be telling you to be some where else? !not leaving You children or husband but helping somewhere where You are needed?
I know a mother in person that told me for years she as uneasy staying at home. and was wondering if her marrage was failing becouse she was being selfish with wanting somthing else. and then as she was at church one afternoon after church a someone from church told her she was looking for years and praying for years for someone to come along and help her with thespecial needs children at the school she worked at. my friend had no traning or any experiance with specail needs but she prayed about it alone for a month and her husband came to her and told her she needed to get out of the house. he didn't know anything about the school talk jsut that she met a new woman at church and then she was being pushed out the door as he was getting the kdis ready for school. she called the woman from church and now shes been working with the kids for4 years now and her marriage is stronger then ever. =)
Some times God gives us an uneasy feeling so that we di something about it. some times we have to go out side our comfert zone becouse we arnt growing the way God wants us to. but as with everything(even feelings) study them try them. its not wrong to test a feeling if there is any thought it may be waht God wants you to do.

Amy - posted on 03/25/2010

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I would ask that you examine why you made the choice to stay home. Was it because you thought it was best for your child, did you feel like you had to stay home? Do you feel like God has called you to stay home? Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone. If that is the case for you maybe going to work full or part time might be an option. I noticed some other replies have suggested working from home as a possibility.

I understand that you just moved and it can be challenging to start all over again. Especially with another baby on the way! :) Congratulations! In the times when I start to feel "caved in" I'll get my baby and I ready and go out for coffee or something and have a date with my daughter. (She's only 8 1/2 months old!) Another suggestion to consider is to find a Mom's Day Out program near you. Around here they are usually 2 days a week for about 4 hours each day. That would give you an opportunity to have some time for you and give your son the opportunity to make some new friends.

I wish you the very best and pray that you find God's peace.

Joyce - posted on 03/25/2010

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Hi Christa. Being a stay-at home Mom is a wonderful postition to find yourself in. However, if it is not what you fully desire in your heart than perhaps it is just not for you. I have been married for 21 years and gave birth to six beautiful children, Ages 14-- 22 yrs. old now. With each child my husband made provision for me to stay home for at least their first six months. With my last child, Abigail I stayed home until she turned 5 years old and entered kindergarden. It was a wonderful experience to be able to gracefully care for them and my home.

However I am an Administrative Assistant and also enjoy working in Corporate America. but realize that my first calling is to take care of my family. Here is what I did to help me maintain my mental balance and sanity while at home. It may be helfpul for you.

1. I tried to keep a daily schedule as best as possible (around the babies sleeping times)
2. I became entreprenurial and found a way to put my skills to work from home. Started a medical transcription service (transcribed while the kids were sleeping) which kept me on top of my skill set. Also worked as a virtual assistant for a few executives

3. I am an educator so I also set up 2 days a week where I tutored Middle-Schoolers in Math and English for 1 hour/day

4. I also joined a Stay-at Home Mom's network of homeschoolers where we got together once a week and took the kids to the library, park or other activity

5. Found other women at my church who were also stay at home moms and begin to interact with them after church just to build a network of like-minded people.

Being involved in other organizations gave me the ability to still have adult interaction with women. It helped me to maintain a balance. I was not out of the house daily but at least one day a week. This was healthy!

In doing the above I found myself to be a happier wife once my husband arrived home. I also continued to feel a since of self-worth.

Please make the decision that is best for you. In my opinion if you are not happy then your home is not happy either. I truly believe that we mothers set the atmosphere at home!

Regards,
Joyce Solomon

Marilyn - posted on 03/25/2010

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Raising two young children is a full time job and an honorable occupation. Who better to teach them your values than you? Think of all the "firsts" you get to experience with them that you would miss if you were not a sahm. These things are HUGE!

Ever consider working from home? You are a mother who would love to stay at home with your children or a stay at home mom really struggling with the decision of whether or not to go back to work like I was? I am a mother of five children and I know that the healthiest thing for them is for their mommy to be home with them. But with today's economy, I also know that in order for moms to stay at home we need to find a way to bring in some income. I looked and looked and finally found an opportunity that I can trust and believe in. I want to share this opportunity with other parents who are torn between finances and staying home to take care of their children.
For more information you may contact me at http://www.ThisFamilyCounts.com

Kimberly - posted on 03/23/2010

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Enjoy it now and treasure every moment. Whenthey grow up you spend so much time running from here to there and then they start going out on their own and you hardly see them. Then they go off to college and start their own lives. It all happens so fast yet right now it feels like it will take forever! Try finding a play group or a support group where the moms get together for fun outtings. Maybe you could organize a group if you can't find one. Perhaps there are teens at church that will babysit on a "mom's day out" for some of the mothers. Take time for yourself on a regular basis and remember...this too shall pass!

Heather - posted on 03/23/2010

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Hi Christa

THere have been lots of very good and informative relies to your post. I have done both sides I worked with my first girl, and not when I had my second. When my third child was 6 months I was offered a job too good to refuse, as a teacher - and found that extremely hard so when I my fourth girl was born I decided to have 12 months off and I jsut haven't returned - Aimee is 27 months old and I am enjoying her very much - but find that I still need my own time, and not feel guilty about it - it is good for her to go into care, and we both enjoy that time.

I agree don't stay cooped up inside get out and exercise - and if you can meet up with friends that is much better. Have fun, I don't think there is any perfect answer. There is positives and negatives to any choice, but whatever you choose to do - enjoy this time with your children.

Regards Heather

Kimber - posted on 03/23/2010

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Just because you are a stay at home mother doesn't mean you have to stay at home all the time. Even GOD understands that women need a break. I found that just looking forward to one night a week (just for me night) got me through the week. You have to have time to pray! Not at home. Let yourself go out!!! Make yourself go out! Even if you go to the store by yourself. It feels good not to have to hear MOMMY. Be you! Pray in the car! I found I could give myself some slack. You are born to be a mother, but you were Christa first! Do one thing that makes you happy. Never give up on what you liked to do before your kids. GOD understands! Mothers everywhere understand. I was the woman in your shoes. Now my 5 children are teens. I might have felt like a rat in a cage then, but my children are wonderful now! I don't regret one day of my life then. It does get better, I promise.

Jane - posted on 03/23/2010

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Maybe you are not meant to be a stay at home mom. Some people stay home and love it and some don't. You might do good at a direct sells company their are many different types and it will give you a chance to get out of the house and meet different people. What are your likes and dislikes maybe its not staying at home you dislike but the expectations you and/or others around you place on a stay at home mom. My husband ask me all the time "Whats on your agenda today?" I don't know why cooking, cleaning, and managing our household doesn't seem like "real" work. Find what works for you. Of course you are going to pray about it - but don't be afraid of the answer and don't be afraid to try something new and fail. Though failure we find success. And don't beat yourself up for wanting time off - I tried for 8 years have a child and I love my daughter but sometimes I need grown up time with out her, and that is okay. Hope this helps.

Jane - posted on 03/22/2010

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find the fun in it!!! I started dancing with my two lil ones to worship music and we love it. Other ideas may be to get messy (play in mud, body painting in their diaper), to learn (if you enjoy teaching them, they will love to learn), Dance to loud music, go for walks....so much to do and have fun doing it. This has changed my perspective and attitude when i felt stuck at home :)

Shannon - posted on 03/22/2010

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Christa,
Your job is the hardest job you will ever do! I know how hard it can be to never get a break! You are working ALL THE TIME! So, I would definitely go out to places like MOPS, or playdates with friends. It will make things better for you (because you'll actually be able to talk to other adults!) and it will be nice for your child because they can socialize!

Rona - posted on 03/22/2010

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Hey Christa. What your feeling is perfectly natural. I saw this poster at the county health department that read "People that Can't wait to have sex, are parents". And its SO true. I think sometimes we realize things too late. You might try this.... get plugged into a good church that offers lots of family and children ministries. The church my family and I go to has "Parent's night out" one - twice a month. We LOVE it. We drop the kids off at 6pm on friday night and pick them up by 10pm that same night. Also, Get with some mothers in your area and plan outings with each other. I used to get the teenage/college students in my church to come over and hang out while a bunch of us moms got together and did a "girls night out", meanwhile the girls were having slumber party with the kids back home. Make plans with your mom/ mom-in-law to have Granny time (me me, nonna, mawmaw, etc.) on a particular night of the week. Encourage them to do all the grandma stuff (I have an aunt that takes her grandkids twice a week on "adventures" in the car, lol). This gives you a much needed break, but doesn't give you that heavy burdensome feeling that you are just running out on your babies or worse, feeling selfish.

[deleted account]

OH YES! And mine were planned for and born after my undergraduate degree! Somehow, singing nursery songs and playing playdough just didn't work well for me. But guess what? When I did go back to work..... I didn't like being away from the kids either. Every situation is different. I found that going to graduate school part time is the thing for me. I am good at it and it keeps my mind busy. I keep the household organized and enjoy my time with the kids. Maybe you need to explore your options-- and there are some-- what about a part time job? or volunteer position? Or some combination-- at your church? My old church allowed the secretary to bring her baby to work everyday until she went to kindergarten. Maybe joining a group like MOPS will help. They are a christian based Moms group that supports Moms of preschoolers. They get together for fellowship and support and prayer while providing babysitting and free programming for the children. Its okay to be real with your feelings. Its the people that "pretend" that I worry about. Good luck and enjoy the time-- my oldest is 16 ( he just bought a car!) and even though I didn't necessarily enjoy the diaper stage.... I can say that it was a very precious time in my life that I'd redo in a heartbeat.

Darcel - posted on 03/22/2010

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I don't think you need to repent for feeling resentful. It is an honest emotion you are trying to work through. I understand children are gifts from God and all that but lets face it, lifes challenges can make us weary, tired, resentful, etc. I admire all of you SAHMs for being honest about your feelings and asking for help from other moms and your willingness to put yourselves on the line in this matter.

In America it is common for women to pretend we have it all together, our natural lives are perfect, our children are always perfect angels, our spiritual lives are at the top of the holy mountion, our sex lives are great, we are never broke or in financial need, and the devil doesn't even know our address.

In reality we are Christians fighting the good fight of faith and at times we get weary and need the support and comfort of our fellow warriors in Christ. Thank you all very much for being willing to admit that SAHM occupation is not always easy, a bed of roses, and that you do have internal struggles.

By being honest with ourselves and each other will we be able to use the word of God to overcome ourselves, the devils devices, and when it is time to leave the earthly body make it to our heavenly homes; which is our ultimate goal.

Angela - posted on 03/22/2010

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i am a stay at home mom & it was hard at first but when they started head start i got involved in their school but i still have problems at times when i am not going to the store or anything like that its hard for me to stay at home

Pamela - posted on 03/22/2010

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when you go to God, first thing you should repent for the way you are feeling. and then ask God to change your heart and give you the comfort you need. children are a gift from God. they are blessing. you have to see them as that. i will pray for you right now. Father in the name of jesus, I am asking you to give her the comfort she need. touch her heart lord. let her realize that it is a honor to share every day with her son so when the second child come. that child will feel the love she have already. christa you have to let go of the fact you was young, and any feeling you have. it is ok. but in the long run, the children will be the one to suffer. do not look at your son as a problem look at him as a blessing. i will be praying for you.

Christa - posted on 03/21/2010

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I just would like to say thank you to everybody who wrote me such encouraging words. I think that sometimes as moms we tend to hold it all in because we don't want anyone to know how much we struggle with the day to day things. I have been struggling and we moved to the United States from Canada 9 months ago and have had to start all over again. All of my friends and family are far away from me now so it's really hard because they aren't around as much to help me out. It's true that I need to get out more and meet new people and get a new hobby. I used to like doing so many things before I had my son...and then I just stopped.

Andrea - posted on 03/21/2010

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It is difficult to be at home, especially when we're living in a dark basement apartment filled with mice and spiders. I feel a little like Paul in prison, and am trying to keep the same attitude he had :) We were only married 6 months when we found out we were pregnant, and while it's been a struggle it's been great to be able to spend more time in the Word and in prayer! Try looking around for some work from home jobs. It helps to have the connection with people outside :D Enjoy the days at home with your kids, they grow up way too fast!

~Andrea
www.MomVentureOut.com

Kami - posted on 03/21/2010

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I am a stay at home mom as well. My children are school age now, but I did stay home with them when they were very young as well. The best advice is to make time to get out of the house, physically. The days I felt cooped up in the little one bedroom house, I thought I would go crazy. When I made time to get outside and took a walk, went to the library, visited a friend, took the kids to a park with a playground, etc...those were the days that turned out better in the long run. The kids felt better and I also felt physically and emotionally better.
Something else that might also help...find a local rec center and invest in a class...whether it be a hobby, exercise, cooking, computer skills, etc. Sometimes getting a change of pace and focus helps us feel like we are more valuable to our families and to our community. I learned to crochet (hook &yarn) and now I make baby blankets for friends and the community. FInd a babysitter and relax that one or two nights a week/month and enjoy yourself! You need to make this a habit that will carry throughout the next child's birth. It won't get any easier with two.

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Hi Joanne,
Thank you too for your honesty in your post. I really relate to you too. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being one of those moms that seems like they have it all together and are the ultimate mother, if you know what I mean. Like they just seems so content and happy with taking care of their kids and doing everything for their kids. I know that alot of the time though we can perceive others as being the "perfect mom" but really we don't see the whole picture. We all struggle in different ways as parents huh. It is nice to see though that their are moms out there like us, doing our best but just honest that we aren't all so happy with our current situations. I think, like one of my friends has said to me before, "we need to enjoy the moments God gives us with our kids, you know those special moments that make it all worth it." Thanks again for responding to my post, like you, I feel its nice to not feel alone. God Bless you and your family Joanne. And Christa, we hear you, you aren't alone. I hope it gets better for you too.

Joanne - posted on 03/21/2010

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Chera,

Thank you so much for your post. I found it really encouraging. I too had a career before I decided to stay at home and when I see how my peers and subordinates have gone ahead in their careers and the lifestyles they enjoy because of the double income no kids it can be really hard at times. I still have days when I want to just chuck it all and go back to work. It's really encouraging to me personally to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with these things. God bless you and your little ones.

[deleted account]

Christa,

I am probably not the best to respond to this post, because I am just as confused as you! I totally understand your feelings. I have been searching God over and over about these feelings I have with my unhappiness at times with being a stay at home Mom. I used to have a career and though I know being home with my kids is so important to me and my husband for so many reasons, I too regret leaving my job at times. I don't have the answer for you, because I am a bit lost on this issue too. I have struggled with seeking God's will over this for some time. I just want you to know, you are not alone. I do find though that making sure I am not just in the house all day, does help. Like its good to get out, take walks with your kids, go to the park, take them on simple outings like out to lunch, or the bookstore. Or even getting them involved in activities like gym classes, or playdates. All of that can help with just keeping your day active and more fun instead of mundane as you stay at home and do all the normal house routine stuff. I find if I am home alot doing the day after day routine, this can be even tougher on me mentally and just reminds me of all the things I could have been doing if I kept my job instead of commiting myself to stay at home with the kids. This is tough isn't it. The worldly society we live in is also a reminder of how stay at home Moms are looked down upon and that doesn't help us out either. But like Joanne said above, the moments where you see your kids imitating you in those positive ways, makes it all worth it. My daughter, who is 3 years old, will see me upset and tell me, Mommy I am going to pray for you. It is amazing to see her do that so young. And when I am having a bad day, even with my regretful hard days, I can't help but smile and thank God for her precious little spirit. I have 2 kids too, My daughter is 3 my son is almost 22 months and it has been a rough ride having them so close in age and being the primary caretaker. Take care, I don't know if I really helped but I do know how you feel. I hope you can find God's peace in your situation or direction from Him. I am still seeking for His Will in my life.

Joanne - posted on 03/20/2010

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I have a 22 month baby girl and have been at home since I got pregnant. I used to feel that going to work was actually easier in many ways than staying at home with the baby. You really need infinite patience and have to learn to find the joy in little things. I was so angry and resentful initially. I found that doing simple things really helped me. Getting dressed and getting out of the house for a while, even if it's just to walk with my child. Fellowship with other moms, 'cause they have common interests and really understand where you're coming from. I started baking 'cause pounding that dough is really soothing. Also I like the smell of freshly baked bread. Try to get my frustrations out of my system so I don't jump down my husband's throat when he comes back from work.

God is growing fruit in us and it takes time. I know that there is no one else who will or can look after my baby the way that I can and that helps me. Seeing her imitating me, the way she prays, says please and thank you (still working on the sorry), it encourages me. It also helps me to be better every day 'cause there is literally someone watching every single thing that I do.

Recently her grandparents have started taking her for a couple of hours on Saturday so hubby and I can just spend some time together. I love it. It's helped improve our relationship. Being Christians doesn't make us perfect but it means we are never alone. There's always a helping hand. We just have to learn how to identify the one that works for us.

Alsynnia - posted on 03/20/2010

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I love staying at home with my kids I am a full time student and my kids are in school also so while they at school I go also and when I get out of school I do the house work that need to be done then I go and get them. I also have a home based business that help with a income you cant feel caged in if you have something to keep you busy. I have school work, my lovely business and my kids to keep me busy I clean the entire house on sunday then I am good for the rest of the week staying home cant feel overwhelming if you stay organized.

Heather - posted on 03/19/2010

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Keep praying, and find something to do at home that is productive. Volunteer or work on a hobby. Start an in-depth Bible study. Anything to give you something to do that you enjoy.

Tah - posted on 03/19/2010

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Keep, praying, maybe you are called to stay home, maybe not...you are a mom, but you don't have to love being at home right now, pray for patience and direction. he will direct your path...

Jill - posted on 03/19/2010

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keep praying...the fact that you have turned to God is a big deal.....he will change your heart in his time.... read His word daily...God is faithful... from one stay at home mom to another of 3...

Barbara - posted on 03/19/2010

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Know that the job God has called you to is vitally important. It may seem frustrating, but He has called you to be a mom. When mykids were little I found a MOPs group to be a great way to get a break and some support and interaction. I also attended a mom's Bible study. Is there a drop-in child care center in your area? If so, check into it as a wayto get a break once in awhile. Make date nights with your husband a priority. This will pass sooooo fast,, but when you are in it, it's hard to see that, especially being as young as you are. Pray for God's direction and seek ways to get out and interact with other moms. It'll be worth it.

Crystal - posted on 03/19/2010

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I used to resent staying at home myself. My husband would come home and I would jump down his throat about all the things he could help me with. I prayed for God to give me a Proverbs 31 heart. Slowly, He has taught me to appreciate doing for my family. I don't know if you have any support groups like MOPS (Mother Of PreSchoolers) in your area, but that can be helpful. I also attend a home scool co-op/ Bible study. It works, the children have fellowship time, while us women get to connect and share and encourage each other in Christ. If these groups are not available for you, you might want to consider starting some kind of fellowship activities with other moms, I think it will uplift you as it has me. And remember when you look at that precious little face and feel the stirring in your belly, "But women will be saved through childbearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety"-1 Timothy 2:15

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