Does anyone have problems dealing with teachers of adhd kids? My 10 year old is having problems with nit picky teacher!

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Terra - posted on 01/09/2009

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When I went to school they gave us a one hour class.  One hour.  Not one class, one hour class on special education.  Little did I know what was actually out there. 



I actually teach high school and at one point taught middle school.  I don't know if you are going into elementary school, but I can't really help you there.  Bless you then!  lol..  I do not know that I would change anything, I just know that I would have liked to have been better prepared for special education students mainstraimed into regular ed classes.  If you are doing special education, then that won't be a concern for you!  :-)  I tend to do well with those kids, which can be a bad thing some times because that means the crappy teachers dont' get 'em and you do!  lol. .. . but that's okay.  Anyone can teach the "regulars" and the "advanced placement students" :-) 



Good luck!  It is the hardest job you'll ever have, but the most rewarding as well. 

[deleted account]

I have gotten some good insight from you all, ladies.

I'm going back to school in the field of education after taking a n 18 year break, and your input has helped me decide to focus more on SpEd classes. I'm not wild about the term "learning disabilites", but I prefer to think of kids as having different abilities or being 'differently abled'. Some of the smartest kids I know are ADHD.



I love Kim's concept of extending grace to one another. I'd like to student teach under you, when I get to that point!



Seriously, Amy, Terra, Kim: If you were in college now, is there anything you would do differently?

Amy - posted on 01/08/2009

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I am a teacher myself and find that some teachers just "don't know" how to handle various situations. In school, future educators are trained in the areas of curriculum. They do not all have training in areas of varying needs of kids. The first year I had a child with autism I went to every conference I could to learn how to better meet his needs and understand ways I could help him and understand him. I think you need to talk with your child's teacher. I'll admit, some teachers do have a problem admitting that they don't know how to truly best meet the needs of some of their students. Write the things down that are of the highest concern to you and meet with your child's teacher to discuss them. Your child's teacher SHOULD BE receptive to your concerns and value your input. If, by chance, the teacher becomes standoffish, talk to the principal and/or school counselor about your concerns. Afterall, teachers should always want to do want is best for the student. You are the parent and have the right to discuss your concerns. For me, I appreciate parents coming and talking to me. Sometimes we only see out of one side of the looking glass and need to be reminded there are different views. Parents need to be active and stay involved in making their child's education the best it can be. (Teachers should be in the field of education because they want to help a child, any child, become successful. This is my belief anyways.)

Erin - posted on 01/08/2009

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Quoting Debbie:

Does anyone have problems dealing with teachers of adhd kids? My 10 year old is having problems with nit picky teacher!



 



 



My son's 3rd grade teacher was like that! I actually went to the extreme of going with my son to school all day for two weeks. I found that the teacher didn't understand my son and  I had him moved to the other 3rd grade room where he excelled.  My son does better with teachers, that are patient and a little more slack on rules, as opposed to strict and task oriented.  Not all personalities mesh well together and this can't always be corrected. I found it  better to move him  rather than have him be miserable over something that wasn't going to change. Hope this was helpful, good luck and God bless.

Terra - posted on 01/08/2009

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I, too, am a teacher.  Find out specifics about the behavior your teacher is seeing/experiencing.  Don't let her say, she won't listen, for example; make the teacher use specific incidences.  When that is the case, see how the teacher reacted.  I agree with everyone above, volunteering and being there can be key.



There are specific ways teachers can deal with more active students.  They can put a child where movement won't distract the other students.  If it is talking out of turn, they can be creative in how they get them to take turns.  I dont' know the specifics, obviously, but there are ways to deal with ADHD students that many teachers do not know or try.   

Kim - posted on 01/08/2009

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As a teacher and a mom, I have learned that there are two perspectives to consider.  As a mom, you need to be your child's advocate.  It is your right and responsibility to ask questions and get answers, to offer what you can and ask for what you need from your child's teacher.  But the teacher in me knows what it's like to have a classroom full of children that you are trying to work with...in a perfect world every single child in that room would get the one on one attention and patience and care that they need every single day.  But we all know this isn't a perfect world.  Teachers have a difficult job trying to get an entire class on the same page and moving forward in the face of challenges like learning differences, behavioral challenges, uninvolved parents, and kids who hard to motivate, or are just plain ornery.  I'm not trying to excuse poor teaching methods...it could be your child's teacher IS singling your daughter out or treating her unfairly.  If that's the case you have every right to be upset and seek change.



The best teacher/parent relationships are when both parties extend grace to one another...and agree to do what needs to be done for the child without placing blame.  I've had many conferences like this, and it seems no  matter what the issue is, it's resolveable.  Unfortunately, I've also had conferences with parents who seemed convinced that their child could do no wrong, and any difficulties must be the fault of someone else...their friends, their teacher, the divorced parent.  These rarely accomplish anything but further alienation on both parts.  Worse yet is when parents choose to badmouth the teacher in their child's hearing.  This totally undermines any authority the teacher should have, and causes the child to behave WORSE and yet somehow feel justified in doing so.



My advice would be to sit down with your child's teacher and simply ask questions.  What behaviors do you see that are hindering my daughter's success at school?  Can you explain to me the process of discipline?  What tools do you know of that would help her do better?  What can I do at home to help? etc.  Resist the temptation to defend your daughter or your parenting (which is usually the bigger issue to be honest) and simply ask questions.  Take notes.  And ask for a follow up meeting in a couple weeks.  Go home and work on the things the teacher suggested.



At the next meeting, you can discuss whether any of the proposed ideas have helped.  You can also express some of your concerns, things you are noticing, etc.  Because you've already demonstrated that you are looking to solve problems (as opposed to place blame) my guess is that your teacher will be much more open to listening and coming up with ideas with you.  Everyone does better when they are not feeling attacked or defensive.



Another idea would be to come in and observe a day or two...without your daughter's knowledge.  Many parents who start volunteering in the classroom are simply blown away by seeing how their child acts/reacts to their teachers and peers.  The fact of the matter is you can't really know exactly HOW your child behaves at school unless you go check it out.  This gives a lot of insight into why things are happening the way they are.  Always keep in mind that you're only getting one side of the story from your daughter.  That's not to say she's deliberately being deceitful, it's just they way people are.  Getting both sides of the story before you respond emotionally will give you a much more accurate view of the situation.



I'm sorry you are having struggles, you have my sympathy.  I have taught several ADHD children and can relate to the difficulties, but also the incredible potential of these creative, out of the box thinkers.  Good luck!

Shari - posted on 01/08/2009

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Yes, I have and continue to do so. My daughter is 15 and we still have problems. I think the most important thing is to communicate, communicate and communicate with the teacher. The teacher is not going to change what they expect, however they need to see your child as the unique person they are and not try to peg them as something they are not. Try to schedule a time you can meet with the teacher and your child. Go over whatever concerns you may have and try to compromise on a decision that will make everyone happy. Good luck.

[deleted account]

Thanks, Tauja....your words of wisdom help alot!  I am feeling more calm about the meeting. Please keep me in your prayers!

[deleted account]

I have a meeting  tomorrow with the teacher involved.  I don't  like confrontation, and am a bit nervous about the meeting, but I am asking for God to be with me, as I meet with her, and try to say the right words to generate a change in her.  I asked for her help back in September, when I told her my daughter has adhd, and all the negative stuff only got worse.  Go figure. It is like she has radar on my daughter alone.  I am just fed up now!  

[deleted account]

I think you are right that the teacher doesn't even know my daughter...she just stays on her all the time and never allows her to explain anything in her own defense.  The teacher is too concerned about the talking, or getting out of her seat, etc.  , instead of teaching to her strengths.

[deleted account]

Thank you for your reply.  I agree about the teacher's tolerance level dropping to zero with my daughter...she goes straight for the discipline form, rather than trying to redirect.  The teacher is adding to my frustration level, rather than helping with the adhd issues.

Pamela - posted on 01/07/2009

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Talk with the teacher. Lot's of people still think that you just have to be more disciplined with ADHD kids and they will conform. I have spent a lot of time talking with my son's teachers making sure they know him and then they seem to allow for his needs better. Also talk with your child and let him/her know what your expectations are and don't worry about marks as much as coping with an imperfect situation.

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