Does not wanting to be an at home mom make me a bad mom?

Jennifer - posted on 11/26/2009

I am a career-minded, professional mom of 2 great kids. We got pregnant very young, by surprise, and in a way, I'm very glad it happened that way. I don't believe I ever would have found a "good" time to have kids, and probably would have put it off until it was too late. So, I had HUGE inclinations to being a stay at home mom. I always thought that there must be something more for me out there, and in retrospect, I believe I resented being at home when my hubby would go to work. Now that my kids are older, and I am working again, my biggest regret is that I didn't cherish my time at home with my kids when they were babies. You only get that time once in your life with your kids, so if you have the opportunity to stay at home, I would consider that a HUGE blessing.

Years later, what I didn't know is that my hubby was secretly jealous of me for being able to stay at home with the kids during such crucial times in their lives.

Harrison - posted on 11/24/2009

Your roll as a person is not defined by what a person does - it is defined by who you are as a person! It does not hinge on how many hours we spend in the home verses in the work place. The only thing that one MUST keep in prospective is that your family should come first. Your children will be your children for the rest of their and your lives. Jobs come and go as well as positions change! The Lord entrusted us with thses children and it is our responsiblity to love and care for them. Teach, and reach out to them when they need us! It is very labor intensive to raise children, keep a home, work full time and still have a social life. There are only so many hours in a day, week and or month!

Krista - posted on 11/23/2009

Thre's a difference between not wanting to and not being able to. I do think there is a problem with not wanting to. Once you become a mother, it's not about what you want any longer.

Cynthia - posted on 11/22/2009

Some of us have to work out of necessity, but even if I didn't, I don't think I could do the June Cleaver thing either. If money were no object, I still think I would have to keep myself busy outside the home. Don't get me wrong, I love doing all the 'motherly' things for my children, but there is also a person inside me that existed before I became a mom, and if 'she' is not nurtured as well, I believe everyone around is short-changed. I also realize that each woman's individual needs are fed differently. Some are fed with work, some hobbies, some charity work, some other things, but whatever it is, it needs to be something. I believe it makes for a more interesting and satisfied life, and a great example for the children of what a well-rounded person looks like!

Tina - posted on 11/22/2009

Girl NOWAY does it make you a bad mom!!!!!!!!! Don't you feel guilty about what you want to do!

Marlene - posted on 11/22/2009

Nothing wrong about that. Staying home is DIFFICULT. I tried it for a year and a half when my three kids were 0, 1 and 2. I found that I'm ok for 1/2 a day, then I need to get away for the other 1/2 and do other things.

Tracey - posted on 11/21/2009

no...i think it makes you a better mom if your out doin something that will benefit your child

Kat - posted on 11/21/2009

I think it's great that you have this kind of energy & motivation to want to do something more. Your kids will benefit from a happier you & the extra cash.
Gee I get the opposite. I'm at home & when I meet people it's like what do you do & when I say I'm at home I get "Oh". You can't win.

Darcel - posted on 11/20/2009

Who lied to you and told you that you would be a bad mom for wanting to work?

Chasity - posted on 11/20/2009

First, I want to commend you for being a stay at home mom. I also admire the fact that you feel you should be doing more. Is there a financial reason you feel the need to work or is it just because you feel that you are doing nothing while your kids are at school? I am a stay at home mom and feel like I do to much! Many working mothers would give anything to be in the position that we're in. I sincerely hope that you don't look down upon yourself as not doing enough because you are "just" a stay at home mom. I believe we have the hardest, most exhausting job there is. It also happens top be the most rewarding! We don't get sick days, we don't get paid vacations or bonuses. We have so many titles. it's ridiculous! I am a cook, a maid, a seamstress, a chauffeur, a nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, a judge, and the list goes on and on! Please don't sell yourself short in believing that you should do more. If your financial situation requires that you go to work, that is one thing, but if you feel you're not contributing enough to your family by being a SAHM, please reconsider. The Proverbs 31 woman did work extremely hard. She made investments and wove all her family's clothes and also clothes she sold. Why not consider a hobby or something that interests you that would also bring in some finances. I LOVE crafts. I decorate and design canvas bags of all sizes and personalize them for each individual who orders one. I'm not making mega bucks, but I am able to treat my family to dinner and a movie or help with the phone bill. I also make hair bows (they are so expensive at the store!). I love doing these things and I'm able to bring in some extra cash. Maybe this is something you can consider. It doesn't have to make you millions, but if it's something you enjoy that is also bringing in some extra cash everyone wins! The only thing you can really do is listen to everyone's advice and then pray. God will lead you in the path that's right for both you and your family.

Gillian - posted on 11/20/2009

I work part time which is not possible for everyone and I love it, i love being gill not mom...i do love being mum too but it is great to be a person in my own right too. I am so much happier when I am able to work I did try staying at hope and it just did not work i became depressed and I feel that my 2 are happier that I am a working mum because when I am depressed I am not a good mom...this is kinda all over the place but I hope ypu get my meaning

Dinelle - posted on 11/19/2009

Thank you everyone so much!! this site helps alot when your in distress, and yes I do feel better about going to work. Thanks again!!!

Anne - posted on 11/19/2009

NO!!! Our daughters are adults but when they were young children I had Home Child Care in our home(Of Course That is where it would have been. LOL) We needed the extra income and I did not want to work outside the home. But I had 2 or 3 moms over the years that truly were better moms because they worked. They were happier, and had more patience. If you are Praying for God to Give You the Desire of your heart, God will honor that Prayer.

Stina - posted on 11/19/2009

NO! This doesn't make you a bad mom at all. It sounds like your kids are in elementary school? I don't think I'd know what to do with myself either once my babies are school age. That's why I plan/hope to have my degree in early childhood education finished by the time my youngest is school age so I can enter the workforce then. In the meantime, we can't exactly afford for me to be an unemployed SAHM so I find ways to make money to help out that don't take away from the kids. Organist for my church/starting a daycare.

Donna - posted on 11/19/2009

If you want to do more, do more. I was a "stay at home" mom when my kids were young, there grown now, and I loved being there but always had lots to do when they were in school. I helped out at church, volunteered at their school, all kinds of things. I was actually "home" very little of the day. This does not make you a bad mother, it actually can make you a better mother because you will be happier.

Maggie - posted on 11/19/2009

Then you should be doing more. Maybe you can find a part time job for while the kids are at school. I love taking care of my family as well as working outside my home. It gets me some adult interaction. It's nice to get a break and tThe time away makes me appreciate how great it is to be around my kids.

Emily - posted on 11/19/2009

Absolutely not! As long as your children are well taken care of--clothed, fed, sheltered, happy, healthy, safe, etc., and they know that you love them and want what's best for them then you are properly doing your main job. We all know that we are better parents when we are happy ourselves. Try to get a part-time job or find some volunteer work for a few hours a day for two or three days a week to see if it's what you really want. You may change your mind so you might not want to commit to anything. The grass is always greener on the other side!

Victoria - posted on 11/19/2009

Not at all. I've stayed home for years, but now all three of my girls are in full time school I'm looking for work outside the home, either while they are at school during the day or possibly a night shift if I can't find something else.

Alison - posted on 11/19/2009

Not at all, if your kids are in school, working during that time is a great way to spend your day if you like it. I'm a stay at home mom because my little guy is still a toddler and I don't want to lose any time with him. But when he is older if I send him to public school (I may not, but if I do..) I will probably work or volunteer as long as I am still able to be home with him when he is home.

Ashley - posted on 11/19/2009

of course not as moms we need are space and some me time away from our children

Heather - posted on 11/19/2009

NO! There are many different seasons in life. God puts different desires in each of our hearts. If he is calling you to get a job, then listen to him. I love Proverb 31. The woman that is portrayed there does it all! If we look at her life she first and foremost loves God, then she takes care of her family, and then she works outside the home selling things and managing fields. If your family is taken care of there is nothing wrong with working outside the home. I am only planning on staying home with my children until they are all in school, then I hope to also return to the work force. Pray about it. The most important thing is that you are following God's will for your life.

Rebecca - posted on 11/19/2009

That does not make you a bad Mom at all, everyone is hard wired in their own way. Doing what is best for you makes you the best mom because then you will be happier and that will shine through to your children. I do want to be a stay at home mom but it's not possible for us, I even love my job (I'm a teacher) but wish I could stay with him. I always thought I'd never want to be a stay at home mom, and wish that I was looking forward to going back to work. Even if you just get out volunteering, do it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I know lots of fantastic Mom's who went back early off mat leave (in Canada we get a year) because they missed work.