Mojca - posted on 10/08/2010 ( 45 moms have responded )
We've been married for 6 years and we have 3 little boys, one aged 5 and a half, one is 3 and a half and now we have a newborn baby boy. I've known things are not ok between the two of us for a while, but it really struck me when we were talking about how babies come into the world - when mummy and daddy love each other etc. And my oldest boy cried out: "But daddy DOESN'T love you!" I said he does sometimes, but it was a great shock to me.
The thing is that I'm alone with the kids most of the time. Now I'm at home on maternity leave, but even when I was going to work until recently, I've been alone for pretty much everything. Dressing up the kids in the morning, taking them to kindergarten, rushing off to work, picking them up later on, making lunch, playing with them, going out for walks, taking them to bed, plus cleaning up the house at the same time :) I'm also paying for most of the bills.
Plus he doesn't want to go anywhere with us - not to the seaside, for a visit or even for a walk! So I drive the kids to the seaside and visits myself, some of my relatives have never met him.
The sad thing here is that I was alone for everything even when he was at home (without a job) for 8 months last year. He's not willing to help me much even when I ask him real nice. He would swear back or something. It makes me sooo sad because the boys hear this :( And he doesn't want to play with them too, he would say leave me alone and swear. He wants to have peace because he's tired, 'working' on a computer or watching TV. THey don't even see him during the week because he's working now from 1 pm to 11pm or later, so he's always asleep in the morning.BUT he can be a great dad when he's in the mood, he would cuddle with them and kiss them all over - and it makes them so happy! And he's really gentle with our baby boy now and likes to cuddle him, too.
I'm trying my best with the kids, singing and playing a lot, but it's kind of hard at the moment with a baby who's hungry all the time :) I hope his attitude doesn't leave too much negative influence on them, but I see it does :( I have some discipline issues with my oldest one. Even my mother-in-law said he says some ugly words like 'you old woman' and that it's the kindergarten's fault. But he heard it all from his dad :( And he's saying it at school too - he's now in 1st grade.
He blames me for everything and critising pretty much everything I do, so in fact I'm happier when he's not here because he brings so much anger and negative energy home, I don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to talk, he doesn't even let me finish a sentence :(
At very rare oppoturnities when he's willing to talk he would say he loves me and that he says things he doesn't mean and how should I know this by now!? But I'm still hurt. I ask God for strength to carry on all the time. I'm so thankful for my kids and I'm praying for things to change for a long time now. But it's still the same :( WHAT CAN I DO?