Family encouraging divorce?

Meghan - posted on 09/22/2010 ( 41 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone. I really need some prayers. I am completely in love with my husband. He is an absolutely amazing man, father, and husband. We have been going through a rough time financially for a little over a year now. We both lost our jobs, and he hasn't found a decent job yet. He has found something part time, and to me that's better then nothing for now.
My family thinks that he doesn't want to work, which is not the case, and most of my family, excluding my mom and dad, are begging me to leave him. Saying that if he can't support his family, he doesn't deserve to be with them. And that God justifies this in the bible. I thought that in the bible, the only reason for divorce is because of adultery.
I've tried to make it clear to my family that leaving my husband IS NOT an option. I don't want to leave him in any way. I know that God will hold us up through these trying times. I just really need some advice on how to get my family to accept my marriage and stop trying to split it up. Please help.
PS ... All prayers are very appreciated :)

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Cecilia - posted on 09/23/2010

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Wow this sounds like what my family does to me and my husband who hasn't been working for over 2 years, they told me the same things leave him he's not doing his job as a husband you can do better blah blah...Keep the faith we are currently in Godly marriage counseling and thats what is keeping us together, we had a lot of problems with family interfering to where it got to the point of him almost leaving me for good. Now we don't discuss personal issues with family whoever they are things seem to be much calmer because of that. They won't really understand unless they are true christians I;ve talked to my aunt and she gave great advice find someone u can confide in and your husband as well....

Jill - posted on 09/23/2010

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i say this with respect.... your family doesn't need to approve of this man or accept him and maybe you should put alittle space between you and your family ... your husvand and children are your family first and foremost....it is sad that your family being christians think that when times are tough ... you should walk away from your marriage....i find that the shocking thing.... God will not let you down and maybe in some way God is telling you you family will but He won't...not ever.... trust in Him and pray that your husband finds suitable work... and then wait patiently for God's timing....

Meghan ... if the shoe was on the other foot... would you want that to be your husband option? to leave you? i don;t believe you would....God bless you and you are in my prayers

Heather - posted on 09/22/2010

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I will certainly pray with you! I would encourage you to ask your family that if they can't say anything nice about your husband not to say anything at all. It sounds kind of childish, but Ephesians says Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (4:29) Tell them that you will not be divorcing your husband and that is final. You love him and you made a vow before God for better or for worse. Your husband needs your support right now and you are going to give it to him. They can either accept that or stay out of it. And of course word in kindly with love, but you get the point. Pray before talking to them, but that's what I would do.

Katie - posted on 10/06/2010

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First and most importantly, God will hold your marriage together. You just need to have faith and believe in him. Second, remind your family that you took vows in front of God saying that you will cherish and love him through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till DEATH do you part. Right now you are going through a trial. Please just keep in mind that just because he is struggling to get a good job (and remind your family also that many Americans are struggling right now and are having a really hard time finding a good job) does not mean that he is not providing for his family and that you should just leave him. As long as he is still being physically, emotionally, and spiritually supportive, he is doing the right thing and God would not punish him for having a hard time getting a job and neither will you.

Tell your family that leaving your husband is not an option and that you will no longer talk about it. If they bring the subject up, leave the room or get off the phone. They will eventually understand and come around and when things do get better, they will see him for who he truly is.

I will pray for you and your family and just keep faith. Everything will come out just fine in the end.

Lorraine Alicia - posted on 10/02/2010

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This is a difficult situation you are in and i wil be praying for you. This is the time you and your husband need to be closer than ever to each other and to the Lord. I know it's hard but you to concentrate on your family and your God and forget your family. Try not to have any conversation with them that brings up that topic.



Just keep praying and thrusting in God he will bring you through.

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Priscilla - posted on 10/07/2010

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All I have to say is they have no business to be in your business. Second...dont talk about your problems with them, that just adds more fuel to the flame. Thrid...if they continue tell them these are very tough ecomomic times and your husband is competing with others out there who probably have better qualifications but are willing to work for less so that bumps hubby out of the arena. You dont have to give them any explinations nothing. The bible does not say you leave your spouse because he cant support you. It says a woman has to be the strong foundation for a man...you are the rock in wich he stands in...without you the famly falls apart. You two are a team and as a team the both of you need to figure out what to do to bring in money. I dont care if my husband and children ended up in the streets so long as my husband was with me by my side. He is my partner in crime, my best friend, the love of my life...I fight with him, I love with him, I do everything and anything with him...you need to tell your family this and then to get their noses out of your business.

Norma - posted on 10/06/2010

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Sorry you're going through this difficult situation with your family. When you married your husband you promised to love him in plenty and in want, in good health or bad health till death do you part.

This is the time to cling to each other and trust God to help you go through this difficult time. Read Matthew 19: 5-6 And He ( Jesus) said, "for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? v6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."

Matthew 6:33 " But seek ye first the kingdom of God , and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Hope these verses will give you an encouragements to face this adversity of life and to put complete trust in God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Claim His promises in His WORD The BIBLE . " Call unto me and I will answer thee and will shew thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not." Jeremiah 33:3. " I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help, My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2; " God is our refuge and strength , a very present help in trouble" Psalm 46:1; I pray your parents will change their attitude towards your husband and accept him as he is. And support you both emotionally by giving encouragements and understanding instead of putting him down. Praying that God will answer fervent prayers of the righteous, that both of you will find a job and will stay together through thick or thin. God bless!

Alisha - posted on 10/06/2010

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You are absolutely correct in the only reason God views divorce as ok, is in the case of adultery. If I were you I'd tell your family you don't appreciate their adivce and you are not willing to leave your husband. Tell them of all the good he does for you and why you love him so much. That is so sad that your family is not supportive of your marriage that you are happy with and I would ask them to check their Bible before they go saying random things that are not in it to justify what they are telling you. Praise God that you know the truth of the Bible! I would also find other family/friends at church or some other group who you can talk to that will be supportive of you staying with him. I'm proud of you because you are doing the right thing by staying even if he hasn't found the greastst job to measure up to your families standards. If your family calls you up or something and is trying to talk you into this tell them you are not going to discuss this any further and you are not able to talk to them at that moment because they keep talking about it. I will be praying!

Maggie - posted on 10/06/2010

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for one thing I would ask WHERE does the Bible support their opinion (it doesn't, you are correct). But you need to stand by your husband and tell them that they don't know the circumstances and you simply don't want to hear any more about it, if you want their opinion you will ask for it, until then, the topic is off limits. you may have to walk away a few times to let them know you mean it. God intends for this to make you stronger and draw you closer as a family. Satan is trying to break you apart.

Kristi - posted on 10/06/2010

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I don't know what Bible they are reading, but in no way does God justify divorce because a husband can't support the family. And on top of it - you love him and want to stay with him- so they need to stay out of your business! Although, as you probably know, you can't change people, so just try to ignore them! Limit your conversations with them, and if you have to talk to them, when the topic arises, change the conversation - or pointedly tell them that it is out of the question and you love him, so that's that and move on. Eventually they will get the picture. However, if they continue to try to give you BAD advice- and unfounded advice! - simply stop continuing the conversation.....and pray for them! You can't change them or their opinions. but God can! Also - God will provide - He can take care of all your needs even when your husband can't - and by faith all things are possible. THAT is in the Bible!!

Shelley - posted on 10/06/2010

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Yes, I am definitely praying for you. That is very discouraging. Basically, the question is, Can God be trusted? If He can, then take that step of faith in knowing that whatever God brought together, no man can put asunder. God doesn't bring marriages together and promise to allow us only easy times. Storms come and that's where the test of your faithfulness to God and your husband lies.

Your relationship is between you and your husband. Allowing your family to dictate what you should do in a relationship that only you and your husband know all the details about is going to add more fuel to the fire. I pray that you seek God's wisdom in this. I want to encourage you to read Ephesians 5:22-34. The Message. My husband and I had to memorize it as part of our marriage ministry. it's encouraging for me when I want to go astray.

And grace is Christ dying a death we deserved to die so that we didn't go to where we deserved to go. The only thing we deserve is hell. Lol. But that's the bigger picture. Christ gave us so much grace, I think He expects us to model that as Christians also. It's hard with family but I pray you set boundaries between your marriage and your parents because people only do what you allow them to do. God bless. my prayers are with you.

Meghan - posted on 10/05/2010

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Thank you all so much. I am so encouraged and inspired that so many of you took the time out to answer my questions, and lend some support. My husband and I are getting back on our feet. We had to really take a financial plunge first, but we'll build back up and be fine. You have all been a HUGE help to me. Thank you sooo much. I wish I could truly tell you all how much it means to me. God bless all of you!

Sharon - posted on 10/05/2010

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Wow Meghan! My heart goes out to you. First and foremost, get your family out of your marriage. If you have family members that are not married, have not been in success marriages than, they don't have a voice anyway. Yes, in the bible the only justification for divorce is adultery or death. Separate yourself from the ones that re against your marriage. yes, it is hard to go through financial difficult in a marriage because both spouses a lot of time want to blame each other. And you have to ask yourself, how did you get in that situation? Whether it be, you didn't save enough, you lost a job, whatever. Then you have to pray for one another, not judge each other. And don't let anyone else judge your situation because they are not in your shoes. Pray, and pray some more. The word says blessed is the man that seeks not after ungodly counsel (Ps 1:1). Wow, check this out. I just looked this up in Ps 5:9: There is nothing reliable in what they say; Their inward part is destruction itself. Their throat is an open grave; They flatter with their tongue. In essence, seek after godly counsel and not the opinions of others, especially if they do not know what they are talking about.

Sharon P.

Jerri - posted on 10/05/2010

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First Go to GOD , but then realize this is YOUR marriage..not theirs....theres a reason why GOD tells us to leave our family & cleave to our spouse.....they are totally going on fear, do not allow fear to come between you and your covenant with GOD & your husband that you made the day you married your husband . Their is no reason in the bible to justify what they are saying about you divorcing him, he has done nothing wrong.So stay with him..at least he IS trying! Praise God for your good husband God has blessed you with & ignore the family..this is none of their business anyway..it's between you,God & your husband!

Lisa - posted on 10/05/2010

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For better or for worse, right? I think you are absolutely correct in staying with him and working it out. That's Biblical right there, not what your family said. Keep on keeping on, Meghan. God blesses the union of His children. He will see you through.

Felicia - posted on 10/05/2010

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I'm in prayer with you...adultery is the only marriage breaker(but still some people can even work it out after that). Be encouraged and know that even though it may feel that God has left, He is still there! Continue to trust him and believe his word- perseverance is the key! Also, the word says for a woman not to separate from her husband and for the husband not to divorce his wife. When the both of you got married, it was to each other, you just inherited the family- old saying - you can choose your friends but not your family. Stay away from all negativity and stick by your man! You sound like a beautiful couple- btw, I get job offers sent to my email regularly, if you want I can forward them to you...

find me on face book...God bless! (For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; Mark 10:7-9)

Paula - posted on 10/05/2010

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I have found it really helpful to tell well-meaning family that God is leading your marriage and the only way you will change your mind on the issue is if God tells you otherwise. Since His Word says that you are to remain married unless your husband leaves you (this even applies to non-believing husbands!) you are staying with your husband! You may just have to be very firm with your family and tell them that although you appreciate their concern, you do not want to leave your husband. They are giving you bad council which is not biblical; I am sure you already know this. I will be praying for you, but you may need to accept that your family may not accept your decision. It isn't important if they accept it or not, as long as you are honoring God!

Meghan - posted on 10/01/2010

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@ Cheryl, Thanks so much. Your words truly encourage me!
All of you ladies are so very wonderful. It means so much to me that there are people out there willing to support and pray for me, more then even my own family at times. I am very grateful that you all understand what I'm going through!

Sheryl - posted on 10/01/2010

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i well pray for you and your family. don't let them till you what to do. god does not justfy this anywhere in the bible. sounds like he doing what he can for his family in the hard econ. my husbend is in school and working not a very great job himself. trying to do his best at taking care of us. just stand up and say thats enough, i love you all but its enough. this is my life and not yours. if you don't like it then sorry! but i don't want to hear anymore and i well not set by and hear anymore after this. that what i would do and i have done. they have gotten the pic. and know we have nothing but poeple who love us and care about us around us. who want us to make it. so just stand up for your self but not by yelling or scarming. oppps i did that. not a good way to go. lol. but anyways just hold up your head and be proud of he is doing. best of luck and hope your family learns to leave it alone that your a grown up.

Oluwaseyi - posted on 10/01/2010

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A man would leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife is what the bible says...and that is what I woudl advice you should do...Be one with your husband by sticking with each other and praying through this tough times. This scripture also means that anyone who is against it should be ignored! Tell your family like people have rightly said, to say nothing if they can not say anything good...if they do not stop walk off from such conversations...you have got to flee any appearance of evil and this is one. The Lord give you the boldness to stand through this situation and be victorious. It is well

Tiffany - posted on 10/01/2010

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You are absolutely correct on the Biblical "grounds" for divorce... And furthermore even then Jesus says that God hates it!

I will definitely be praying for you.

It's tough because it's a worldview thing. Many people who aren't following Christ view everything - and everyone - as disposable. You family "just wants what's best for you," IN THEIR OPINION.

You can probably never make them understand your convictions (unless they get saved), but it is certainly reasonable to explain to them that you are absolutely not willing to discuss the matter any more, and that they are creating more stress and upset in your life by pressuring you about it.

Tasha - posted on 10/01/2010

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I will definetly keep you in my prayers. Now, my only advice to you is to keep your family out of your marriage. You and him will get through it. Till death due us part should be the only words running through your mind right about now. I wish you both the best and don't worry, God has a plan for us all and he put him in your life for a speacial reason. Peace And Love !

CHERYL - posted on 09/30/2010

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Hi my dear ....first to begin the most important thing there is that your husband loves and respects you and your family and you in return do the same .Live your life for the LORD JESUS CHRIST ,your husband and your babies and forget the rest.Show love to everybody but remember your vows,you become one that day .Your family don't really love themselves much less anybody else hence the reason they are caught up in material things ,things make them happy not people .What is important right now in your life is peace and happiness ,and he is giving you that through these trying times .You know what is sweet is when the pressures faces you and you get a touch and a smile and that assurance with a hug how heavenly is that.So please forget these negative spirit and talks,stay away from that atmosphere.Pray and make your request known to GOD and wait and see what HE can do .I am in the same position as you and that brings us closer to GOD and in our relationship.We took this time to talk and do things together ,and we are BFF more than before.So read this'THEREFORE I SAY TO YOU ,WHATEVER THINGS YOU ASK WHEN YOU PRAY,BELIEVE THAT YOU RECEIVE THEM,AND YOU WILL HAVE THEM.AND WHENEVER YOU STAND PRAYING,IF YOU ANYTHING AGAINST ANYONE,FORGIVE HIM, THAT YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN MAY ALSO FORGIVE YOU YOUR TRESPASSES.MARK 11:24&25 KJV

Ruth - posted on 09/30/2010

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I can't believe that your family takes the commitment of marriage so lightly. For better fore worse. Sounds to me that your family needs to respect your decision. I will pray for you and your husband and that marriage isn't a temporary relationship and you are not a child. Good luck and God bless.

Meghan - posted on 09/29/2010

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@kimberley, Thank you for your kind words, they were extremely encouraging and uplifting :)
@ Jamie, No, my husband doesn't hurt me and never would, nor would he ever cheat on me. I will never leave my husband as I have explained to my family, I just wish they would leave the subject alone. We do attend a church, and our church family has been a huge support and blessing through this time.
I'm just so glad to have met such a wonderful group of christian women. It has made so much difference in my life to have other moms with such strong faith to talk to. Thank you all so much!

Jaimie - posted on 09/29/2010

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If you don't want to leave him then don't. Money is one of the main reasons couples divorce. Pray together about the job situation. Pray together as a family and maybe attend church and get your church group to pray with you. Divorce is ugly, don't worry about what others say around you. Is he hurting you? Is he cheating on you? If no, then don't do it. I will be praying for you too.

Kimberley - posted on 09/28/2010

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You are so right in leaning on the Lord through this, Meghan! Stay strong in that belief and keep your family ALL in your prayers. If the other members of your family don't support your choice to stay by your husband's side through this, well, that's too bad for them, isn't it? They are not living YOUR life. You don't have to get your family members to accept your marriage, just stay under God's blessing and protection and continue to pray FOR those that don't agree with your marraige. I believe that God intended marraige as a lifetime committment, until death parts a husband and wife, so, keep your obedience to the Lord and everything else will fall into place, as it should! Ok? I really hope this helps you, sister!! I will pray over your family as well...Be Blessed and KNOW He has your family in the Palm of His Hand. :)

Carla - posted on 09/28/2010

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@Heather--you were quoting Thumper, a very wise bunny. We have lived our lives with that wise saying, and it keeps us out of trouble ;)

Margot - posted on 09/28/2010

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I'm afraid that I can't really offer any further to the already great advice and yes I will ad you in my prayers. I have been battling finacially for years as a single Mum and as a single person with grown up children. I have found it a relief to have my faith to support me through the really tough times and I know I wouldn't be here without it. Hang in there Meghan; if he really is all you say then just hang in there It WILL get better. God will be there in his own way and support will come in the way he sees best for you and your family. To Amanda K you andyour family really are blsses. Have you heard of paying it forward? It could be that God put these people inot your life to help you kowing that you will in turn help others and so pay it forward. I have had my faith shaken many times but I can say taht no matter waht God is in my life for good and through the ups and downs. Faith is what keep me grounded and when I go off track I use my faith to keep me centred and it gives e the security and safety that I need. God Bless and hope all goes well for you all.

Meghan - posted on 09/24/2010

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Amanda and Cecillia, you really helped me a lot. The stories that you shared with me gave me a renewed strength and faith. I have no christian friends, and not many people in my family are Christians. It's really hard to find people to talk to, especially who understand what I'm going through. I know that my husband will find a better job when the time is right, and when the job is the right one. I know that we will brought through this. God has given us provisions before for simple things like gas money and such. I know that we'll be ok. I wish greatly that my family would understand where I'm coming from and know that I did take a vow for better , OR FOR WORSE. These days everyone's getting divorced because as soon as the worse comes, everyone runs. :( Thank you ladies so much for sharing. God bless you all.

Morgan - posted on 09/24/2010

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I will definitely be praying for you, what a touch situation. So sad that sometimes our family - the people who should be that love and support and that are closest to us can be our biggest discouragement. Don't feel bad about distancing yourself from people who don't encourage you to do the right thing! Just know that when God does bring you though this, because he WILL, this will be an amazing testimony to your family. Be encouraged by the love you have for you husband and knowing that what you are doing is right! God will bless you for it!
Amanda - thank you for sharing! A blessing to read a story of God's provision.

Amanda - posted on 09/24/2010

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If anyone understands the husband being out of work for a long period of time, it's me. Thankfully my family has never doubted this relationship, no matter how bad things have gotten. Just to clarify your issue on the divorce, no, Jesus never justified a divorce over financial reasons. The only other reason He gave was because of abuse. Anyway, more than anything you need to show your family, through your love and support of your husband, Christ's unconditional love. The Bible doesn't say you only love and support your husband when he has money and the best job in the world. The Bible says we are supposed to love and respect Him at all times as this will show Him the love of Christ. I can't say that I can help with the attitude of your family but I certainly can give you support and encouragement that you will need in order to love and support your "man". The trials that we go through in life are to teach us lessons about ourselves, each other, God, and to point us back to His GRACE. When the time is right, He will restore you back to your rightful place. Don't give up. Keep living in His will for you and pray for distinct guidance. You need clarity in order to understand what it is He wants you to know right now.
I have a personal story I would like to share with you. Monday, Sep. 13th, we woke up to discover that my husband's truck, which he used to do side jobs, was repossessed by the bank. Then within an hour after that, the power company came to shut off our electric. Another hour after that, the water company came to shut that off too. Needless to say, that day didn't start out too well. A friend just happened to be driving through our town, so she took the kids to her house. That night, they took us out to dinner, including our kids and their kids, 10 people all together. When they brought us home they gave us a check. We had enough money that afternoon to pay some of the power bill so they didn't shut it off. Then another friend of ours called that night and they ended up offering to pay our water bill too. The next day, I received a phone call from one of our homeschool moms who wanted to let me know that our membership dues and child care is paid for the year. She had also collected some curriculum for me as well. She also introduced me to a teacher who is teaching a homeschool Spanish class. The class is usually $60 a month and I don't have to pay anything. Then she also handed me $250 in cash. God works in AMAZING ways.....but that's not all. On Wed. we went to the bank in order to pay on another thing, then my husband decided to ask another person about how to possibly get the truck back. I prayed for God to do something AWESOME if it be His will for us to get it back. A few minutes later, Jason was coming out of the bank and Jason was stopped by a man we didn't know. He offered to pay the truck off so that we could get it back. Not only did he pay it off and then even paid the wrecker fees too. All together, it totaled $4,100.
God is AMAZING!!!!! Just trust in Him to get you through and look to other Christians for support and encouragement. God will send the right people to do so when you need them the most.

Anne - posted on 09/23/2010

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I Meghan, I can not really add any better advice or words of encouragement than you have already gotten. However I can and will Promise to be Praying with and for you and your husband in this stressful time.

Heather - posted on 09/23/2010

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Could I recommend speaking with your pastor? I think it would fall under marriage counseling? Then ask how he recommends handling the situation. If he knows your parents he might be able to give more specific advice than us. Just a thought.

Meghan - posted on 09/23/2010

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Thank you so much for the advice. I am really trying to put some space between us all, but it's very hard because right now we are actually living in the same house. I definitely would not want my husband to leave me, nor do I want to leave him either. The fact that my family says things like this REALLY shocked me because they do go to church and things. So, knowing that God wants us to stick to our vows, and hates divorce , encouraging it just doesn't make sense to me. I'm going to try your advice and just tell my family that they need to stay out of it. Thanks so much for all of your prayers :)

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If they can't accept you staying w/ your husband and DROP the subject... I think it would probably be wise to avoid them for the time being... for your emotional health. How to kindly handle that would not be my strong suit though. ;)

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