FATHER-IN-LAW PROBLEMS ANY ADVICE???

Tami - posted on 09/29/2009

Shenell, my marriage has had its rough spots due to us both having ex spouses that like to stir things up but we made a decision a long time ago before we exchanged our vows and made a covenant before God that we would always strive to put Christ first and spouse second etc. and our families were made aware of this especially my inlaws cause they tended to interfere (mostly my mother in law) with things - but my husband made it clear to his parents that he and I are whats most important because 5 years down the road when the kids are off at university we want to still have a good friendship and solid relationship with each other and with Christ so all others will play second fiddle to our us and if they didn't like it - oh well. He was very pleasant about it and he did it alone with out me there which I think was a good idea as I tend to be a bit more feisty - so maybe your hubby needs to have this kind of a talk with them alone and make it clear that this is what he wants and that is final. They can either accept you, or not be involved in your lives. Keep Christ on the forefront and you will make it thru. A little time apart from them won't kill either of you. As long as it's done without bad feelings.

Heather - posted on 09/29/2009

Shenell, I think it sounds like your husband is handling this great! If I were you, I would thank him for everything that he is doing. Keep up the good work and try not to worry over wrecked bridges that lead away from God. Later on when you have your marriage on a firm foundation of the Lord and going strong then maybe you and your husband can decide together if rebuilding the bridge is right. But for now, it sounds like your husband is putting you first, and thats the way that it should be. Keep supporting your husband and letting him know that you appreciate him. God is good. He will continue bringing you through this.

Shenell - posted on 09/29/2009

tami,tami,tami...your words almost made me cry everything you said is how i feel,felt.i thankyou so much for your encouraging words.it is funny i dont know if the father is a believer i know the wife is and she is just as negative and she is the step-mother.she has not business in our marriage more so than the father.i never was disrespectful to her because i know she was a beliver i would hit her with the bible telling her in the bible it says for a man to leave his fathers house to be with his wife i explained that is what he did she came back with more negativity.crazy if i wasnt a believer why would i want to be with her type of example??but its ok we have God and we get stronger and stronger in him everyday.i pray your marriage is good also

Shenell - posted on 09/29/2009

thankyou ms watkins it is hard and my husband has been very supportive about this i still feel bad that he has to go through this with his father i know it hurts him to

Tami - posted on 09/29/2009

Shenell, I'm not the wisest in this area, I just know from limited experience - as much as our parents are to play a role in our marriage, we are also to be first and foremost faithful to each other -not our parents- I went thru a situation with my husbands parents and as much as it hurt, we had to exclude them from our lives for a few years so that we could heal our personal injuries and be together as God intended. It was hard cause they lived in the same town but they left our church and started attending another which made church and worship easier. We have since made up - it was my husbands decision and I supported him all the way - in both excluding them and including them. This is a second marriage for us both and has made it difficult for my children but they survived and may not be as close as they could have been, but they atleast try to build the relationship with their step grandparents.

I think the hardest part is deciding as a couple - if our marriage is to work it has to work because we both want it to and if outside forces are causing problems then you need to put them aside for now - he has to tell them that he has chosen to marry you and even tho he has made mistakes that he loves you and wants to remain married to you. If they have a problem with that then as a couple you are stepping away from a relationship with them because the rule of a successful marriage is Christ first, spouse second, family third, job fourth etc. So if you two are going to make it you don't need the outside negative influence of his parents trying to destroy what you both are trying to accomplish.

Are they believers also? If so they should understand this. If they aren't it explains alot of the negative. The father likes this other girl for some twisted reason. It has nothing to do with how your husband feels about you. If your husband wants this marriage to work and is truly repentant for the affair he needs to understand that you come first above his parents.
God doesn't give us anything we can't handle so continue to make this a matter of prayer and there is nothing wrong with keeping them at bay for a time so that you and your hubby can make things work. After a time (for us it was 2 years) things will work out and a relationship may be able to happen but if not, your marriage still has to come first.

Anne - posted on 09/29/2009

Shenell although you could get into it with your father-in-law, it would serve NO purpose. I am sure you know that, My suggestion would be to continue to Pray. If your husband would Pray with you about this that would be great. Regardless talk to your counselor. I will be Praying for you. Remember God promised to NEVER Leave us or Forsake Us. We both know God never breaks a Promise.