Shanna - posted on 09/13/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )
I'm not sure if I'm doing this right or not...I googled, I'm a christian and I'm depressed and it brought me to this site....I really am just in need of an ear and prayer.. Feeling disillustioned and sad, wanting to move on but not being able to. I even know God is working, though it hurts. I feel alone. I am no longer active in the church due to a head injury that limits me..I know God is working through that also, I just used to be so involved and active, it is hard to feel I have purpose to my life... Long and short of my story, I used to be a homeschool mom, having done things so wrong during my teen years when I gave my life back to Christ I wanted to do things right. I read books and went to christian speakers on parenting, very involved in church and helping those in need.....my oldest is now 21, she was in jail at 15, on drugs and cutting, she is no longer cutting but is most likely doing meth (even saying the words just breaks my heart) I know she is I just don't want to accept it.she is homeless, one minute she seems fragil the next not so much, I think I've seen her twice this year, she text's me and is on my FB but she refused treatment help, and has recently aborted my grandchild and there are literally 5 people I know who are or have given birth within this time frame and it just hurts. I thought that her becoming pregnant would be the saving grace, but I knew it wouldn't be, I had a sense from God about a year ago that her low was going to have to be really low. My heart just can't bear this. And I know that God is in control. I know that He's working, I see it,..and if I see it and I know it I don't know why I should still be so sad about it. I just get crushed when I think of her. And so disillusioned because I tried to do things right. but I did become legalistic and strict wanting to save her the scares I had. And then I worry for my other two that are now teens, mostly my daughter who is 12, she is a good kid and we are different parents, we have grown through these trials but my oldest was leading the neighbor kids to Christ at 12yrs. and writing sermons and family news letters...so I am just consumed with worry. I went to Al-anon some, but with my health it is difficult. I've tried to find something online but I've not had too much luck finding the right thing or time. I'm home and available when everyones at work. My prayer has been for awhile to find a deeply rooted Christian sponsor to help me work the 12 steps...I havent yet..its been ?6-8 months..Please pray with me in this and for my family.
Thank you for listening.