Feeling Disillusioned needing prayer and an ear

Shanna - posted on 09/13/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I'm not sure if I'm doing this right or not...I googled, I'm a christian and I'm depressed and it brought me to this site....I really am just in need of an ear and prayer.. Feeling disillustioned and sad, wanting to move on but not being able to. I even know God is working, though it hurts. I feel alone. I am no longer active in the church due to a head injury that limits me..I know God is working through that also, I just used to be so involved and active, it is hard to feel I have purpose to my life... Long and short of my story, I used to be a homeschool mom, having done things so wrong during my teen years when I gave my life back to Christ I wanted to do things right. I read books and went to christian speakers on parenting, very involved in church and helping those in need.....my oldest is now 21, she was in jail at 15, on drugs and cutting, she is no longer cutting but is most likely doing meth (even saying the words just breaks my heart) I know she is I just don't want to accept it.she is homeless, one minute she seems fragil the next not so much, I think I've seen her twice this year, she text's me and is on my FB but she refused treatment help, and has recently aborted my grandchild and there are literally 5 people I know who are or have given birth within this time frame and it just hurts. I thought that her becoming pregnant would be the saving grace, but I knew it wouldn't be, I had a sense from God about a year ago that her low was going to have to be really low. My heart just can't bear this. And I know that God is in control. I know that He's working, I see it,..and if I see it and I know it I don't know why I should still be so sad about it. I just get crushed when I think of her. And so disillusioned because I tried to do things right. but I did become legalistic and strict wanting to save her the scares I had. And then I worry for my other two that are now teens, mostly my daughter who is 12, she is a good kid and we are different parents, we have grown through these trials but my oldest was leading the neighbor kids to Christ at 12yrs. and writing sermons and family news letters...so I am just consumed with worry. I went to Al-anon some, but with my health it is difficult. I've tried to find something online but I've not had too much luck finding the right thing or time. I'm home and available when everyones at work. My prayer has been for awhile to find a deeply rooted Christian sponsor to help me work the 12 steps...I havent yet..its been ?6-8 months..Please pray with me in this and for my family.
Thank you for listening.

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Carla - posted on 02/24/2012

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Wonderful news, Shanna! I'm glad you got back to us with an update.



Sometimes we have to take our successes a little at a time. Sometimes it's a miraculous turn-around, but usually it's a long, hard road. I keep reminding myself that God is with me, and is NOT going to give me more than I can bear. I used to say 'but I can't bear anymore!', but obviously God knows me better than I do, because I keep getting more.



My prayers are with you, honey, you WILL get through this, may God bless you richly.

Shanna - posted on 02/23/2012

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Hi I just wanted to thank you again and praise God for you. I don't use my email often and saw i had a post on here i hadn't read. It brought joy and blessing to my heart. An update. My daughter is still where she is but she did spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with us this year it was the first time my 3 children were around the dinning table in years it was such a blessing. God is Good and So Faithful. Thank you for your encouragement, prayers and information. I am also doing alittle better and have joined a boundaries class on sundays. I know God will use the information in there to strengthen me more. God Bless You All

Shanna - posted on 02/23/2012

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I am not sure if you get an update if you have posted on something and then if there is an update. I dont check my email often. circle of moms is pretty much all that is on it. I saw I had posts i had not read. and I just wanted to thank you for your prayers and encouragement and information. It truely brought joy to my heart tonight when I reread these posts. Our daughter is still in her same place though i think she is tireing of it maybe. She spent thanksgiving and christmas eve with us. Such a blessing.to have my children together eating at the same table...it had been years..she remarked that it was nice to see a christmas tree. I think she said it had been 2 years since she seen a tree in someones house. it made her feel good. My sister and I prayer hard over amanda the other day. she had felt lead by a dream she had. I am hopeful and so thankful for all this love and support. and for the blood of Jesus Christ that washes away our sins. He is so good and so wonderful to us.thank you fofr taking time to care about my life and my daughters. God Bless you all I am also doing alittle better and have sighned up for a boundaries class they are giving at church. God is Good and He is Faithful

Ann - posted on 10/03/2011

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Shanna - I just read your post. I don't usually respond to all the different post on this site. However, I felt that the Lord was directing me to you. Please try to have faith that all things will work out. His word tell us that if we rely on Him then nothing is impossible. (Remember the story of the Prodigal Son?) There is a website http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/ that might help some. You said it is difficult for you to go to church outside of your home, there are several good church services offered on regular television. There are a couple of websites you can go to as well (www.biblestudy.org) and (www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies) to help is getting closer to the Lord through His Word. I pray that you will find the peace that you seek and may God strengthen you until He calls you home.

Katrina - posted on 09/28/2011

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I am praying for you and your whole family. You are not alone in this and would like you have my complete understanding. I don't know you but I am praying for your wholeness. God will send you a sponsor and I will put you on a prayer chain to help us with this. Depression get away from my sister in JESUS NAME! Cover her and her family with the blood of Christ and mine. I thank you Lord that you allowed me to read this and remain a friend! God bless and keep you and your family!

Gail - posted on 09/22/2011

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Hi Shanna,
I would like to offer you some power tools I have learned about for you and your family... one spiritual and the other physical:
Physical:
read this gals testimony (TBI) on this website: http://www.smartrawfood.com/
and the other is do you know about, have you ever learned about "prayer and fasting"?
Read the old testiment with Daniel as well as New testament of Jesus Himself in the bible (Mathew, Mark, Luke and John)...
also some other great supplemental reading aids on the subject:
God's Chosen Fast" by Arthur Wallis
and a new book recently written
"Fasting" by Jentezen Franklin, he also has a devotional and a DVD you can watch.
Also read Ephesian 6:10-20
We are not powerless, with the power of prayer. The hardest part often is, things never seem to happen in our time nor easily. Another aid since you find it difficult to go to church to fellowship, maybe there might be someone(s) willing to come to you, call to churches that you believe you would be comfortable in if you could go and call and ask if there might be a lady in the body they could ask to come and fellowship with you in your home or at least over the phone with you (it would not hurt to call more then once so they know you are serious, sometimes someone the Lord is knocking on the door of their heart, don't respond the first time asked, so commit to it). The Lord may choose a variety of people at different times to speak into your life, so be open.
I too have spiritual warfare issues I too am having to pray for, as well as dear friends with children with similar heartbreak, although she has finally seen victory in the one who was living as your daughter was, and she has now been clean for 2 years and putting her life back together.
Another tool I have found helpful for myself, that I am needing to reapply by the way, is the enemy cannot live in the presence of His praises, so sing or play praise music to listen too, that the Lord may lift you up.
Dear Father God, please touch Shanna's life and her children too. I pray they find comfort and victory in their life. Lead each of them to your glory. In Jesus Name, Amen!

Shanna - posted on 09/20/2011

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Thank you all for your prayers. @Carla, no, I'm not an alcoholic, though I don't drink or smoke I have found myself turning to those things a couple times esp. since my fathers passing last year..and it just goes to show me that I need Christian fellowship, because I didn't turn to those things when I did have it, congratulations to be 30 yrs. sober. that is inspiring. thank you all for sharing this hard time with me and part of your stories. I will pray for you all as well. May God grant you many blessing and many mercies.

Shanna - posted on 09/20/2011

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Thank you all for your prayers. @Carla, no, I'm not an alcoholic, though I don't drink or smoke I have found myself turning to those things a couple times esp. since my fathers passing last year..and it just goes to show me that I need Christian fellowship, because I didn't turn to those things when I did have it, congratulations to be 30 yrs. sober. that is inspiring. thank you all for sharing this hard time with me and part of your stories. I will pray for you all as well. May God grant you many blessing and many mercies.

Carla - posted on 09/16/2011

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@Angela--pardon my error. Glad to know there's someone out there to correct me when I'm wrong.

God bless

Angela - posted on 09/16/2011

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Hi Shanna, it's true what Nancy said about St Augustine of Hippo. His mother (St Monica of Hippo) prayed and prayed for him. He even began to accept the Lord BEFORE he fully let go of his sinful life and is said to have prayed "Lord give me chastity - but not yet!"

@Carla - Shanna mentions Al-Anon - which is a sister-group of AA. It's for the family/friends/partners of persons who are alcoholics. Because of the effectiveness of the 12 steps, those who are "emotionally close" to an alcoholic are also recommended to work the 12 steps. Shanna may be an alcoholic but her mention of Al-Anon (rather than AA) leads me to believe she is not the alcoholic, but someone close to her is.

I copied this from the website of a local Al-Anon group:


Because of their proven power and worth, A.A.'s Twelve Steps have been adopted almost word for word by Al-Anon. They represent a way of life appealing to all people of goodwill, of any religious faith or of none. Note the power of the very words!
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Shanna, you're in my prayers and I hope you face better times ahead.

Carla - posted on 09/16/2011

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Shanna, you mention the 12-step program, are you an alcoholic? I was, too. I walked away, far away from God. He brought me back, sobered me up, and I have been clean for almost 30 years. I didn't go to Al-anon, just me and the Lord. I KNEW I had to quit, so I was my own sponsor. AND, I didn't want to let the Lord down.

We no longer attend church, and haven't for almost two years. We are, however, very diligent about having our Bible studies every morning, and I find comfort and encouragement right here. These women are a God-send. We pray, listen, comfort, cry and urge each other on. No one said life would be easy, in fact, Jesus said our lives would be full of woes, BUT He said He'd never leave us or forsake us. I hold onto that. We have Christian contemporary and progressive music on all the time, and that really helps keep your mind focused on Christ.

I hear your pain about your child, honey. We, too, have a wayward child we haven't seen since 2000. Our grandchildren are becoming teenagers, and I wouldn't know them if I saw them. The pain was more than I could bear, and I ended up in a psychiatric ward. But, funny enough, God used that time to talk to me, and I came out better than I went in. I am here to tell you you CAN bear it. God promised us He would never give us anything we couldn't bear, so if we are going through hard things, it's because HE knows we can do it! And, you will be able to comfort and encourage others who will go through it down the road.

You will be in our prayers, sweetheart. You are not alone.

God bless

Bridget - posted on 09/15/2011

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I will be praying for you and your Family!! if you need to find a Church go to my church website. gtlcm. org, The name of my church is Gospel Truth Life Changing Ministires.

Bridget - posted on 09/15/2011

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God is in control he knows all and he see all, he knows your pain and what your dealing with. your daughter will be fine Once she comes to the realization that this is not Working for her, there is Ministry in your Misery!!!

Shanna - posted on 09/15/2011

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Thank you, Meghan and Nancy. Your encouragement and prayers mean alot. I have felt them and have felt better since I unloaded my burdens. God is always good. Alway faithful. I'm so glad we have an amazing God.
Nancy, I didn't know about St. Augustine's past. God is amazing. I do wish that His time and other peoples were on our time. Satan always uses the kings of Jeruselum and Isreal against me, because you had one king that did good in Gods eyes and the next one did all kinds of evil, and that was their children and grandchildren..but we do have the blood of Christ and the Holy Sprilt..Thank you Jesus..to fall on so we are incredibly fortunate, they didn't have that then....I don't know..I prob need to do a study of the kings to maybe help come to terms with my insecurities about peoples choices... ?
Thank you again for your encouragement.

Nancy - posted on 09/14/2011

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Shanna, I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time in your life. May our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ annoint you with with his healing power and overshadow you and your family with His protection and love. May God help your daughter and help her get on the right path. It must be very hard as a parent to watch your child suffer and be in pain and not know what to do. One story that comes to mind is the story of St. Monica and St. Augustine. St. Monica prayed for her son Augustine for 20 years to come back to God and live a Godly life. He even had an illegitimate child but after all her tears and prayers God never left her side and has made her son St. Augustine a great saint in the church. Keep praying and believing even when it is hardest. May God give you the strength to get through this. Amen.

Meghan - posted on 09/14/2011

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Shanna, I'm so sorry for the struggles and trials that life has thrown your way. I am inspired by your faith however that God will work things out, and see you through these things. The best things we can do is to keep praying and reading his word. I'm so sorry about the hurts with your oldest daughter. It is definitely a struggle when seeing drugs involved. My husband had gotten clean from meth only 6 months before I met him, and I saw first hand all the problems that it has caused him. I will pray for you and your family, and mostly for the healing of your heart and renewing of your mind and faith. I know that God will heal you and give you peace. Continue with your strong faith, and knowledge that God will prevail through these things.

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