For Those With Larger Families...Those Irritating Questions

Kat - posted on 01/13/2009 ( 53 moms have responded )

6

11

1

We're due with #4 in February and I'm getting the usual round of questions:



"Are you crazy?"

"Don't you know what causes that?"

"Are you getting your tubes tied with this one?"

"Are you trying for another boy?" (I have 1 boy and two girls)

"Don't you think there's enough people in the world?"

"Are you trying to start your own compound?" (we live in northern Idaho)



And the nasty comments:

"Wow, you're never going to get anything done!"

"I could never do that, my (one two whatever) make me totally crazy!" (usually right in front of their children)



I guess I'm curious what you've said to people because these questions came up with I was pregnant with #3 as well. I'm tired of people saying the same dumb things over and over and the really rude ones make me want to sock them (ok, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and crazy but still).



Any good ideas to return these perhaps politely but with an edge? I've used "Bless heart, whyever would you say that?" but I'm also getting angry with people who insist on discussing my sex life with me without even knowing my name!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Heather - posted on 01/15/2009

4,634

42

1135

I have replied with "babies are blessings from God, who am I to argue with him"   and if it's a complete stranger you could say "Do I know you?" 



Q. "Don't you know what causes that?"



A. "If you met my husband you would understand"



Q.  "Are you crazy?"



A. "What makes you ask that?"........."I'm extremely blessed."



Q. "Don't you think there's enough people in the world?"



A. "Yes, there are lots of people, I'm trying to help increase the polite part of the population"



Comment: "I could never do that, my (one two whatever) make me totally crazy!" (usually right in front of their children)



Response: "They have therapy groups for moms that struggle, would you like me to help you find one?"

Candie - posted on 01/15/2009

1

5

0

I have 5 children ages6-16 and I also got the same questions! We have 4 girls and 1 boy. Let me tell you that as my children are getting older,I now get alot of envious remarks! The sex life issue ,well you must tell them that you don't apreciate that kind of talk in front of your kids as you would if they were using foul language!

Christy - posted on 02/02/2009

5

36

0

I have to tell you I don't think people think before they speak. I only have 2 children a boy & a girl. When I was pregnant with my daughter people would say "Oh now you have the perfect family, a boy & a girl." We actually wanted another boy thought we are so glad God gave us our precious girl. But if God had chosen to give us another boy would be a less perfect family? I believe the Bible says we aren't perfect anyway :). People really need to start thinking before they speak. I think that's part fo our sinful nature unfortunatly.

Tracy - posted on 01/28/2009

19

63

1

In our family we have three households that are completely different. My husband & I have 4 children (all teenagers now), my brother has 2 boys (slightly younger than mine) & my brother-in-law never wanted to have children because children start out as babies & he doesn't like babies (I know, I thought that was weird too). I learned early to respect the choice of each couple to shape their family as they saw fit whether they choose to have a house-full like us or none.



We fielded a lot of questions when we were having our babies too. Peoples who came from Oriental/Eastern cultures, after I had had a girl first, felt that I simply HAD TO have a boy. They could not believe that I did not care if I had boys or girls or a mix. Many people were concerned about how close together my children were born (4 babies in 5 years). They were genuinely concerned about my well-being.



Having a busy house full of children has it's stresses, & it's disadvantages. I couldn't go to the bathroom alone for about 6 years, but you learn to deal with it! An audience isn't quite as big a deal as one might think. Showers were much harder to come by too.  



But there are a great many advantages to larger families. In my experience those who come from a good sized family are less self-centred because they have had to learn to give & take to survive. They learn early that it's not just about them. They are usually more self-reliant because their mother simply can't wait on everybody all the time. They also learn early that value of hard work, teamwork, & fair play.



Back then I managed to respond without being rude. However, I think if they were to ask me the same questions today I might not be so cautious. I think some well placed slightly sarcastic whit can actually give food for thought to the other person.



To the question "Are you crazy?" I might respond "Probably, but that has nothing to do with this! This is probably the sanest thing I've ever done!" 



To "Don"t you know what casues that?" I might respond with "Yes, but I'd be more concerned with what causes your rudeness if I were you."



To "Are you getting your tubes tied with this one?" you might respond with "When I see you're tongue tied I'll think about it."



To "Are you trying for another boy?" You could respond with "I'll be happy if I just have a human & not a kitten/puppy/calf."



To "Don't you think there's enough people in the world?" you could respond with "There's still lots of room in my house."



To "Are you trying to start your own compound?" you could respond with "No, but a country band, or baseball team would be nice!"



To "Wow, you're never going to get anything done!"  you could respond with "I'll get the important things done, I won't sweat the rest, I'll have a blast along the way, & I'll learn a ton of things you'll never know!"



To "I could never do that, my (one two whatever) make me totally crazy!" you could respond with "Maybe not, but you'll never know what fun you're missing!  or "Being crazy's not as bad as you think. You should give it a try?!" or "I hope your prepared to deal with the warped children comments like that are going to make."



a simple "I'll forgive your rudeness if you forgive me for not responding to that question." might be enough.



Hope I've been able to help you.



Tracy






 

Maz - posted on 01/27/2009

7

6

1

i have learnt that people are very opinionated about other people, and are quick to pass judgement to others without even a thought to what they say, i have 8 kids, 4 boys and 4 girls and believe me i have heard them  all,but i have learnt to not take anything personal because at the end of the day its what God, my hubby and i want.(i now go along with these comments with as much humour as possible , knowing im getting the last laugh)



my philosophy on this is "those who mind dont matter, and those who matter dont mind", its your life, do what makes you happy, embrace the role you play in this life and care not for those who disrespect or cast doubt on your decisions, concentrate on enjoying your family, you need no ones permission to live life the way you choose (except God ofcourse,lol)



fill up your quiver dear friend and consider yourself blessed..... Good luck in feb and beyond

This conversation has been closed to further comments

53 Comments

View replies by

Colleen - posted on 07/04/2011

12

23

0

I have four children. 3 girls and a boy ages 6,4,2 n 1 respectively. Ive heard lots of these comments too. ones such as you cnt possibly be coping (this came from a family member) to which i replied If u didnt think I was coping, it wud have been nice to be offered some help.... the fact i havnt asked for your help means im coping just fine. I adore my children and we have recently been saddened by the loss of twins by miscarriage at 9 weeks. They would have been welcomed with open arms as were all our children. I suffered in silence with this loss as there are to many shallow minded ppl in mine and my husbands family to offer support rather than criticism. The one person we did tell actually had the nerve to blurt out that it was probably a blessing in disguise. The 3 people who stop me per week to say how well mannered and caring and polit my children are makes the 1 shallow person who says a really nasty comment seem insignificant. My motto is I dont mind cos they dont matter. We are thinkin of trying again wen i qualify as a midwife in 5 years. Im 24 and married. Congrats on ur new bundle of joy and let the haters hate. As Bob Marley once said..... Light up the Darkness. My children do that for me every day. x

Mandy - posted on 02/03/2009

4

14

1

Hey Kat! Getting down to the nitty gritty soon isn't it?! I'm praying her out Out OUt OUT! This was so interesting to read all these big family comments. I have unfortunately posed these same questions to people with lots of kids, and have had them asked of me too, although I don't think of 3 as that many. This really opened my eyes to how rude it truly is, joking or not! I think in todays culture that having a large family is almost taboo. People are so caught up in instant gratification that anything that detracts from that (i.e. large families) must be scorned. Having kids is a sacrifice, but people don't realize that a sacrifice on a cross 2000+ years ago made it able for us to make it through the hard days! Christ is the one who deserves the glory for our abilities! And God for believing us worthy enough to take care of His most precious gifts! Our children! I wish that I would have realized this before we decided on a vasectomy. I want more kids and realize now that it doesn't matter what others or my family thinks; it was up to God all along! We are now looking into adoption! God's peace,
Mandy

Leigh - posted on 02/02/2009

13

3

3

Quoting Juli:

I only have two, and I love them immensely.
I have a S.I.L. with 5 and I really admire her for her patience, her persistence, her organization, and her 'get 'er done' attitude.
God gave her 5 and God gave me two.
I think that deep down the critics are just realizing they perhaps don't have what it takes to handle the blessings you have been given, and there is an element of envy there too.
Unfortunately, there are always nosy rude people who refuse to mind their own affairs.
I like your response of "Why do you ask?" It'll make'em think about their own behavior.
I saw this and thought it was appropriate :D
Not sure who adapted this tho'

I Corinthians 13 (for Moms)

"I can read bedtime stories till the cow jumps over the moon
and sing "Ten Little Monkeys" until I want to call the doctor-
- but if I don't have love, I'm as annoying as a ringing phone.

I can chase a naked toddler through the house
while cooking dinner and listening to voice mail,
I can fix the best cookies and Kool-Aid in the neighborhood,
and I can tell a sick child's temperature with one touch of my finger,
but if I don't have love, I am nothing.

Love is patient while watching and praying by the front window
when it's 30 minutes past curfew.

Love is kind when my teen says, "I hate you!"

It does not envy the neighbors' swimming pool
or their brand-new mini van, but
trusts the Lord to provide every need.

Love does not brag when other parents share
their disappointments and insecurities, and
love rejoices when other families succeed.

It doesn't boast, even when I've multi-tasked all day long
and my husband can't do more than one thing at a time.

Love is not rude when my spouse innocently asks, "What have you done today?"
It does not immediately seek after glory when we see talent in our children,
but encourages them to get training and make wise choices.

It is not easily angered,
even when my 15-year-old acts
like the world revolves around her/him.

It does not delight in evil (is not self-righteous)
when I remind my 17-year-old that he's going 83
in a 55-mph zone, but rejoices in the truth.

Love does not give up hope.

It always protects our children's self-esteem and spirit,
even while dealing out discipline.

It always trusts God to protect our children when we cannot.
It always perseveres, through blue nail polish, burps and other
bodily functions, rolled eyes and crossed arms, messy rooms and sleep-overs.

Love never fails!
But where there are memories of thousands of diaper changes
and painful labor(s), they will fade away…

Where there is talking back, it will (eventually) cease. (Please, Lord?)
Where there is a teenager who thinks she knows everything,
there will one day be an adult who knows you did your best.

For we know we fail our children,
and we pray they don't end up in therapy,
but when we get to heaven,
our imperfect parenting will disappear. (Thank you, God!)

When we were children, we needed a parent to love and protect us.
Now that we're parents ourselves, we have a heavenly Father
who adores, shelters us and holds us when we need to cry.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love."

God bless, ladies!


 



Thank-you Juli for posting this!!!!

Lea - posted on 02/02/2009

70

13

21

You can look them in the eyes and say, "If the Lord asked you to carry his cross, would you say no?"

Or simply..."Yeah, we know what causes it, and we LIKE it!"

Or just smile...give your burden to the Lord. Don't give in to angry thoughts. Rest in what you know what God has called you to do.

I have seven. I get the "funny" looks all of the time. Honestly, let 'em stare. Let them see that it's possible to have a large family, look beautiful, and have peace...if it weren't for Jesus!

Lisa - posted on 01/29/2009

13

6

1

I do have to say, some of the stuff people have said to you guys are just CRAZY!! I have been pretty lucky-not too many really rude comments-Maybe it's because I'm in the midwest and people are pretty conservative here.

Katrina - posted on 01/28/2009

112

21

17

I get these same questions and after a while it is hard to be cheerful through them but just grin and bear it! I usually just say something about what a blessing it is or smile and walk away. Some of the things they ask aren't their business anyway! I really laughed at some of the responses that Heather and others put down. What a crackup! God is a wonderful Creator and Children are such a Blessing! I am very happy for you with your new little one! Many Blessings for you and your family!

Quatia - posted on 01/28/2009

42

52

3

I have 3 and the last two are 10 months apart to the day!... When I have to give their ages (certain months of the year) Its like...6, 5, 4 ... and people are like "WOW"....I usually say "oh i know...we didnt have cable at the time...so you KNOW...self entertainment got a little risky on those 'late night' channels." ...People usually just laugh...it never bothers me. Except when people say..."Q and her tribe...or ALL her kids" ...Im like DANG...my mother got four...so 3 doesnt seem like much to me.

Sara - posted on 01/28/2009

1

3

0

This is a great post. I have one right now and my second one is due in 2 weeks. She is breech and when I went to the doctor she asked me if I wanted my tubes tied, if I ended up needing a c-section. I said no and she asked how many more I wanted. She looked a bit shocked when I said three more! My family has always been big and I love it. To me it is normal. Still I am already a bit self-conscience about having this many kids because his family is just in shock about it! My least favorite question from them is "Are you sure you want that many of his kids?" They act like he is this horrible person! Hello I married him why wouldn't I want his kids. He is a great christian man with a good job that allows me to stay home with my beautiful babies! He is brilliant and I love him why wouldn't I want to have his babies? I know they only respond that way because his mother behaves like he was this difficult child(he wasn't, she just didn't know what to do with kids) but still how rude. I think it is even worse when people you know say stuff like this because then how do you respond? (oops sorry for the rant)



I love some of the responses and I will probably have to use them someday!

Tanya - posted on 01/28/2009

17

37

3

I do have only two, but I have also lost two. I pray for the women who have large families. They are a blessing. I pray that you get the answers you need and that God blesses you in every way possible.

Debbie - posted on 01/28/2009

4

8

0

My friend is expecting her 6th, and my sister in law has 6.  They are some of the best behaved, happy children I know.  They are not spoiled, they share and think of others, and my friend tells people, it is what we want and we have the means to support them.  That ususally hushes them.   Bless you

Lynn - posted on 01/28/2009

2

11

0

We also have five wonderful children, each unique, each with their special way of contributing to our family. The oldest is 30 and has 3 children of her own, the youngest still in college. I remember when my husband and I conciously decided that we would believe God's promise that children were a blessing (not a curse). Although we still get the comments about how we could have handled having them all,  I take it as a compliment and move on. I often wonder why people would choose not to be blessed. I mean if it was money, would they say, stop, we have way too much? It always made me realize that there truly is a difference in the way man thinks and the way God thinks about life. Those comments also made me thankful that God chose us to raise our children in a family where we could continue to show our love for Him and one another. Have a blessed day.   

Lisa - posted on 01/27/2009

13

6

1

We have four ages 3-18. I was a bit self conscious when my fourth child was born, but you know what? My husband and I both love kids and love having a big family. If someone comments, I just usually smile and say "We really love kids and we always wanted to have four, it just took us a while." I think when most people see the joy your take in your children, their attitude usually changes. If it doesn't, then I guess that's their business. If they get personal, I try to change the subject,there's really no point in even going there.

Karen - posted on 01/27/2009

1

30

0

I get comments all the time too...I have 3 kids ages 5, 3, and 1.  Its always, "wow, you have your hands full."  I hate that!  I haven't come up with a good response yet, but I'd love ideas too.  I guess if they say, "don't you know what causes that?" you could say, No, what???? :)  People can be so rude.  Anyway, good luck!  Hopefully there will be some good responses from others. 

Julie - posted on 01/27/2009

3

10

1

I grew up in a farming community where my family of 4 kids was considered small, so I've always planned on having a large family (at least 4 kids). I like to tell people that the world needs more good people and the best way for me to help with that is bringing them into this world. Besides when it's all said and done we're going to have our children with us; you can't say that about jobs, cars, toys or even houses.

Tammy - posted on 01/27/2009

10

21

2

We have 4 girls and people always ask were you trying for a boy? My reply is no we were trying for a baby. My family and friends that love me know I'd have a ton and I don't care about the rest. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.(Psalm 139:14)

Maz - posted on 01/27/2009

7

6

1

are you crazy???



yep, and loving every minute of it or  be crazy not to!



dont you know what causes it??



no!, tell me, or yes and lots of it, dont you??



are you getting your tubes tied??



how will i be able to have more if i do that silly?



are you trying for a boy/girl??



nope, not trying at all....



dont you think there's enough people in the world??



dunno i havent counted,



are you trying to go for a football team??



no silly i only have 8,



it must cost you a fortune....



yep, but you reap what you sow.



i have noticed men have a more humourous intent, trying to be funny with a remark they make, but the women, they can be downright rude when they find out you have 8 kids, in an almost envious tone they try to make you feel like your bad for having heaps of kids, to these types i always reply, "no im not sure hubby is finished yet, he still wants a few more", you can almost see the fumes coming out their womens lib ears.. i then have a chuckle and say "at least i want be a miserable lonely old lady....and its true,



 



 

Rendie - posted on 01/26/2009

2

2

0

i have 6 kids and have heard all of the ones you posted and then some....i just tell them they are all gifts from god..and to the question..are you going to have more? i just say thats up to god.....the world dosent understand when most people have two perfect children and stop at that...brothers and sisters are such a blessing to kids..my kids are all madly in love with our baby#6...she brings so much joy to our family. people in the world see things through very different ideas than we do...just pray for them.

Crystal - posted on 01/26/2009

568

11

70

I got the question one time of "don't you know how that happens by now" when I was pregnant with my third, I responded with "yes, that's how we made this happen". She was flabbergasted. I look very young so I've gotten a lot of rude comments, including a man who in front of my two children actually had the gall to ask me if I knew who the fathers of my children were. I responded to him that yes, my husband, who was in Korea and a soldier with the US Army was the father of my children". He then when on to mutter how children shouldn't have children because they just end up on welfare. Well given that I was 24 I was quite offended but shook it off.

I have 3 children all under 5 and we're trying for #4 now. My husband's parents are actually the worst with comments, constantly telling me that we don't need anymore kids, and how I almost died last time I gave birth (which is completely untrue) and how will I ever handle 4 kids when I can't handle the 3 I have (based on the fact that I've asked them to babysit a couple of times and because I'm tired a lot, which is more because I have low blood iron). Ugh, sorry didn't mean to rant.

Jessica - posted on 01/26/2009

11

11

0

I love Heather H's. responses!!!! Too funny!!!



I wish everyone who was lucky enough to have a child could view it as a blessing. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. Thank God for you and all the moms who have posted their thoughts on this subject. Your children and husbands are lucky to have you!!!!!

Rhonda - posted on 01/25/2009

12

0

1

I thought I would just put in my two cents. I found that the best answer to the "Don't you know how that happens, etc " was to reply - I always respond with a smile and a twinkle in my eye -"Yes we know and we had a really great time." I tend to be more on the conservative side and so it shocks them to here me respond that way. They blush and so do I ! God is good. Sex and children inside marriage is a God thing"

Shalomoth - posted on 01/25/2009

24

16

5

I think that God has chosen to bless you greatly.  I have been blessed with only two but I am happy that God with His choice for my life.  I am one of five children and I just love have a "large" family.  Don't worry about what others think.  I've been asked similar questions during and after my second, now almost three months old.  I just usually smile and prespond politely.  I just figure most of them mean well but just don't know how to respond to the idea of more then one or two kids.

Leah - posted on 01/25/2009

2

1

0

This is such an interesting conversation. I must say, that I think a LOT of women struggle with how many children they should have. I am blessed to have two- a boy and a girl. I would love to have another one, but my husband says two is enough. Also, my pregnancies have been very hard with various complications along the way. I sort of feel like I would be doing an injustice to my other two if I were to get pregnant and have complications that would leave me on bedrest or sick to the point I couldn't be a good mom to them. My friend just had her 3rd and there is nothing more precious that a newborn. I left the hospital with a tinge of jealousy in me. I think big families are awesome. I am always watching the Duggars and Jon and Kate. So, I think many of the women who make those comments are probably a tad jealous. I think that if you have the means to support a big family- go for it!!!

Leanne - posted on 01/19/2009

7

7

0

We only have three children (all under 4) but still manage to get all those questions.  It was lovely the other evening when a pshychologist suggest we have another. I always get - "you must have your hands full".  I just comment "that I wouldn't want it any other way" .  I don't think these people are trying to be rude because they alway say what beautiful children I have as well and so well behaved. 

Melody - posted on 01/19/2009

99

45

10

I can think of a few things in regards to this... first, there will always be rude, judgemental people whose minds you can't change. Second, the majority of people aren't trying to be rude (even though they may be!) but are rather amazed at your desire and ability to raise a large family. I have a 5 month old and I watch my 15 month old several days a week- when people say "you have your hands full" I don't hear "you shouldn't have made that choice" I hear "wow- that's hard work, I'm impressed!" Maybe I'm not hearing what they're really implying, but I choose to take it as a compliment.

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2009

41

34

5

Can I just say - I only have one boy and I love him dearly but would have loved a larger family - 4 was 'my' number but unfortunately not to be. all the best for all of you who have been blessed with 'large' families! I just think of all those lovely hectic mornings and cooking saturdays with the kids and the loads of teens running thru the house when they are older and the girlfriends and boyfriends and eventual wonderful adults and grandchildren!
May God bless you all!

Lynette - posted on 01/19/2009

1

14

0

We also have four children and receive a lot of the same comments. I decided that the acceptable number of children is 2 1/2. We didn't start getting all the rude remarks until I was pregnant with our 3rd. Then they just got worse with the 4th. I get this look and they say "are all these kids yours" or "boy you really have your hands full" and "well you finally got a boy (we have 3 girls and our 4th is a boy), surely you're done now" and one of my personal favorites is "you don't look old enough to have four kids" That one really irritates me. My husband and I had our 1st at 18, so now she's 12 and I'm 30, but I look much younger than that, so on top of all the other comments I get incredibly rude ones about "my goodness, how old were you when you started having kids" like its any of their business how I old I was. It just continues to amaze me how many rude people there are out there, but for the most part I just ignore their comments. We're happy with the decisions we have made and are thankful every day that God blessed us with 4 beautiful, healthy children. Good luck with your 4th.

Priscilla - posted on 01/18/2009

45

50

0

Ok here are some ideas



"Are you crazy?"  YES I AM...CRAZY IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND Cant you tell I love having his babies!!!
"Don't you know what causes that?"  Oh yes and its a whole lot of fun doing it too!!!
"Are you getting your tubes tied with this one?"  Are you getting your mouth sewn??? If your not why should I?
"Are you trying for another boy?" (I have 1 boy and two girls)  Nope..
"Don't you think there's enough people in the world?"  Nope...I think we need more people...esp loving and caring
"Are you trying to start your own compound?" (we live in northern Idaho) No my own baseball team maybe!



 



I got the same questions.  I have four girls and although I have tied myself up (big mistake by the way) I get the FOUR GIRLS DID YOU WANT A BOY were I answer...NOPE, I DONT LIKE BOYS, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE LOADS OF GIRLS! and the YOU HAVE FOUR KIDS...ID GO CRAZY IF I WERE YOU! where I say...I AM CRAZY...IN LOVE WITH MY KIDS!!!

Priscilla - posted on 01/18/2009

45

50

0

Ok here are some ideas



"Are you crazy?"  YES I AM...CRAZY IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND Cant you tell I love having his babies!!!
"Don't you know what causes that?"  Oh yes and its a whole lot of fun doing it too!!!
"Are you getting your tubes tied with this one?"  Are you getting your mouth sewn??? If your not why should I?
"Are you trying for another boy?" (I have 1 boy and two girls)  Nope..
"Don't you think there's enough people in the world?"  Nope...I think we need more people...esp loving and caring
"Are you trying to start your own compound?" (we live in northern Idaho) No my own baseball team maybe!



 



I got the same questions.  I have four girls and although I have tied myself up (big mistake by the way) I get the FOUR GIRLS DID YOU WANT A BOY were I answer...NOPE, I DONT LIKE BOYS, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE LOADS OF GIRLS! and the YOU HAVE FOUR KIDS...ID GO CRAZY IF I WERE YOU! where I say...I AM CRAZY...IN LOVE WITH MY KIDS!!!

Kat - posted on 01/18/2009

6

11

1

I think I just need to "un-thin" my skin a bit, but these days the hormones are all over the place plus I am just.so.done with being pregnant (almost 40 does that to you). Three weeks to go!

Lynn - posted on 01/18/2009

4

0

0

We have 4 beautiful children...3 boys and 1 little princess! The comment I always get (and usually right in front of the boys) is..."you finally got your girl." I don't know why it bothers me, but we didn't HAVE a 4th to try for a girl!!!! We would have been just as pleased if #4 were another wonderful boy! We feel blessed with each of our angels and would welcome #5 if it is God's will! We have not had an easy time having our 4 babies. Intermingled with our 4 healthy births we suffered 9 miscarriages and also were told before our first was born that I would never ovulate without fertility drugs and may never have children. Oops...this is not what you asked! When people come to me with strange and rude comments about how many children we have I politely smile and say: We feel very blessed and wouldn't have it any other way!"

Traci - posted on 01/17/2009

11

2

0

In some strange little part of my brain I thought 3 was normal, 4 was no big deal and 6 or 7 was a big family.  My hubby is a gymnastics coach and they have several larger families at the gym.  At the church we attend on wednesday nights our family having only 3 kids is on the normal to small side.  When we got married we wanted 7.  (Still do, but no one explained that not everyones pregnancy was easy and perfect)

[deleted account]

COngrats on #4! God says that children are a blessing! Have you seen the Duggar family on TLC? or Discovery health.com? I have also seen a website for the quiverful movement that had an actual "letter to our family and friends" on why they chose to have so many children. Not that you have 10+ or anything like that, but they gave verses and examples of kind responses you could give to the annoying questions.

Tracie - posted on 01/16/2009

24

6

3

This whole post has been so  interesting to me! I only have 2 children myself, and I'm done. I have to say Heather came up with the most brillant responses to those rude questions!!! They totally cracked me up, and I think you mothers with big familes should absolutly use those comebacks! Why not? If people are rude enough to make these remarks to you, go right ahead "they have therapy groups for mom's like you"! lol Like I said, I only have two children that I love dearly. A big family is just not for me, but I honestly love seeing people that do have big families. I don't think anything negative about it whatsoever! Usually I see people with big familes as people with big hearts and tons of patience! I do have a friend who is pregnant with baby number 6. She likes to joke a lot about her big family so I always tell her that TLC is going to make a show about her family and title it "Trying to catch up with the Duggars"!!! lol (You know the show about the Duggars that have 18 children?) She thinks its hilarious! Anyway, Just wanted to drop by and but my two cents in. God bless you big families! Take Care!

Lauren - posted on 01/16/2009

41

4

6

Quoting Heather:



 



Q. "Don't you know what causes that?"






A. "If you met my husband you would understand"






 





 



I might just use this reply! My boys are only 11 months apart and we got all kinds of comments like these just because they are so close!  That question was the most popular and so - I might just use that answer!

Tina - posted on 01/16/2009

1

3

0

First of all, Congratulations! I have three kiddos, 11, 6 and almost 3. My husband and I realize we are in the minority with three kids and the fact that I stay home with them. More people seem to comment on the fact that I choose to stay home rather than work and have a big house, new car etc. Believe me, if we had a ton of money and big house I would have more, I love being a mom. We have always said our kids were Gods plan and all blessings. Not everyone can handle a large family and God knows everyone's hearts. You have to believe in His plan and your own love for your kids and not worry about others. They are only hurting themselves by not having an open, loving heart for children.

Kasey - posted on 01/15/2009

1

19

0

Although I only have two myself, I homeschool them I get a very similar round of questions, you can imagine.  You should simply state to these people what a blessing your children are to you and how excited you are to be adding another sweet soul to your family!

Sherry - posted on 01/15/2009

77

19

8

Hello dear friend,



I started getting these at the same time, the 4th child. We just had our 8th child in Aug. so u can imagine. As i was reading your letter it was as though i had written it. You know i used to think that any one could have more than 1.2 children but it has only been recently that i realized that that is not true. Not everyone WANTS these children, we DO. I totally know where you are coming from when it comes to responding, you want to do it in a Godly fashion , yet get a point across (really make people think).



"boy am i ever glad that's u and not me( right in front of the children) argggg!!! First i was flabergasted and had no response then it evolved to, " so are my children with an attitude like that", catches people right off guard they usually stop talking dead in their tracks. We had a women say to my husband, " would you please leave that poor girl alone", I said " did you ever think that enjoy my husbands company?", she walked away.......this same lady has watched us over the years and no longer says anything but hi with a huge smile. Anyway i could go on forever maybe i will comment more later. pray for some comebacks they will come to you and on days when you know you will not be able to be the way you think you should be , the Lord will have mercy on you and nobody will say a word. You won't be successful all the time, trust me some people really got it from me, but it will get easier. Cause may children, all of them, are a blessing from GOD himself.....

Sherry

Rachel - posted on 01/15/2009

21

8

3

I saw it in readers digest that wealthy people are chooseing to have more children instead of the niceer car or bigger house.

Just think Brad and Angelina have 6 I think and want more!

Kat - posted on 01/15/2009

6

11

1

I get the "hands full" comment most of the time, and I usually answer, "Yes, they are full but I love it!"

I think people just want to say *something* but often it's something that's really offensive! Think I just need to be less thin-skinned (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH not at 35 weeks pregnant!)

Thanks for letting me have the rant space.

The sad thing, in retrospect, is that it appears that it's slowly becoming culturally unacceptable to have more than 2.1 children (planned or otherwise). I've noticed that people are becoming slowly 'nastier' with this pregnancy than they were with the last, and I don't think it's necessarily because the number has gone from 2-3 and then 3-4.

[deleted account]

I only have two, and I love them immensely.

I have a S.I.L. with 5 and I really admire her for her patience, her persistence, her organization, and her 'get 'er done' attitude.

God gave her 5 and God gave me two.

I think that deep down the critics are just realizing they perhaps don't have what it takes to handle the blessings you have been given, and there is an element of envy there too.

Unfortunately, there are always nosy rude people who refuse to mind their own affairs.

I like your response of "Why do you ask?" It'll make'em think about their own behavior.

I saw this and thought it was appropriate :D

Not sure who adapted this tho'



I Corinthians 13 (for Moms)



"I can read bedtime stories till the cow jumps over the moon

and sing "Ten Little Monkeys" until I want to call the doctor-

- but if I don't have love, I'm as annoying as a ringing phone.



I can chase a naked toddler through the house

while cooking dinner and listening to voice mail,

I can fix the best cookies and Kool-Aid in the neighborhood,

and I can tell a sick child's temperature with one touch of my finger,

but if I don't have love, I am nothing.



Love is patient while watching and praying by the front window

when it's 30 minutes past curfew.



Love is kind when my teen says, "I hate you!"



It does not envy the neighbors' swimming pool

or their brand-new mini van, but

trusts the Lord to provide every need.



Love does not brag when other parents share

their disappointments and insecurities, and

love rejoices when other families succeed.



It doesn't boast, even when I've multi-tasked all day long

and my husband can't do more than one thing at a time.



Love is not rude when my spouse innocently asks, "What have you done today?"

It does not immediately seek after glory when we see talent in our children,

but encourages them to get training and make wise choices.



It is not easily angered,

even when my 15-year-old acts

like the world revolves around her/him.



It does not delight in evil (is not self-righteous)

when I remind my 17-year-old that he's going 83

in a 55-mph zone, but rejoices in the truth.



Love does not give up hope.



It always protects our children's self-esteem and spirit,

even while dealing out discipline.



It always trusts God to protect our children when we cannot.

It always perseveres, through blue nail polish, burps and other

bodily functions, rolled eyes and crossed arms, messy rooms and sleep-overs.



Love never fails!

But where there are memories of thousands of diaper changes

and painful labor(s), they will fade away…



Where there is talking back, it will (eventually) cease. (Please, Lord?)

Where there is a teenager who thinks she knows everything,

there will one day be an adult who knows you did your best.



For we know we fail our children,

and we pray they don't end up in therapy,

but when we get to heaven,

our imperfect parenting will disappear. (Thank you, God!)



When we were children, we needed a parent to love and protect us.

Now that we're parents ourselves, we have a heavenly Father

who adores, shelters us and holds us when we need to cry.



And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love."



God bless, ladies!

Lisa - posted on 01/14/2009

9

11

0

My husband and I just had our 4th child. We have 3 boys and just had a girl. Now that we had our girl, people ask us if we are done now. I usually reply with it's whatever God gives us and most of the time even my Christian friends give me dirty looks. For the most part I got asked the same ?'s and I haven't found a great way to respond to those remarks yet. Although Heather C. I love your response. God bless your growing family.

Mandy - posted on 01/14/2009

293

9

37

I hear ya! We're trying for #3 and it's been a long hard road. People keep telling me that I should just feel blessed with the 2 i've got and be happy. Or move on. But last week after who I thought was a good friend was actually mad at me for trying and said some very hurtful things I decided it's none of anyone elses business. My husband and I both have prayed over this and we know in our hearts the Lord is leading us and preparing us for His plan. Both my husband and I decided to just ignore people and do what we feel the Lord is telling us to do. In the end thats all that counts. The Bible says multiply and be fruitful. Babies are a celebration of your love for each other. I've been trying to redirect my thoughts when I hear something about more kids. By doing this then I don't let their words in and I stay focused on the Lord. I know it's easier said then done but after awhile it gets easier. I'll be praying for you and this wonderful new little blessing. Mandy

[deleted account]

Hi Kat,

I have 4 kids and I remember the lovely comments, like don't you have tv or you 2 are like rabbits. Even the Dr that told me I was pregnant suggested that I didn't have to go through with it, seeing as I had 3 kids 5 and under.
Well I wouldn't swap anything for all the money in the world! God put in our care 4 kids to teach them about Him, what a huge and great task we are blessed with. It's hard not to bite back with rude comments and I just bit my tongue and smiled. I just used to tell people who had only 1 or 2 kids, that since they stopped I had to keep the family name going! LOL
Try not to let it get under your skin.
When these people stress out about kids coming over to play etc, I always laugh and say what's a one more!
Enjoy your time and all the best for number 4.
Di xxxx

Rachel - posted on 01/13/2009

21

8

3

I have just had my 4th! and would love to have more. Most of the time ignore the people who have something negative to say of course i am not perfect and have been known to say some thing rude. most of the time they would not have a large family, it really is just a reflection on them and not you!



Hope everything goes well the last 5 weeks, and birth is fun, enjoyable?!!!

Amanda - posted on 01/13/2009

5

20

0

Well first of all, I want to tell you Congratulations! on your new member of your family. Also, I want to tell you I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have five beautiful children ourselves and we get those (gotta love 'em) comments as well. My (not so favorite) comment we seem to get all the time is, "You got your hands full." And people say it all different ways, both positively and negatively. Either way, it still drives me crazy. When they say that, I try to say, "full of blessings." or my husband likes to say we are very blessed. We have wanted each one, none of them were an "oops!" My suggestion would be to pray and ask the Lord to reveal something to you for you to say to all those wonderful people that you would be able to say without offending anyone and also something you would feel comfortable saying. God Bless you and your family.

Fiona - posted on 01/13/2009

29

27

4

Awesome conversation thread! I only have 3 - BUT... I became pregnant with my third when my beautiful son was only 6months old and not long after we began to realise he was 'significantly' delayed in development, so when i was heavily pregnant with my 3rd i was dealing with jacobs unique issues. I love them all and especially my son who is so pure of heart! AND when my incredibly bright and physically able girls are in junior high i have plans to have another(i started at 21 so i have time!) my mum was a single parent to her four children and did an amazing job. My babies and my 6 year old are a source of frustration and we are always busy, but its worth it in so many ways.. blessings for you and your new arrival!

Heather - posted on 01/13/2009

10

3

3

You know I got those same questions. I have 4 beautiful children and wouldn't want it any other way. I was frustrated as well and used to try and keep it peaceful with, " Yes we have a busy house but we lots of fun. Sometimes I felt like asking them to look at my children and let me know which one I should give back. My husband and I planned to have each one of our kids and feel blessed that they came into this world healthy and full of life. Best wishes to you and your family, Kat.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms