foster care

Heather - posted on 09/14/2010

My parents did foster care for many years. I was exposed to many things my parents had to battle against. That is going to be the hardest thing to deal with. Teenagers tend to come from homes where they take care of themselves so when they come to your house they are not used to parenting. Younger kids tend to have the reactive detachment disorder. I would suggest reading up on that and also on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. There are many children who are "in the system" who are not diagnosed. It is important to know what kind of kids will be in your home and how they need to be parented. If you have teenagers, put passwords and parent controls on your computer. Have household rules set before they even enter the house so they know exactly what to expect. Make them part of your family and if you all go to church, they go to. Keep in mind they aren't usually used to rules, so make them reasonable. I would also strongly suggest that you take advantage of respit care when you have a child long term and you need a break. Loving some of these kids can be tough and sometimes you need a break even if its for a weekend. Also take breaks between kids if you need to get refreshed. Learn to say no. Take care of your family too. The last thing I would suggest is to talk to your children about why you are doing foster care. Make it an on going conversation. It isn't easy having children coming and going. It makes a somewhat unstable home for them, but you can make it better by talking to your kids about loving like Jesus loves. It was a great blessing in my life even if it wasn't always easy. I hope it helps.

Lori - posted on 09/14/2010

My husband and I are foster parents and have been since 2007. We had two young boys, ages 5 and 6 live with us for nine months. The biggest issue we faced was ATTACHMENT! We were devastated when the children were given back to the mother and ultimately the goal of DHS is reunification. Foster is meant to be temporary, though sometimes can turn into something permanent. The thing you have to remember when being a foster parent is your job is to love those children and provide a safe place for them until their biological parents can do that themselves. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But no matter the outcome it is virtually impossible to not become attached to these kids. And it will break your heart when they leave. Also when you decide to become a foster parent, in our state, you fill out tons of paperwork including children that you will not take in your home, for example children who are a product of incest, children who have been sexually abused, children with mental retardation, children who wet the bed, etc... The list goes on and on. You will also have to have a homestudy and an interview with all members that live in your household. Foster parenting can be a blessing to all involved but it can also be heartwrenching in more ways than one. I would not ever change my decision to foster, it was a very rewarding experience. We currently have no foster children due to the fact we have a biological son who is only 19 months old. Eventually we may do it again, but our son will be much older. You need to remember that there are some kids that walk through your door that have been throught things that you can not even fathom and sometimes it has negative effects and they take it out on younger children. Other times they learn from what they went thru and become better people because of it. Just be careful and keep your eyes open at all times. It will be hard but can be very rewarding. Good luck and God Bless.

Robyn - posted on 09/09/2010

My husband and I have both worked with the foster care industry, on the side of case management. I have only heard two people say they regretted the decision to be a parent to a child in need. I honestly believe they regretted not the placements, but the fact that they could not keep the children forever. I am thankful for foster parents. One tip, only take children younger than your oldest child. It is much easier to parent a child when you have already parented that developmental stage. Also, private agencies often provide more support and guidance. Find an agency you are comfortable with and enjoy the wonderful time of demonstrating on earth what God is to a child in need.

Wendi - posted on 09/08/2010

My good friends adopted their 12-year-old daughter out of foster care. She is such a blessing in their lives! That being said, there are many many many emotional issues to deal with in older children. But their daughter recently came to the Lord and she is blossoming in her new God-given family. I am so proud of all of them. All I can say is it's hard work, but you will be blessed through it.

Erica - posted on 09/08/2010

I cant give you any advice on this subject but I didn notice there is a group on here for foster parenting. they might be able to give you the answers you are looking for...hope it helps

Vicki - posted on 09/06/2010

Ruth, what a blessing and an honor God has placed on your heart. I've thought about becoming a foster parent as well. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for people with loving hearts who are listening to the call of the Holy Spirit to share that love. Many times in the Bible we are told to take care of those less fortunate than us. How awesome that you are in a position to love and care for some of God's children.

Kim - posted on 09/05/2010

My husband and I are currently foster parents. We have three biological sons ages 12, 10, & 6. We started out on this journey wanting to adopt a little girl to complete our family and decided that this was the way we were supposed to go about it. While waiting, we knew we should use our license since there seem to be so many kids in need. Our state doesn't put limits on ages we can have in our home (we could do older kids if we wanted) but we are holding firm to having kids that are younger than our youngest. We have mostly done emergency placements that last about a week while family members are found for the children and also repite care (watching foster kids while their foster families are away). Right now we are ending a longer term placement of two kiddos. Our boys have done pretty well with the shorter term placements but have had a bit rougher time with this longer one. My best advice, besides praying and having a great support system for you and your family, is to know your limits and stick to them. It is SOOO hard to say no when you get a call but it will be best for your family to set clear limits for yourselves and stick to them. We have had some great experiences and some not so great ones but aren't giving up on the foster care system. There are some amazing kiddos out there that need great homes! Thank you for considering it and good luck as you possibly begin this journey. Feel free ask any other quesitons. I'm still fairly new but have learned a bit in the last couple of years.

Shannon - posted on 09/03/2010

I don't have foster children, but know families that do. What I know is the system won't allow a child into your home that is or near the same age as the children you already have. So conflict of attention won't be an issue. Also, if the child comes from a specific religion/church you are not allowed to interfere with that.....If I was to do foster care, I would be cautious of having an older boy since I have small girls......The families I know love doing foster care & wouldn't give it up for nothing. Good luck :-)

Anne - posted on 09/03/2010

Hi Ruth, I am not in foster care but I have a friend from Church that has been a foster Parent on and off for several years.

the Off times were when they were moving from one state to another. The biggest impact that I have seen have had 2 out comes. One is that they have adopted 3 of the children they have fostered. The other is that the first child that they adopted has had to be reassured that she was not going to be take away for them. This happened after they had fostered twins and they were returned to family members. They also have two birth sons. One of the girls they have adopted is the same age as the boys, the boys are twins.

The one thing my friend has said is that they can not do what they do with out the Prayer and support of their family and friends, and Church family.

I hope this has helped.