Frustrations of being pestered at all hours of the morning

Josslyn - posted on 05/10/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi Girls

I'm still having a rough time with my Mother in law, she now has this new thing to pester me at all hours of the morning!!

I'm 26 weeks pregnant now and can do with all the sleep I can get, I was awakened this morning at 4 am with a message on my sell phone telling me to make sure I have everything in order for my drivers licence test.

I know I did a bad thing by replying in a rude way to tell her to stop pestering me so early cos I'm not sleeping well and it's the only time I really get for myself, juggling a full time career, keeping up with doctors appointments ( mine aswell as hubby's ) and running after a perfectionist of a husband. I mean, I work 12 Hours a day, come home and start cleaning the house, then cook dinner ( and clean again!!), go for a 2 hour driving lesson, have a bath, make sure all the animals are fed and bed, lock-up the house, go to bed and do some reading then sleep till 6 the next morning when the ritual starts again??

Along with hubby getting up at 3 am to go to work.

I have no idea where I'm going to fit baby into this schedule, but she will come first in my life when she arrives, so I can see alot of friction on the way. But God doesn't put anything in our paths we cannot handle, so I'll continue to pray and know that he has special plans for me.

I know my mother in law does alot for us and I appreciate it, but the line needs to be drawn to let her know that there is a difference between interfering and helping out. I exploded this morning at my husband aswell, which I feel really bad about, but when I tell him his mother is interfering he just shrugs it off and carries on as if nothing is wrong.

Anyway, I just needed someone to talk to and get this all off my chest, Sometimes I feel like I am alone but know that I can always rely on God and all you sisters in faith.

PS: pray for me cos I'm doing my drivers license on Friday please please ( not easy going from riding am motorbike for so many years to driving a car lol )

God bless you all.

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April - posted on 05/13/2010

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not everyone will agree with me but once your baby is born things are going to get a little complicated if you stress over the little stuff. Before my daughter was born I was a clean freak!!!! The first year of her life my house stayed a mess! If my husband wanted clean socks he had to dig through a basket to match em up. I had to sleep anytime she did sleep so I didnt have time to always clean or I would go insane! Now that she is older it is alot easier of course and my socks are matched up lol. but sometimes when I am steadily cleaning I have to remind myself is my daughter going to remember my house being spotless or is she going to remember the big pillow fight we had. If i would have been more prepared for what motherhood was going to bring I would have tried to find a balance of things before I brought her home. It is a great thing your husband is helping you out more that will help you out alot I just prayed for you and your family! may God bless you!

Josslyn - posted on 05/13/2010

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From a recent post I placed about the tresses of home, my husband is in the belief about men's and woman's work, but has changed considerably in the past weeks, we have resorted to him doing his own laundry and me doing mine, as for the other household chores, I cook (He will burn down the kitchen if he tries!!) and clean the kitchen.

The floors, bathroom and dusting and tidying up is now divided between the two of us twice a week and alternated (with a lot of conflict still but I'm standing by my rules), but is very difficult for he also works 12 hour shifts and is on permanent stand-by due to the nature of our work (and we both work for the same company in the same department!!) He is also studying electrical engineering part time, which is even more pressure.
And to add he keeps firing the house-help!!

MIL does mean well and I appreciate everything she does for us, but having her live around the corner sometimes drives me nuts!!

Beth - posted on 05/12/2010

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I can only pray that you and your new family work things out so everyone is happy. May I ask why, if you are working 12 hours a day, your husband is not helping out with household chores? If both of you work outside of the home, daily chores shouldn't be too bad. One of you could throw a load of laundry into the wash when you get home, start dinner, etc. Take turns with the chores or something so they are equally divided. Once the baby comes the chores will mulitply greatly.
I am reading from your mention of a language gap that your husband is from a different culture. Is it against his beliefs to help out at home? Does he differentiate between men's work and women's work?
I would suggest you work those things out as well. It sounds as though your MIL means well, and that can be viewed as a good thing!!

Heather - posted on 05/12/2010

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I'm glad you were able to work through some of the issues. I will continue praying for your family to get to a point where it can be done calmly and respectfully...

Josslyn - posted on 05/11/2010

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I use my phone as an alarm, so unfortunately cannot put in on silent, yesterday it all turned for the worst when my husband stormed into the house and went off like a bomb asking why I "complain about him" to his mother and strangely this was not my intension, I called her up and told her she needs to come over immediately so we can have a sit down and discuss why she always throws things out of proportion, she eventually admitted to only reading the first half of the message I sent her for when she saw I was "complaining" about her son she went into defense mode, whereas the last part of the message clearly states all other problems I have and I was merely talking bout my feelings, explaining to her how frustrated and stressed I was about everything bombarding me at once.

It took a pretty long time for her to realize what the whole message was about ( being there a language gap aswell for they speak another language at home ). She eventually saw the light and apologized, as well as my husband and hope that they will continue to accept the fact that I have feelings and worries too and they are not the only ones allowed to feel this way.

Hoping now that my husband too, will find the calm to talk to me about a problem instead of turning it into a fight from the get go which I spoke to him about too.

Step one is behind us, and I thank God for giving me the courage to speak to them in that manner for I am not one to confront others and rather draw back and keep silent about things.

Made me feel good!

Jill - posted on 05/11/2010

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can you turn your phone on silent so you don't hear it ring? that way you can reply to her message when you want to...

Vicki - posted on 05/11/2010

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God has provided you with the wisdom to address this issue now, before the baby comes. What a blessing. Many new moms have the issue of setting healthy boundaries with their well-intentioned, boundary stepping family members. It is up to you to set and enforce a boundary that is comfortable for you. I pray God will continue to provide you with his wisdom on this issue.

Is it possible your MIL does not know that you will be awakened when she calls your cell at 4 in the morning? I would not be awakened at that hour because I keep my cell in my purse on the other end of the house. If there is an emergency, I can only we woken up by pounding on the door, or repeatedly hearing the house phone ring. Just an idea.

Heather - posted on 05/11/2010

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I will pray with you! Babies do need cars to ride in... I have to admit I laughed when I tried to picture a baby strapped to the back of a motorbike! :) (Not that anyone would ever do that). I will also pray with you for your relationship with your mother-in-law to improve. I know it can be difficult, but maybe pray for God to help you see her the way He does? Not that you are the problem, but I find that helps me when others are being unbearable...

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