Going Back To School

Jennifer - posted on 01/04/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I need some advice, I am 29 and getting ready to go back to school to finish my degree. I teach 2 year olds at a Church Enrichment Center. I work full-time, have a 4 year old and a farm. I love my life, its wonderful, but I never finished my degree after I married my husband of 8 years. He has promised that he does support me in this. He has promised that he can feed, bathe, and put our son to bed on the nights that I have school and the nights that I have homework. But, school hasn't even started yet, and so far he has done nothing to help. I know that the womans place is in the home, but financially we can't afford that. I have never been able to finish my schooling because of financial reasons. Now I can finally get Financial Aid to pay for it, so I feel like I should do this, partly for myself, and because there would be definate benefits as far as my pay goes, to having my degree. I am just very frustrated with my husband because he comes home from work and sleeps most of the afternoon, while I clean house, cook supper, do laundry, and keep up with my son. I give him his bath, read him his story and devotional, say his prays and put him to bed, while my husband sleeps or watches tv. I am really torn between going to school, and doing this one thing for myself, or just forgetting the whole thing. I need some advice on what to do. I don't want to lose faith in my husband, but if he can't start helping out now, then whats going to happen when I am in school in a few weeks, and he has these responsibilities. Please just keep me in yours prayers, I just at a point where I am not sure exactly what God wants for me to do. I feel like everything has worked out for me to go. I have finally got my Financial Aid for the first time in my life, and my parents surprised me with a new laptop for Christmas. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much and God Bless


James 1:4

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Nikki - posted on 01/19/2011

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You have to learn to let it go. I have learned that my husband will feed himself & our children, but not if I am there. It will not be done the way you do it, but eventually, it will be done. If not, he will have to deal with the fallout (ie, no clean clothes, cranky child without enough sleep, no clean dishes, etc.). When that happens, he will learn to deal with it. By himself. I am doing the same thing, so I completely understand. My husband is not accustomed to having to do much at home, so he is having to learn that there are consequences to that. God bless and good luck with school!

Princess - posted on 01/15/2011

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I am a stay at home mother of 4 children also I am in school getting my Bachelor's Degree sometimes it gets hard . With my husband working 6 days and long hour shifts i have gotten us to him not really helping me. While i study sometimes at night he will get the baby and that makes me feel good. First stay in school and pray God will see you threw.

Jennifer - posted on 01/08/2011

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I really appreciate all of your comments and advice. I am suppose to start this Thursday, Jan. 13, so please be in prayer for me, it has been 9 years since I have been to school, so it is going to be a big adjustment. My husband has been amazing the las couple of days, He only had to work half day yesterday, when he got off he picked up my son and when I got home the house was a huge disaster, but he had washed and completely changed our bedding on our bed. He had put on a different bedding set out of the linen closet and had even washed everything, ie dust ruffle, sheets, comforter, pillow shams and curtains, before he put it on. He helped me with laundry and dishes and even put groceries away. He is giving our son a bath as I type this. Prayer is a powerful thing. God is Good. I thank you for your prayers and support and ask that you continue to pray for me and my family as I try this new chapter in my life. Thanks again.

James 1:4

Linda - posted on 01/08/2011

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If your husband says he can feed and take care of your son on the nights you go to school, BELIEVE HIM! Trust your husband to do what he says. He probably won't do it before then because he doesn't need to. Also, he probably won't do it just like you would--he'll do it his way. If you feel this is the right time to finish your degree, then go for it. In the end, your husband will be closer to your son for having spent some alone time with him, and you'll feel like a real person again for having some time away! (But don't criticize him for the way he did things when you come home, praise him for what he did right.)

Victoria - posted on 01/08/2011

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There is NO scripture that says a womans place is in the home. Some are called to stay home, some are not, we all have different callings on our lives.

As for hubby's helping, I find that the scripture "ask & you shall receive" may well come into play here.

If God is calling you back to school, then expect that He will provide your EVERY need.

Rebekah - posted on 01/07/2011

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Here's something even leaders at a church have to realize - people don't step up until they see the need. Your husband will help out, once the need comes around. If you want him to start now, then ask for help.

Carla - posted on 01/07/2011

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As Ann and Heather have both said, men don't notice what needs to be done, and you need to know if this is God's will for you. I worked one job, sometimes two, took care of our 3 children, along with countless others the kids brought home. My husband was absolutely clueless. We fought constantly, and I was frustrated and angry a lot.



The moral of this story is, don't count on your husband, if he doesn't help now, to help later. I'm sorry, but men are different. God made them different. Women can multi-task where men can't. Men get frustrated and angry. I don't want to sound like a downer, but if you are making it with the job you have, I would do some serious prayer about adding anything further to your already full plate.



When we become wives and mothers, our responsibility is to raising our children to become good Christian adults and our husband. Our needs come second. I know I'm going to be stoned for this, and I'm sorry. But being a Christian means putting others needs before our own. You have children, husband, home, farm and work. That's quite a bit already.



Pray, pray, pray. God will reveal what He wants for you. God bless

Amy - posted on 01/06/2011

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My husband was pretty decent with helping with chores early in our marriage and after our first son was born. It wasn't until he lost his job and stayed at home for a while that he "got it." It was fantastic for our marriage. I think school will probably have a similar impact for you. A lot of the time, men don't quite understand how much work all of those little tasks actually are until they are under the gun.

I'm a full time grad student now, and we have 9 and 5 yo boys. Even though I'm not working, he does everything he can to make my life easy for school, because he knows it will be good for the family. he did the same while I finished my Bachelors.

I'm sure you'll have a similar experience. Though if you are finding that he doesn't pitch in while you're around, you might need to set aside "study time" somewhere outside the house. After bedtime could be a good time, too, in order to minimize time away from the kiddos.

Good luck to you! I think it 's a great example to the kids!

Melissa - posted on 01/05/2011

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From experience I know exactly what your experiencing, except I have an 8 yr old and 4 year old both girls. I just finished my degree. Like you I do all the care for my girls. I was also worried that my husband would not do all the things for them when I was at school. Sometimes we have to just trust that they will. I was very surprised that he fed them, read to them and prayed with them, which he does not normally do. When the mom is around I beleive dads think that we have it under control and dont need to help out. I do suggest not to complain of any help that he does give. No one takes care of our children like we do so he may do things differently.. keep praying for God will work it out. God Bless you in your schooling.

Anne - posted on 01/05/2011

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Hi Jennifer,

I can only speak from my experiences, so here goes, When my husband and I were raising our two daughters, as much as I would have liked for my husband to "notice" when I needed help he did not always do this. When I asked he was 98% of the time willing and able to help. I am wondering if you asked your husband to stat to get into the routine of helping now before school starts he may be willing. I know my response was not filled with profound statements or great insight. But I hope it helped. I too will keep you family in my Prayers.

Heather - posted on 01/04/2011

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I don't have any advice at this point, but I will pray for God to lead you in the direction that He want's you to go.

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