Having a very hard time right now

Savannah - posted on 08/04/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Hi, I'm not trying to be a whiner but I am so stressed right now! I have a 2 year old son and a 1 year old son and another baby will be here in October and my husband decided that now was an excellent time to have a midlife crisis! (he's only 26, but still).

He sold our house. It sold and we have to be out in 29 days. Meanwhile we have no where to go and he is not motivated in helping me find us a place to stay.

Then he decides he wants to change his job. So he put in applications for all over the state.

Either one of these would be okay by themselves but in the meantime he's not wanting to find us a place to rent where we are now because he is wanting to move. So he basically just wants to sit here and wait and hope that he will get a new job before we have to move out.

This would be okay except for the fact that we have 2 children and another on the way! He keeps getting mad at me because I want to get on the ball and find us a place so my kids have a home and I am trying so hard to be a good wife and support him even though I think this whole mess is just awful!

I am praying like crazy that it will all work out and that God will show us the way that he wants us to go. I honestly think he already has but my husband doesn't want to go in that direction.

He keeps saying that God will provide for us, and I know that He will but I also know that He helps those who helps themselves....

Aarrgh! Sorry.

Stressed.

Guess I'm just hoping for some prayers. I know that you all dont know me but it would be so helpful.

:)

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Heather - posted on 08/04/2009

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Not knowing the future is so stressful, and I can tell you are stressed! Who wouldn't be with all of that! All I can recommend is keep praying. Pray that your husband will keep his eyes open for God's plan and not just what he wants, but also that your eyes will be open to what God wants, and not just security. Do you have some family that you can stay with if you have to leave before you make a decision as a couple? Or even some friends? I think that it is very important to make this decision together. Maybe the two of you could talk with a pastor together. An unbiased third party might help you both to see things clearly. I would never tell you to stop being supportive to your husband. God asked Abram to leave his home and hike through the desert for years on end, and Sarah followed him no questions asked. That is what God wants from us. If your husband is trying to follow God then you need to support him. Pray together about this.

As Anne mentioned I have some scriptures pinned to the top of the conversation thread that are very helpful to me when I am stressed. But the best thing to do is give this to God and trust him to come through. Trust in your husband also that he is doing what is best for your family. You are in my prayers.

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oh bless your heart, you indeed have my prayers! Do you have any family close that can lend you a hand with the children because being pregnant and trying to deal with the situation that you are in is not acceptable on any level.



As young as you are, (I am 53) some motherly advice...tell your husband to get off his a$$ and get busy. He is sitting there putting you and the children at risk. If he doesn't want to help solve the problem, then honey he is the problem.



One of my favorite verses from the Bible is "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13...so lean on the strength that God is giving you and stand up and fight for you and your children.



You can tell him it is true that God does provide, but He expects us to have the good sense to know when we have to stand up. A man is suppose to be the leader of the home. If you are going to have 3 children in three yrs, then he needs to step up to the plate and take his responsibility as the man of the house. You are doing your job (the hardest job there is) taking care of your children and home.



I think if you can make your marriage work that is great and is what God would want you to do, but by the same token, He does not expect your husband to "wait" for something to happen. Being a good wife sometimes means that you have to take the hard road for your children...and stop being so supportive and tell him to get his butt out in the world and take care of his family.



I am sorry to ramble on so about this, but I have a daughter that is in a similar situation and I would tell her the same thing. Life is short, your children are helpless, they need you ~ you can not babysit your husband, he is grown.

Anne - posted on 08/04/2009

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Well this will either post twice and I will delete one or the first post did not work.

Savannah Have you clicked on the Scripture when you are Stressed post at the top of the conversation board? Heather Hart our Administrator of our group posted them They have helped me I know they will also help you. I am sorry I did not mention them before.

Anne - posted on 08/04/2009

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Hi Savannah, you are one busy person! I have soo much respect for moms and dads that have children close together. I too want to congratulate you on your three children and selling your house. I have a suggestion, for what it is worth, instead of "just talking" to your husband have you either made a list of the important or high lights of what you want to say, or made a list of what topics or points you want to bring up? I know this can feel sort of contrived, but if you have notes of some kind to hep you stay on topic it may help your husband to see your point better. I know myself I tend to ramble when I am stressed and this would cause me a great deal of stress.
I will keep you in my Prayers. If you want to talk or "vent" further you can always send me a message.

Sami - posted on 08/04/2009

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Just really put your faith that God will put you were you need to be, at that time in your life. He always answers prayers, it might not alway be what you wanted but he always has a plan. For you just trust in him and it will come to pass. I will pray for you and your family. Have agreat day and God Bless.

Sami

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Laurice - posted on 08/08/2009

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Congratulation with your pregnancy, remember evey child is a special gift from GOD. Please focus on your blessings, not matter how bad things may seem it could always be worst, try to trust GOD and remember that he will not give you more than you can bear. Do want you can today, try not to worry about tomorrow. I will keep you in prayers.

Michelle - posted on 08/07/2009

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WOW.. you are in my prayers... keep your faith... but always start planning with a Plan B. Waiting on your hubby may cause you to be in a worse situation... I loe my husband to death... but I always have a PLAN B..because you never know what may happen... In that situation.. make your children your priority... you know they will need a place to stay... food, etc....do you have any idea on what to do if your hubby dosen't get it together...where you and your children are concerned?

Monique L. - posted on 08/07/2009

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Quoting Alisa:

I see a lot of cookie cutter responses...no offense ladies...but I also see some responses that are wonderful. So, let's put this in a nutshell....yes, keep your faith in God that He will work this all out. Yes, seek His will and continue to pray. Yes, you should trust your husband as the head of the family. But NO, he should not be another child for you. Your husband is to love you as Christ loved the Church. You are to respect him. This is a two way street, a partnership. Your husband needs to let you in on what his hopes and plans are...you need to be able to tell him your concerns and have them taken seriously. Now, my husband and I are not perfect. We have both made decisions and faced crises that have stressed the other out....but we did it together. Always, together! You and your husband are young. Experience gives us an understanding of these things. You will get there too! My husband says that life is all about puttin out fires. You have some fires to put out.....I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me, I love that verse but look at the key words...DO, CHRIST, STRENGTH....Doing is an action....Christ will be there beside you every minute even when it's yucky and difficult and strength....when you or your husband are tired...turn to Christ....he will strengthen you!



Savannah, I really hope you are taking heed to some of the responses that have been shared.  I love Alisa's response because she responded HONESTLY and concisely, while putting Christ first. I can agree 100 percent what she said because I believe some did not totally read your post thoroughly.  Alisa, you also blessed me with your comment.  To Savannah, Let not mercy and kindness [shutting out all hatred and selfishness] and truth [shutting out all deliberate hypocrisy or falsehood] forsake you; bind them about your neck, write them upon the tablet of your heart. So shall you find favor, good understanding, and high esteem in the sight [or judgment] of God and man. Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Proverbs 3:3-6 Amplified Bible.

Monique L. - posted on 08/07/2009

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Quoting Alisa:

I see a lot of cookie cutter responses...no offense ladies...but I also see some responses that are wonderful. So, let's put this in a nutshell....yes, keep your faith in God that He will work this all out. Yes, seek His will and continue to pray. Yes, you should trust your husband as the head of the family. But NO, he should not be another child for you. Your husband is to love you as Christ loved the Church. You are to respect him. This is a two way street, a partnership. Your husband needs to let you in on what his hopes and plans are...you need to be able to tell him your concerns and have them taken seriously. Now, my husband and I are not perfect. We have both made decisions and faced crises that have stressed the other out....but we did it together. Always, together! You and your husband are young. Experience gives us an understanding of these things. You will get there too! My husband says that life is all about puttin out fires. You have some fires to put out.....I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me, I love that verse but look at the key words...DO, CHRIST, STRENGTH....Doing is an action....Christ will be there beside you every minute even when it's yucky and difficult and strength....when you or your husband are tired...turn to Christ....he will strengthen you!



Savannah, I really hope you are taking heed to some of the responses that have been shared.  I love Alisa's response because she responded HONESTLY and concisely, while putting Christ first. I can agree 100 percent what she said because I believe some did not totally read your post thoroughly.  Alisa, you also blessed me with your comment.  To Savannah, Let not mercy and kindness [shutting out all hatred and selfishness] and truth [shutting out all deliberate hypocrisy or falsehood] forsake you; bind them about your neck, write them upon the tablet of your heart. So shall you find favor, good understanding, and high esteem in the sight [or judgment] of God and man. Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Proverbs 3:3-6 Amplified Bible.

Joan - posted on 08/07/2009

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Savannah, a few years ago, my husband also sold our home and began building a home out in the country. Although we had 3 months before the move, it flew by so quick! And no, we were not ready. I was pregnant with my third.. all under 4. (not quite as close as yours) I had just quit teaching to be a stay-at-home mom. So, I know how you feel. And it is hard to ask for help. I would suggest that you ask for help at Church. My mom was pregnant with twins (me being one) and had a 1 year old at home and two teen agers. She asked a couple of older ladies at Church to be our adopted Grandmas. I still have an adopted "MeMe" . you might give it a try. Love and Prayers, Your Christian Sister, Joan

Alisa - posted on 08/07/2009

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I see a lot of cookie cutter responses...no offense ladies...but I also see some responses that are wonderful. So, let's put this in a nutshell....yes, keep your faith in God that He will work this all out. Yes, seek His will and continue to pray. Yes, you should trust your husband as the head of the family. But NO, he should not be another child for you. Your husband is to love you as Christ loved the Church. You are to respect him. This is a two way street, a partnership. Your husband needs to let you in on what his hopes and plans are...you need to be able to tell him your concerns and have them taken seriously. Now, my husband and I are not perfect. We have both made decisions and faced crises that have stressed the other out....but we did it together. Always, together! You and your husband are young. Experience gives us an understanding of these things. You will get there too! My husband says that life is all about puttin out fires. You have some fires to put out.....I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me, I love that verse but look at the key words...DO, CHRIST, STRENGTH....Doing is an action....Christ will be there beside you every minute even when it's yucky and difficult and strength....when you or your husband are tired...turn to Christ....he will strengthen you!

Amy - posted on 08/06/2009

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By the way --- We had a similar situation a few years ago-- we were a couple of days away from moving somewhere that I did not want to go because my husband's boss closed the business he worked at. However, I trusted God & I trusted my husband to do what was best for our family & God worked out everything together for good for us!!! (Romans 8:28)

Amy - posted on 08/06/2009

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Your story somewhat reminds me of the story of Sarah & Abraham in the Bible - but only your husband & God knows if the Lord has called you to move, I can not say by any means! However, Abraham was called out of his hometown and told to move somewhere he'd never been before (the Promised Land) without much explanation and Sarah went with him (which would scare most of us women, myself included). Trust God and husband to watch over your family, support and encourage him in his search for what is in store for your family.



1 Peter 3:1~7 "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

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My prayers are with you. Put your trust in the Lord that everything is going to work out. We can never see what the immediate future is going to hold for us, but God knows.. and He will work things out for the good for you and your children. God Bless!!! :)

Rita - posted on 08/05/2009

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My advice will pretty much follow along the same lines a the other women. What I see here is a communication problem. I would advise you to seek council with your pastor if you have one. You need a mediator that can help both of you see the other persons side. You need him to see that you need security, and he needs you to see that he needs support and faith in him. For a wife not to believe in and support her husband is like saying I don't love you anymore. To believe in him means you respect him and that is a man's greatest need. Right now you are both so stressed you can't hear what the other is saying. I truly belive your home would not have sold so soon if God were not in it. It seems God has some other plan in place for your lives and sometimes waiting for God's timing is hard, but there are things you can do in preperation if you thing you know what that plan is. Just remember to continue to pray and seek God. Maybe you need a little Me time. Is there a Mothers Day out or something like that that you could leave your children at so you could have a little time to yourself. One child the age yours are can wear a person out,( I know I keep my 12 mo. old great-grandson.) so I can just amagine what two are doing to you. Some times tired equels stress. I hope some of the suggestions I have give help. I will be praying for you and your husband both.

Savannah - posted on 08/05/2009

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Unfortunately I have no family close by. I really don't have family, to be honest. My husband's family is 3 hours away but they have enough on their plates without me and my little guys.

Thank you, Ladies, for you help and input.

I'm gonna go read the stressed Bible verses now!!!

Savannah - posted on 08/04/2009

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Thank you so much, Ladies! You were all very helpful. Thank you for the congrats! I definitely need to pray more for my attitude to change because I know that being stressed isn't helping! lol.

Anne, I like the notes idea. I tend to ramble as well and then my point is never made! haha.

Thanks again!

Amber - posted on 08/04/2009

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Hey Savannah, You will be in my prayers! I understand where you are comming from my husband can be the same way at times and it stesses me to the max. Maybe if you just sit down and talk to him and let him know how stressed you are and how bad you are hurting and that you need his help. let him know that you know God wil provide but let him know that he has to put fourth the effort too. I hope all works out in the end. God Bless!

Tiffany - posted on 08/04/2009

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well congratulations on selling your house! I understand that can be pretty difficult lately, and it sounds like your husband is motivated to finding the right job - that's Great!! You shouldn't let the worry consume you. It is really hard not having the answers and you're not alone in having those feelings. God has a plan and it's already in place, give your worries to Him and rejoice! Give thanks for your family and the blessings that He has given you. (that always makes me feel better)

Also if your husband is looking at different places all over for a job that might be why he hasn't resigned to settle down to a certain place just yet. Give it some time and it'll work out. btw, congrats on the new baby good luck and God bless!

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